Hunk Week

Remember how on Monday K was all 'Hell, we don't want to start this year off on a negative note!" And on Tuesday I was all, "Accentuate the positive!" And then yesterday K was all "I love Leonardo!" Well, fuck it I say. It's already Thursday let's just call it and say this is Hunk Week. Could there be a better or more fitting way or Crabbier start to the year.  Nah-uh.

But geez, what a question. The best hunk of all!? A hunk to rule all other hunks.

Leonardo is definitely my favourite something. But favourite what?!

Here's a man that was never even considered for Hunk of the Month. Because if I'm honest, he's missing that phwaor factor.

Or is he?! I've explored my feelings for Leo here before and I think it's safe to say I'll do it again. But not right now. I love that guy, but is he my favourite hunk?

Thinking about those past Oscar nominees actually got me thinking that if Heath were alive today and had continued to be as awesome as ever he'd probably be my favourite hunk. Certainly he is one of history's finest hunks.

But although I can probably say Michelle Williams' Oscar look here is my all-time favourite, can I say Heath is my favourite hunk ever? I mean he was hot, special. Hot. But hotter than all others?

What about Ewan? I think I love him more than any hunk ever. He's practically the backbone of Miss Soft Crab, or the exoskeleton. 

What about Damon?

Shit, he's as confused as I am! I think in their own ways their each my number one hunk. I just have a lot of categories. Like the Oscars. It's reasonable.

I guess it's like movies, books, songs. I mean so many times a song will come on the radio and I'll think, "This is THE BEST SONG!" But then if it came down to it would that really be my favourite ever song? I guess I feel the same way about hunks.  I just can't pick a favourite. But what a great problem to have. 

It is better to have loved and lost (PM)

I knew J would it hard because when it comes to Prince, in the words of John Travolta, "(she) dig it the most". 

Funnily enough, I was also up at 5am that morning because KB likes that sort of thing. I was playing with him and watching tv on mute and when ABC news breakfast came on I could not figure out why Virginia Trioli was crying. 

It really was a heck of a knock. 

Also funnily enough, I just got a copy of the New Yorker that has an homage to Prince on the cover. It also has a little obit for him called 'Prince and the meaning of genius'. I am planning to read it, but because KB has just gone down for a nap after being up, more or less, since 5:30 (!!!!!!!) I'm just going to look at the back of my eyelids for a few minutes first. 

It's better to have loved and lost... (AM)

You may be wondering how a girl that has professed so strongly and deeply her love for Prince has said nothing of his passing, but the fact is that until now I haven't really been able to bring myself to.

When I learned Bowie had died I actually couldn't compute it straightaway, I mean a bit of Googling and one whole minute or so to process it was all I needed really but it was so shocking I couldn't immediately put it together. With Prince it was different, I got the news and I knew what it meant. I guess the Bowie death put such things in perspective and I just knew knew that Prince was dead. Or perhaps it was because I'd been awake since 5am and I can only assume that early wake up was a result of my body or soul registering a disturbance in the universe. Either way, I knew it was true and yet I couldn't believe it. I felt very, very upset.

When K called a couple of days later to make sure I hadn't slit my wrists while listening to Purple Rain I told her I was fine. I was of course. As I said, what is there to say or feel about the death of a person I didn't know and whose death would not impact my life in any way? Except that I could never see him again perform, or hear a new song or look forward to those things, or just know he was alive and awesome. But my life wouldn't change in anyway. And so, what is all the sadness about?

I guess it's just the death of a genius, the most fulfilling songwriter and performer for me is pretty devastating.

Seeing Prince live was pretty life defining. In those hours I really learnt how good things good be. I mean obviously I've had other awesome times in my life, life-defining times, but in those Prince shows all the feeling, all the best things were distilled. It's pretty rare that you come across a perfect thing. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Prince live...

Anyway, writing about the death of awesome people is a real downer, so let's just say that Prince lived is awesome and that he died so young is very sad.

2016: reflections (AM)

I know that February seems  too early for reflections but January was pretty intense and  I feel it really deserves some reflection before we move on to enjoy the awesome year that 2016 is bound to be.

2015 ended fine, Christmas went for days but was pleasant and largely lazy and warm and all the good stuff. And 2016 began normally enough, I was in the countryside ringing in the new year with Blizzie and my babies and their babies and some friends of theirs and it was all lovely. Days passed, I went back to work, I quit my job and then hours after that happy moment, on the train home from work I got a message from a friend. 

