And the winner is... (AM)

Well, guys, this is it. Our last daily post. I mean the other posts will be on days. Just not everyday. We had an overwhelming response to the question of what days we should keep posting.Yes, overwhelming. Four actual comments and one email to our Miss Soft Crab email address. The first ever email that was not sent automatically by Twitter or by a misguided publicity person. HA!

So thanks "Miss Dizzy", "Sarah", "MC", "Nicole","TJ" and "KA", if those are your real names (they are, mostly). Your opinion is appreciated. Monday was undoubtedly the most popular day, although "Nicole" thought quality may be better if we gave up Monday for Tuesday. But don't worry, we promise we won't compromise on quality.  No sirree. So, thanks to or faithful readers we have decided that from next week we will have a new post every Monday and every Thursday. And I'm pretty sure they are gonna be good.

But what does it all mean? Does this mean no more Terrific Tuesday, WTF Wednesday or Friday Favourites? Who knows, the future is unwritten, yo. Maybe they'll be back in the future. But for now, let the past be the past.

But they were some great days. Last night while reminiscing I started reading over some of those good ol' days, and I don't want this post to be like an episode of Friends where they all sit around talking about something just so they can show a bunch of clips and not make a real new episode, but...well...it's going to be. Like, do you remember that time K may have accidentally eaten dog shit for dinner? Yeah, what a great WTF Wednesday that was!!! Read here, then here to relive those treasured memories.

As for Terrific Tuesday, how can you pick a favourite? I mean, it's terrific. But, ok, seeing as you asked (what?) I gotta say I loved the first the best, because: a)It was the invention of a thing where all you have to do is decide your day is going to be terrific and then it is (seriously guys, have you tried it? It effing works!); and b) Jesse Pinkman was mentioned in it. And I really miss Pinkman.

So I guess that brings me to Friday Favourites. They're all good, natch, I mean they talk about our favourite things. I loved Friday Favourite: Flamingos. Because God, I love Flamingos. I loved Friday Favourites:Barbra Streisand, because I will never get over K's love of Babs. But I guess, when it comes down to it I love Friday Favourites: Prince. Because Prince is one of my favourite people/things in the whole world.

Man, these days gave us some great ways to explore the world. Maybe they'll be back. But for now, see you on Monday and Thursday.

The Oscars 2013

I think you know what is about to happen here. But before we get into it, can I just say how thankful I am that the Oscars producers read our 2012 post and put a few genuine hunks into the mix this year. Still, it would help if they didn't include so much shit in the coverage. Fuckers.

K: Oscars 2013. Serve it up, let's go!

You know I don't even know who's won any of these bitches.

J:  I know who won a few. Not many. Let's get the elephant out of the room. If this is the hunk-free nightmare it was last year I'm going to

...

...

Be really upset

K:  Same.

J:  I calling it on MacFarlane, I think he will suck.

K:  Yeah. I'm feeling like I wish it was Brian Griffin.

J:  That would be great!

K:  Not a real guy. 

Ooh, DDL! Still a hunk.

J:  A laughing DDL! Yeah, he's still got it.

I wonder if Leonardo is there. We can get to the bottom of whether he is a hunk.

 At this point Seth MacFarlane did a thing with William Shattner in his Star Trek guise. It was not funny and was based on the (all too believable premise) that MacFarlane would be a terrible host. 

K:  Shattner's calling it too

J:  Shattner knows what's what.

K:  Mate, are we going to make it this year?

J:  I've got some hard liquor on standby so I think I'll be ok.  For a while at least.

K:  What's your poison?

J:  Left over Ikea spirits. It worked for the Brownlow.

K:  I've got some peach schnapps, come to think of it.

J:  Thank god. Fuck, I can't believe this Shattner thing is still going. I don't know if the Ikea liquor is going to be enough.

K:  No hunks yet. I can't help but notice. 

Hang about...

J:  Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe. YES! Dancing no less! #WIN #gonetoosoon.

