Chut up internet, you're not so smart

The Internet thinks it is so smart, tailoring it's ads just for me.

It's not so smart. For some reason the other day in my gmail account there was an add for Jaguars (the cars, not the animal). Why gmail thinks I can afford a Jaguar? It must be totally misreading my emails. And if it paid any attention to me at all it would know that my heart belongs to Volvo.


And if I were ever to leave Volvo it would only be for a Citroen CX.


Or maybe a Mini Cooper in navy with a cream roof.


Whatever. The point is I am totes not buying a Jag.

And Amazon thinks it knows me so well. You don't know me Amazon! You don't know what I want!

One time I was thinking how Dirty Dancing would be a good film to own on DVD so I was checking out the prices on Amazon. Now it thinks I want to buy shit like Pretty Woman and The Notebook. Like I want any old crappy boy/girl-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks-makes-good-love-can-conquer-all bullshit movie. Um, excuse me Amazon, but I have excellent taste. Don't you know that by now?! If I want that kind of move it will star Patrick Swayze, or at least Kevin Bacon and definitely have plenty of dancing. Sheesh.