WFH Wednesday

Mate, I can see why you and your brother and your dad are worried in varying degrees about your mum.* But I think the fact that she had a stroke and now, due to extenuating circumstances, she can not leave the house (except for exercise, grocery shopping or medical care) gives her a pretty goddamned good excuse not to get out of bed before 11:30 or get out of her pyjamas after that. I haven't even had a stroke and look at what I'm wearing:

New world order, mate, we write out own rules now.

Although I'm now also a bit worried about K's mum, isn't it nice to talk about something other than You Know Who? I mean You Know What? On this point I've actually got a few concerns about myself, and I'm not just talking about my outfit. Last night Chickpea told me she had just had a non-You-Know-What-related conversation with her friend about some relationship troubles (the friend's not Chickpea's) and I remembered that I had met this person's partner just a year ago but can't remember that person at all. I remember a general impression that they seemed nice. But not their name or their face or anything else. I mean, isn't that kind of fucked? Also I'm pretty sure isolation is turning me into a total bitch. I mean, I don't feel changed. Maybe I've always been a total bitch, but I've noticed things. Like this morning when two friends said they didn't like feijoas, I implied there was something wrong with them. And I'm getting very annoyed by people at work. I was infuriated by an academic writing an open letter to the faculty about how hard working at home is for an academic if they have kids. As if it's not also hard for non-academic staff. But why I gotta be so angry about her exclusiveness. I mean, she's an academic, if she only wants to write about her people that's her business. Still, no harm being a bit more inclusive - am I right? Who knows. I have no idea about anything anymore. Maybe I'm just hungry. Again.

*Also thanks for that picture of the baby Strokes mate. I really enjoyed that step back into simpler times.

It's better to have loved and lost... (AM)

You may be wondering how a girl that has professed so strongly and deeply her love for Prince has said nothing of his passing, but the fact is that until now I haven't really been able to bring myself to.

When I learned Bowie had died I actually couldn't compute it straightaway, I mean a bit of Googling and one whole minute or so to process it was all I needed really but it was so shocking I couldn't immediately put it together. With Prince it was different, I got the news and I knew what it meant. I guess the Bowie death put such things in perspective and I just knew knew that Prince was dead. Or perhaps it was because I'd been awake since 5am and I can only assume that early wake up was a result of my body or soul registering a disturbance in the universe. Either way, I knew it was true and yet I couldn't believe it. I felt very, very upset.

When K called a couple of days later to make sure I hadn't slit my wrists while listening to Purple Rain I told her I was fine. I was of course. As I said, what is there to say or feel about the death of a person I didn't know and whose death would not impact my life in any way? Except that I could never see him again perform, or hear a new song or look forward to those things, or just know he was alive and awesome. But my life wouldn't change in anyway. And so, what is all the sadness about?

I guess it's just the death of a genius, the most fulfilling songwriter and performer for me is pretty devastating.

Seeing Prince live was pretty life defining. In those hours I really learnt how good things good be. I mean obviously I've had other awesome times in my life, life-defining times, but in those Prince shows all the feeling, all the best things were distilled. It's pretty rare that you come across a perfect thing. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Prince live...

Anyway, writing about the death of awesome people is a real downer, so let's just say that Prince lived is awesome and that he died so young is very sad.

Harry Potter TM* (PM)

There is no way that I am going to dissuade anyone from going to the Harry Potter World at Universal Studios. It's advertised on US TV all the time and I can't stop thinking about how great it would be to go, and how close we are to being able to go and yet won't be going. Appleheart keeps saying that he wishes we were here for the New York primaries in a couple of weeks and I nod and sigh and commiserate though really I am feeling sad about missing Harry Potter world. I can't tell him that though. He hasn't read Harry Potter and wouldn't understand. He thinks my sad face is because I want to be around for an important moment in history. He doesn't know it's because I want to drink butter beer. To his credit, he knows that the fact our son has the same initials as Harry Potter is more than mere coincidence, and accepted that with grace. I can't wait for that little guy to start reading Harry Potter. 

*I don't know how to get the little TM thing to happen. How does that happen?