K:  Sure, but it's kind of a mess.

J:  I'm trying to look on the bright side

K:  I think I've got a bad attitude.

J:  Drink the schnapps. Joaqs and Rain!

K:  Let’s hope some hunks rise like Pheonixes from the ashes of last year.

J:  Heh heh

K:  Thanks mate. Those Ikea spirits really work

J:  I'm not drinking yet!

Probably I'll think Affleck is a hunk by the end of this

K:  But not Cooper. Never Cooper.

J:  If I think Bradley Cooper is a hunk after this I'm never watching the Oscars again. Or putting myself in any hunk-free environment.

 

K:  Paul Rudd and Mel Mac!

J:  #winningcombos

K:  I love these guys. Slappin da bass

J:  You know what else is good? Ikea spirits! I've had to start drinking and this one tastes like caraway

The bottles are little, I just decided to go for 2 at once

J: The Avengers quintet! This could be hot!

K:  But where's Hemsworth?

J:  Shit, I missed the bit where he did not say Hemsworth's name. This is not hot.

K:  No, no it's not. Ruffalo looks like a young Shattner. Which is to say, not hot

J:  Some people are only hot in movies. Like Marky Mark.

K:  What are you saying, Mate?

J:  I saw Graham Norton on the weekend. Marky Mark and Fassbender were on it! I think Wahlberg was drunk. He was kind of a d-bag. Anyway maybe that’s Ruffalo.

K:  That's so disappointing. How was Fassbender?

J:  Marky Mark kept interrupting him, he hardly spoke but he laughed a lot. I had to admit, the guy has something.

K:  Eureka!

My lappy battery is down to 58% capacity. I'm using at as an indicator of my own capacity.

J:  I don't like Halle Berry but I'm pretty attracted to her dress. I didn't see it in long shot though.

J: There it is. I like it.

K:  It's got some specialness I think. Its certainly better than the other snore makers

J:  Liam!

K:  Liam!

J:  HAHA! Liam still gets the Schindler's List music when he comes out.

I set my TV to change to The Mindy Project in case the Oscars was too boring #forwardthinking

The Phoenixes are sitting next to Jennifer Anniston.

K:  It looks a little out of place, doesn't it? But maybe they are all amigos.

J:  Probs its just difficult to organise the seating plan for the Oscars.

I just found a possum in the kitchen. It scared me. Then I scared it and it ran out the window.

Hey, All That Jazz. From back when they knew how to make musicals. Yes C-Zets!

...Oh, songs from all the musicals in Oscar history. No thanks!

Russell Crowe has seen better days. Oh, there was no prerecording of this Les Mis extravaganza.

K:  Sorry Mate, I was offline for a little bit. But I'm back now for the musical megamix. Holy shit! 

Never mind Russell Crowe , there was a possum in your kitchen?

J:  It came in through the window. It was in the sink.

It ran back out the window and

 K:  Oh the poor little poss. I bet it was thirsty.

J:  Who isn't!

K:  Ha!

K:  I want someone to win something. Someone hunky.  Or someone wearing a good dress

J:  Dream on.

Hang about.

K:  HANG ABOUT!

 

K: I like Ted's Boston accent

J:  I like it too. Also, I love Marky Mark again. Everyone has bad days. Especially when they are drunk.

K:  He's still got it. Whatever MM's version of 'it' is

J:  'It's' special. I know that much.

K:  Yeah, 'it' is. Imagine if Marky Mark was Jewish

J:  Oh, boy.

K:  Oy boy.

Marky Mark and Ted were announcing the best sound editing awards.

K:  Lot of hair in this category...

J:  People sitting in dark rooms doing sound editing. Perfect hair growing conditions.

K:  22% battery left, FYI

J:  UGH. Hathaway. Get off.

K:  Yes please. Get off.

J:  Seriously.

K:  Remember when she hosted? Ugh

J:  Oh, that was the worst! The worst! I think I don't like any actress less.

