I ate a new thing last night

I like to eat everything that's offered to me so I don't miss out on anything delicious. Apart from rockmelon/cantaloupe, I pretty much like all food so it's a safe bet that if I eat something new, i'm going to like it.
Through the course of all this eating I have discovered a particular fondness for processed meat. My first love was strasbourg, which my Mum used to put in our sandwiches for school. I love the shit out of that stuff. When I was little, Mum used to get 250g of strasbourg from the deli at Coles New World in Elsternwick. Always 250g, and always she would ask for a slice before they wrapped it up, and always she would give me that slice. I still love stras, but my tastes have matured. Now I like all the processed meats. Kabana, salami, prosciutto, to name just a few. They are all delicious! I even made my own salami one year. RoRo, one of my friends from work, invited me along to her family's salami making day. Here I am grinding the pork under the watchful eye of RoRo's Dad.
That salami was delicious, but I would add more chili next time.
Anyway, it was this love of processed meat the led me to try biltong last night. I was at a trivia night at the Union Hotel in Brunswick and feeling a little demoralised because I didn't know any of the answers like I do at the pop culture trivia night at the East Brunswick Club. Anyway, J-Pav had a bag of biltong that his mother sent him from Perth because she doesn't think he is looking after himself. I'd never even heard of this biltong before, but when told that it's a dried meat akin to beef jerky, I thought it was important that I try some.
Texturally, biltong is no party. Biting in to it is like biting in to a belt. Obviously I've bitten a belt before, and that's how I know what the sensation is like. I'm sure i'm not the only member of the Miss Soft Crab family to have chomped on a belt. But back to the biltong. In addition to the general toughness of the texture, it lost points for tasting funny. It didn't taste like meat. Personally, I reach for meat when I want the taste of delicious meat. Biltong tastes kind of like salty molasses. It wasn't unpleasant, but it's not really delicious either. Of course I'll give it another shot, but if it doesn't get more delicious then I think I am going to revert to kabana.

One of the very best things

I just listened to that radio interview and I found it so delightful, even though it is such a sad topic. And even though I agree with everything that you said about the Phil Collins segment of the radio interview, how heartbreaking is the bit afterwards when the little girl writes to the mayor asking him for advice because her parents are divorcing? I can't think of a more heartbreaking and adorable thing I have heard!Even though I really badly want to describe it here I am not going to, because readers, you should all do yourselves the favour of listening to this delightful thing.

You know, that radio interview makes me think about a lot of things. Breaking up, awesome songs, how hard it is being a little kid because things are simple when you are little, but the world is not simple and this can lead to some serious difficulties. But the thing that it makes me think most of all is how much I love the radio, and how I hope that the air is always filled with it's waves. While I often say I am never going to get sick of things and then I do get sick of them (like the time I was lying on a hammock in Mexico and I told KJ I would never get sick of it but after an hour or two I started to feel queasy) I think I can confidently say I am never ever ever going to get sick of listening to people talking on the radio.
It really is one of the best things.

Phillings

I love Phil Collins.

When the drums come in in 'In the Air Tonight'!

'Sussudio'!

Of course I love him.

A little while ago on a Sunday night I was in the kitchen making what I think was this spinach and chickpeas dish for dinner. Except instead of spinach I used silver beet. And instead of chickpeas I used pumpkin. But really it was essentially the same dish. It ended up delicious. And one day soon I will make it with spinach and chickpeas. But (for once) I don't want to talk about food.

It was a really nice night. I had time to spend in the kitchen cooking by myself for some delicious end and listening to the radio. I was listening to This American Life. I like listening to that show, it is personal and generally well written and engaging. This episode was about breaking up.

The first story was written by a woman who had gone through a breakup and spent months listening to break up songs until she decided she should write one. She wanted to talk to Phil Collins for advice. Phil had played a role in the relationship she'd come out of. You know the story, she and her boyfriend listened to him ironically then lovingly and then when the boyfriend dumped her she quoted Phil at him. She wanted to talk to Phil and she got to. She got to talk to him. And this made me fall in love with him for so many reasons.

It made me think about how great it would be to talk to a person you have wanted to talk to, ask all the questions. Like talking to Joss Whedon about Buffy. But also it was different to that, because she was telling Phil about her break up. And I can only imagine that must have been even more intense and close to her heart than Buffy is to mine. If that is even possible.

