Summer recap

Well hunk week was a great way to start the year. I'm pretty sure we all agree on that. But it's time to move on. For now. 

Guys! How was everyone's summer? On a personal level? Obviously it's still summer but we're all back at work now, the holiday is over. How was it?

My summer was pretty idyllic I guess. The pool, the beach, my famous annual new year brunch. A night out. Basically living the dream. 

I'm not wearing pyjama pants in the street though which is disappointing. I tried on  pyjama-like pants and they were actually the spitting image of the Banana in Pyjama pants but in the end the similarity was to much.

I fucking hate the Bananas. They're such idiots and I just think they are terrible role models for our children. Protect the children, ABC! What are you trying to create a generation of bumbling fools who know nothing about the world and can't even figure out the things that are right in front of them? That continue toxic relationships with rats who do nothing but try to manipulate people. END BANANAS NOW!

Woah, sorry. I guess my summer produced some pent up anxiety or is it rage? Probably as a result for having to sacrifice a clean house for the duration of the school holidays. But seriously. On the whole summer has been a delight and I'm looking forward to enjoying the rest of it. And I still haven't given up on pyjamas as pants.

Who knows what to believe (PM)

There was a time, not that long ago, where the sheer volume of republican candidates seemed to be the most ridiculous thing about this pre-election period. That Donald Trump was one of them seemed to highlight this ridiculousness. As in, there are so many candidates, even Donald Trump is a candidate. Ha! 

Obviously we all stopped laughing shortly after that. 

It feels to me like we're in the political version of a David Lynch film. It's all dazzle dazzle technicolor abject terror. 

And yeah, at least we don't have to live in America but all those Americans do. 

For me, the only at least is the babies for Bernie phenomenon. 

Because I love babies dressed as old people. 

Who knows what to believe (AM)

Last night on the news I saw an American woman say, "I'm sick of America looking like a laughing stock to the rest of the world." I bet you are are sweetheart.

She was just some vox pop on a story about how Trump had won the Nevada caucus so convincingly and the implication, given she was standing near a bunch of people in TRUMP t-shirts, was that she was saying that is why she is voting for Trump. She wants Trump to be the candidate so finally America doesn't have to be a laughing stock anymore.

Now we're all pretty savvy, just because a piece of footage shows a person saying something doesn't mean they are saying what the television wants us to think. Just because this woman looked a little like a well manicured version of this:

And was standing around a bunch of Trump supporters doesn't mean she was actually supporting Trump and saying what most would consider possibly the most ironic statement of all time. She could have been saying the exact opposite but the point is someone is supporting Trump, right?

I remember when Obama was first running to be candidate thinking, well this guy sounds good, but would America really vote a black man as president. But the ground swell grew and it looked more and more likely and then... well I guess they weren't as fucked as I thought.

And I remember when Trump started running and then became an actual contender and I was thinking, well this guy sounds like a fucking idiot, surely even the Republicans couldn't nominate this guy as the candidate. But could it possibly be that they are even more fucked than I thought. I mean I know this whole process will continue for months and anything can happen, but still it really makes you wonder, right? That this repulsive man could even get this far.

I know there's this whole backlash against the heady libertarian America Obama has created (HA!) but sheesh.

And yet...maybe it's not even worth thinking about. All the Republican candidates seem to be gun-loving, abortion-damning climate change sceptics that I find pretty offensive. Marco Rubio sounds like a pretty open-minded guy though: "I'm theologically in line with the Roman Catholic Church. I believe in the authority of the church, but I also have tremendous respect for my brothers and sisters in other Christian faiths." That's so great that he can respect other Christians. The world will be fine with him at the helm of USA, a man that has such respect for diversity.

So I guess Trump schmump. At least I don't have to live in America.

Something stinks (PM)

Oh wow. Perfume ads really stink, don't they?! There's one on TV at the moment where Gisele Bundchen drives around crying and laughing or some shit. I don't know. I know that I kind of enjoy it 'cause Baz Lurhmann directed it but I also know it feels like a poor man's Gatsby.

Why are perfume ads always trying to tell a story about some rebel woman? The day I believe Julia Roberts is an inspiration is the day I cut off my hands. Which is to say that will never happen because I am very attached to my hands. They're so useful. And the day I believe I need to free myself from the diamond shackles of my life is the day I cut off my dick.

For me the pick of this morning's viewings was the Invictus ad. Hahaha. That made me laugh and laugh. The way that guy walks around and then turns the rugby players to stone and blows them up by the flick of the hands. Hahahs. What a fucking idiot. But if that wasn't enough he walks into a change room full of nearly nude beautiful women who lose there sheet fabric covering once he walks in. Hahahaa. Seriously, WTF Paco Rabanne. 

Sadly for me I misread the last paragraph as "Hemsworth is in this ad" rather than "a Hemsowth" and just spent the whole last ad thinking "THIS IS THE WRONG HEMSWORTH!"  Not even the wolf could salvage it for me. But I could tell through my disappointment that it was another stupid fucking ad. And what about the shape of that stupid Diesel male perfume bottle. Get a real bottle Diesel.

Needless to say, I don't wear perfume and thanks to these idiot advertisers I probably never will.

I will look at this picture of Christmas Thor though to help me get over the disappointment of this morning.

Something stinks (AM)

Here in old blightey, you cannot watch tv for five minutes without seeing an ad for perfume. I guess the perfumiers of the world are counting on the English being unimaginative at Christmas. Or maintaining that grand English tradition of having one shower a week during winter, but perhaps being a little self-conscious about it and wanting to cover up their stink. 

