Ten

Well, I got to tell you when I went to look at Miss Soft Crab last week I was not really expecting to find a post from K. I was expecting to see the Kravitz-Bonets looking at me with their beautiful faces but instead I saw this little ray of sunshine. Congratulations Tugboat and K - the big oh-one!

Having a baby - it's the biz. But of course not everyone gets to do that or wants to that so forget about it - there is so much great shit in the world and having a baby is just one thing.

Anyway, I was recently reminiscing about  the day Baby was born because he turned the big one-oh a couple of weeks ago. TEN! Sometimes (always) on my kids birthdays I like to recall their birth and make them listen to the details. They love it. When Pickle and Minderbinder dropped past on Baby's birthday they asked "It must be his birthday right around now, wasn't he born around now?" to which I answered, "In about an hour. Now would be around the time that I would have been screaming 'Turn off the drip!! IT'S TOO MUCH!!! PLEASE TURN OF THE DRIP!!!'"

Later he was born and whoa - what a delight. And then I had the best shower of my life. I couldn't leave. Though you know when I really couldn't leave the shower - DURING labour with Newbie. But that's another story.

Haiku Thursday (AM)

In praise of K

In a loaned esky 

At Easter I found Hemsworth 

The best one too, Chris

But birthday gifting

More delicate, difficult

It's not all easy

Here lies gwyneth 

Loathed and loved, I'd never buy

But own this? Yes please

Jackpot (PM)

WOW!

I can honestly say that I have never coveted an Apple Watch. I just feel like my phone does exactly what I need it to do. And my watch does exactly what I need it to do as well, which is sit on my wrist and tell the time. I'm just a simple girl. I mean sure, I wouldn't mind a Dick Tracy watch, but Siri has pretty bad hearing and frankly I don't think she could handle my text messages. I can honestly say that I still do not covet an Apple Watch.

I can also honestly say I have never coveted a Harry Potter remote control wand. But that is only because I did not know they existed. And now I am coveting the shit out of it. At least I know what baby is getting for "his" birthday!

Just some things I thought about (PM)

Goddamn it I love Nutella too! Though in my household we buy the cheap version called Nutino. 

I couldn't choose which one of those photos to upload so I thought screw it, I'll show all of them. 

I don't buy it often because I love it and eat it out of the jar until it is gone. Sometimes with peanut butter which is another best thing. But jeez it's good. 

Apparently Niecey suggested Nutelle as a  baby name the other day. She was eating Nutella at the time and clearly agrees that it is a best thing. 

Speaking of babies, I can't believe MSC is almost 4! How should we celebrate? 

Just some things I thought about (AM)

It is the day before the Easter long weekend AND it is two days before Passover AND it is one day after Chickpea's birthday AND it is two weeks before Miss Soft Crab turns FOUR! This means that I am a combination of tired, spent, lazy and nostalgic.

When Miss Soft Crab was born K and I used to worry that the blog needed a more clear focus, or any focus, and I remember someone, maybe KJ, saying in the early days that we seemed to talk a lot about best things and maybe that's what the blog should be about if we wanted to have a theme. Turns out we didn't really want a theme. Plus there was no getting around the fact that sometimes you also need to talk about shit things. And mostly we just wanted to talk about hunks and food and clothes, which we have successfully done for the last four years. I do sometimes wonder what happened to our enthusiasm though, best things are not visited as much these days. Who knows why.

You know what I ate yesterday, though? Nutella. I bought some to put on a cake I was making for Chickpea and do you know what? That shit is an absolute best thing. It is absolutely as delicious as you think it is. I know why I never buy it, but lordy, it made me wonder why I never buy it!

A little while ago I started writing a list of best things on my phone, it includes such undeniable best things as "hot chips with vinegar" and "a baby falling asleep in your arms", I'll probably add Nutella after I get off this computer.

There were other things I was thinking about too but now I'm just thinking about Nutella and how much I want to go and eat some. Which is exactly what I'm going to go do. Have a great weekend y'all! 

Kids say the darndest things (AM)

So who knew Bill Cosby was such a rotten apple? Crikey. 

A little side note: I had a dream the other night that my boss called me in to his office to tell me that the big boss, the man in charge, had requested that I brief him on the Bill Cosby situation as a matter of urgency. I said "Of course!" but then thought shit, I need to get up to speed on Cosby because all I know is something vague about rape and qualudes. True story. 

