Friday Favourites: Friday (AM)

Clearly Miss Soft Crab is a pretty massive fan of the weekday 'Friday'. 

You can tell because of all the special things we do on Friday, like Hunk and Babe of the Month, Friday Favourites the use of the tag TGIF, which we have done 15 times. Also because we are regular people and all regular people love Fridays. You can tell from that too. 

I have been longing for this particular Friday all week, because of the struggles that have beset me due to the vodka situation last Friday. All week I have been eyeing it in the corner of the room that is my mind. Casually sidling up to it, basically doing to Friday what K-Stew is doing to 'that ass' in this picture.  

 

Thank you, Hey Girl it's K-Stew for this photo, and for all the good times. 

It was while thinking how fine Friday is looking (on Monday, probably) that I realised, Friday really deserves a Friday Favourites post of its own. And because of the struggles that have beset me due to the vodka situation last Friday, I couldn't think of anything else I wanted to post about today. 

So lets consider just a few things that are wonderful about this truly wonderful day of the week - apart from the fact that it is the herald of the weekend which we all know and we don't need to go on about here. 

Undeniable supremacy. Everyone knows Friday is the best day. It is a fact, it is a stone cold truth. The only days that give it a run for its money are Monday, when Tuesday is a public holiday and Thursday when Friday is a public holiday. But they don't really come close.  That Friday is so clearly superior to the other days is special, and hot, and what Lance Armstrong was trying to achieve, I assume, by cheating. You wish, Armstrong! You're no Friday! You're a goddamned Tuesday at best. 

Enduring love. I have loved this day forever and I don't think my feeling will ever change. The only other things I can say that about are certain people and hot chips.  That's special. 

It brings good things. Friday is a casual day at work. You want to know what I'm wearing? Jeans. Yeah I am. Clean jeans that I washed during the week so are a little tight but I'm managing, thanks for asking. The only work outfit that can challenge jeans for comfort and style is the t-shirt/no pants combo I wear when I'm working from home and want to really take advantage of the situation. 

Sometimes, on Friday, Russeth and I go out to lunch. We call those days Special Friday and they really are special. Only on a Friday, readers. 

I could go on and on but lets hand over to J to see what she has to say. 

Let me finally say that Friday's child is loving and giving. Well I don't care a damn what Friday's child is like, because Friday itself is one magnificent Mother. Over to you Matey. 

I once was blind (PM)

The bit where J said  "I really hope my fingers aren't writing cheques my butt can't cash" is, hands down, the best thing about my spring so far. As if the use of the term "wazoo" wasn't good enough.

I'm not even going to write a proper post today* because I don't want to detract from  finger-cheque/butt-cash  in any way.

But I will say that I am so glad that J's brain and spring have found one another, and that they're so into one another she is inspired to write such great things. I think this image, which I found through searching 'spring' and 'love', pretty accurately depicts what's going on here between spring and J's brain. 

It's like Spring is taking J's brain for a walk amongst the cherry blossoms, and spring is all "hey baby, I don't want to put any pressure on you, but I think you'll really like what's down here" and J's brain is all outwardly coquettish, but inside thinking serve it up, let's go. I hope their love is everlasting. 

*I goddamned love the sound of J's kit. 

What we talk about when we talk about Miss Soft Crab(AM)

The other day I was having lunch with Russeth and I asked him if he had read Miss Soft Crab that day.

"No" he said, "I haven't been reading it lately".

'Why not?" I asked him. "Do you hate us?".

"Yes" he said, and then we both laughed and got on with eating our lunch. He doesn't really hate us. He was just making a joke. 

Later, we were walking back to our respective offices and we walked under a gantry, which is the name they give to that scaffolding they construct around buildings under renovation. It reminded me of that time I was walking under a gantry in NYC and a pigeon took a dump on me.

I decided to tell Russeth about the time I was walking under a gantry in NYC and a pigeon took a dump on me. In telling the story, I focused, as I always do, on how unexpectedly warm the pigeon poo was.

He said "Well, yeah, I guess it would be warm. Pigeons are warm blooded creatures."

We walked on a little, and he said "I wonder how warm pigeons actually are".

As soon as he said this, I immediately thought of a joke. It was the kind of joke I find extremely funny.  I felt a little flutter in my chest, such as I get when I know the opportunity to make my joke is fleeting, and if I don't move quickly then it will disappear completely. I opened my mouth and said:

"Yeah, like, what is their core birdy temperature?". 

Straight away, I started laughing at my joke, I guess you could say hysterically.  I am chuckling even now as a write this. 

Russeth looked at me and said

"That's why I don't read Miss Soft Crab", and he was only half joking. 


I don't care you guys. I loved my joke and I hope you love it too.

TGIF (PM)

Sorry to hear that you woke up at 5am. But lucky you found some amusement this week.

Today I woke at the respectable hour of 7am but I have had a bunch of mildly stressful and annoying things happening this week so it's like metaphorically I was waking at 5am everyday. If you know what I mean. You don't? Well screw you! Jokies. Oh no. This isn't going well at all.

Anyway this stressful week has meant my eyes were pretty much closed to all things amusing. The one amusing thing I actually did see this week is the new Die Antwoord video, thanks to Russeth. I love Die Antwoord. The clip is really pretty too. The beautiful colours. You may like to keep in mind that Yolandi and Ninja are doing it in real life. They have a child together.

TGIF!

Found (0(K

When I was going to Golden Plains this year I picked Legsly up from Geelong train station so we could go together. I was down that way and I was the one with the car so she caught the train down to meet me for a ride. She told me a story about the train ride during which, while stopped at a train station, three rowdy youths ran up to the train and drew cocks on the window of the stationary train. Just stationary for the drop off and pick up. All three of the guys. Now that is dedication to drawing cocks. God, how I wish I'd been there!

