Good times (PM)

Sometimes it really does feel like the universe is putting it all together for you. I remember thinking about my car, which is my dream car, and how owning it really made me feel super lucky. So it's no surprise K is feeling so great right now.

I'd like to feel like everything is coming up J too but after being woken up before 6am and having to deal with two super grumpy children ever since, it's hard. I even made pancakes for breakfast, partly because there was no milk in the house and I do this delicious thing when that happens and we have limited breakfast choices where I add yoghurt and orange juice to the pancake batter and they are delicious. Anyway I thought pancakes may make the complaining go away but instead Baby just whinged that he only wanted one pancake instead of the two I put on his plate.

But sheesh, things could be a lot worse. So I guess it may be good to just try and appreciate that really my life is full of good times despite the niggling shit. Like in a few weeks I'll be wearing jeans again. Hopefully. I'm pretty sure I have one pair I'll be able to fit in to and that will be the sweetest.

Baby is sick home from school today which means I don't have to wake up Newbie and rush out the house at 3:15 for the pickup.

I still haven't watched Stranger Things but plan too so that is exciting.

Things are great!

Haiku Thursday (PM)

 

 

Tough questions

My private jury 

Is still out on Chris Hemsworth

Must see more of him

Hey, a-hole

If you're turning right

And put your indicator

On late, well fuck you

French Friday (PM)

Mon dieu, Mate! You have inadvertently created the best AM/PM segue that a girl could ever hope for.

Remember how you were all dreaming of France and it was like:

<<pretty picture of  La Jean Seberg et le Jean-Paul Belmondo>>

<<pretty picture of les vegetables>>

<<pretty picture of les voitures>>


<< pretty picture of  la pain>>


<< pretty picture of  le fromage>>


Then you were all onc onc onc,  because you were picturing le Vincent Cassel?

Then you were all *vroom vroom* I am thinking about Grace Jones giant mouth with a citroen driving out of it?

Well check it out, here is an ad that combines Vincent Cassel AND a car. And not just any car, a Renault Clio which, for those readers who do not know, is my very own beloved car.

This ad makes me feel like I am practically going out with Vincent Cassel and to that makes me want to onc onc onc!  Even though Le Flav told me that only grandmothers drive Clios in France, I don't care! The ad tells me everything I need to know!
Viva la France!

French Friday (AM)

Don't worry guys, French Friday is not a new thing. It is just today's thing. It is Bastille Day Eve, after all. And I fully intend to eat a croissant for breakfast. Any excuse, ay? Usually that excuse is just that it is breakfast time so I feel pretty happy that I have the excuse of Bastille Day Eve today. Oh, that's not a thing? Oh, we are not French? Yes, I see.

Well, given that we are not French I decided I should find out a bit more about Frenchness. As you know I get all my knowledge from the Internet so I typed  'French things' into Google and I am heaps more smarter now.

You see, I found that wiki.answers had a list to answer the question, 'What are 50 French things?' Really? A person really asked that question? Whatever. Here are some items on the list:

Gauloise cigarettes (Onc)
French accents in English (Onc onc)
Balconies with flower pots (ummm)
Topless sunbathing (onc onc onc)
Cars
Weekend in the country in spring

As you  can see the list does degenerate into things that just exist in places. But France is a place so I guess, yep, cars and weekends away exist there.

If K hadn't mentioned Bastille Day the other day I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it. But now that I am thinking about it, or rather thinking about France, maybe you'd like to know what it looks like inside my brain right now?

ONC! ONC! ONC!

But mostly inside my brain looks like this:

VIVE LA FRANCE!

WTF?! Wednesday (AM)

Hi guys.

We're back in Melbourne now. I guess it had to happen sooner or later. Gosh Hobart was great. I know everyone knows that, but it must be said again. It really is great.

Real life is just as I remember, however. Some parts of it are great (people and stuff) and some parts are not so great. Remember how someone snapped the windscreen wiper off my car a few weeks ago? Well now some douche-b has broken my side mirror too.

