Just thinking about coffee (as usual)

My feelings about coffee oscillate. I'm not talking about my love for it, which is constant, but rather my feelings about my addiction. I swing between feeling like an addiction to a harmless, delicious drug like caffeine is not doing anyone any harm, and feeling like it's not cool to be a slave to anything. But then I think I enjoy it so much, and why would I give up coffee. And then I think, well I guess that's what all addicts think. But then I think, well it's not bad for me or making me a bad person so who gives a shit. And then I have a coffee and feel great about everything. 

But recently I've been reading a book to the kids at night with this picture. 

Every time I see it I zoom in on this:

And I think, gee that looks good. I wouldn't mind sitting around with a group of small people/animals reading books and drinking I nice black coffee. No wonder that bunny teacher looks so content. Mmmmmm.

I guess what I'm saying is I feel a little alarmed by the fact I'm so attracted to a cartoon cup of coffee it's made me question my addiction again. 

Now I better go listen to some LCD Soundsystem and see what I'm missing out on!

Oh life

Do you struggle between the idea that you need to know what's going on in the world but the fact of engaging with the news is so depressing you just want to look away? Sames. 

Do you sometimes think about the things you need to do or want to buy when you have a little more money even though there is no cash flow increase in the foreseeable future? Ugh. I do. 

You know when you plug your phone in to charge in a different room and then you go back a couple of hours later to get it all excited it'll have full charge and then you discover the charger was just sitting next to the power point not actually plugged in? Just did that. So annoying. 

Looks like it's going to have to be a two coffee day today. 

Happy Mother's Day

You know what this age of social media brings? It's real outpourings of emotion. Someone dies, it's "Vale this guy!" "Vale that guy!" Mother's Day come around it's all, "Happy Mother's Day to my greatest inspiration!" Well I love my mum and everything but I'm sure as hell not about to post anything like that anywhere. And if I'm honest, yesterday I really thought about myself. Not how hard it is to be a mother and isn't it great that there's this one day to celebrate it, but more about how my kids are so adorable and being their mother is so nice. I guess more than thinking about me I was really thinking about them. They're so cute. Which I guess, despite what I said in Thursday's post, is why people keep having babies.

But maybe I should think more about my mum. I guess I'm doing this mother's day thing wrong. I mean she came out to Australia as a teenager, spoke basically no English, had to go to high school, went to uni, became a doctor. Bought nicer houses than I'll ever live in again, raised three reasonably well functioning, nice children, has been married to one guy for nearly 50 years, she's done alright.

As for me, I guess I have too. As I said to Russeth yesterday morning, not much special happened for me to celebrate MD morning. LB went out to get me a coffee, but he does that pretty regularly. And really, isn't that better? To have a fella who goes out in the morning especially to buy you  coffee. That is pretty special, isn't it!? Better than just getting that one day a year.

Look, I don't know what the meaning of mother's day is, I just know I want a coffee.

Terrific Tuesday

Hey! How was everyone's weekend? Mine was pretty nice, we went down the beach for a couple of nights and it was super nice. Pickle and Minderbinder were there with Babybinder. I made eggplant subs for dinner on Saturday night and on Sunday we went and met Miguel and Legsley in Lorne for some trampolining and beer and chips so I guess it was pretty great.

But because yesterday was a public holiday Newbie didn't have childcare so I basically lost a day of work. Or maybe that was because we went away for the weekend. Whatever. It's just semantics. So now I have to find a day to do all that work I missed. Plus I've taken on some more work because I'm broke as a mutha$*#%er so although my financial struggles may lighten my time struggles will increase. On top of that I've invited people over for a BBQ on Sunday for Newbie's birthday and I got home from the beach yesterday to discover the house was still the frightful mess I left it in and now I have to clean it and the backyard before Sunday. LB loves cleaning the backyard to a really extreme level so he started yesterday by cutting down a tree which is now taking up half the backyard. So you can bet that I need one hell of a Terrific Tuesday to even contemplate getting through the week with any kind of success.

Natch this Tuesday is going to begin with one hell of a coffee. Lately, due to aforementioned brokeness I've been trying to drink the bulk of my coffees at home rather than paying them dollar dollar bills for it BUT today I'm buying my coffee god damn it!

