I miss you '90s

I have to say I'm disappointed but not surprised by K's assessment of the television show High Fidelity. I also loved the book and the movie, which I rewatched not that long ago and fully enjoyed. And why doesn't John Cusack work more. He is great. And so is Joan.

I read a review of the TV show a while ago before I knew it was going to be on iView and though the review was a little mixed I was still excited about the prospect because of my love of previous High Fidelities and because I am also intrigued by Zoe Kravitz. I saw her in a Fantastic Beasts movie and enjoyed her well enough but I thin kwe all know that you can't really get a good read of someone in Harry Potter universe so I want to see more of her. I mean, she is everywhere and people love her and I listened to the song Flowers for Zoe hundreds or thousands of times in the '90s so I want to know more.

Anyway, when I saw HF was on iView I suggested watching it to LB but he was about as enthusiastic about it as Appleheart was about MJ by the sounds of things, so I haven't watched it yet. But I guess there were some alarm bells. Like once I saw the ads I could tell it might be a bit earnest. I am all for turning white men into black women. I need another TV show about a white man like I need a punch in the face. But there is the concern that by doing that a show may be on a bit of a mission which they take a bit seriously and really want to send a message. You know what I'm saying. Also when male characters are turned into women they often become that stereotype damaged woman, not interested in love, probably because she's been hurt too many times. But the right man just needs to come along to show her that she too can love too. Is that what's happening here? I don't know. I mean, really I'm just talking a bunch of bullshit and should probably just go watch an episode of the show.

In other news it was Lenny Kravitz's birthday yesterday. Still is on the other side of the world. Happy birthday Lenny.

Dreams of the 90s

Thanks for the wrap-up of The Last Dance, Mate. I suggested it as a night time viewing option the other night but Appleheart said he has no interest in basketball and kyboshed it. I was surprised by this, especially given his enthusiasm for the mini basketball ring we rigged up to the top bunk the other day. But I figured I'd just watch it by myself once RuPaul's Drag Race season 12 is over next week (go Crystal Methyd!!). 

Speaking of the 90s and beautiful people - High Fidelity. 

I watched the first episode of this show really wanting to like it. I loved the book and I loved the movie - seriously, John Cusack does not work enough, nor does Joan Cusack for that matter. 

I remember the movie being playful and fun but with definite pathos, just like the 90s. John Cusack's Rob was fun and appealing and also a bit of a d-bag, just like dudes in the 90s! Jokes. Those qualities are timeless. But seriously. I had high hopes for High Fidelity. And I was looking forward to seeing more of Zoe Kravitz. I haven't really seen anything else she's been in, but the fact of Zoe Kravitz's existence in a place where we can see her pleases me. I mean, that woman is like the personification of pre-teen dreams for me. Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz were a couple before we hit puberty but something told me that what they had going on was exactly the kind of thing you hit puberty for. I mean look at these guys. 

Anyway, I could barely sit through the first episode of High Fidelity and I should have known why. It's not the 90s anymore! Playful and poignant isn't a thing these days. It was so damned earnest, except for when it wasn't, and then it was trying so hard for laughs that I couldn't even muster a giggle. And rather than develop some of the other characters or develop the main character more, it seems to be playing it just like the movie,only over multiple episodes instead of 90 enjoyable minutes. At least, I think that's what's happening. I can't tell, I couldn't watch more than ten mins into the second ep. 

Still, at least it got me thinking about John Cusack, and young Lenny and Lisa. What a pair of dreamboats. 

The Last Dance

Have you been watching The Last Dance, the Michael Jordan doco on Netflix?  It's very enjoyable and I guess there are a number of reasons. Firstly, watching Michael Jordan play basketball is very familiar. It's not that I watched heaps of bball in the 90s, though I did watch some. But I think he was so omnipresent that the way he moved is just in the brain of a 90s teenager and was roused by watching all that footage, like a memory jogged by a smell.

Second, he was so handsome. I had forgotten how handsome he was and the first few episodes, I had to really stop my self from exclaiming to LB every time the young Jordan came onto the screen - which was basically constantly.