I was so shocked. I guess it was not knowing he was sick. And he was so, so great. 

David Bowie has always been a great favourite of Miss Soft Crab and I feel like we need to take a moment to remember his excellence. The British legend, who died at 69 after a battle with cancer. 

I actually could not believe my ears when I heard on the radio three days later about Alan Rickman. The British legend, who died at 69 after a battle with cancer. Alan Rickman was so great. When I was little I used to watch this film my mum liked called Truly, Madly, Deeply. It was a romance in which Alan Rickman played a ghost. It was great. But why pretend that the most important part he played for me is anything other than Snape? Shit gets pretty real at the end of Harry Potter and Snape's role and their relationship, well it's pretty...moving (excuse me, I have something in my eye).

I couldn't stop thinking about it when Rickman died. He was a really great actor. I like him a lot. 

They say celebrity deaths happen in threes. But in this case it's just three deaths of old, great, codgers, because a couple of weeks after Alan Rickman, it was time for my parents' cat, Aphrodite. 

She would have been almost 19, we got her when I was around 17 or 18, she used to sleep on my bed and was so sweet. But then I moved out and she became a bitch (possibly unrelated). You had about 12 good seconds of patting her before she'd lash out with her claws but she was still sweet. Doing all that cat stuff like rubbing against your legs (when she wanted something), sleeping in the sun, deserting you. I loved her, but she died sleeping in some bushes as all cats should. 

January, you were not without your delights, but you, unlike others, we're not gone too soon. 2016 onwards and upwards. 

Cheesecake experiments (PM)

Oh, cheesecake, that is one special cake. And yet, like K, when do I ever eat it? Never that's when. And let me tell you why: my Polish grandmother made the king of cheesecakes. A little sweet, a wonderful sour note, perfect density, a base strong enough to hold it together but not intruding into the overwhelming cheesecakeyness of it. Never has a cheesecake come anywhere near the deliciousness that was Babcia's cheesecake. She kept baking for a long time but as she got into her nineties the baking, unsurprisingly, got rarer. And after she died, the sweet treats really dried up!

Babcia was a great cook and baker, do not get me started on her apple pie (this is another thing to which nothing has ever come close). Periodically I say to my mum, "Do you have Babcia's recipe for this or that" and my mum will tell me it is somewhere or only in Polish or something like that and I'll say, "I really must get it from you" and then I don't, because then I'd probably end up with too much cheesecake or apple pie in the house. But it is time for the excuses to end!!!

I will find that recipe, and sure I will compare it to other good-looking recipes, but there is no question what is going to happen in my kitchen, Babcia's cheesecake will rise like a phoenix from the ashes that are forbidden by Jewish law.

 

Discontinued (AM)

                                          

Last night I stood in front of the yogurt fridge at Piedemontes for ages, searching in vain for one of my favourite dessert treats: King Island Dairy vanilla yogurt. There is more yogurt that you can poke a stick at in the supermarkets these days, too much if you ask me, but I haven't seen the King Island stuff in yonks. Piedemontes is the last place I remember seeing it, but there was no sign of it last night, no goddamned sign at all. It made me worry. 

When I got home, I turned to the internet to see if it could tell me what's what. It had answers alright, but they sure as hell weren't the answer I wanted. 

It's been discontinued. Apparently because it wasn't meeting its sales targets. Apparently my once-a-month purchase of a single tub wasn't enough to keep it going. 

I get that they're trying to run a business and all, but geez guys, what about those of us who loved it? What are we supposed to do now? I don't want to find a new yogurt. I liked that one. It practically tasted like cream. 

It got me thinking about other times that food I love has disappeared from the shelves and instantly my thoughts turned to the old Milo Bar. 

The old Milo Bar was pretty much my favourite chocolate bar. In case you don't remember, it was two pieces of densely packed milo powder covered in milk chocolate. When you bit in to it, a little puff of milo powder would be released and it was goddamned delicious. 

One day, it just disappeared and was replaced with something like an energy bar. Ugh. It makes me so mad. 

And I'm not alone. 

There's a facebook page called Bring back the old Milo Bar and it has 2206 followers. That's a lot of disappointed people. 

Look, I know that nothing gold can stay. But why can't it? Why can't these specific gold things stay? It's not too much to ask. 