I'm going to dress well. It's going to be hot today but I'm going to wear a cute outfit and lipstick even though I'm basically going to be home all day, but why not be cute and at home!?

I'm going to get through my to do list. Yeah I am! It's moderate and my week will still have a shitload of to-dos but you gotta start somewhere.

Fun fantastic Friday

Although it is clearly taking K and me some time to get into the swing of our new single, daily post regime I'm feeling pretty positive about it. Excited even. There are a bunch of reasons why. For example, a change is as good as a holiday and I love holidays! The new format demands something slightly different and I think this new approach may be good for my brain. And  something I hadn't really identified until today, it is bringing back into our lives all the days, opening doors for new post concepts, probably based on alliteration and also allows the return of classic MSC favourites such as WTF Wednesday, Terrific Tuesday and Friday Favourites!

But let's talk about today. According to Baby, Fridays at school are referred to as fun, fantastic Friday. It's probably just one hour in the afternoon where they get to draw or something, but whatever this phrase means exactly, he's always excited about it. But why does he get to have all the fun. I love alliteration too! And Fridays! I'm totally going to have a fun fantastic Friday! Here's how:

I'm going to send Baby to school and Newbie to childcare which means I'll just be home with Whoopsee which means that I have a whole six hours in which I mainly get to do whatever I want. And considering that all I really want to do is lie around and cuddle my sleeping baby and play with her when she wakes up I think I'm totally going to tick every box on my to-do list tomorrow!

But it doesn't stop there! It wouldn't be a MSC day supreme if it didn't involve coffee so naturally I'm going to drink a bunch of that. I may even have a home brew with some porridge, raspberries and vanilla yoghurt in the morning and one in a cafe later. Go hard or go home I always say.

And just to nail the day I may even go check out a jumpsuit that K brought to my attention the other day and if it looks as cute as was hinted at when I drove past the shop window yesterday it really might put the fantastic into this Friday.

Let me tell you guys, if you are the mother of three children including a 7-week-old baby it really doesn't take much to turn a regular day into a fun fantastic one. It's kind of like being a one-pot screamer. Sure people may laugh at you because you are such an easy drunk but you'll have the last laugh cause you only have to spend five bucks at the pub. I'm just the activity equivalent of that. Sure you may think I'm a loser for doing nothing with my life, but who has the last laugh? I do! Because I all I have to do is have an extra coffee and lie around and I get to feel like I'm really nailing life. Yeah!

Bad news week (PM)

You guys, I'm jonesing for my baby while also loving the shit out of this coffee I'm having right now and that combination is making me lightheaded. 

I think Kimmy Schmit has a lot to teach us, and getting pissed on sounds right. 

But look at this beautiful Coffee I'm having all by myself! 

That's all I can do right now I'm afraid. 

Get your effing hand off it (or I feel so irrationally angry) (PM)

Oh. Oh my. That's a terrible terrible innovation. What a pack of knobshining idiots.

I was pretty irrationally upset last week when a cafe which is a 20 minute walk from my house closed 30 minutes earlier than the advertised time. 

I'd already had a coffee that day but I really felt like an afternooner. I'm still upset when I think about it. 

Get your effing hand off it (or I feel so irrationally angry) (AM)

There's a cafe at the end of my street that does totally ok coffee and is very conveniently located, but I almost never get my coffee there. Here's why:

• The wait is always inordinately long. Even if there is only one person in front of you it often takes more than 5 minutes to get a take away coffee. Once I waited so long I had to cancel it. 
• The decor is wack, like it's trying for something but doesn't know what. Like perhaps the decorators/owners went onto eBay when they were decorating and bought products with headings like "Industrial/vintage/retro/cool..." I don't trust a place that has tried that hard and failed so good.
• There are several places with better coffee and decor and time management skills just minutes away where I would much rather be.

So, I almost never go there. But every now and again space and time and a need for coffee dictate that I have to go there. Which is what happened yesterday. So it was I found myself ordering coffee and hot chocolates for me and LB and Baby and Newbie. When I ordered hot chocolate I was asked if I wanted the kids' version so I said yes. Because usually this means its smaller, cooler, less chocolatey than a normal version. But they cost $5 each and took two or three times longer than a coffee to make and of course I was regretting my presence there exacerbated by time pressure and a general dislike for the place. 

