Not cool guys: seafood in the workplace (AM)

I effing love le fruits de mer.
Mussels. Scallops. Prawns. All the fish. Oysters! Don't get me started on oysters. When I lived around the corner from Canals (the seafood shop, not the navigable waterways) I used to routinely pick up half a dozen oysters on my way home from work so I could snack on those delicious suckers while I was cooking dinner. I love you so much oysters.

Remember the time we ate all of that magical sashimi?

Remember that time J and I cooked that delicious, seafood stuffed paella with Legsley and Blephanie? You guys couldn't possibly remember because I don't think we ever told you about it. But it looked like this:

I'm serious guys, I love seafood. And I'm telling you all of this, because when I say what I have to say next, I want  you to understand that I am not some kind of seafood hater. I am a seafood lover.

But I am also a normal person with feelings and all five senses intact, plus my extra special sense of being able to recognise people. So when people bring seafood based leftovers to the workplace and heat those piles of slurry up in the mother effing work microwave, so that the entire effing floor smells like a mother effing fish kill, I don't really like it.

Two days in a row someone has done this. On the first day, it started as just a little hint of fishiness in the air, but then kept building and building like a giant wave, and after building to the size of the wave at the end of Point Break it crashed over everyone.  Basically we couldn't do anything but writhe around in our seats and wonder what could make such a smell (we never found out). On the second day, we knew what was happening as soon as the first hint of fishiness hit the air.  Neville was really smart and basically just leapt out of her seat and got the hell out of there straight away. But I had a deadline. I had to sit at my desk and try to keep working while taking short sharp breaths to avoid inhaling any of the smell.  Today is the third day and I'm really worried.

If you're reading this, fish loving colleague (there is no way you are reading this...), please stop. It's sick and gross and you need to not do it any more. We have effing work to do guy, come on.