K:  16 per cent battery mate! #runningonempty

J:  Well, even though these Oscars are boring as the proverbial bat shit (what kind of proverb writer would write one about bat shit?) You've gotta admit the hunk quotient is higher than last year.

K:  A little bit. Just a little bit. No Christian Bale, I can't help but notice.

More DDL wouldn't go astray #ifyouvegotitflauntit

J:  #truedat Still, Marky Mark, the Radcliffe-Gordon Levitt dance, Joaqs in the audience. Last year it was like there wasn't a handsome man in the audience.

K:  So true. Joaqs in the audience has been a real boon.

Where is Casey?

Also, where are the straps on all the dresses of all the ladies? It's just shoulder after shoulder tonight...

J:  Oh, I know. Where is Casey Affleck and where are the straps. But seriously folks, why isn't Casey Affleck there with his brother or brother in-law?

K:  Shit mate, I'm on reserve battery power! 7 per cent!  

J:  I don't if you are still there mate, but KStew and Radcliffe! #togetheratlast

K:  I went to clean my teeth. What did I miss?

J:  Just more broken promises.

K:  That's Oscartown

  

J:  Yep. Another year, another 5 hours wasted.

K:  Oh, no you don't mate!! MY HOMEGIRL

J:  She's rapping

K:  I wish she would do the rap from Austin Powers

J:  #memories

K:  You know, it's surprising one of my brothers isn't gay, what with all the milk of Barbra Streisand we were nursed on.

J:  Probably one of them is #keepitinthecloset HAHAHA! Obviously I do not think either of your brothers is gay

K:  No one does Mate. But I bet we came close. Anyway. I'm going to hit the sack.So who won stuff?

J:  Argo won best movie, DDL won best actor, Ang Lee won best movie, Jennifer Lawrence won best actress. I think. I'm a bit making this up. Improv they call it in the biz. The Internet tells me Django won best original screenplay and Argo won best unoriginal screenplay.

K:  Ha. Well, good for you, winners. Bad luck losers. And goodnight to you my friend. me:   

J: Yep, movies night of nights. Over. Thank God. 'Night.

Mums say the darndest things

Ok guys, I promise that this is the last thing we will say about Barbra Streisand for a while.
I just thought it would be appropriate to give my mum the final word, given that she is the woman responsible for this whole love of Barbra fiasco.

So back when I wrote the original Babs post, I emailed Mum to tell her that she got a special mention on Miss Soft Crab, and sent her the link. Much later (Mum hates the interweb),  I received the following in response:

Hi Darling, I'm quite embarrassed, but pleased to hear that you actually appreciate
Barbra.   I still have "The Way We Were" recorded and watch it from time to time,
and believe it or not I still cry every time.

I couldn't send a comment to your blog as I didn't know what PROFILE meant!!

Bye darling, Love Mum XOX

Hahahahahaa. Oh, Mum.
(Just quickly, sometimes I think she has forgotten my name because she calls me darling so much. )

Also, this is kind of unrelated, but I was just listening to the radio and they said that right now, facebook is as big as the entire internet was in 2004. The whole thing, guys! I wish I knew how big that was, but the truth is I have no idea.

Fassbender sitting

Far out, it would appear that Aniston is totally losing it.
You know, Aniston (and TV's Alex Papps) are the 'celebrities' with whom I share a birthday, so I feel a sense of solidarity with her. Whenever the magazines are all "Aniston longs for Brad's baby" or "Aniston weeps over Sofie the Giraffe" I am all, chut up magazines, let the lady just get on with her lonely miserabe life. 
But seeing those Babs pictures...I feel like maybe she is longing for Brad's baby and would weep if she saw a Sofie the Giraffe.

Oh, what brings you here?

I know we have written about this before, remember? That guy that asked Google where is missing finger was?! HAHAHA! Shit. I shouldn't laugh. I mean, maybe that guy lost a finger. I'm sorry guy. Anyway, Google brought him (I assume it was a man but that is totally sexist. I was once taught cheese making by a woman who had one or more half fingers) here.