Anyway, th allegations don't change the fact that the dude was right about one thing: kids really do say the darndest things. 

Last night, I was at Mum and Dad's house celebrating Mum's 70th birthday. Happy birthday Mum! Niecey and Little Nut were there, and in fine form because they are small children and therefore love birthdays. They also have strong views about birthday cake. Love it fully sick. They were talking about it all night including the whole time we were eating our roast chicken and vegetables, only they weren't eating their dinners, they were just talking about cake. Midbro made the point that if they didn't start putting proper food in their cake holes, then their cakes holes would not deserve to be called cake holes. Little nut got a bit teary over this but Niecey reassured him by saying "don't worry Little Nut, it's dinner time now so your cake hole is actually your Broccolini hole, but it will become your cake hole again after dinner ."

Ha. 

 

Safari magic (AM)

When I was little my mum had these two eyeshadows. They were in little clay pots the shape of a Winnie the Poo honey pot and inside were the most shimmery metallic eyeshadows I'd ever seen. One blue and one green. On the one hand I knew they were just my mum's eyeshadow and on the other hand they seemed so magical. Like so magical I felt it in my chest. So even though I knew they were my mum's eyeshadow I kind I felt like they had a secret life as magical fairy dust and playing with them would take me away to a special place. Being a kid is awesome in that respect, you know the difference between reality and fantasy but you can feel that fantasy world, feel that maybe somewhere it does exist. I guess that's what being religious is like.

As you know my mind gets blown all the time but I can't get that magic feeling back and I guess because of that it is hard for me to know what seems magic or mind-blowing to kids. It was Baby's birthday on the weekend and I found this book, a totally mind-blowing book. Now I'm not saying it made me believe in  magic but I loved it so much I couldn't stop swearing in amazement at the shopgirl. In the toy shop. I felt like maybe if I'd seen it as a kid I would have got that special feeling. This is it:*

We also gave Baby a remote control car and little toy skeletons so I guess he was distracted. But...um...did you notice that the book looks like a TELEVISION IN A BOOK! Or like a book from Harry Potter. Ok so Baby is not versed in the world of HP but he is well versed in the real world of books and television and how never the twain shall meet! And yet he just wanted to play with his $2 shop skeletons. Well who am I to judge. I loved to play with magic eyeshadow. 

I guess I jut want it on the record that of I was my own mother I would be a kickass present giver!**

*Sorry about the crappy video. It's been a rough weekend. Also it seems I can't see it on my iPhone so check out someone else's video here on YouTube if you want your mind BENT.

**Not that there is anything wrong with my mother's present-giving skills. She buys me excellent presents once I've told her what to get. 

What I'm doing right now (PM)

Northern Irish TV sounds like it rules!

I've got a bunch of baking ahead of me. It's Baby's birthday this weekend so I gotta make cake. And also biscuits because I bought a bat biscuit cutter that I guess I gotta use. I really wish I could watch Working Girl while I was doing it. I flipping love that movie. 

But I'm actually not baking right now because first I have to buy some ingredients and also stuff for Baby's party. Probably spend hundreds of bucks on that stuff and it's not even leather!

Sunday Baking (PM)

You know, readers, I actually heard about this cake yesterday while K was at my house eating a cake that I baked yesterday and it troubled me. I bake a sponge using the Stephanie Alexander recipe from The Cooks Companion. It is a really good one. One of the things StepAl says is that you can cook it in two tins or cook it in one. Now that sounds flexible. Me, I've cooked it in round tins cooked it in loaf tins, had a perfect sponge every time and it just makes me think, what's the point in having a non-versatile sponge recipe when there are super versatile recipes out there? Fail D-Smithy.

As for me I cooked a pretty perfect cake yesterday. I had a pretty great birthday haul this year including these:

And these:

And when K said she may drop in on Sunday I thought I better make cake. Plus with a KitchenAid and great recipe doing all the work all I had to do was put stuff I'm a bowl and flick a switch. Then let some dough rise. Oh, then roll out dough, smear it with chocolate goo, roll it up Swiss roll-style, cut the Swiss roll in half lengthwise, plait the two halves, let it rise in a tin and bake it. And after that simple affair I would have a babka! Or, as it is called in Jerusalem and probably Jerusalem, a chocolate krantz.