The 'kids' hot chocolate' was served thusly: in a jar, atop it sits a marshmallow skewered on a toothpick and charred by mini blowtorch, beside it sits a glass full of pink and blue fairy floss and all this presented on a wooden platter. The hot chocolate, the waitress told us, can be poured directly into the glass with the fairy floss, if you so desire. 

GGGGGAAAAAHHHHHHHH! For who's benefit is this?!? Does any parent ordering hot chocolate for their child want said child to have a triple hit of sugar? NO! They just want to drink their coffee in peace. Does any child want an artfully presented hot chocolate with a pour over coffee experience? No, they just want some sugary shit. I mean for god's sake! Has there world gone mad! Needless to say, neither time nor pressure will ever, EVER make me go to that ridiculous place again. NEVER!

'Ave a cup of tea (PM)

I'm in a land of intermittent wifi so I'm going to have to talk fast, but I am fully on board with this tea caper. I've always enjoyed a tea. I have it black with a squeeze of lemon and sometimes, when I really want to treat myself, I add a little sugar. That's five blissful minutes right there. And unlike coffee, tea is all delight and no craving. I never jones for a tea, I just sometimes think 'ooh, tea. Yes please'. You know who does jones for tea though? The people of Wales. The people in the office I was in were bonkers for tea. I reckon they would break for it every hour, no joke. It seriously compromised their productivity. They claimed it was because of the cold weather and it's true, a cup of tea really warms you up. There was one chap there  who had a pack of mcvitties dark chocolate digestives in his top drawer and he would have one with each cup of tea. Bloody lovely it was. 

You know what else is lovely, this secret river shit I was telling you about on Monday. Check out where I am writing this from. 

Phwoar!

'Ave a cup of tea (AM)

The Misses Soft Crab love coffee. I'm sure you know that because we sing it's praises all the time. Add it a Tuesday to make it terrific, write haiku about it, just generally roll around in our love for it. We effing love it. Just had one. Best thing I've done all day.

But you know what else is good? Tea.

Russeth told me recently he didn't get tea. He said people at work were always having a cup of tea and he couldn't figure out why. He said he tried it to see what all the fuss was about but he still didn't get it. His loss.

Years ago I lived with Miguel who is a tea-drinker extraordinaire. His habit is basically chronic, but I can't recommend this kind of housemate highly enough. There was pretty much always a pot of tea on the go. These days I rarely make a pot, though it is a superior tea experience.

I like the taste of tea and I like having a hot drink and I love it to cut through the sweetness of a sweet treat. But in my current stage of life I also just effing dig an excuse to sit down for five minutes.

When Baby was about 1.5-2 and still breastfeeding I used to think it was basically his equivalent to a cup of tea. Newbie is in that phase now. They don't need it, but who doesn't like a bit of quiet time with a warm drink. Babes have boobs, we have tea.

I have about five cups of tea a day. Not because I want to have that many but because I'm constantly trying to force five quiet minutes into my day but always miss-timing it.

My friend Housemaid was wearing a cute ring last week with a tiny teacup on it. She told me her friend made a range of rings with teapots and cups because it reminded her of tea with her Nan and made her feel relaxed to look at them. I thought that maybe I should replace a few cups of tea with some visual cue to relax. But who has time to come up with a replacement?!? Not me!

Ok, tea time!

Acrostic Monday (AM)

Here marks the point
Eagerly arrived at
After which standards
That were once absolute
Heretofore relaxed 
Reinstated
Only the motherfucking best coffee $AUD can buy
Will pass these lips evermore

Terrific Tuesday goes Thursday (AM)

As predicted, since Miss Soft Crab moved to a two-day-a-week blog the world has lost some great days. It's lost the chance to think about favourite things on Fridays and the ability to turn a regular old Tuesday into a terrific one. But why. You know what other day starts with a T? Thursday! That's today! Oh sure, it's too late for Tuesday but let's all make today terrific! 

Here's how I'm going to do it:

Eat porridge! Ok so I eat porridge for breakfast 9 days out of 10, but I love it every single time. What I don't love is the days when I don't eat porridge. There's no way I'd eff up Terrific Thursday by skipping porridge. No way!