Good stuff (AM)

Last night I went climbing with Russeth and afterwards I felt really tired. When I got home though I felt so happy about everything. All the endorphins and shit I guess. Or maybe just 'cause I was really tired. Wait, did I say that already?

First, when I got home I had a piece of cheese. It's no secret I love cheese, but I just put this cheese in my mouth and it made me so happy. And it was just some Bega tasty. 

Then I had a shower. Oh yeah, a shower after a good work out, is there anything better? Oh sure there is, but how effing sweet is an evening shower on a sore, tired bod?!

Then as I was getting ready for bed I thought it was Thursday night and I would have to work tomorrow, i.e. today, and then I realised it was only Wednesday and I wouldn't have to work tomorrow, i.e. today, at all. Fuck yeah!

I topped off the night of joy with a bowl of morello cherries and ice cream. It is basically one of the all-time best desserts and the only thing wrong with it was that it was gone to soon.

Finally I went to bed. How effing good is bed. I fucking love that shit!

I don't know guys, seems like everything was the best last night. Or maybe I was just really tired. Wait, did I say that already?

Awkward (PM)

You have nothing to be ashamed of Mate.  If a Dentist or other service provider is going to play the frequent use of the first name game, they'd best be sure they've got the right first name. It's the only rule of that game. So if they can't figure out how to interpret information in their own patient management software, then shame on THEM.

Now, on to dime store hookers.  I don't think they are a thing, but a dime store hoods are a thing.
I know this because in Stand By Me, Will Wheaton (as Gordy Lachance) says to Kiefer Sutherland "Suck my fat one you cheap dime store hood", and then River Phoenix says "Who ever told you you had a fat one Lachance?!" to which he replies "Biggest one in four counties" and they all laugh and smile because they know it is a summer they will never forget. Except we the audience don't laugh because we know that River Phoenix died.

Kiefer Sutherland is a cheap dime store hood.

River Phoenix died of lung cancer. 

Regrets (AM)

What the eff are these people wearing? Speaking of regrets.

Regrets, I’ve got a few. But then again, too few to mention.

Oh, all right. I'll mention one.

It's funny you know, there are things I could have, should have, done when I was younger that would have led to me being a more successful, stable, well-rounded person. And I can even identify some of those things, but on the whole I'm happy with my life so I don't dwell on those regrets. Not at all. The regrets I dwell on are the minor ones. The ones that would have actually not affected the greater story of my life at all.

Like the time I went to see Joss Whedon speak and I had questions, questions I had actually been wanting to ask him for years and for some reason, a reason unknown to me, I did not approach the microphones during the Q&A session.

Baby and I wait for Joss to hit the stage

It was a weird time. Baby was with me and I was in a giant room full of people. Beforehand, I had kind of been prepared to do it. It was 2010 and I had literally had the questions in my head for at least 5 years. Since I first watched Firefly. Of course, my heart belongs to Buffy and the questions I had were born from Buffy but they were solidified watching Firefly. I could see in Firefly so many setups and potential storylines and I knew that had it been allowed to live, Firefly would have done some wonderful things. Then it was canned after one season. Of course I wanted to know what would have happened in Firefly if it had continued, but I knew I'd never know. So then I just wanted to know if even Joss knew the future. Ever since, the question had been burning in my mind. "In Firefly," I wanted to ask Joss Whedon, "there are so many hints at people's pasts and future stories but it was axed after a season and so we never got to find out those things. When you write do you know what all those secrets are or do you just put things in there to set up possible future events you don't even know yet?"

It was totally, metaphorically burning in there!  I wanted to know the answer so bad and yet. And yet.

Somehow when I found myself in a room with Joss Whedon and a microphone just metres from where I stood I was paralysed. Regrets. Yep, it's one of them. A big one.

And then, the other day I got this email from Mondonna. She lives in LA now.

The email was to me, Chickpea, Russeth and Frandonna. The subject line was: Hey sis and cuzes


And the body read: Ummm... Joss Whedon's  kids are at our house for dinner.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? I have this burning question to ask Joss Whedon and and Mondonna is dining with his kids. Sure, that is not the same as dining with Joss. And those kids are 10. But still, it somehow really stirred the flames of my regret.

Yeah, regrets. I've got a few. But when you look at them, they probably are too few to mention.