I've been wanting to make this babka from Smitten Kitchen for ages, because a babka is one of the worlds finest cakes, but somehow I haven't got around to it but when I saw the recipe in Jerusalem nothing could stop me. Really, it was about 3 hours before seeing the recipe and having the ingredients christening the bowl of my KitchenAid. It's the kind of recipe in which the author apologies for the fiddliness or difficulty but in truth it really is just a bunch of simple steps. That's what I have discovered about so many fancy foodstuffs, they are easy they just take time. Cooking is easy.  Just listen to Delia Smith.*



*Not really,what does she know?!

Life Lessons (PM)

Lil'Sis is still young, that's her fault, there's so much she has to go through. 
But I guess it's true. Middle aged men of the silver screen are all the same to a teenage girl.
As if we would ever have differentiated between, say James Caan and George Segal when we were little. No way no how.

 

Just quickly, I wish James Caan spelled his name Jame Carn'. That would be great!


Of course, all bets are off when it comes to these guys.
I don't care when a lady comes of age. That these men are hunks is as plain as the nose on your face.

Life leassons (AM)

This weekend Pickle and I had a joint birthday party. It was a little early for me, but whaddya gonna do when you wanna share a party with someone? It was really fun. Thanks everyone!

The first time we shared a birthday party we used something like this image:

It was a great party, a great invite, and I felt like we cast ourselves perfectly as Laverne and Shirley. It was hard to think of who should represent us this year, but after some consideration I think we chose the perfect couple:

Then, not now that they hate each other. (What happened Gwyno?!) When we came up with the invite I was really happy with it and that day I had lunch with LB and his youngest sister. She is 15. I was telling them about the invite, giving Lil'Sis some background on the invites, mentioned we'd used a pic of Laverne and Shirley in the past. "Am I supposed to know who that is?" She asked. Fair 'nuff. I mean, reruns aren't what they used to be. Schemeel, schlemazel!

So, I moved on, started talking about Gwyno, about how they were BFFs until they busted up, about how Ben Affleck was dating Gwyneth and Matt Damon had been dating Wino. And I could see Lil'Sis's eyes glaze over and it started to occur to me she mightn't even know who Winona Rider was. And then she said something that, more than anything that has been said in the 10 years I have known her, highlighted the age difference. And you realise I have known her since she was 5. She said to me, "I always get Ben Affleck and Matt Damon and that other guy... who is that other guy?...Leonardo Dicaprio... I always get those guys confused."


!!!!!


?????


!!!!!

LEONARDO DICAPRIO! MATT DAMON! BEN AFFLECK! How could she? I mean, hello, has she seen Romeo and Juliet?!? To me it is almost unfathomable that, these men, hunks of my youth could be confused. And then, it occurred to me that to her these guys aren't hunks. Never have been. They are just some middle aged actors. She is just confusing a bunch of middle aged actors and I guess that makes perfect sense. I mean, she is a teenager. Oh lordy. And these aren't even hunks you would see me thinking twice about usually (though I do have a soft spot for Matt Damon. And I guess Leonardo has a certain je ne sais quoi. Also Ben Affleck looked handsome with that beard recently. But I digress) but they are just hunks I grew up with I guess and I have a very clear idea of them all. And now...well now I've just realised how finite things are. You know?! How we live in the past. We think we're teaching the kids, but really it's them that teach us.

I would post a picture of Taylor Lautner here in case any kids dropped by, but he is probably passe anyway.

Happy Birthday Miss Soft Crab Haiku Thursday! (PM)

Miss Soft Crab turns TWO!

Wisdom beyond her years

Beauty of her youth

Haha just kidding

If only Lady Crab could

Boast these great features

Happy Birthday Miss Soft Crab Haiku Thursday! (AM)

Today this becomes

A two year old chronicle 

Of this crabby life. 

Two years of thanks to

All you who bear witness to

Crab frivolity. 

Wanna be startin' something (AM)

Started the week with the best of intentions

Then at Seder ate too much to mention

This week celebrates Easter 

And the birth of my sister

And your expecting from me something like invention?!

A year of the new guy (PM)

Happy birthday Little Nut!