Have 2 coffees! It's a grand tradition on Terrific Tuesdays to have 2 coffees and why break with tradition just because it's Thursday?! I'm going to start my day with a home brew and later I'm gonna keep things moving with a take away. Terrific! 

Celebrate the new year! It's rosh hashanah guys and who doesn't love a New Year celebration?! Oh I know there are people out there who say "oh I hates New Years, so much pressure to have a good time" or "it's so anticlimactic". Well I really like New Years, I usually gave a really good time and why should the Jewish version be any different? Good food with my family? Terrific!

Three simple little things to make this day terrific. It's not much, in fact if I'm honest you know what makes Terrific Tuesday no matter what day it is? The mindset. It's all about the mind set. Shana tovah you beautiful sons of bitches. Go out and have a terrific day!

Highlights from a lazy life (AM)

They say that necessity is the mother of invention and also that genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration. But I've found that while those things may be true so is: laziness is the other mother of invention and, ipso facto, genius is basically 100% inspiration and 0% perspiration, if you use a rounding system because nothing is really 100% right?!

I don't want you to think it's not cool to work hard, 'cause it is. Stay in school, kids! But while I was enjoying my lazy man's coffee the other day all this became clear. 

What's lazy man's coffee? I'm so glad you asked! It's a little something I drank all the time in the couple of weeks after Newbie's birth, 'cause, you know, I was pretty tired and stuff and, therefore, lazy. So sometimes I wanted a coffee but there was none in the house and I felt too lazy to go and buy one, or there was coffee in the house but the percolator hadn't been cleaned and I felt too lazy to clean it. Or the percolator was clean but I felt to lazy to put water and coffee in it and put it on the stove. So I invented this new thing. Lazy man's coffee. See, luckily at the time I had some Vietnamese coffee ice cream in the freezer, a delicious and super easy ice cream I made one day while feeling both lazy  and the desire for coffee ice cream (mix espresso with some cream and condensed milk freeze in ice cream machine, et voila!). Anyhow you just take some of this ice cream and mush it up in a glass of milk and you have the best, motherflipping best ice coffee you'll ever have and also the easiest! Yeah boyee. 

But it doesn't stop there. Laziness also created another of my best inventions: just add a carrot. You see sometimes dinner time comes around and I'm in the unusual position of being sans child or man and therefore only have my own desires and nutrition to think about. And in such a situation I sometimes feel like it is ok to compromise nutrition a bit. But not totally. Maybe I don't feel that hungry so I just want to eat cheese and crackers. But I think I need to include something a little nutritious. Just add a carrot! Maybe I feel a little more hungry so I want to eat cheese and toast. But I think I need to include something a little nutritious. Just add a carrot! You see carrots are delicious and a vegetable and need no prep. You can eat one at meal time and feel really pleased with yourself for being healthy without any effort! Try it you guys. Just add a carrot. 

So next time you need a thing but feel too lazy to do the thing properly just look around, maybe the lazy way will be a great way!

Let's celebrate best things! (PM)

Ok, now I'm going to try! But first I'd like to say that for me, nice bread becomes a best thing with butter alone. Jam is my friend on a scone, but on bread I feel like it gets in the way of the simple pleasure of bread and butter. And perhaps a little salt.

But I guess that's the thing about best things, isn't it? They don't got to be the same because as we all know from history, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. This morning on my way to work I passed a man smoking a cigarette and drinking a chocolate Big M. At 7:30am. He looked as happy as a pig in shit. His face had the 'I'm experiencing a best thing' look all over it. Lucky son of a bitch. 

Which brings me to my best thing. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I goddamned love coffee and it is now and always will be a best thing for me. I know I praise it all the time and it's not unique but shit you guys, I've been at work since seven thirty and believe you me, coffee is the best thing for me. 

Best things (PM)

WE need the fleece! 

And while we're on the topic, we also need proper pure wool jumpers that aren't really thin and cost a million dollars, COUNTRY ROAD!!

Those trackies are great. I thought they were proper pants until I read the post and realised what we were talking about. That's how good they look!

And yes, things really are the best. 

Like coffee. I know we talk about it quite often, but my coffee habits have changed recently (i.e. this week) which have led me to love coffee more, if you can believe that.  