Perfume ads are uniformly idiotic. There is one where Charlize Theron wears a lot of gold and climbs up a large swatch of gold fabric hanging from a gold ceiling. You may have seen it and thought it was idiotic but believe me, it is the least idiotic of them all. May I recommend you have a look at this one, for Paco Rabanne's Invictus fragrance, which is both idiotic and objectionable.

Or this one for Lancome's la vie est belle fragrance, in which Julia Roberts casts of the diamond shackles that are keeping her and everyone at a very fancy party from being themselves.

I could go on and on. 

These ads really cheese me off and whenever I see one (every five minutes, basically) I get annoyed anew. Except for one which makes me laugh and laugh, because it has a Hemsworth and a wolf in it.  This one is for you Matey! 

Upstairs Neighbours (AM)

My flat is on the top floor, which is good because it means I don't have to deal with the sound of upstairs neighbours. I'm told that this is an issue with ground floor flats, the sound travels down from above and it can be quite disruptive. You hear them walking, you hear them talking, you hear them making love to their boyfriends and girlfriends (eww...making love....J is going to hate reading that...sorry).

I've been pretty lucky really with my top floor life so far. And I guess I should have taken the time to stop and smell the roses so to speak because now a family of birds are nesting on my roof and the party is over, it is OVER.

I first noticed the sounds of gently rummaging a few months ago and thought, oh, how cute, some little birdy is on my roof. Then I would hear a little bit of chirping from time to time and again I thought it was cute.

I pictured something like this was going on:

A couple of little scamps having a nice time up there.

Heh,  here's an amusing aside. When I searched 'rainbow lorikeet' to find that photo, google suggested 'rainbow lorikeet diet'. I wonder whether there is some hot new diet where one eats like a rainbow lorikeet and drops the kilos just in time for summer. Or maybe you eat nothing but rainbow lorikeets and drop five kilos just in time for summer.

Anyway, as the days and weeks have passed, what was once gentle rummaging has turned in to what sounds like a birdy frat house. Those little bastards make a hell of a racket. First of all, there seems to be lots more of them. And they chirp a lot. And they run across the roof a lot and though their talons may be small, they are very noisy.  And what's with all the running. They have wings and the power of flight and it's a real slap in the face to know that they are just throwing it all away.
Also, they are active between the hours of 5 and 9am. They're working 5 to 9 and it is no way to make a living, believe you me.

Now I picture them like this:

And I want them to go away!

Acrostic Monday (AM)

Instantly you arrived 

The very day you were meant to,

Summertime. 

How come spring didn't do that?

Expected us to be so grateful for the scraps it threw our way. 

Respecting us so little along the way. 

Eff Spring. Long live the summertime!

Bear with us (PM)

Yeah, over here at MSC HQ things are pretty rough. Though you need to understand, dear readers, that context makes the feelings that K and I are feeling slightly different. But it's fair to say things are rough all over. I totally understand why K wants to lie around moaning like an Italian Billy Crystal, but me, I'm in a position where I feel like I can stoically walk around just feeling like that knife block that looks like a guy full of knifes.

Or like this. Another way to describe it is like Ewan's face right here.

But bear with us guys, time makes major metaphorical stab wounds heal.

What an awesome way to live (PM)

Who know's why people say the things they say. That's something the character of Adriana said on an episode of The Sopranos I watched last night....and I think it applies here today. While that woman definitely sounds stupid, maybe she just loves land so damned much that she can't imagine the semi-aquatic life being satisfying. Anyway. Like Adriana said, who knows why she said that really stupid thing? I shouldn't waste my time trying to figure it out.  Her loss. Being a land and water beast - having a bit each way -  would be the best way to live and that's all there is to it. 

And while I don't want to take anything away from the hippo, I was watching a David Attenborough show last night and discovered that the iguana can hold its breath under water for an hour. 

An hour!

Incredible. 

The spirits are whispering to one of these iguanas. 

Hey! Where'd that mood come from? (PM)

There's something pretty hateful about that Kughesy and Hate poster. I catch a glimpse of it when I'm on the tram and it badly makes me want to look away. The jarring red background (I think it's red). The way they are angled towards the camera like newsreaders (I think that's what they're doing, I try to avoid looking at it so I can't be sure). The handfuls of cash they are holding (this much is clear). Without reading it or properly looking at it, I can tell they want me to listen to their radio show so I can potentially win lots of cash. It doesn't make me angry, it just makes me think:
No.

On a positive note, this is a picture I took looking down from my balcony in to my front yard. That's the cat from next door, with whom I have been trying to develop a relationship for months. Here it is eating the whiskettes I left out for it.

I think we really turned a corner. So my mood is pretty good I guess.

Hey! Where'd that mood come from? (AM)

Yesterday I was horrified to find out that even though I felt perfectly happy and had a really nice day, I must have been in a secret bad mood. It all started when I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said 'FLUORIDE there's poison in your water'. There was a picture of a drop with a skull in it. Usually that would make me think 'HAHAHA. Idiot,' but instead I thought 'UGH! IDIOT!' Then when LB pointed out the driver was smoking a cigarette I thought, 'OMG YOU EFFING IDIOT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT EFFING CIGARETTE IS FULL OF EFFING POISONS!!!!'

Later I saw a billboard advertising a radio show. Let’s call it 'Kughesy and Hate'. In it, as in every photo ever taken of her, Hate has really bad hair and I thought 'OMG Hate, didn't you have a stylist for that giant billboard photo shoot! GET A REAL HAIR STYLE'. Then I thought 'Gee, why am I so angry?!’

And later, when Blogger wouldn’t let me write my post, there was this:

Obviously I'm referring to the second message only. I'm clearly delighted in the first one.

I guess I was just really tired from lying on the beach in the sun all day.