Harry Potter™ (AM)

I wonder if a time will ever come when I stop writing about Harry Potter. Seems pretty unlikely if I'm being honest. Right now I'm rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

What with Baby constantly listening  to Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter and the Philisopher's Stone and asking questions about Harry's future it was inevitable I reread it sometime. When I first read Deathly Hallows I was pretty blown away with how good it was. I love the Harry Potter books, FYI and in case you hadn't noticed, but that last book was just something else. In fact I'd go so far as to say it is near perfect in terms of a series-ending book. The perfect amount of laughter and tears, twists and turns. An intricacy of detail that pulls together pretty perfectly. The answers to questions without excessive exposition. Ending a series has surely got to be the hardest thing to do. You have this invested audience that wants a happy ending but a realistic one, an ending that fits the preceding episodes. When I read Deathly Hallows I felt JK really nailed the shit out of it. And rereading it, I have to say I was right the first time. This book effing rules. In fact it's probably even better because knowing what happens gives new depth to what you're reading. 

Anyway here I am deep in Harry Potter™ world when I was looking at instagram last night and saw Mindy Kaling was at the opening of Harry Potter™World at Universal Studios. My first thought was that I should get on a plane to LA. It would be great to visit Mondonna. And then Harry Potter™ World. Apparently you can buy butterbeer there. I've always imagined it tasted like a wonderful mix of butter menthols and beer but with a warming quality, like when you add a little ginger wine to your beer. And I read on the Universal  website that Harry Potter™ World lets you "Explore the mysteries of Hogwarts™ castle, visit the shops of Hogsmeade™ and sample fare from some of the wizarding world’s best-known establishments. Plus experience pulse-pounding rides and attractions that transport you into a world of magical thrills and excitement." Sounds pretty good right? Though when I thought about "experiencing the fare of the wizarding worlds best known establishments," I thought of all the food I'd ever eaten at theme parks and realised I wouldn't be getting no gourmet meal prepared by house elves and it started to cast a pall on the whole idea of Harry Potter™ World. But only just. I still want to go. And I'm dreading finishing deathly Hallows because then what? Universal Studios here I come I guess. 

Jackpot (PM)

WOW!

I can honestly say that I have never coveted an Apple Watch. I just feel like my phone does exactly what I need it to do. And my watch does exactly what I need it to do as well, which is sit on my wrist and tell the time. I'm just a simple girl. I mean sure, I wouldn't mind a Dick Tracy watch, but Siri has pretty bad hearing and frankly I don't think she could handle my text messages. I can honestly say that I still do not covet an Apple Watch.

I can also honestly say I have never coveted a Harry Potter remote control wand. But that is only because I did not know they existed. And now I am coveting the shit out of it. At least I know what baby is getting for "his" birthday!

Jackpot (AM)

I got  an Apple Watch for my birthday. It's extremely exciting, as I've coveted one ever since they were born. I'm not an early adopter by any means. I only just replaced my iphone3, even though the headphone jack had been broken for about 2 years and it didn't really make or receive calls very well. But the Apple Watch just spoke to me from day 1. The way you can dictate text messages like Dick Tracey. The way you can track your daily activity and learn about the moon phases. The way it tells the time. I loved it and I wanted it and now it is mine and I feel really indulgent but also really great. 

Obviously I thought that getting an Apple Watch would be the crown jewell of my birthday booty. Of course it would be. It's a very special thing. But no, readers, it wasn't. That titles goes to the Official Harry Potter Remote Control Wand I received. Not a wand that is remote controlled. No. It is a wand you can use as a remote control for your TV/DVD. 

I struggle to find the words to describe how much I love it. I can, however, confidently say that I am the luckiest girl in the world. 

2016: reflections (AM)

I know that February seems  too early for reflections but January was pretty intense and  I feel it really deserves some reflection before we move on to enjoy the awesome year that 2016 is bound to be.

2015 ended fine, Christmas went for days but was pleasant and largely lazy and warm and all the good stuff. And 2016 began normally enough, I was in the countryside ringing in the new year with Blizzie and my babies and their babies and some friends of theirs and it was all lovely. Days passed, I went back to work, I quit my job and then hours after that happy moment, on the train home from work I got a message from a friend. 

I was so shocked. I guess it was not knowing he was sick. And he was so, so great. 

David Bowie has always been a great favourite of Miss Soft Crab and I feel like we need to take a moment to remember his excellence. The British legend, who died at 69 after a battle with cancer. 

I actually could not believe my ears when I heard on the radio three days later about Alan Rickman. The British legend, who died at 69 after a battle with cancer. Alan Rickman was so great. When I was little I used to watch this film my mum liked called Truly, Madly, Deeply. It was a romance in which Alan Rickman played a ghost. It was great. But why pretend that the most important part he played for me is anything other than Snape? Shit gets pretty real at the end of Harry Potter and Snape's role and their relationship, well it's pretty...moving (excuse me, I have something in my eye).

