Ski trip 2014 (AM)

Last night I got back from a few days at Thredbo. It's funny going to the snow from Melbourne. I guess because the climate is so completely different it feels like going on a big holiday. It kind of rules. I felt after four days like it was a pretty nice break. l met a woman who'd been there three weeks. It made me think "Whoa she must be loaded" and "That must feel like a million years." And also "Nice life!"

The snow is a weird place. Firstly, it's so beautiful.  

There's funny things about it though. Like at the snow a house automatically becomes a chalet which makes it seems so much more glamourous. (Although  Wikipedia has some interesting things to say on this).

Even if the bookshelf is full of Danielle Steele novels the fact it is in a chalet makes it classy. And somehow a shelf full of Danielle Steele novels seems appropriate in a chalet. 

And faux fur throws which would otherwise seem gross seem awesome.

Baby did skiing lessons which reminded me of my first skiing lessons and made me realise that a lifetime of experiences makes going through mildly traumatic or difficult experiences so much easier. If your lifetime is 35 years and not 4 years. 

Apparently if you only have a 4-year lifetime of experiences, falling over repeatedly on snow while wearing planks on your feet feels even shitter than if you have 35 years of experience. But learning to ski still rules! 

But not as much as going on a waterslide. 

An open letter to K (PM)

Dear K,

Oh sure, I've thought about teaching. I was talking to LB about it just the other day. I mean the holidays! Shaping the minds of the youth! Who wouldn't want that!? Learning more about maths and practicing it. Yeah it sounds pretty good. And those Australia's terrible numeracy levels, ugh, so depressing. 

But what about all those jerk kids? Not to mention jerk principals you'd have to deal with. Jerk governmental policies on education. God, so many jerks. And I would have to learn so much maths! I mean I really don't know anything anymore. Not that I ever knew that much.

But I do really like pi/e.

I guess I've got some thinking to do.

J

What I almost learned this week (AM)

This week I decided I wanted the answers to questions I had often pondered. Like “Could this sore throat and snotty nose that totally seems related to my menstrual cycle really be PMS?” and “Is chilli addictive? 'Cause I gotsta get me some.”

According to some websites “Yes, peppers are addictive. Peppers contain capsaicin, a natural chemical that sends a burning sensation from the nerve endings in the mouth to the brain. The body defends itself against this pain sensation by secreting endorphins, natural painkillers that cause a physical "rush" - a high that keeps us coming back for more.” (Statement 1). But according to the Guardian, “Capsaicin, the compound that provides the mouth-watering punch of chillies, does not seem to have any addictive qualities whatsoever.” (Statement 2). I guess Statement 2 does not actually contradict Statement 1. It’s just that the idiot that wrote Statement 1 was an idiot. Chillies probably aren’t addictive but maybe the body’s response is?

On a side note I actually saw Statement 1 repeated almost word for word on more than one website. usually with many typos and bad punctuations. So let me make it unmistakably clear that Statement 1 is the viewpoint of a bunch of other people that I do not necessarily hold to be true. Or not true. Also, the Wikipedia page for ‘chili pepper’ says nothing about addiction. And  you know my position, if it’s not on Wikipedia it doesn’t exist. Ipso facto, I just really like chilli. Wikipedia, does however say that “Psychologist Paul Rozin suggests that eating chillis is an example of a "constrained risk" like riding a roller coaster, in which extreme sensations like pain and fear can be enjoyed because individuals know that these sensations are not actually harmful. This method lets people experience extreme feelings without any risk of bodily harm.” The thrill! The addiction of the thrill!!!

As for PMS, the internet was similarly useless on this point! Although when I typed in the search for "PMS flu-like symptoms", there were a ton of results, they were all useless. At first, I was delighted that there were so many results, but nothing really gave me solid answers. Though thanks to things like the Kotex period forum page I know I’m not alone. Or it is suggested that I am not alone, because I can’t imagine that anyone but the Kotex marketing team is writing on that message board. So, I went over to Wikipedia, natch. And I learned that: a) if you don’t have actual emotional symptoms you don’t have PMS!; and b) there is an increase in probability of attempting suicide during the menses of  1.68! WHOA! Sucks to be a chick! As usual!

