My new fake boyfriend is not as nice as my old fake boyfriend (PM)

Um, Mate, it is a little awkward for me to have to say this out loud and on the Internet, in front of everyone, but I don't think that guy is your new boyfriend. I'm sorry.

As you seem to be having trouble seeing clearly, I am going to hold a mirror up to your post and show you the problem. Remember this thing you said 4 hours ago "we used to always run in to this one guy who came to be known as my boyfriend...he would smile at me but totally ignore J, which is why we dubbed him my boyfriend and not J's"?

And then remember this other thing you said 4 hours ago "instead of smiling at me and looking all eager and  excited like the first fake boyfriend, this one always looks kind of irritated"?!

Ipso facto, that guy you keep seeing around is just some guy you keep seeing around. I think it may be important to learn the difference.

It's like Aussie Male. He wasn't anyone's boyfriend. You see, readers, before K's boyfriend came along we used to see this other guy around. All the time. For a long time he didn't have a name and then, weirdly, K and I were seeing a play and this guy, who we'd been seeing everywhere for months was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO US! At intermission he left his coat on his chair and out of curiosity we looked at the label. The brand was Aussie Male. And after that, so was he. Anyway, the point is, he wasn't a boyfriend he was just that ubiquitous guy, Aussie Male. 

In LB's family there is a story about one of his brothers who once asked their mum "How do you know when you are going out with someone?" People like to laugh at the adorable naivete of this, but you know he has a girlfriend now and I think there is no confusion about the girlfriend/boyfriend thing.  Sure, the blurry line may be different in fake relationships, but, if you like, I can give you LB's mum's number.

My new fake boyfriend is not as nice as my old fake boyfriend (AM)

Back when J and I were young single crabs, going out drinking several nights of the week,  we used to always run in to this one guy who came to be known as my boyfriend. He wasn't my actual boyfriend of course. That's just what we called him, because pretty much every time we went out, he would be there.   Whenever he saw us, he would smile at me but totally ignore J, which is why we dubbed him my boyfriend and not J's. While I would like the say that he looked like this:

...in fact he looked more like this:

I'm not passing judgement on that, I'm just letting you guys know so you can form a picture in your lovely minds as I continue.

We never ever spoke to this guy. I guess we thought it was way funnier to speculate about where he might turn up next and then snigger a lot when we saw him. If we talked to him, we probably would have become friends and there's no fun in speculating about where your actual friend might pop up. No, we preferred to maintain the fake boyfriend scenario, and we maintained it very well if I do say so myself. It has brought us hours and hours of amusement over the years and  continues to do so, because we still see him around from time to time.

Lately, however, a new dude has landed on the scene, a dude who I see practically everywhere I go in my neighbourhood. My new boyfriend,  I call him, naturellement.  When I first realised I was running in to this guy all over the place, I thought  awesome, a new boyfriend  and pictured a lot of sniggering and general amusement, a la the other guy.  But the reality has been a lot less hilarious than the first time round.  The problem is I keep seeing this dude in all these really mundane settings. There is very little alcohol involved. It's usually daylight. J is not with me to share in the sniggering. And instead of smiling at me and looking all eager and  excited like the first fake boyfriend, this one always looks kind of irritated and like seeing me is really ruining his buzz.

Par example, during a recent weekend, when I did the following things:

• have a drink with Scampy at Mr Wilkinson
• get some pizza from Mankoushe
• go for a walk because I feel so full from eating the mankoushe 
• get a coffee from the East Brunswick Project
• some other stuff that I can't remember now 

I saw my new fake boyfriend at ALL OF THE THINGS except for the last one. Every time I saw him I would smile and give him an it's you again!  kind of look. Dude just looks away in a hurry! It's proving to be a very dissatisfying fake relationship.

Obviously if this was a romantic comedy, dude's negative attitude would be hiding something deep and awesome, and after a series of miscommunications we would fall in love and probably get married. But this is real life guys and things do not go down that way. I think his negative attitude might be something to do with being a douchebee, and maybe he has never had a fake relationship before so doesn't realise how enjoyable they can be. That, and the fact that he looks like Ricky Ponting, which is fine if you like that sort of thing (I don't), is making me really wistful for the original guy.