Which brings me to the third point, which is that he really seems to be an arsehole and there is something quite disjointing about seeing an adorable smiling face evidently be such a d-bag which is supported by the now older Michael Jordan interviews. The present-day Jordan just looks like an old ex-athlete that thinks he is top shit and thinks his dbag behaviour was totally justified. Let me also make it clear that footage of the young Jordan also make it look like he was a dbag. There's no question he was a dick, but I guess there is just something weird about seeing this man across the ages. Also, it is basically not until the end of episode 8 that you can really see anything human about him. Maybe that's what is so disconcerting. The final three episodes he does seem more human, which is also sort of enjoyable. Also it's very disconcerting that even though you think you aren't identifying with Jordan, because he's such a douche, as you watch footage of the basketball games you still really want the Bulls to win.

I also very much enjoyed seeing the other '90s basketball stars. Like, as a kid I always just thought that Scottie Pippen was just a funny-looking second fiddle to Jordan. But now I kind of love him. He, like Jordan, could be a bit of a baby, but he has this nice calm demeanour, his team mates loved him, and now I think he was actually quite handsome too?! Whatever, he is certainly kind of adorable.

And how about Dennis Rodman?! In the '90s I just wrote him off as a show-pony with dumb hair, but now I see his importance as a player and the troubled soul that led to that classic bad-boy behaviour.

Also - watching basketball! As a person that really only watches a bit of tennis and AFL,  getting familiar with basketball was thoroughly enjoyable. Was it because I was only watching the peak teams of a peak bball period? Maybe but who cares, I loved it.

All in all, I give this show several out of some stars.

Coronavirus - The Crown style

A few weeks ago when Boris Johnson was in ICU with coronavirus, Prince Charles had been recently diagnosed with it and QEII had just given her coronavirus address I couldn’t help thinking about the episode of The Crown this would result in.

It opens at the bustling Wuhan fish market. A cold, frosty morning. Fishmongers pull fish from a truck, cold air rises from from large dead fish. A man coughs. A week later: the streets of Wuhan. People in masks, coughing. Full hospitals. Chinese officials around boardroom tables speaking frantically. Cut to QE II in the parlour where she always watches TV, a news caster reports on a deadly new virus spreading through China. “Oh dear,” says the queen.

Cut to opening credits.

The episode is all phone calls with Boris, debates over whether the UK should start shutting things down or stand strong, questions over where the royals should all be and who should be with the, Then Charles tests positive. “I see,” the queen says into a telephone receiver. (I wonder if the queen uses a mobile phone? Will the 2020 episodes still have QEII holding a land line to her face?) There’ll be discussions over whether she should address the nation. “At a time like this they need you, ma’am,” someone will tell her. Boris will get sick of course, go into hospital, end up in ICU.  Lizzie will have that strained, torn look on her face as she hears the news. Then he survives (same torn look on her face when she hears probably). She’ll be upset about missing her Easter duties but will give her touching  Easter address.  I guess eventually the numbers will start to get better too. Fewer people will die. Everyone will be cautiously optimistic. Perhaps the Queen will have to stay isolated for longer. Forever?

The episode will have that heavy feeling of the London smog episode or mining town landslide episode. Shit, a lot of bad stuff happens over 60 odd years does’t it? Ever since I started seeing COVID-19 as an episode of The Crown all news out of England appears to me as a part of the episode - it really is delightful. But I also started to think about the Crown episodes that the past decade would inspire. Terrorist attacks in London, Brexit, the Scottish referendum perhaps, Harry and Megan (can't wait for that one), some personal ones I could not foresee. Ugh. I hope this period of self isolation is giving her maj a well earned break. Girlfriend turned 94 on Tuesday, lockdown is probably the nicest thing that could have happened to her. Happy birthday QEII, stay safe.

Keep it to yourself

I've always found Todd Sampson highly annoying. Oh sure on Gruen he may say some interesting things but I'm always too overwhelmed by his self-satisfaction and smug-fuckery to notice. So when I heard he was getting his show I just did a massive eye roll and loud groan and changed the channel. (Just jokes I only watch ABC.) And when I heard that his show was about trying to succeed at amazing human feats well I rolled my eyes so hard they practically fell out of my head.

Needless to say I've never watched any of his shows. And it is disappointing given the content. I love tribes living their ancient ways in today's modern world. And I love human feats. I'd love to watch an episode about the Sama-Bajau. But as if I could sit through a whole show hosted by Todd Sampson, especially if he gets his shirt off. Keep it to yourself Sampson.

Things I've been digging

Everybody loves good stuff right? I know I do! So here's some things I've been enjoying lately in the style K likes to do it.