I couldn't stop thinking about it when Rickman died. He was a really great actor. I like him a lot. 

They say celebrity deaths happen in threes. But in this case it's just three deaths of old, great, codgers, because a couple of weeks after Alan Rickman, it was time for my parents' cat, Aphrodite. 

She would have been almost 19, we got her when I was around 17 or 18, she used to sleep on my bed and was so sweet. But then I moved out and she became a bitch (possibly unrelated). You had about 12 good seconds of patting her before she'd lash out with her claws but she was still sweet. Doing all that cat stuff like rubbing against your legs (when she wanted something), sleeping in the sun, deserting you. I loved her, but she died sleeping in some bushes as all cats should. 

January, you were not without your delights, but you, unlike others, we're not gone too soon. 2016 onwards and upwards. 

New friends (AM)

I've been thinking lately about how it's good to make new friends. Other than the self-evidence of the statement, there are actual reasons too, like when you hang out with people other than the people you've been hanging out with for the last 20 or 30 years you get a new perspective on things. You talk about different things or the same things in new ways and you learn things and it's great. I can't recommend it highly enough. Except I rarely do it. The last friend I probably made was Pickle* and that was at least 8 years ago and is highly embarrassing because she has probably made about 45 friends since then. A year.  

"Why doesn't J make new friends?" You may wonder? "She seems so terribly amusing, if a little too obsessed with her hair," you're probably thinking. But it's not my hair obsession that's the problem, it's a bunch of other things. Like I'm pretty shy and I tend to think that people don't have room in their lives for new friends. And I kind of feel that I don't have room anyway.  Although I see people making new friends all around me, so I guess the latter is not true for them. So if I face the truth, it's probably just the stupid shit I tend to say to people that puts them off.

The other day I told a woman I barely know how great things had been at home because Baby had finally gotten into Harry Potter and I love Harry Potter. I mean, it's kinda cool. I guess. Whatever. I had to backtrack somewhat cause she looked at me as if that statement was totally kookoo. That is to say she seemed to think I was a total loser. 

A few weeks earlier I'd found myself having lunch with a bunch of complete strangers and after remarking on what an enjoyable show The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was someone asked "Do you guys like Amy Schumer?" But his emphasis was weird and I thought he'd pronounced a word funny, so I repeated what I'd heard "Amish humour?" At which  we all laughed, them thinking I'd made some funny joke and me wondering  what the fuck was going on, until the conversation carried on and I realised what had happened and that we weren't talking about Amish humour at all.  

That same day, like some stalker, I'd asked another complete stranger what street in Brunswick she lived. Not because I'm a stalker but because I am curious. But it did come across pretty weird.  

So how do I know that making new friends is cool? Well I don't but Kimmy Schmidt seemed to enjoy making friends on that TV show so I guess it is. 

*Not an actual true fact. But not far off.

Safari magic (AM)

When I was little my mum had these two eyeshadows. They were in little clay pots the shape of a Winnie the Poo honey pot and inside were the most shimmery metallic eyeshadows I'd ever seen. One blue and one green. On the one hand I knew they were just my mum's eyeshadow and on the other hand they seemed so magical. Like so magical I felt it in my chest. So even though I knew they were my mum's eyeshadow I kind I felt like they had a secret life as magical fairy dust and playing with them would take me away to a special place. Being a kid is awesome in that respect, you know the difference between reality and fantasy but you can feel that fantasy world, feel that maybe somewhere it does exist. I guess that's what being religious is like.

As you know my mind gets blown all the time but I can't get that magic feeling back and I guess because of that it is hard for me to know what seems magic or mind-blowing to kids. It was Baby's birthday on the weekend and I found this book, a totally mind-blowing book. Now I'm not saying it made me believe in  magic but I loved it so much I couldn't stop swearing in amazement at the shopgirl. In the toy shop. I felt like maybe if I'd seen it as a kid I would have got that special feeling. This is it:*

We also gave Baby a remote control car and little toy skeletons so I guess he was distracted. But...um...did you notice that the book looks like a TELEVISION IN A BOOK! Or like a book from Harry Potter. Ok so Baby is not versed in the world of HP but he is well versed in the real world of books and television and how never the twain shall meet! And yet he just wanted to play with his $2 shop skeletons. Well who am I to judge. I loved to play with magic eyeshadow. 