Didn't take long to find out.... (PM)

Oh, brother. And people are worried about the state of education in this country.

It just so happens that last night I watched a program in which Ewan McGregor went into remote areas of the Congo on a child-vaccinating mission. Perhaps he could turn his attention homeward and help vaccinate his people against stupidity. 

WTF? Wednesday (PM)

That sister hadn't heard of Molly Ringwald is upsetting. I mean what the hell are they teaching in schools these days?! But more upsetting is a thought I had moments after reading K's post this morning.

Think about it. The Breakfast Club is pretty much a movie that defined a generation. Not really, it's just a movie that people who were young at a certain time watched a lot. Right? I assumed that young people would always watch this movie. Right? Because it is awesome. In fact I wish I was watching it right now. But bra-fitting girlfriend hasn't heard of Molly Ringwald, suggesting she hasn't seen it.

You see where I am going with this? I don't know, maybe it is because the review of the Red Dawn remake is fresh in my brain or maybe it is because I am still upset about last year's remake of Footloose. But you guys if the movie moguls get wind of the fact that kids aren't watching The Breakfast Club they may think it is a good idea to make a new one. You guys, I don't want John Hughes rolling over in his grave. And even more I do not want to see a Breakfast Club remake.

Ask Someone Who Knows (AM)

I don't understand why bad smells seem to be alive and get in to things, whereas the really lovely smells just disappear. I once knew someone who's breath smelled like dead things. Week old dead things. Somehow that odour would infect everything around it. After spending time with this person, my hair also used to smell like dead things. If I walked in to a room after this person had been there for a while, my first thought was death has touched this place. The smell lived outside his body, and seemed to live quite well.

Alternatively, when I spend some time next to a bunch of garden roses, my hair takes on nothing of the sweet, sweet smell of roses. I walk away and my hair just smells like hair.
Why is it so?
I decided I would ask Miguel, because he and Legsley know everything about science, and I thought it would be more fun than googling it.

I told him my situation and here's what he said:

I don't actually know the answer to it, but I won't let that stop me from having a good Aussie dip.

As I understand it, bad smells are mainly caused by bacteria (like BO, bad breath etc smells, I mean - not like sulphur or chlorine, because they are caused by the presence of sulphur or chlorine). So like if you don't brush your teeth for awhile, there will be all sorts of food and crud in your mouth and bacteria will start eating it and producing bad smells. I have a suspicion that we may have actually evolved to think that bacteria emissions smell bad because they are usually an indication that something is rotting and so we shouldn't eat it. Anyway, maybe the actual smellecules (those are smell molecules btw) contain bacteria that set up camp in your hair. I sure hope that isn't the case. So the moral of the story is that bad smells produce more bad smells in much the same way that sourdough starter makes more sourdough starter if you feed it.

Good smells, on the other hand, are not self-replicating. Sadly rose petals do not make more rose petals if you leave them alone. So you need be a bit more proactive to make something smell like a rose.

I have no idea whether this is true, but I think it might be. I hope that helps.


Thanks Miguel, it certainly has helped.
And as for you, bacteria, thanks for nothing motherfukers! Not only are you responsible for disease, but you are also responsible for bad odours. Forget you guys.

My Friend

Did you know that one of Sparkle Motion's teachers wrote the score for the smash hit Disney movie Alladin!!!

But back to her own great tunes and that great video clip. It's so great that Sparkle Motion happens to know a hot young director to make such a super clip for her!

K and I were lucky enough to be on set the day of the shoot. The set was super creepy!



The whole place smelled disgusting!


But the aftermath was cool. As seen here:


And here:

MY FRIEND from SPA on Vimeo.

Oh, already seen that? Sorry I couldn't help posting it again.

