What the actual fuck (AM)

Croissants spooning*

Last week K and I went to La Lune Croissanterie. La Lune used to be a hole in the wall in Elwood, where this woman made and sold croissants, opening the shop four days a week at 7am and everything would be sold out by 9. People queued from 5am to get these croissants. Or so the story goes. People talked and wrote about these croissants like they were god's gift. But I didn't really buy it. How good could a croissant be? I mean, I love a good croissant but I could not imagine how these could be so much better that I'd have to wake up at stupid o'clock and stand in the cold for two hours. I didn't buy it for a second. That doesn't mean I didn't think about it from time to time, wonder if I was missing out on something great, if I was making a huge mistake, but basically I only get up at 5am to catch international flights, no way I was getting up at that time for croissant.

And then, a couple of weeks ago K asked me if I'd ever eaten a La Lune croissant. Of course I told her all the reasons I hadn't and probably never would but I started thinking again and wondering if things had changed, so I Googled it and it turned out things had changed quite a lot. La Lune had moved to Fitzroy into a large space where you'd probably still have to queue for a bit but you could buy a croissant at a reasonable hour. So of course we went. I mean, it is a five minute walk from my house and there's no big deal standing in a queue for 20 minutes with your bestie, it's just like sitting on a couch, but standing and with a croissant at the end. Totally doable.

Let me cut to the chase. We waited in queue for probably 20-30 mins and it was totally fine. K and I don't care where we are talking shit, we can do that anywhere. A customer came out of the shop and announced that they had sold out of plain croissants. Although I felt disappointed I also thought that maybe it was temporary and a plain croissant would still be mine. My position on croissants is that plain is king. A pain au chocolat is yummy and an almond croissant is great too, but I would never buy that if a plain was on offer and so K, who feels the same way, and I decided that if possible we would each get a plain croissant and then one sweetie to share.

We were delighted when it came time to order and we discovered that we could indeed order plain croissants, which we did along with a pecan pie twice cooked croissant - basically a pecan pie take on an almond croissant. But I'll tell you what was less delightful - the total average goodness of the croissant. It was fine. It was definitely not a bad croissant. It was a good croissant, but it absolutely, without any question was no better than a bunch of other good croissants I've had in this city. Which begs the question, why the fuck are people queuing up?! Surely a bunch, if not most people are just like K and me, they've heard about it, they want to try it, but why does this persist?! And do people go back for more? I don't know, but I know they shouldn't. Seriously, what are you queuing for?!?!?

To be fair, the pecan pie twice baked croissant was delicious. In a pretty special way. Like it was perfectly balanced with pecan, maple syrupy, caramelly flavours with equally well balanced soft, gooey, sticky crunchy texture. There is no denying that was really good, but I would just never, ever go out of my way to buy something like that. A plain croissant on the other hand, I've gone out of my way many, many, many times to buy a good one of those. My favourite is the cornetto from Sugardough. That is one special, buttery pastry. It is largish, for a croissant so it manages to have a lovely flaky outside and plenty of soft inside, it has this hint of orange flavour and a very slightly sweet glaze on the outside and I love it. It is my favourite croissant ever and I've often driven to Brunswick for no other reason than to buy that croissant. But I just wonder, what the actual fuck is going on with La Lune. I'm so happy to know that I'm not missing out on anything and that I'm totally justified in my loathing of food worship, but I just wish I knew what the fuck.


*Does anyone else find this croissant photo somewhat suggestive and slightly offensive? Thought so.

We're not robots

I'm so totally offended that there is someone marching around Chin Chin with the term Wine Guy on their apron that I don't really know whether I can be bothered going there.

That, and the fact that when I go to hip asian places, I tend not to love them. I usually have a pretty decent time, but I never walk away thinking OMG, I can't wait to go back. Except for the time that KJ and I were in NYC, and, walking home after we saw Bridesmaids, happened upon the famous Momofuku and so went in and ate the shit out of a bunch of stuff including pork buns so good they would make you cry if you hadn't just seen Bridesmaids, and if crying about how delicious food is wasn't such a stupid thing to do. Believe the hype, everybody. That place makes me want to go back about once a day.


But seriously, how annoying it is when you can't be seated until your whole party gets there!? Who arrives at a place at the same time as their whole party? Robots? The Swiss?

It just doesn't happen if you have regular people for friends.

And being told you can't be seated when you arrive at a place all eager and excited is a terrible terrible feeling! Like the last scene in A Chorus Line when the casting guy calls all those people's names and they excitedly step forward beaming with pride because they think they've passed the audition, only to then be told they didn't make it and the other people who's names weren't called are actually the ones who are going to be in the chorus line. No one wants to feel like that when they are ready to drop a lot of cash on a bunch of food!

We're the ones with the mouths and the stomachs, restaurants! YOU are auditioning for US and when you make us wait until our whole party has arrived before you will seat us you FAIL the audition.

That's it Chin Chin, I'm out. I'm never going. Unless you think the corn and coriander fritters are so special I should go?

I guess I should try it once. FOMOODT.

FOMOODT

Your week sounds very nice.

Even though you didn't include the chocolate molten babycakes, my heart sinks a little bit at the mere mention of their name because it kills me, it absolutely kills me to miss out on delicious things. Hey, I am going to invent an acronym, for that, leveraging off the established acronym FOMO (fear of missing out)!

FOMOODT - Fear of missing out on delicious things!

Who's with me? Lets all try to make FOMOODT happen by using it in a sentence today!

But back to the babycakes. I am really happy that my chutney club brothers and sisters got to eat them, and I am also really glad that I have the recipe, but mostly I just have the worst case of FOMOODT since I went to Japan as a vegetarian in 2002 and pretty much cried like this every time I walked past a takoyaki vendor on the street. It was the beginning of the end of my vegetarianism.
But on a positive note, let me provide a quick recap of my week's highlights.

• I got a seat on the tram every single morning!



• I ate classy dumplings for dinner last night with Chambo and JZ.



• Neicey turned 1. I made a chocolate ripple cake for her and covered it in smarties (I borrowed this idea from J who made an awesome smartie covered birthday cake for Baby, thanks J). I bought candles that spelt out NEICY and when we all sang to her and she loved the shit out of it! Best thing!

Obviously, I was also there when J dropped me home after our trip to Ikea and I saw the light and I agree - it was a best thing.

And now it's almost the weekend! BEST THING!!