It was awesome, but it was heartbreaking. They talked about heartbreak and song writing and Phil just sounded like this regular guy. He talked about a recent divorce, "My divorce came through on my birthday," he said, "And I didn't want it at all." When he said this it made me want to cry. It made me fall in love with Phil Collins.

I could keep talking about this, but I bet you'll get more out of listening to the episode.

TGIF indeed

You know I work from home and I try and only work two days a week so Friday doesn't mean what it once did. But I still hear where you are coming from. Partly because if I don't get all my work done in those two days it hangs over my head all week, then on the weekend I just tell it to fuck right off.

Working from home in some ways is nice. It means I don't have to travel far and I don't have to deal with people. But also it means I don't have time to use my sweet new headphones on my way to work and I don't get to deal with people. When I go to get a cup of tea I never run in to anyone for a quick chat and just mutter to myself about what happened on Master Chef last night.

BUT! I used to work in an office. And boy howdy I wish it had intranet! I think there was an intranet maybe, but not the kind anyone used for public forums. You are so lucky. That shit about the fruit basket is gold. The nuts are in little packets, right? Plastic packets? How they going to get on the fruit and kill all those nut allergists? Don't people at your work have work to do?

I remember when we started getting a fruit basket at work. Also twice a week I think. That actually caused quite a lot of controversy. You see that office had this massive range of biscuits, tim tams, caramel crowns, mint slice, scotch finger, this delicious thing called a honey jumble I never even knew about! (They are delicious! Know about them!)
Also barbeque shapes, pizza shapes, cheds. It was nuts (not literally). And all free and accessible. Then the fruit bowl came in and you had to pay 50 cents per piece of fruit!

TIM TAMS WERE FREE BUT FRUIT COST $0.50! Well! You can imagine what an uproar that caused. I have to say I was on the side of free fruit and less biscuits. There was a piece of paper in the tea room where people would write down their feelings and nothing would happen. Then the GFC hit. The biscuit range shrank, people stopped putting in their 50 cents for fruit and 20 people were made redundant. I guess this story isn't so funny after all.

TGIF

I returned to work on Wednesday.
What a dumb idea!

Don't get me wrong. I'm very grateful that I have a job and I know that lots of people are not as lucky as I am and I am definitely not complaining about my general good fortune. But really, you would have to be straight up crazy to think that this is better than being in NYC. Apart from the fact that it's really warm in my office all the time (which is fantastic), I can't see what it has to offer that is better than, say, this.

Plus, I had forgotten how much whinging happens at work. I know this may seem like a strange observation, given that I am devoting a whole blog post to whinging. But seriously, I look like a total pollyanna compared to these people. Let me give you an example.

On Mondays and Wednesdays, we are provided with fresh fruit. It's really great actually. There is quite a lot of it, so people can take a few pieces and get to eat fruit every day of the week on the company dime. Awesome! But people still find things to complain about. I have seen people totally lose their shit if the fruit is late, like they can't possibly work under those conditions. Also, if there is a public holiday on the Monday and therefore there is no fruit delivery until Wednesday, some folks get really annoyed. Just bring your Tuesday fruit from home for pete's sake you losers. Am I right?

But the whinging reached new heights recently. The people who make decisions about the fruit decided to try a few new things. Celery and carrot sticks were added to the mix, as were small packets of nuts. You would think that people would be happy about the new choices, and most people were. But some folks just couldn't help themselves, and posted the following messages on the intranet noticeboard:

Subject: Fruit box
Posted by: Anonymous, 10/1/2011, 3:55pm
"Great idea for the fresh vegetables - but the nut mix needed more nuts - otherwise its a great idea and I vote for more of this."

Subject: Re: Fruit box
Posted by: Anonymous, 13/1/2011, 9:26am

"I really love the new additions to the fruit basket and agree with the more nuts in the nut selection."

Subject: Re: Fruit box
Posted by: Anonymous, 14/1/2011, 11:56am
"Personally I was happy with the base selection, I don't find the additional items change what I select."

Geez louise. NYC is so much better than this!
(But I am really lucky to have a job and don't want to the universe to get the wrong idea and cause me to lose my job. Universe, if you're listening, I really appreciate all that you have done for me! Thanks buddy!!)