People, please stop vandalising my car.  Your vandalism makes me sad and costs me money. If you are someone I know and you have a vendetta against me, lets talk about it! If you are not someone I know and are just randomly vandalising, please, go draw a cock like everyone else!

Thanks.

What I'm thinking about in my car (PM)

Personally, when I'm in my car, I am:

• averting my eyes to avoid catching the slightest hint of a My Family sticker
• singing along to Graceland 
• thinking that I really should put some other CD's in the car, because Graceland  has been the only one for months now and I am getting really sick of it.

Sometimes I also pay attention to the names of businesses around me, like that time I was in Cheltenham and encountered a hairdresser's called Second Opinion Hair.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

What I'm thinking about in my car (AM)

Now the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some. And, you know, few places is that more evident than on a car. Have you seen what people put on their cars? And I’m not just talking frangipanis or your old fashioned bumper stickers, which I try to ignore for fear of being morally or aesthetically offended. But then I started seeing those disgusting ‘My Family’ stickers everywhere and I couldn't ignore them anymore more. I am not sure what I find more offensive. The fact that people feel the need to put a ‘picture’ of ‘their family’ on a car or that people want their family depicted in such a fashion as this:

 

Ugh. (These idiots not only put this picture on their car, they then put it on the Internet too! WTF?!)

The other thing that sometimes has me asking questions is business names. I know it makes total sense to have your business name on the side of your car or van. It gets you so much exposure. Over summer I saw a medical waste disposal van for a company called Sweeney Todd. Are you all familiar with the story line of the smash hit musical Sweeney Todd? It’s about a barber who starts killing his patrons so the pie shop owner in the neighbourhood can turn their bodies into pies. What self respecting hospital administrator would employ such an ill-names medical waste disposal company?!? 

 

And what about personalised number plates?! One car I see around has plates that say RAGER. I bet you are, guy. Last night I saw plates that said BOTOXU. Like Botox you? What? What the fuck? I have so many questions about what the fuck that is about. Unlike the plates I saw on a Porsche 4-wheel drive recently that said PORSCHE. That just made me ask the questions ‘What happened to you when you were a child?’ and ‘How small is your cock?’

 

Haiku Thursday - Twilight Saga Edition (AM)

Haiku impressions of Edward Cullen
by K and J

I

Stupid Sparkleface
With his stupid sparkly face
Get a real face!

II

You can climb a tree
Really fast. Um, so what, guy!
So can possums! Dick.

III
Edward Cullen's best
Thing are his ever larger
Volvos. For reals guy.

IV

Girl found you're a vamp
By searching the internet.

That's really lame, guy.

V
I think vamps are hot
But somehow Cullen kills it
Pussy vamps aren't hot.

Chut up internet, you're not so smart

The Internet thinks it is so smart, tailoring it's ads just for me.

It's not so smart. For some reason the other day in my gmail account there was an add for Jaguars (the cars, not the animal). Why gmail thinks I can afford a Jaguar? It must be totally misreading my emails. And if it paid any attention to me at all it would know that my heart belongs to Volvo.


And if I were ever to leave Volvo it would only be for a Citroen CX.


Or maybe a Mini Cooper in navy with a cream roof.


Whatever. The point is I am totes not buying a Jag.

And Amazon thinks it knows me so well. You don't know me Amazon! You don't know what I want!

One time I was thinking how Dirty Dancing would be a good film to own on DVD so I was checking out the prices on Amazon. Now it thinks I want to buy shit like Pretty Woman and The Notebook. Like I want any old crappy boy/girl-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks-makes-good-love-can-conquer-all bullshit movie. Um, excuse me Amazon, but I have excellent taste. Don't you know that by now?! If I want that kind of move it will star Patrick Swayze, or at least Kevin Bacon and definitely have plenty of dancing. Sheesh.