Watching 
Fresh Meat. Last night LB and I finished watching Fresh Meat. It's a British show on Netflix that ran for fours seasons, finished last year and is highly enjoyable. It's got everything you'd want from a British sitcom. Dorky humour. Infantile humour. The two cornerstones of British comedy! It's about these uni students living in a share house in Manchester and each is both awful and loveable. And every episode I would laugh at loud, usually on more than one occasion. Out loud! That is something that doesn't happen everyday. Ha. I mean I laugh out loud every day. Probably hundreds of times but not at the TV. That is something special.

Listening to
Missing Richard Simmons. The other day I started listening to this new podcast mainly because it was at the top of the podcast charts, but also because it seems quite interesting. Did you know that in 2014 exercise entrepeneur Richard Simmons suddenly stopped teaching his exercise class, stopped all public appearances and stopped speaking to his friends. No me neither. I just thought his schtick was too 80s-90s and no one cared about him any more. But apparently he just dropped out of life and this podcast is trying to find out why. I don't know how far they'll get but the first two episodes were very enjoyable and I'm regretting not being 6 months behind like I usually am which allows me to binge listen/watch things. This way I need to wait for weekly instalments. Ugh. It is like living in the 90s.

Doing
Being at the pool. Yesterday I went their twice. Once in the morning with Pickle and Baby Pickle and then in the evening with my boyfriend and my babies and a picnic basket packed with a ploughman's lunch for dinner. Yeah boyyyyeeeeee! I know how to live! Summertime!!!! WOOOOOOOO!

It's so boring

It is so exciting that the E class team is hitting the #86 route. I far prefer the tram to the train but that D class makes pram-tram travel so unpleasant I've basically given up on the tram. But I'm looking forward to reuniting with, it E-class style! 

Now, I know I promised on Tuesday that I'd get out of the house so that I had something to write about, but in fact for today's post I've only managed to get out of my head, which is in fact what I was really talking about on Tuesday, just in metaphor, so mission accomplished I guess. 

This week I've watched a couple of episodes of The Crown. When I first heard about this series and how Netflix spent really big bucks on it I felt kind of surprised. I mean I love QEII but her life just seemed like a kind of boring premise for a TV series. 

Of course one pleasure of watching it is that QEII, Prince Phillip, everyone is turned into people. Elizabeth is more than just a monochrome dream. I watch documentaries about the Queen and the  running of the palace at every opportunity and although I've seen QEII driving herself around in her Land Rover and Phil tending to his farm I have never really gotten a sense of them as people and so I guess that's why Netflix put so much filthy lucre into this show, we all just want to see that human queenie. But you've got to view biopics as fiction, I always think. Sure the events may be fact but everything else is just someone's interpretation, at best based on someones' memory, but mostly probably on a wish or an idea. So watching The Crown we're all just fooling ourselves. But I'm cool with that. 

But really, I was right. It is kind of boring. And yet I'm thoroughly enjoying watching it. All those long shots of grand rooms, all the outfits which are yet to become monochrome. All the silent meaningful looks from the staid British characters. The show is kind of like QEII - a comforting presence I enjoy despite myself. Long live the Queen.

Something stinks (PM)

Oh wow. Perfume ads really stink, don't they?! There's one on TV at the moment where Gisele Bundchen drives around crying and laughing or some shit. I don't know. I know that I kind of enjoy it 'cause Baz Lurhmann directed it but I also know it feels like a poor man's Gatsby.

Why are perfume ads always trying to tell a story about some rebel woman? The day I believe Julia Roberts is an inspiration is the day I cut off my hands. Which is to say that will never happen because I am very attached to my hands. They're so useful. And the day I believe I need to free myself from the diamond shackles of my life is the day I cut off my dick.

For me the pick of this morning's viewings was the Invictus ad. Hahaha. That made me laugh and laugh. The way that guy walks around and then turns the rugby players to stone and blows them up by the flick of the hands. Hahahs. What a fucking idiot. But if that wasn't enough he walks into a change room full of nearly nude beautiful women who lose there sheet fabric covering once he walks in. Hahahaa. Seriously, WTF Paco Rabanne. 

Sadly for me I misread the last paragraph as "Hemsworth is in this ad" rather than "a Hemsowth" and just spent the whole last ad thinking "THIS IS THE WRONG HEMSWORTH!"  Not even the wolf could salvage it for me. But I could tell through my disappointment that it was another stupid fucking ad. And what about the shape of that stupid Diesel male perfume bottle. Get a real bottle Diesel.

Needless to say, I don't wear perfume and thanks to these idiot advertisers I probably never will.