I guess I jut want it on the record that of I was my own mother I would be a kickass present giver!**

*Sorry about the crappy video. It's been a rough weekend. Also it seems I can't see it on my iPhone so check out someone else's video here on YouTube if you want your mind BENT.

**Not that there is anything wrong with my mother's present-giving skills. She buys me excellent presents once I've told her what to get. 

When things end (AM)

I didn't put off watching the last episode of Breaking Bad exactly. I just wanted conditions to be right. I didn't want to be too tired. Didn't want LB to be too talkative. I just wanted things to be right. Then last Wednesday they were. Don't worry, this won't have any BB spoilers. This is all about me. As usual.

After watching 4 seasons in one month last year, having to watch the last season in a serial form meant I wasn't quite as absorbed as I had been. My feelings for Jesse had tempered. It wasn't all I thought about. Still the end of anything brings certain... feelings, doesn't it?

I feel a little ambivalent sharing this but I feel I have no choice.* The night I watched the last episode of BB I had a dream that merged Breaking Bad and Harry Potter. There were heaps of ghosts. Intense chases on horses. And a moment when I had to say goodbye to Walt. I hugged him for what felt like minutes, sobbing with tears and snot streaming down my face.  Yeah.

The next night things were a little more light hearted. I dreamed that by playing some app on a phone I was transported into a karaoke show more like a Jimmy Fallon lip-sync-off where I was teamed with Aaron Paul. But suddenly we couldn't remember any songs and had no idea what we should sing. We were running around trying to figure out what to do. It was also a little intense, but enjoyable. Obviously.

It was about this time that I started listening to this Miley Cyrus song a lot. I guess it's safe to say that things were rough all over and I didn't know how to deal with it. I know. Yep, things were pretty bad. But I guess turning to pop music in times of sadness is nothing new. But Miley Cyrus, unsurprisingly, did not help. I just could not stop thinking about Breaking Bad. Characters' motivations, what they were doing now. Sure, socialising has helped keep my mind of it, but to be honest, I'm still a little wrapped up in it. I haven't had any more dreams about Walt or Jesse, so I guess I'm making progress. Right?

I guess at least I can be grateful that shows this good and intense don't come along very often. Yeah, maybe it's time to be grateful for all the shit TV.



*That's a lie. I chose to share. I just want you to know I feel weird about it.

An(other) open letter to Gorman - one year on (AM)

Oh, hi Gorman.

Look, remember last year when I wrote you that letter? You remember the one, where I told you all about the way you stepped on my barely beating heart, denying me the clothes I wanted to buy even though it was before closing time and even though I was just a shadow of myself having sat through the last Harry Potter movie. Even though as I stood on the sidewalk wanting to be let in, I closely resembled the lump of Voldemort after the destruction of all the horcruxes.

You know, that letter? Well it is (almost) exactly one year since I wrote that letter, and I thought you may be interested to know how I've been since then. Oh, hang on, no you wouldn't. I know you wouldn't because I actually wrote you a real letter, an email, to YOU Gorman, not just on Miss Soft Crab, but an actual email sent straight to your people. Yeah I toned it down a bit, just told you of the disappointing experience and you know what I got in reply? Nothing. Fucking nothing. Almost as if you don't care about your long-term, cash-dropping customers.

You know what is really interesting about that though? I haven't dropped a cent on your wares in the last year. And you know what else, based on previous years spending that is a pretty unprecedented. Yeah Gorman, I used to drop bucket loads of cents on your clothes. And now, since that incident I cannot bring myself to spend money on you. And it is not just because the overall quality and style of your clothes have dropped so significantly (though they have). And it is not just because I find the overabundance of wares and looks off-putting (though I do). It is because I don't like you. Because you treated me badly and now I can't see past that. It's not me. It's you.

There was a jumper I tried on at the start of this winter. Warm, handsome, I wanted it. And when that jumper was on sale recently for a reasonable price I seriously thought about buying it. But when it came down to it I just couldn't. It's because I don't like you. And I don't need you.

Sorry.
J

Robert Pattinson: I don't know what to feel (PM)

Last week I could not stop reading stories about K-Stew cheating on R-Patz. Because, you know, they were all over the internet. Not because I went looking for them and kept clicking through links to see that R-Patz had moved out, that he was staying at Reese Witherspoon's ranch, to see that he finally responded to K-Stew's texts. No, I did not mean to click those links at all.

