Don't bullshit me Smiths (AM)

You know what I like? Chips.

You know what I don't like? Being bullshitted.

When a chip company makes a claim like they have produced an extra crunchy chip, I get excited.
Sure, lack of crunch has never impeded my chip eating experience,  but that doesn't mean extra crunch can't make it better, so when I saw Extra Crunchy chips at the store, I bought those babies without a second thought.

I'm sure you've all seen the ads. No? Don't worry, here's a rundown  which pretty much goes through the whole ad, in case the name 'Extra Crunchy Chips' doesn't tell you enough about what we're dealing with here.

From the first bite, I knew I had made a terrible mistake.

I don't know what I was expecting. The most delicious chip maybe? I can not tell a lie. I was pretty much totally expecting that these chips would be the most delicious chips ever - the greatest chip innovation since kettle chips - and they would make all the other snacks taste like tan bark. Why I thought this I can not say. Because I am a hopeless snack romantic? Probably.
Instead of being the most delicious chip, they are just a regular chip, maybe a little less salt than other chips which is a regression, not an improvement. They are not a chip innovation - they are bullshit! They taste like pure disappointment.
I tried three of the flavours and each was more disappointing than the last. I still have to try the chilli flavour, but I'm not holding my breath.  I'm such a fool to believe they have anything I need.

As I write this, I can totally picture J smirking as she is reading it. She will be smirking and shaking her head at my folly because she would never get caught up in that stupid chip dream factory. She would never ever believe that Extra Crunchy chips could be a thing. She is way too practical for that. And she's right. She's always been the sensible one. So its over to you mate. Tell us what you think of this Extra Crunchy malarkey. Tell us what I should have known all along.

The Time I Made (ate) Hot Cross Buns (PM)

Oh, hi guys!

So you know this morning when K told us she made hot cross buns and then said "If only I could get a second, objective opinion! Whatever you do, readers, stay tuned to Miss Soft Crab"? Do you think she was suggesting I should make these buns too? Or that I should drive all the way over to her house and let myself in with the emergency spare keys she once gave me and eat me a bun? Yeah, I thought so too.

What I was hoping to bring you today was a story of hijinks and deliciousness but what I have instead is a morality tale.

First, lets talk hot buns!

You know, when I got to K's house and let myself it was almost as if she had been expecting me.

Inviting buns

Even the chopping board seemed pleased to see me.

HI!

Can I say at this point that I actually did need to drop something off at K's house anyway. Can I also say that I helped myself to those hot buns, and friends, they were delicious!

Here's what I loved about them:
Figs!
Apricots!
Tutti-fruitiness!
Denseness!
Crunchy bottom!

I loved that they were sort of crunchy on the bottom without being in the least bit burnt. They could have done with a little more spice, but I am certainly not complaining. I would never let myself into someone's house, eat their food and then complain about it! Whaddya take me for?!

But even though  got to eat delicious buns my morning was far from delightful.

On the way to K's I had to make a couple of stops. On the last of these my car door latch did some weird thing when I tried to close it and the latchy bit got stuck so that the door couldn't close. As I sat on the kerb, struggling with Baby in one hand and a knife in the other trying to fix the latch, a kind passer-by stopped to try and help and while investigating the problem broke another door latch in the same way. Um, thanks guy. I felt confident I could have fixed these eventually but that old fella kept my knife and plugged away. To be fair he managed to fix both doors but geez guy, could you not have broken the other one first? Boy was I glad when that was over. Then I went to get my wallet to buy the thing I stopped for. Oh, but I had lost it during the latch kerfuffel. After 10 minutes I found it under a car seat. Lucky those HCBs were waiting for me.

Those HCBs weren't enough to get Baby over the fact he was totally tired and POed and he cried the whole way home. You guys, I know this doesn't sound that bad but my jeans are really tight and it was hot and I can assure you it all sucked. Not the buns, the rest of it.


 It's almost as if the universe was telling me that what K had meant by "If only I could get a second, objective opinion! Whatever you do, readers, stay tuned to Miss Soft Crab." was "J, make these buns!" Whoopsee.

And thanks for the buns, Mate.