I will look at this picture of Christmas Thor though to help me get over the disappointment of this morning.

Something stinks (AM)

Here in old blightey, you cannot watch tv for five minutes without seeing an ad for perfume. I guess the perfumiers of the world are counting on the English being unimaginative at Christmas. Or maintaining that grand English tradition of having one shower a week during winter, but perhaps being a little self-conscious about it and wanting to cover up their stink. 

Perfume ads are uniformly idiotic. There is one where Charlize Theron wears a lot of gold and climbs up a large swatch of gold fabric hanging from a gold ceiling. You may have seen it and thought it was idiotic but believe me, it is the least idiotic of them all. May I recommend you have a look at this one, for Paco Rabanne's Invictus fragrance, which is both idiotic and objectionable.

Or this one for Lancome's la vie est belle fragrance, in which Julia Roberts casts of the diamond shackles that are keeping her and everyone at a very fancy party from being themselves.

I could go on and on. 

These ads really cheese me off and whenever I see one (every five minutes, basically) I get annoyed anew. Except for one which makes me laugh and laugh, because it has a Hemsworth and a wolf in it.  This one is for you Matey! 

Loyalty and Shame (AM)

I have a friend who married a fellow with an unfortunate name. Let's call him Joe Pimp. She loves her husband very much, and has a bent towards the traditional, so she changed her name. She became, let's say, Sally Pimp. Sally had a great surname to begin with, and we all wondered whether she would change it. She said that she did in part out of loyalty to Joe. She loved him, Pimp and all. Time passed and the Pimps welcomed to bouncing baby girl. They gave her a somewhat unique first name, let's go with Marmalade. So that bouncing baby girl became Marmalade Pimp. Now you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that that name is pretty wack, and soon,  the Pimps realised that too. They lived their baby girl and didn't want her to suffer unnecessarily. They figured the world was  tough enough without having to go through life being called Marmalade Pimp. So Sally and Marmalade changed their names back to Sally's original name. It was a tough decision but they did it to prevent suffering and they never looked back.

I'm telling you all of this because since the baby has come, Melbourne has lost some games of footy in a truly woeful fashion. I expect you're thinking what's new, right? I don't blame you. Maybe it's because I'm tired and emotional and have a new baby, but these losses have hit me hard. And got me thinking about what kind of life I want for my son. I always thought that I'd proudly pass on my club allegiance to my offspring, I never questioned it, it's what one does.
But now I'm not so sure I want this misery for him. I'm not even sure I want to for myself.
These thoughts are very troubling to me, and challenge everything I believed about myself in relation to loyalty and commitment. I'm ashamed of them but they are there. And like the folk on Embarrassing Bodies who can't bring themselves to tell a single GP about their weird genital condition but somehow feel ok about going on TV and telling millions, I'm telling all of you. I don't know where to go with these thoughts. I guess this is a cry for help.

Questions from the boarding lounge (PM) (or The questions of a tired woman sitting in a dining room)

Why does the garden always get so full of shit? Will it ever get clean and stay clean? I wonder how long K had to sit in that boarding lounge for? Was her plane late? At least she is going to Hobart, I love Hobart. I wonder when I can go to Hobart again? Why am I so tired after Baby's swimming lesson? It wasn't my swimming lesson. Does 45 minutes in the pool with Newbie justify my exhaustion? I wonder how long I can let Baby watch TV without feeling bad about my parenting? Why doesssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Goodbye David and Margaret (PM)

When I heard David and Maragret were retiring I actually felt like crying. Not sobbing, I just felt like tearing up a little, like when Heath Ledger died or something. 

That whole day I felt sad and kept wanting to talk about it, like when Philip Seymour Hoffman died. That's how I felt, like some distant yet  present... presence was lost. And then I kept telling myself to man the hell up. But as I've been watching At the Movies over the last few weeks I really have felt the weight of sadness of the loss of some distant intangible thing. 

For much longer than it should have, the presence of hunks heavily influenced my movie-going but even back then it was good  to know what we were in for. And it was exciting that a film you'd waited for had finally arrived. Or would on Thursday. 

Even though movies are so shit these days I still love the idea of them and it's so nice to spend half an hour on Tuesday night thinking about them. I'm gonna miss that time with Margaret and David. 

Worst things (AM)

Are you aware that there is a tv show called 'Dating Naked'? A guy goes on a couple of dates with a couple of ladies. And then a different lady goes on dates with a couple of dudes. And by dates I mean they meet in a rain forest somewhere and they are naked. It's so they can truly get to know each other. Or something. Then the man and the lady choose the person they preferred and they go off together into the forest, naked.