While this was happening all I could think was, "Geez, I can't believe K-Stew and R-Patz really are a couple!" And also, "OMFG K-STEW! I can't believe you cheated on R-Patz!" And also, "K-Stew looks really cute in that t-shirt and I like her baby blue nail polish a lot!" It was a real roller coaster of emotion.


Let's remember that at least my very first introduction to R-Patz was when he played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Um, Cedric Diggory, guys. Only the handsomest character to ever grace the pages of Harry Potter. A decent wizard and the first death we actually have to experience in Harry Potter. Cedric Diggory  is a turning point. And even though when that movie came out R-Patz was an actual teenager and I was an actual woman in my mid-twenties, it's fair to say I thought he was quite attractive. But then... Sparkleface ugh!

One of the few vampires in history to make vampires unattractive. And that is no easy feat.

So where does that leave us?

Cedric Diggory = hot
Sparkleface = not hot
Cheated on = sad = kinda hot (?)
Twilight Saga movies about to be over = no more Sparkleface = potential future hotness

therefore

hot + not hot + kinda hot + potential future hotness =  maybe hot = I'm still confused

= oh god why can't I stop thinking about R-PATZ?!?!?!?

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Haiku inspired by mythical beasts. Don't ask me why. Take it up with the muse.

Trolls

You poor little guys. 

Guarding bridges all day long. 

Who looks out for Trolls?

Unicorns

 They think they're so good. 

I'll take a Shetland Pony

Any day, thank you. 

What a poser

Phoenixes

Feathery fire bugs.

Tears that can mend broken bones.  

You guys. You're the ones. 

I love you Fawkes. You are, hands down, my favourite Harry Potter character.   

Groom Quest 2011 - Part 1 (Fail)

In the interest of grooming I almost did something crazy. I am really obsessed with grooming right now. I have other concerns of course. Global warming. Libya. The world economy. (Right?) I am not purely vain and grooming obsessed. But there is a part of me that thinks about it a lot.

Anyway I bought a hair straightening product. It's not the first time, sure. I mean, I have owned a hair straightener for years but in recent times I have really learned to love my curls and that is why I felt kind of weird about buying this product. It was some 30 day straightening thing. And you think that the name would have given it away but it wasn't till I got it home that I realised it was a really serious chemical straightening thing that would last 30 DAYS!

I bought it due to the culmination of a number of things. These things really:

• The other day I straightened my hair because I was going out and needed to do something with it. And I was really happy with the result, which was not straight but sort of sleek wavy.
• Having a fringe really makes it difficult on the days when I don't have the time or inclination to wet and then dry my hair - which is really the only option.
• I bought Vogue last week. A thing I never do. And it was boring and most of the fashion uninspiring, but I guess because right now I am more about grooming than fashion it did make me want to buy grooming products.
• Thirty dollars spent on hair product for a new easy look seemed like a sound investment.
  

Anyway I go the product home and started reading about it and it had similar instructions to a home dye. Use in a well-ventilated area, do a patch test, yada yada yada. So you apply this stuff and then use your straightener and then voila 30 days of straight hair.

Crazy right! This seemed crazy to me. I did not want to apply all that shit to my hair only to do a dud job of the straightening or find out that it did something super weird to my hair. So I returned the product and bought some $10 anti-frizz stuff. Which was as useless as every other anti-frizz product I have ever bought.

I am beginning to suspect that Groom Quest 2011 may be as difficult as Harry's search for horcruxes. I only hope it is ultimately as successful.

An open letter to Gorman, postscript

Hi Gorman,

I've got a few things to say too.

In 2009 I spent hundreds of dollars on a dress from you. It's the black one with the pink sequins that I wore to J's 30th birthday party, Bally's 30th birthday party, Pickle's 30th birthday party and Lil's wedding (to name just a few). It was obscenely expensive, even by your standards. It was so expensive, that purchasing it qualified me for some kind of VIP program. I got a free scarf and a key ring with a pink love heart on it (please see above). I was told that as a member of this club, I was going to get notified of special previews, and I was also going to get a discount if I spent over $500 per season (or something like that).

Being in your special club was very exciting for me Gorman. I even started using the pink love heart as my actual key ring. Though I was in no position to buy clothes from you for a while given the absurd amount I had just dropped on that dress, I really looked forward to the time I would be able to return and become the VIP you deemed me worthy to be.