The Learning Atelier

J: So I think it is fair to say that we pretty much loved the shit out of our Shu Uemura Learning Atelier, right? Pretty hard not to love a thing conducted by someone as adorable as Yumi and after which we look super pretty right?

Say hello, Yumi!

K: Perhaps we should describe what the Shu Uemura Learning Atelier is. Basically it is a two hour make-up lesson from a skilled professional make-up artist who is also a really nice lady - Yumi.

Yumi really had her work cut out for her, because neither of us really know what we are doing when it comes to wearing the make up. Of course we've worn make up before. But just because we've done it, doesn't mean we know what we are doing. I mean, I've swum breast stroke a bunch of times, doesn't mean I have the first clue about technique. Anyway, we took the lesson because we wanted to learn some things. The kinds of things that could support the groom quest. We started at the very beginning, because its a very good place to start. Yumi cleaned our faces with nice smelling stuff. Then she put the equivalent of a base coat on us. This product is really just meant to even out your skin tone a little bit, and sit underneath foundation.

She pretty much could have stopped there, because with just the base coat we looked kind of awesome.

J: I know! Already so evenly toned and beautiful! I actually think, though, that once the foundation was on, even though we looked so pretty, I felt like my face was too even. I know, it sounds crazy, but I guess I felt a bit weird about going from normal face to one-tone face. I wonder if I hadn't had the base on I would have been more inclined to buy foundation afterwards. Well I guess I will just have to try your foundation and see.

So once we had those beautiful faces we went to the eyes, right? I really liked how Yumi started with the subtle daytime eye and graduated to night time eye. So we could see every type of eye.

Remember how Yumi was all, "oh, some girls want to have a sexy smoky eye, you know. They are like sexy, party girls, but that's not you guys." Um, maybe that is us!

Liquid eyeliner. Don't be afraid.

K: I've been noticing everyone's make-up since we got our lesson, particularly 'sexy party girls'. I think Yumi totally had us pegged as non 'sexy party girls'. However, whether we became non-sexy party girls by choice, or whether we had non-sexy party girl thrust upon us is a different matter.

Anyway. You know, one of the other things I learnt from the Shu Uemura Learning Atelier? The importance of applying stuff to my face in an upwards direction. Apparently if you slap stuff on your face with a downward sweeping motion, gravity will appreciate your help and you will look like a shar pei in no time at all. Undesirable. If you sweep upwards, gravity will get no leg up from you.

The Shu Uemura Learning Atelier also taught me how to use liquid eyeliner. That stuff has always seemed like more trouble than it is worth. But the Shu Uemura liquid eyeliner is super easy to use and looks so neat on the eyelid.

So neat.

J: YES! Upwards direction. Every time I apply moisturiser or anything else to my face with that upwards direction I feel like it is lifting and prettyfying my face. I am starting to think that this grooming caper is at least 60% placebo effect. But I don't even care. Whatever works.
The liquid eyeliner makes you look beautiful. I also like how I learnt that just because I am attracted to a thing that doesn't mean I should wear it. Like, there was this sparkly red eyeshadow that I could not take my eyes off. And I asked Yumi if she thought I could wear it but she told me my red skin tone would not be enhanced (I'd look fug) by the red eyeshadow. Sadly, I know she was right. But it was good having her tell me because otherwise I probably would have tried it even though I knew it wouldn't suit me. It's yet another grooming issue I have.

Let's all just stick to what suits us, shall we?

Oh, and I also loved how Yumi drew those pictures for us to help us remember what the hell we are doing!

Real life demonstration of learning

Yumi's drawings

K: I know, I loved that too! I also took notes during the lesson, because sometimes I don't remember things that I have just been told. Here are some of the very helpful notes I took.

Sure, it seems simple, but its already proved quite helpful.

Feel free to use my notes, guys.

All in all, the Shu Uemera Learning Atelier was completely awesome.
Thanks J and Yumi!

J: Yeah! Thanks Yumi, I am so much prettier now! And thanks K.

Oh, and GO CATS!