I can barely believe it is real but I've watched it and it is. I can barely believe I watched it. But I did. Only 10 minutes but that was enough to make me hate myself and the world. 

Lucky it's a public holiday tomorrow or this would be a terrible way to start the week. Let's make Wednesday a great start the week instead, 'k?

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Wednesday night reflections

Oooh. Ah. Eeee. Netball. 

Demanding use of latent

Muscles that now ache

Oh geez Lance Armstrong

You seem like a fucking jerk

That is all on that 

At the days end: bed

Every night, delight: bed

How I love thee: bed  

Never tear them apart (PM)

I didn't make it past that first 30 seconds, because like J, that's how long it took to hate it.
It was the lighting that did it. So bright. Like the TV equivalent of 7eleven at one in the morning. If I wanted to see that kind of lighting I would go to 7eleven at one in the morning, or watch an old episode of E Street on YouTube.

I liked how during the day yesterday, fellow INXS lovers were expressing their excitement about the show on social media. Someone posted a picture of their vinyl copy of The Swing, complete with original price sticker from Billy Guyatts.

Never tear them apart (AM)

I saw a lot of ads for the INXS mini series that started last night and I felt pretty torn. I loved INXS when I was little. They were the band that made me realise how awesome and hot rock music could be. I loved them. I LOVED THEM! And when I hear them these days all those feelings come rushing back. INXS are really special to me. And that is why I felt both supremely drawn to and repelled by the mini series.

Also because I found the guy playing Michael Hutchence pretty repulsive. Of course Michael Hutchence himself had a slightly repulsive quality. But in that good way. He kind of had a creepy sexy thing going on. As a long-time fan of the pretty face even as a 10-year-old I was more drawn to Jon Farriss, but the draw of the Hutchence was strong. Creepy sexy, the force was strong with that one.

Anyway, for the sake of curiosity, and to report back to you guys, I watched INXS: Never Tear Us Apart. Needless to say within 30 seconds I hated it and my feelings didn't soften. Is it because INXS were probably a bunch of douches? Is it because this show was just shit and the acting pretty awful? Who can say. My understanding is that some of the Farriss brothers were involved with this program.You know, just like how they were involved with Rock Star: INXS. I guess that INXS had planned to have a Rolling Stones kind of career, I think Michael's death really fucked them. And fucked it for all of us too. I mean, why can't we just remember how good they were, why do we have to be subjected to the likes of JD Fortune or that tripe on TV last night. I watched a bunch of INXS videos on YouTube last night and you know what was about 75,000,000 times better than that stupid effing TV show? Everything INXS did in real life.



I do wonder how much say Andrew Farriss had in the making of the show. He was the most miserable bastard! "Let's not get a manager." "Let's not go on tour in America." "Let's not make the awesome album Listen Like Thieves." Shit, Andrew Farriss, I hope you are not really as miserable as you were in the mini series.


I guess part of the problem is that faking creepy sexy just means you are creepy. Faking musical genius just means you look pretentious. You have to be pretty special to fake that stuff and not surprisingly some shit made for Channel 7 was not special. Not at all.

The only good thing about that stupid show last night was the music. That was really good.

When Things End (PM)

It's the pits when TV series end. And when you can't figure out what to sing when you're inside a karaoke phone app with Jesse Pinkman inside a dream. But I love that that's what you dream about, Mate.  Inception would have been a much much better film if you had made it.

The other night I dreamt that I was having breakfast with Matthew Pavlich. He was telling me that he feels so lacklustre now that the season is over, and also that he bought a new Mercedes to go with his BWM. It made him seem really pathetic. But now that I see those car names side by side I realise that my subconscious has not really moved past the 1980s when it comes to luxury vehicles, so perhaps I am the pathetic one. But the main point is that yeah, it's sad and confusing when things end. Like TV series and footy seasons. And my subconscious thinks I need Matthew Pavlich to tell me. Idiot.

When things end (AM)

I didn't put off watching the last episode of Breaking Bad exactly. I just wanted conditions to be right. I didn't want to be too tired. Didn't want LB to be too talkative. I just wanted things to be right. Then last Wednesday they were. Don't worry, this won't have any BB spoilers. This is all about me. As usual.

After watching 4 seasons in one month last year, having to watch the last season in a serial form meant I wasn't quite as absorbed as I had been. My feelings for Jesse had tempered. It wasn't all I thought about. Still the end of anything brings certain... feelings, doesn't it?