NOTE: In February, the following anonymous post appeared on the intranet noticeboard:
"I was actually suprised that nuts were included as I had not seen any correspondence asking whether there were people with allergies in the office. I gather we have an epipen in our first aid kit? Maybe HR know this already, but as people open the nuts with the fruit it may mean that those with allergies are now unable to eat the fruit. Again I have no idea just thought the question should have been asked."

Now we don't get the nuts any more.

I get it

The lady in the picture sure does have a stupid look on her face, like she is thinking something that is really troubling her, such as "I know horses wear shoes, but do Unicorns?"
Regardless, there is something awesome about her hair, which I certainly don't need to tell you given you have kept this picture for so long.
I must say that it does not surprise me that you are interested in a perm. In addition to your need to reclaim the look that your ex-hairdresser took away, you love the style of Woody Allen women circa 1980 and most of those ladies had perms. My personal favourite is Diane Keaton's perm in Manhattan.

But yes, in summary I get why you are feeling a little permiscuous. HAHAHAHA.

But seriously folks, lets properly consider the question of whether you should get a perm. I expect you are right, and that perm technology has come a long way since the eighties. While long out of favour on the western head, the asian head has gone bananas for the perm in the last few years. I imagine that this booming tiger market has translated to some serious technological advancements which is good news for you. Plus, I think there are different kinds of perms, like the super tight ringlet perm and the softer, more wavy perm. So you could very well get a perm that doesn't look super permy, if that's what you wanted. But for me, the major consideration is not the perm, because I'm pretty sure that if you got one, it would look great. It's the growing out of the perm that worries me.
As we all know, nothing gold can stay. Even if you get an awesome perm that you love, you most likely won't want it to last forever, and therefore you will need an exit strategy. Maybe it's not that hard to gracefully grow out a perm - I've never seen it happen so I don't know. But I imagine that if not properly managed, a perm in the grow-out phase would look really flat at the roots and then all askew at the ends, kind of like hat hair. This would be a difficult look to pull off. But heck, if anyone can do it, you can do it.
I think you need to find someone who knows about perms and ask them these important questions. Like a new hairdresser. But who? And where? And what are their head massages like?

Don't be alarmed

My friend L-bomb is (was?) obsessed with perms. She kind of wanted one. But she has this beautiful straight thick hair and she was never, ever going to get one. And I think that is wise. But she had no qualms about trying to make me get one. "Girlfriend, you crazy" I used to say to her. Until she ripped out this picture from a magazine and told me this is how she thought I could look.


That girl sure has a stupid expression on her face but I do like her hair. I carried this picture around in my diary for the rest of the year. And when it was time to retire that diary I put it away.

I've been trying to grow my hair for some time. The last few years really and then recently I had a very upsetting experience with my now ex-hairdresser and I realised that hairdresser-client relationships can't last forever. I still hate this haircut. Or rather I feel nothing good about. The initial horrors have gone, that horrible feeling, as you described it, ‘…robbed, cheated and totally wronged. And also mad at yourself for being complicit’, it’s fading. But I still don't feel good about this haircut and I can't see how things are going to get better. I mean sure I can keep growing it but I kind of feel like I want to do something different. And then I started to think about the L-bomb and the perm.

Perm technology has probably come a really long way, right? Unless it hasn't developed because no-one gets perms any more. Do people get perms? Could a perm look good? I don't want to say the word perm again. It's kind of grossing me out. I feel conflicted.

It's all true

Yes, it is all true! Here at MSC we think quite highly of Ewan. Yes we do. And I certainly understand why you felt you couldn't post that post yesterday with stupid Blogger not allowing you to upload pictures (thanks for nothing Blogger).

And while I can confirm that our feelings for Ewan are brotherly to our feelings to Marky Mark, I should certainly clarify that those actual feelings are not in the least brotherly. [Updated to add:] Wow! You did not say that our feelings were brothers at all. But that our feelings for Marky Mark were brotherly. Which does make much more sense. And which makes me less confused about what you were saying. I guess a) My eyes were a bit distracted at the time of reading (and by reading I mean noticing there were words in between all the pretty pictures) your post initially and b) brotherly feelings + Marky Mark does not compute.