Gee, they grow up so fast! Just jokes! But not really. I mean, first they pop out and they are just this tiny little thing that sleeps a lot and somehow you love them more than anything or anyone before even though you barely know them and they barely exist. And only one year later they are a full little dude that maybe walks and maybe kinda talks. Crazy. I mean what else happens like that in a year. Nothing! Except I guess you could maybe meet a person, not know them and a year later be totally in love with them. Or someone could die and you could go from being completely unable to imagine a time that is without the pain to being in a place where the pain is dulled, less constant. You could lose 20 kilos or gain 20 kilos. A person could go from completely non-existent, COMPLETELY, to 3 months old within a year. Shit. I guess a lot is possible in a year. No wonder kids go from tiny little sleeping bundles to a toddler in that time.

An account of my second solo bike ride (AM)

I got a bike for my birthday. 

This is what it looked like in the darkness yesterday morning, when I got up early to take it for what was only my second ever solo bike ride. 

Hard to see, sure. But the main thing you need to take from this photo is that it is very beautiful. 

By way of background, I should probably mention that the fact that this was only my second solo bike ride is not because I insist on riding in a peloton. No. It's that I didn't know how to ride a bike until, well, about two weeks ago. 

But now I have some rudimentary bike riding skills. And my very own bike, a bike so lovely it makes you want to take it out every day of the week and twice on Sundays. So that's why I took her out for my second ever solo bike ride yesterday morning. 

It was a beautiful still morning, and the balloons were up.  

After a shaky start, I found some rhythm and decided I would take her all the way to the park. This meant crossing Glenlyon and Brunswick Roads. I know! I was acting crazy!

But readers, I crossed those roads, I crossed them good.  And as cars and other cyclists overtook me, I felt like they couldn't even tell that I barely have the first clue how to ride a bike. Those suckers were none the wiser! Geez it felt nice. And the feeling of the wind fanning my face and rustling whatever hair was sticking out of my  Melbourne bike share scheme $5 helmet... well. It was enough to make me pull over and take this photo of my bike because I was loving it so much. 

The other reason I stopped was because there was a 'For Lease' sign blocking my way and I really had no idea how to negotiate it. Pick up your 'For Lease' signs, Nelson Alexander! 

I crossed Lygon Street. I peddled down Canning Street.  I rode along the bike path back towards Lygon street and even had to stop at the lights where all the people on bikes have to stop at the lights!

Score!

I eventually returned home and discovered that Moreland's garbologists had been and left the bins strewn along the footpath in that way they like to do it. Lucky for me, because how pretty does my bike look alongside the yellow of their lids? 

I love you new bike. Now if only I knew what to call you.
She has a working title of 'Delilah' because she is from a place called Samson Cycles. But I don't feel good about naming her after a biblical double-crosser.
I like that she is so white. Can we find a name that relates to how beautiful and white she is?
J?
Chickpea?
Anyone else?
Please direct your suggestions to misssoftcrab@gmail.com

I'm not kidding you guys, please help me. 

HAPPY MOTHER FLIPPING BIRTHDAY MISS SOFT CRAB!!! (PM)

Poor J, being sick is a total bummer. And today, of all days, Miss Soft Crab's motherflipping first birthday, the day we were each going to fulfil (my) childhood dream by each making a whole cake for ourselves!

Oh well. Happily, I can advise that I did indeed make a birthday cake for Miss Soft Crab, and I'm even happier to report that though I made it up, it worked out pretty darn well. 

Here it is, readers. 

I call it Peaches and Cream. 

It's a vanilla sponge layer cake with peach flavoured ricotta cream, and peach frosting.  Nothing but the best for MSC, right? 

I wont bore you with details of making the cake. I mean, you guys know how it goes. You make a cake. You divide it in between two pans. You bake it. 

The frosting however, now that really is something else. First, you make a syrup with one cup of sugar, one cup of water and in this case, a few teaspoons of peach juice. You simmer this syrup for quite a while, until it bubbles and boils and gets to a temperature of 230 degrees - that is, you practically turn it in to toffee. Meanwhile, you whip egg whites with a little sugar to soft peaks. Once the syrup is hot enough, you pour it in to the egg whites and beat for 7 minutes (why they only start the clock at this point I don't really understand) and voila, you've got your seven minute frosting. It's really quite delicious, something like a creamy toffee. In order to give mine the kind of peachy flair I was looking for, I added a little peach schnapps and  so it basically tastes like peachy, creamy toffee. Effing delicious!

But back to the mother flipping celebrations!!

I lit some candles and drank a toast to MSC's first year. 

I have all of this peach schnapps now you see. 

Then, because I am only human, I cut myself a slice and put it in my cake hole. What? That's what it's called.  