Now, I have a home brew at work in the morning, then hold out until the early arvo to get my first store bought milky brew, from this new place near my work that makes some high quality shit. When you read this (if you are reading it at about 2:30pm), I am moments away from having a delicious coffee.

It is truly the best thing. 

Terrific Tuesday (PM)

My Tuesday was terrific up until 11am. 

First, I got up early enough to get a coffee en route to the tram which I love doing but never get up early enough to do. 

Then, because I had decided to take the surplus baked goods I baked on the weekend to work to eat during our team meeting, the team meeting went very quickly and I got to eat baked goods during it. 

More about those baked goods tomorrow. 

But then I had another meeting that did not go quickly and resulted in a whole bunch of annoying work. So things got less terrific. 

 

But,  I plan to re-calibrate coordinates and steer this ship back to terrific waters by doing a little holiday research later. And of course tonight I am going to the pub for a free steak due to Mike Gatting's triumphant return to the trivia crease last week. So that's quite terrific. And maybe I will buy this cookbook today too. I can't stop staring at that picture. 

Terrific Tuesday! (AM)

I won't lie to you guys. When my alarm woke me up this morning from a really vivid dream about breaking eggs I could not believe the alarm was meant for me. I felt tired and brain dead and things did not get any better when Baby asked me to read a Peter Pan book to him.

If you think novelisations of movies of bad you should try reading a children's bookisation. So lame.

But then I had a great idea for how to turn this day around. Terrific Tuesday! Here's how I'm gonna make this Tuesday totes terrific!:

Coffee
Natch. Coffee in abundance is the cornerstone of Terrific Tuesday.

Get my life in order
It's service day for my car! Doing responsible things like taking my car to get serviced always makes my day. Other things that have fulfilled me in this way recently include going to the dentist, getting car insurance and updating my electoral enrolment details! YEAH! The best thing about the car service situation is that LB is the one taking it but I get to feel the full glory of it because it is my car and I booked it in. Win!

Enjoy autumn
How good is autumn at doing it's job?! God I love autumn and today looks sunny and mild and I bet you anything it's going to have that nice autumn light and the special crispness of autumn. I am going to enjoy the heck out of it today. Terrific.

Run
Look, I have not been running a lot lately. But today is the day I turn that around and I can't wait!

Make pizza
I love pizza. Pizza shops are the one kind of shop that without exception have me craving their product every time I pass them. But eff those guys, I'm making my own tonight.

TERRIFIC TUESDAY! I feel better already.

Terrific Tuesday (AM)

I feel like having another Terrific Tuesday. No idea what I'm talking about? Read this you guys. It will make as much sense as can be made from within these crabby pages. I guess wanting to have another Terrific Tuesday is code for here I am in front of the computer on a Tuesday morning and I can't think what to write because I am too busy thinking about things I am going to do with my day.
Which, of course, are things I think will make this Tuesday terrific. Which is why I'm telling you about them. Two birds: one stone, people. (Hello to all our duck hunting readers this morning! I believe your season opened on the weekend.)

Ok enough of the small talk. Here is some of the terrific stuff in store for me today.

Drinking a bunch of coffee
It's a Terrific Tuesday tradition, so I might have even more than usual. I can tell you for sure that as soon as I finish writing this I am going to pick one up to drink on the tram on the way to work. Serve it up, lets go!

Experiment with wearing shorts to work. 
It's a risky move, the shorts at work look. But is it as risky if you wear stockings underneath them and a blazer? Or is it just slightly muddled? I'm going to find out today.

Diagnose my knee complaint with the help of the internet. 
We all love the internet. And we especially love it when the internet can be our Doctor. Well today, I am going to ask the internet why my right knee hurts so much when I bend it, particularly on the outer perimeter of the right side. I'm not going to stop until it tells me there's nothing wrong and if I give it a few days rest I can go back to dragging myself around Princes Park like a wounded duck in a wetland in March.
Wish me luck, readers.

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Come on guys

Single origin. 

Since when has that been a thing?

Get your hand off it. 

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Ode to the hair I found in my coffee cup after I finished drinking it

Too short to be mine.
Too discrete to be seen. I
Drank your bath water.

Ode to the cat who lives next door, but likes to hang out on my front door step

We could be friends, guy.

Why do you run away when

I've got tuna here?