Looking over this Ewan Tribute post (and believe me, I have looked at it plenty) I am really struck how he has maintained his good looks and generally speciallness throughout the ages. And this is a true sign of speciallness I have to think.

You know what else I really like about Ewan? His Scottish accent. I freaking love a Scottish accent. It is a bit or a chicken and egg scenario I admit. Do I love that accent because of Ewan or do I love Ewan's accent because it's a great accent?

Let's watch Ewan talk about playing Iago in Othello and think about how great the accent is. (See we are not just trashbags here, we are also intellectuals.)

Ewan McGregor: an MSC tribute

Yesterday, I listened to a radio interview with a guy who has just made a semi-autobiographical film about how his seventy year old father came out as gay following the death of his mother. He seemed like super nice guy and the film sounds super great. Also, Ewan McGregor is in it. That’s right. Ewan McGregor. No doubt you all have your own opinions on Ewan McGregor, but let me tell you, we here at Miss Soft Crab love Ewan like no other. I think I speak for both of us when I say our feelings for Marky Mark are brotherly in comparison with our feelings for Ewan. Lets look back at some of Ewan’s greatest hits.

Here he is circa 1990s, around the time of Shallow Grave when we first met and fell in love with him.

Who else looked this good in 1994?

Here he his in Trainspotting, being an adorable trashbag.

Here is as Obi-Wan Kenobi. Check out those inter-galactic bedroom eyes.

Here his is in Moulin Rouge, doing more for Nicole Kidman’s career than ten years of marriage to Tom Cruise ever achieved.

Here he is on his motorcycle adventures.

Now we have to pause for a moment and reflect on the fact that Ewan has been in a lot of films that I really don’t want to see because they seem really crap, such as The Island, co starring ScarJo; Miss Potter, co-starring Renee Zelwegger; and Angels and Demons, the sequel to the DaVinci Code (though he does play a member of the Pope’s staff in this film, which kind of appeals to me). Despite being in all these duds, everyone still loves Ewan which to me, just goes to show what a top shelf guy he is. It also justifies inclusion of some random pictures, because I think we have established that he’s not great because of the movies he is in, he is just great.

So on behalf of all (both) of us here at MSC, thank you Ewan for being so awesome. Seriously, thanks Ewan McGregor.

An open letter to K

Dear Mate

Um, it's hard for me to say this (don't worry readers, don't turn away, you should hear this too) but I think that we perhaps, for the sake of our cyberfriendship, we need to break up in real life.

I know you tried to post this morning but blogger wouldn't let you upload pictures. I know you wrote it all but stoopid technology thwarted you. But then, then you had to meet me for coffee. One thing led to another, we looked in shops, we talked. Lord knows we ate. And then what happened on MSC? NOTHING! I can't live like this. Miss Soft Crab is too important. It's bigger than just you and me mate. I'm sorry.

Love
J

The things that wake me up in the morning

This is a major coincidence. While you were posting this, I was at Piedemontes buying the ingredients for a meatball sub! You see, I didn't get around to eating one while in the Americas and because I was too tired to eat dinner last night (and full from the delicious treats you baked) I woke up with a hankering for one. The meatballs are simmering right now.
***timelapse***
The meatballs are in my tummy right now. That feels better.
But back to your post. I love the sound of your vegetarian meatball sub but gee, I love the heck out of the sound of the things you were going to cook for your Masterchef dessert plate.
Orange custard? Cinnamon chocolate ice cream? Yes please! Personally, I could take or leave the biscuit. Maybe I would have served the orange custard in a little tart case though. But that's because I think everything is better with pastry.
While we are on the topic of imaginary Masterchef, I think that at some point on your food journey you should make that chocolate/cinnamon/chilli icecream you sometimes make. What a taste sensation. I think it might be the best icecream I have ever had in fact. So good that even pastry couldn't improve. So good that even if it was on a dessert platter next to some pastry, I would choose the ice cream. God, now I'm thinking about it, I cant think about anything else.
***timelapse***
You guys should probably just go on with your days, I don't think i'm coming back from this.

