Superbad (AM)

Superbad. What an enjoyable movie. God, I wish I was writing about that instead of the very bad movie Superman Returns. I know I am about 5 years late but it was on TV the other night and I have to get a few things of my chest.

Do you know who I don't ever think about? The guy who played Superman in Superman Returns. No-one thinks about that guy. Who is that guy? Casting agent, director, producer, whoever put that guy in there, um, WTF? I don't have a problem with nobodies getting cast in stuff, that's how nobodies become somebodies, but after watching a few minutes of that awful, awful movie on TV the other night, I just think maybe you could have put someone more handsome, charismatic, weird, better, anything in that role. I kind of suspect that when Superman Returns was made it was part of some sort of plan like the producers in The Producers concoct. You know? A sure-fire failure.

I mean that guy who played Superman, Kate Bo(re)sworth, the guy that plays Kumar in the Harold and Kumar movies as a henchman. Again, I know dudes shouldn't get typecast, but seriously, Kumar as a henchman? Menacing Kumar?

I remember when I saw the trailer for this movie when it first came out it I was bored senseless. I knew the movie would suck dog’s balls. But that is because I did not know how POWERFUL it was. Like the moment that Lois realises Lex Luther is back from somewhere (I don't know where or what or why, I pretty much have no idea of the premise of this film except Superman used to be around then he went away and then he returned. I guess Lex followed a similar trajectory). Anyway Lois is investigating something and takes her son onto a boat to look for someone (seriously I have no idea what was going on). She walks onto the boat. Her slow walk and the music tell me to be nervous. She walks down a long hallway (another cue to make me nervous). She walks into a room. Suddenly she looks shocked and afraid! SHIT! (We are cued to think.) WHAT HAS SHE SEEN?!?!?!?!

WWWIIIIGGGGSSSSSS!!!!

Wigs. Seriously. The fuckin' camera pans slowly over a collection of wigs while menacing music plays! You see, that’s how she realises Lex is back.

Seriously, was this movie an actual joke? I just want to know. I don’t think I can take any more of this kind of thing.