It was yummy and all, but Mate, I really wished we were hanging out and eating it at your place, with LB drifting in and out of the room acting like he isn't listening to everything we are saying, and Baby frolicking around being cute. I mean, childhood dreams aside, MSC is not about doing solitary things, it's about hanging out on the internet as well as real life. 

I made do though, with a toy Baby left behind last time you guys were here. 

Say hello, Mr Pinky. 

That guy is mad about peach schnapps! Not really. He's not real, I know that.  

Anyway, I guess this just goes to show that real life is not like TV, but it is pretty effing great, right? 

Happy birthday MSC!

HAPPY MOTHER FLIPPING BIRTHDAY MISS SOFT CRAB! (AM)

Yes, yes, y'all, you heard right! Today is Miss Soft Crab's first birthday! We began exactly one year ago today! Can you even believe it?!

In some other world we would be throwing a hot party with guests like Vincent Chase and Serena van der Woodsen. But this is the real world guys and those people don't exist here. So instead K and I decided to bake cakes. By ourselves and for ourselves. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! It's a celebration bitches!

My cake was to be loosely based on another first birthday cake that I made last year.

That cake was delicious light sponge iced with whipped cream mixed with icing sugar and passion fruit. And if you ask me it was delicious. Miss Soft Crab's first birthday cake was to be a delicious light sponge.

That sponge would be smothered it with lemon curd. 

And that was to be smothered with whipped cream. Then I would decorate it. Kind of like this.

You guys it would be delicious. 

But this is the stupid real world. And I have been so sick all week yesterday I could barely stand for more than 10 minutes. So no cake guys. 

Might as well imagine Miss Soft Crab's birthday party looked like this rather than imagine a non-existent cake.

 

And let's hope that K has had more success celebrating than me.

Clothes + Seasons + Birthdays = Best personal looks (PM)

Hey, what a great science experiment! Lets test it out.

I'm a Summer baby myself, and while I love autumn and spring for their good light and their pretty colours,  summer is my true love.

And come to think of it, I guess I do kind of love the things you get to wear in summer. Like dresses (my other true love, the thing I prefer to wear above all other things), and boyfriend shirts over bathers with no pants when you are at the beach, or texting on your bike.

This looks works equally well when you are hanging about at your apartment on hot days, or when you get home from work and want to take your pants off, but wonder what that means, then ultimately think "what the hell, I'm an adult, I make my own decisions now".

I also love how you don't have to wear a jacket in summer, unless you are a potato and that's what you're in to.

But all of that ends in autumn. By the time May comes, its completely gone. Autumn is really just a brief period between the season where living (and dressing) is easy and the season where dressing is for survival.
Having said that,  I like autumn's colours and the opportunity to wear jumpers and stockings. And it's such a wistful time. So full of wist. That can be nice. But not as nice as summer. Summer is my true love.

Clothes+Season+Birthday=Best Personal Looks (AM)

I have a theory that a person loves the fashion of their birth season best. People may even love that season best. I am not sure yet. My study sample consists of me only, so the study definitely has limitations and future studies should consider using larger samples comprising of a variety of participants with birthdays across a spread of seasons.

You probably know that I love autumn best because I want to look like this:

But I think I want to look like that because it is the style that suits me best. Autumn style suits me best and I was born in autumn! Coincidence? I don’t think so. It was last autumn that I decided that it was time to dress every day to the fullest. And unconsciously the same thing happened this year about 2 weeks ago.  I started feeling like every day was a chance to wear a great outfit! No, I mean a really great outfit. Like I should always leave the house really happy with how I look. I love autumn!

I do also love spring. It is kind of like autumn in reverse, both have the mild weather for which you can dress according to style rather than need, both seasons have beautiful light, both seasons are a bit exciting. Transitions, right? So exciting.

So when the weather started turning I started getting a little excited. I love summer, I do, but usually by the time autumn comes around I am kind of ready for it. If only the long days could stick around. But I always forget that autumn lasts about 5 minutes before winter starts sticking its nose in like nobody’s business. I would have forgotten it this year too probably but when I read this post I wrote in May last year I was reminded all too well that my favourite autumn outfits are soon pushed out by the need for a more pragmatic approach to dressing. Or things I was excited about initially like new jumpers or chunky socks soon become hated after months of wearing nothing else. Shit, way to make me feel totally conflicted autumn.