Do you know what else has brought people to this here site? Other than Ewan McFuckingGregor (no disrespect to Ew.Mc, but seriously people move on)? Well we will get that in a minute. I will stick with Ewan for a minute. In the last month 6 of the 10 most used search phrases that lead people here are Ewan related. Including "Ewan McGregor eyes" and "Ewan McGregor trainspotting smiling". HAHA. These phrases have brought people here more than once! I'm pretty sure that if you get a picture of Ewan his eyes will be included. But this is not quite as good as a recent favourite, "Michael Fassbender sitting". I like to imagine a woman out there just thinking, "That Fassbender is so hot. I love it when he sits." And then she Googles that. Again, I am totally making sexist assumptions but it's my imagination in my heterosexual brain living in a heterodominant society. I'll imagine Fassbender fans however I want goddamnit!

Anyways, of course with all this Ewan traffic there is not much room for anything else but one search term that appeared a few times was "Sarah Michelle Gellar looks like Barbra Streisand". I love this because because SMG turned up here once and then Babs turned up here totally separately and now this ludicrous search sends people our way. Thanks Google.

Now, as you know from last Friday Miss Soft Crab knows a thing or two about celebrity doppelgangers and as you may also know SMG is not Babs' doppelganger. In fact when you ask Google Images about it you get things like this:


No, Google Images, I said Sarah Michelle Gellar. That's Jennifer Aniston you idiot!



That's still Jennifer Aniston. But why is she doing that Barbra Streisand pose?

Jesus, Aniston, this is getting embarrassing.

Seriously Google Images, don't you have any pictures of SMG and Babs?

WTF??!?!

Friday Favourites - Babs (kind of)

You know my favourite thing about Babs (other than The Way we Were, which really is pretty great)? It’s how much K loves her.

When we were kids K had Foxtel and the number of times I would go over there and find her watching The Prince of Tides or The Mirror has Two Faces! When we were younger K really had this thing where she loved giving blow by blow accounts of movies. This one time we watched the movie Primal Fear on Foxtel and because it was on Foxtel K had already seen it a bunch of times. Man, you should have seen how happy she was at the end when the big reveal came that Norton was guilty and she had sat through the whole movie and not told me. It really was impressive.

Anyways, because of this I could give you pretty accurate accounts of The Prince of Tides and The Mirror has Two Faces even though I have, thankfully, never seen them. Thanks Mate.

Friday Favourites: Barbra Streisand

One of the things I inherited from my mother is green eyes, which are set quite wide apart on my head. Not like a hammerhead or anything, just somewhat wide compared with other people. People sometimes say that I look like her, which is a massive compliment because when she was my age, she was a total fox.

Am I right?

Anyway, another thing I inherited from her is complete and total love for Barbra Streisand. When I was little, it seemed sensible to enjoy the music of Barbra Streisand, because Mum would play it all the time and there was nothing any of us could do about it. And like going to Church, we just did it without questioning whether it was a good thing to do.  Now I am grown and I don't have to like Barbra any more. But again and again I find myself hearing one of her songs and totally loving the shit out of it. I can't help myself. In my mind, she is kind of like the benchmark for lady singers. I hear all these singers they have these days. Adele. Amy Winehouse. The other ones. I hear that they sing well but they don't make me feel like Barbra Streisand makes me feel. She's the best guys, what can I say?

She's great in the movies too.
Have you guys seen Funny Girl? Do, it's awesome!
Yentyl? Also great. And young Mandy Patinkin is a total peach.
The Way We Were? Forget about it, that movie is the best.

There are so many YouTubes I could insert here to illustrate how great Barbra Streisand is. But i 'm going to go with this one, because I love what she is wearing. I know you're all super busy and at work and stuff, but please watch it all the way to the but where she is on the ferry at the end.

I love you Barbra Streisand, and I always will.