That time came a few months later (lets say 4 or 5). I returned to your store and sure enough, found something I wanted to buy. I pulled out my pink love heart keyring to show the lady that I was in the special club and she said "oh, we don't do that anymore".
WTF? I asked (politely).

The shopgirl mumbled something about that just being a short term thing and it's not running any more.

But it had only been a few months! Barely a season had passed! What do you mean you don't do it any more? I screamed privately inside my own head because I didn't want to look like I was really desperate to belong to their stupid club and was panicking at the thought of no longer being part of it, even though I WAS really desperate to belong to their stupid club and I WAS totally panicking. In order to save face, Gorman, I just smiled while the shopgirl finished the transaction, then left with my purchase.

Gorman, I'm telling you all of this because I think you should know that starting a club and giving people keyrings and MAKING PROMISES TO THEM then not following through is a bunch of bullshit. You can't expect to do that without causing some lasting damage and I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that lasting damage has been done.

And one more thing.

I hope you never have to stand next to your BF and see the look on her face while she is being refused entry to a store, though it is five minutes before the designated closing time and though she intends to spend hundreds of dollars there, after you have both just seen Harry Potter. Even though I pretty much hate your gutz Gorman, I don't think anyone should have to see their friend like that.

That's if you've got any friends, loser.
Bam!

Love from K

An open letter to Gorman

Dear Gorman,

I have been buying stuff from you for a long time. Since you had interesting clothes and I had to buy them from Fat. And now, even though you are not as great and an actual sell out, I still buy your clothes. But the other week I had a really disappointing experience. It was when you had that half price sale for three days. First, I witnessed the worst retail work. I have really strong feelings about how sales assistants should behave. They should be present and helpful but definitely not pushy. Or up in my business. Like, I don’t need you to tell me that this dress would look really cute with a belt or anything. I dress myself everyday. Usually pretty well. But sometimes, I do need assistance, or a little encouragement. An absent sales assistant can make me not buy stuff. Likewise a pushy one. It’s delicate. Anyway, I can assure you there was no good retail assistance happening that day.

I was waiting for dressing room and there was a girl in one of the rooms trying on dresses, coming out, checking herself out. You know what? She looked great in that dress, but she looked really unsure and kind of without confidence, but she seriously looked great. There was a sales girl standing RIGHT NEXT TO ME not doing anything. Maybe folding something. But that poor girl in the dress was getting no attention. It was awful. So awful that I stepped in and told her she looked great. And I almost never chose to talk to strangers.

That is really by the by. Later I was all ready to buy my stuff. But there was only one register in action. Geez, Gorman. It was a big sales day. Why was there only one register? And OMG, the chick at the register was just chatting away as people queued up to make purchases. Such a drag at the best of times. But I had tickets to see Harry Potter. The talking just went on and on and Harry Potter was starting in minutes. I had waited as long as I could and I really had to go so I asked the woman at the register what time they shut. Six o’clock she told me. Great. So after Harry Potter finished, and I had basically gone on the biggest emotional roller coaster of my LIFE, I went to make my purchases. Got there at 5:52. And you know what. It was FUCKING SHUT! I had just seen the last Harry Potter movie. OK?! I was feeling pretty fucking emotional. OK?!? And you lied to me and denied me the things I was willing to give you hundreds of dollars for you know what?! I’m really annoyed. FORGET YOU!

Love
J

Viva les croissants

Your croissants were the yummiest ever!
I'm so glad you made them, and that I got to eat one, while sitting in those extremely comfortable chairs they have at Gold Class Cinema whilst watching HP7pt2 on Saturday (best film ever, BTW).

But mate, even though you've totally convinced me that making croissants isn't really a big deal, I am pretty sure I would stuff it up when it comes to cutting the squares and rolling them up. Recipes that involve too much spatial reasoning are my dead set Achilles heel, no matter how clear the instructions. Oh well. Still worth a try, n'est-ce pas? A croissant by any other shape still a croissant, I think you'll agree.

Sweet dreams aren't made of cheese

On Saturday night I did leave before the taleggio was finished but I’m pretty sure I did not have cheese dreams. As if I could even tell though. I have been having cheese dreams lately even when I haven’t eaten cheese. On Friday night I dreamt I was a reindeer herder. And I was in a reindeer race. But the king of the reindeer herding tribe set me up to lose by swapping my rad reindeer with an inferior reindeer. Jib.