If you've spent any time around these parts you may remember cock on a tenner and cock in a guac or cock on a 'nana. But since then what?! Good question!

Chickpea wrote to me a little while ago with the message "Are you still collecting them" with this picture attached:

Cute isn't it?! And then I realised that I hadn't found a picture like that worth photographing in a long time. I told Chickers I hadn't found any good ones lately and the very next day she sent me this one. I like it because of its crudity. The simplicity of it. Someone just thought yep, I'm gonna draw a cock and then they knocked one out.

Anyway, I guess I'm not the only one interested in finding cock. Let's see what K has to say about it!

K: Thanks mate, I do have some things to say about found cock. As you say, at its simplest FC is about somewhere someone saying  yep, I'm gonna draw a cock. And that's OK by me. So natural and spontaneous. I mean, who among us can say they have never been swept by that mood?

Of course, this is harder to do if you're a perfectionist, like I assume the person who made the following FC is:

This seems to me to be the creation of someone who doesn't like to draw outside the lines. Great that he/she is having a go but geez guy/girl, have a little fun with it!

J: Yeah, losen up.

Still, I appreciate that there is room for the spontaneous and the more premeditated. Like this cock o' rice that Chikpea and I saw a picture of shortly after I realised it was time to start collecting again.

 

K: Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Cock o' rice. Way to have fun at work, whoever did that!

You know who else is having fun? These little punks, who used found materials to create something quite special:

Strictly speaking, it's more found poon than found cock, but it's totally in the spirit of what we're talking about here today. When I stumbled across these guys at work,  I felt like I had just discovered Basquait. This, from folks so young? Unbelievable. I can not wait to see how their work develops. 

J: Well, while we are off cockic topic and talking about men at work, check out this babycino Baby received when we were in Sydney a while ago!

Naturally Baby could not wait to get stuck into it.

K: HAHAHAHA. People can be so great.

Such as your Mum, mate. As evidenced at passover dinner, when she turned a blind eye while we laughed and laughed because the horseradish on the seder plate looked so much like a cock.

Due to technical difficulties we can not show you the horseradish from our seder plate. Luckily horseradish cock and balls are not rare, thank you Internet for providing this replacement.

We didn't make it so, the earth made it so! We just bore witness.

J: HAHAHA! Yeah, that horseradish cock was such a good one. Cocks of nature! An accidental cock is almost better than one put there by design. I mean they are the true found cock, right?! Take this piece of cock rock that I found at the same place as the cock o' rice. These pink phalluses were on every table! What?

But I think my favourite accidental was this one:

 

The projection of a microphone onto the shirt of a groom giving a speech.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

K: I don't think we can top that, Mate.

But that won't stop us searching, always searching, for the next FC. And readers, please take up the search yourselves, if you haven't already. Perhaps some of you have some FCs of your own you'd like to share? If so, please post them on the Miss Soft Crab Facebook page - I'm sure I speak for the whole Crab community when I say we would love to see them.

J: It's true. That last one is gold. But I would love to finish up with something a little classic. In fact it is something that Russeth did and I saw it in a Facebook album of G-Force's from a recent fishing trip they went on with some other cats. I really love the simpleness of the drawings, and that the whole thing is so complete. You know?  I just think it is the purest example of cock vandalism.

Sounds like my Friday night (AM)

Oh, hi guys!

How was everyone's weekend? Great I hope! Mine wasn't. Sure it started out good, enjoying a beer with Mickey ‘Mikey Doubleword’ Blue Eyes while Biz played records but by the middle of Friday night I was sweating with a fever and aching in my bones. A nasty effing cold. Did something happen between the beer and the onset of a cold? Yep. Dinner at the RSL.

What? Yeah, it was weird. LB picked me up from the train station and we were going to get a burger from Grill'd. Which we don't even like that much, we were just being lazy. But we had to park the car around the corner, just past the RSL and as we walked past that RSL we had a glance and then another and then, then we just decided to walk in.

The weirdness started pretty much immediately. Of course you could argue it started with our decision to have dinner at the RSL. We were standing at the reception figuring out how to sign in when a young and friendly employee bounded up to help, he was so friendly and helpful. Weird. Then we went into the dining room and as we were deciding where to sit another young friendly guy bounded up, "Table for three?" he asked, "Sit anywhere you like." Hey, thanks for confirming guy.

The toilets had the reassuring smell of a side-of-the-road-motel room and David Bowie was playing on the sound system. I loved it!

There was not a single vegetarian thing on the menu so I ordered fish and chips. And 50 minutes later it came out. I tried to break off a small piece of fish for Baby but it was like trying to break a pencil. A thick frozen pencil. That isn't what fish should be like. It took a second or two for me to figure out that the fish was still frozen in the middle. It seemed so wrong with the deep fried batter and soft outer layer of fish, but there was no denying that fish was frozen solid. The waiter was pretty horrified when I told him. I don't know what I was more upset about. The fact that my dinner was frozen or when I told the guy "the fish is still frozen" that it seemed like a normal sentence. And let me tell you that when my dinner came out again cooked properly I had pretty much had no appetite.

As we were finishing up our "food" an old guy came over. Not super old. Like my Dad's age. He asked Baby "Can I draw you a train?" So he took my notebook and drew a picture for Baby. Turned out this guy was once a typographer but in 1979 when barcodes came in he moved into the barcode making business and had been doing it ever since. Also turned out this guy was secretary of the club. He was a nice guy. Told us they were really trying to establish the dining room, build up the clientele, asked us if we enjoyed our meal, hoped we'd be back. He was really nice, so we just told him we'd had a great time. Which was not entirely a lie.

An hour later I passed out. Two hours after that later I woke up sweating and in pain.

Frozen pencils and heavy sweating?! Sounds like my Friday night!