The things that keep me up at night

I suppose if you just got home from a month in the Americas, watching Master Chef may not be the first thing you do. But me, I watch me quite a lot of Master Chef. Now I don't know if it is because I just cooked the shit out of ... my kitchen(?) this weekend, or simply because I watch a lot of Master Chef, but every time I woke up last night I thought about how I would have addressed last night's challenge if I was on that show.

Now I kind of know one of the people on Master Chef this season. He's the friend of a friend. A nice guy. And the only person I've known to be on a reality TV show, so obviously I am going for him.

Let me set the scene for last nights show. The contestants were told it was an invention test with a Spanish theme. They could chose one of three pairs of ingredients: lamb and anchovies; sherry and oranges; and choritzo and squid. The guy I am barracking for, let's call him Emo, chose one of the meaty pairs and then filled his basket from the pantry and claimed that he had never chosen a pantry basket so well. Then the judges swapped everyone's baskets and poor Emo got a sherry and oranges basket full of dessert ingredients. But he is not a dessert man. And moreover, he is lactose intolerant (all this I know from the show last night, not personal experience). He did really badly in the challenge and the judges were mean to him (I think Gary hates him, and George really stuck the boot in last night). AND the person who got Emo's basket won the challenge, didn't even acknowledge his awesome ingredients gathering.

Anyways all night I kept waking up thinking, man if I had got the basket Emo got I would have made a dessert sharing plate. I'd have made a custard, then split it in half, turning one part into an orange custard and the other into cinnamon chocolate ice-cream. I would have made a toffee for show and churros, but if they didn't work out well (I've tried them before, they are easy to make ok because they are fried and I rolled them in sugar and cinnamon which all adds up to yum, but they were not mind-blowing) I would just make some sort of biscuit. Seriously I was tossing and turning with these thoughts. But I guess I have a couple advantages. Firstly, as mentioned I just baked the shit out of shit this weekend.


And secondly, I am not on Master Chef. And I never would be on Master Chef. I cook ok, and that's it. I don't sit around thinking about what I would cook if I were going to audition for it. It's not like Australian Idol which I really did want to audition for because it would have been hilarious. (And FYI I would have sung 'Nothing Compares to You' - the Prince version obviously.)

But on that note I am going to share a recipe. Yesterday I pretty much ate all day, but at dinner time I still wanted to eat something yummy and easy. And from nowhere I remembered this thing I used to make when I was alone and hung over and hungry and at home with not much food. It's basically what I imagine is the vegetarian version of a meatball sandwich. In fact I'm pretty sure I invented it after watching an episode of Friends where Joey keeps eating a meatball sandwich. I really wanted to eat a meatball sandwich.

Serves 1

1 long roll or portion of baguette
1/2 small onion, chopped
1-2 cloves garlic, sliced fine
1 long chilli (I like a pickled one) chopped
Olive oil
Sugo - a nice amount to make a juicy sandwich (1/2 a cup?)
Salt
Pepper
Paprika or dried chilli.
1 large field mushroom or a few buttons, sliced
Some cheese, (cheddar or Swiss or whatevs really) sliced - enough to fill your sandwich.

Preheat the oven to about 180.
Fry onion for a couple of minutes in the olive oil. Add the garlic then the chilli. Fry for a couple of minutes then add the sugo. Warm through. Season with some salt, pepper and paprika or dried chilli. Slice the roll in half, spread tomato sauce then put on the mushies, then the cheese. Wrap in foil then put in oven for 10 or so minutes. Just till the cheese is melted and the mushies are softened.

Now that's some good eating.

Pigeon knows best

Mate, you have to listen to the pigeon, it knows what it's shitting about.

Look, NY is a great C. There is no denying it. In fact since the day you left I have been checking the internet pretty much daily to find a cheap flight so I could come and meet you. Then when I finally realised that was never going to happen I started thinking about ways I could move myself over there for a stint. So far I've got bupkis. So I know it's great over there.

But you know what? M-town is okay too.

There is delicious food here.


Some centrally located parks.


Awesome shops with great stuff.



Friends.

And comparatively few pigeons.

Farewell New York

Tomorrow I leave for home.
Goodbye delicious food.

Goodbye Central Park.

Goodbye awesome shops.

Goodbye friends.

I'm sad to be leaving, but the universe is telling me it's time to go, given that ANOTHER PIGEON SHAT ON ME TODAY.
Seriously pigeons, WTF.