Once a couple of ‘friends’ told me that listening to other people’s dreams is the boringest thing in the world. I do not subscribe to this. Hence, when I have an interesting dream I tend to tell people about it.

Last week I dreamed that I was getting married but I also was a Harry Potter-type chosen one and I had to fight Voldemort on my wedding day and I had lost my powers! Fucking mind-bender, right! You can bet everyone I have told about that dream was pretty impressed. At the end of the dream I was transported to an island to fight Voldemort while a bunch of death eaters circled around chanting. Then Voldemort and I were sucked into a black sea. Everything was black. THEN I woke up. WHOA!

I told Mickey ‘Mikey Doubleword’ Blue Eyes about this dream and he told me about a dream he’d had in which he had set his alarm too early and woke up in 1918. Then he hit snooze and woke up in 1945. Other people’s dreams are boring! Pah!

I wish it wasn't going to end

I am so glad you posted about this, but it is making me feel so many feelings I have to write a list to make sure I capture them all.

1. I love Harry Potter too and I am so friggen excited about HP7.

I totally share your love for HP. I remember reading the first three books and thinking oh yeah, these are fine, I guess I’ll keep reading them. But then I read Goblet of Fire and it totally blew my mind. And without spoiling anything for people who may not yet have gone on the Harry Potter journey, NOTHING IS THE SAME AFTER HP4. Anyway. Like you said, I love HP and I can’t wait for the next movie.

2. There is no such thing as loving Ron Weasley too much. Or any of the HP crew.

Ron Weasley has a certain je ne sais quoi. It’s plain to see. I don’t bother thinking about whether, when push came to shove, I would do it with him because the early warning I am getting is that the answer is yes and I have to stop talking about this.

3. Daniel Radcliffe is awesome, I don’t care what anyone says.

Because I love HP and because my Mum loves musical theater, we went to see How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying on Broadway, starring Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter. I thought it was great and I thought he was great! He can totally sing and dance. Who knows where he found the time to learn that stuff!? But seriously, he was awesome, which was very reassuring because I worry about child stars, especially those with the responsibility for ridding the world of the most evil wizard that ever lived. But I think it’s all going to be OK for D-Rad.

4. CHUT UP ABOUT THE LIBRARY RESERVATION SYSTEM MANIPULATION I USED TO DO. SHEESH!

It all ends

There is a poster for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 on Punt Rd and every time I drive past it I get so freaking excited about seeing that movie. Every time I see HP staring intensely at Voldemort over that wand I get a little flutter in my tummy!


I love Harry Potter. I love the books, I love the movie, and I love this thing from the Oscars this year. (I also like the JT bit and the T.Laut bit but we all know that 'Tiny ball of light' is the hero of the piece. Because it is funny. And maybe because I love Ron more than I should. He is great though, isn't he? But it's not as if I want to do it with him. I think. I mean, if I had the opportunity I don't think I would. He is barely an adult. Yeah, I'm almost positive I would not do it with him. Yep. Pretty sure. But I would like to unequivocally say I would definitely not do it with T.Laut even though I am 100% Team Wolf.)

But of course my excitement about the film is tempered by regret. I am sure this film is going to be awesome. But then there will be no more Harry Potter movies. IT ALL ENDS 7.15! At least when I read the last book I still had the movies to look forward to. But soon it will all be over. Like all the best things I guess.

When I was in NYC at FAO Schwarz they had quite a Harry Potter section. LB pulled me through it quickly as I protested, "God, I'm not so in love with HP that I want to buy this shiz" (even though I was kind of tempted to buy a Gryffindor tie, but being a grown up with a house full of shit I thought better of it).

Remember when you used to work at the library and bump me up the reservation lists? I remember how you did that for me when Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire first came out. You just bumped me ahead of all those little kids waiting so desperately to read that book. I really appreciate that. I will never forget the day that Cedric Diggory died (in many ways he died the day Robert Pattinson became Sparkleface). I was really sick with the flu. So sick I had to miss that Avalanches gig people still talk about. I was sick in bed and read HP4 all weekend. And when Voldemort returned... and Cedric died... and Harry's parents come out of the wand! Shit, I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Before that book Harry Potter was good, but after that! Well after that it was something else all together.

MAN! I CAN'T WAIT FOR HP7 Part II!!!!!!