I feel a little ambivalent sharing this but I feel I have no choice.* The night I watched the last episode of BB I had a dream that merged Breaking Bad and Harry Potter. There were heaps of ghosts. Intense chases on horses. And a moment when I had to say goodbye to Walt. I hugged him for what felt like minutes, sobbing with tears and snot streaming down my face.  Yeah.

The next night things were a little more light hearted. I dreamed that by playing some app on a phone I was transported into a karaoke show more like a Jimmy Fallon lip-sync-off where I was teamed with Aaron Paul. But suddenly we couldn't remember any songs and had no idea what we should sing. We were running around trying to figure out what to do. It was also a little intense, but enjoyable. Obviously.

It was about this time that I started listening to this Miley Cyrus song a lot. I guess it's safe to say that things were rough all over and I didn't know how to deal with it. I know. Yep, things were pretty bad. But I guess turning to pop music in times of sadness is nothing new. But Miley Cyrus, unsurprisingly, did not help. I just could not stop thinking about Breaking Bad. Characters' motivations, what they were doing now. Sure, socialising has helped keep my mind of it, but to be honest, I'm still a little wrapped up in it. I haven't had any more dreams about Walt or Jesse, so I guess I'm making progress. Right?

I guess at least I can be grateful that shows this good and intense don't come along very often. Yeah, maybe it's time to be grateful for all the shit TV.



*That's a lie. I chose to share. I just want you to know I feel weird about it.

What people wore on Monday night (PM)

Twigley's outfit on Monday night has further confirmed my long-held and ever increasing suspicion that she is in fact Frank N. Furter.

Look at that crazy face

I have to confess I only watched about five minutes of the brownlow on Monday night. Just long enough to establish that I don't like the look of Gary Ablett's new girlfriend one bit. The problem with the Brownlow, other than the mind numbing boringness of a show that is basically three hours of a man listing names and numbers, is that the WAGs have become too obsessed with looking pretty, rather than using their old M.O. of look slutty. And seeing Brynne's outfit this year basically is the nail in the coffin. This is a woman that once wore this:

Brownlow hos, is there any hope for you now?


At least the ladies at the Emmys are mostly pretty and have enough money that they really do look good. Still effing boring though. When I saw Claire dames I almost vomited. The dress is whatever. It was the hair and face styling that I can't stand. I can't exactly explain it, I just think that hair is  most boring thing I have ever seen.

I kind of like the concept and fabric of Lena Dunham's dress, but girlfriend really has to improve her posture if she wants to pull off that kind of thing. And maybe it should have come in lower down, at the waist. You know?

Thank god for Juliane Hough, a woman I am only familiar with because I saw a god awful movie called Safe Haven that she was in on the plane to USA. Also she was in Rock of Ages. Most importantly she was a professional dancer in Dancing with the Stars. Clearly this had the most influence on her dress sense. Now here is a woman that could show the WAGs how to dress.

 

Awards nights, ladies, you all are going to have to work harder. 

What people wore on Monday night (AM)

For people who like looking at ladies wearing dresses, Monday night was a bonanza.
The Emmys AND the Brownlow, together at last. At one, a bunch of ladies walking that tightrope of elegance that touches on skankiness. At the other, a bunch of ladies embracing skankiness holus bolus, and Andrew Demetriou's wife.
I watched the Brownlow of course and was shocked by the lack of boobs. It's like modesty is the new exhibitionism. I don't understand what's going on.
Look at what Brynne wore!

The others were all so boring that they're barely worth mentioning here. OK OK I will mention what Twigley wore.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
This belongs in True Blood if it was set in the 1980s. It also makes me think that Twigley has adopted a who gives a fuck attitude which pleases me a lot. But that might be wishful thinking.

Ok, let's see what the Emmy's have to offer.

This weirds me out. But I like how Rose Byrne has chosen a dress in a shade the same as her name. That's totally something I would do if my name was a colour and not an abbreviation for a measure of distance.

I feel like Heidi wants to look like a sexy snake here. I don't think anyone should do that. Not even snakes.

This next one I actually kind of love...

....because it seems like the dress is wearing a mask because it wants to be incognito.

This I flat out dislike:

It's a little bit wedding dress, and a little bit wedding night neglige. Get off the fence and make a decision Danes!

Ok, lets see what J has to say on the matter. Let's ease her in, shall we?