Monday, June 18, 2012

My new fake boyfriend is not as nice as my old fake boyfriend (PM)

Um, Mate, it is a little awkward for me to have to say this out loud and on the Internet, in front of everyone, but I don't think that guy is your new boyfriend. I'm sorry.

As you seem to be having trouble seeing clearly, I am going to hold a mirror up to your post and show you the problem. Remember this thing you said 4 hours ago "we used to always run in to this one guy who came to be known as my boyfriend...he would smile at me but totally ignore J, which is why we dubbed him my boyfriend and not J's"?

And then remember this other thing you said 4 hours ago "instead of smiling at me and looking all eager and  excited like the first fake boyfriend, this one always looks kind of irritated"?!

Ipso facto, that guy you keep seeing around is just some guy you keep seeing around. I think it may be important to learn the difference.

It's like Aussie Male. He wasn't anyone's boyfriend. You see, readers, before K's boyfriend came along we used to see this other guy around. All the time. For a long time he didn't have a name and then, weirdly, K and I were seeing a play and this guy, who we'd been seeing everywhere for months was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO US! At intermission he left his coat on his chair and out of curiosity we looked at the label. The brand was Aussie Male. And after that, so was he. Anyway, the point is, he wasn't a boyfriend he was just that ubiquitous guy, Aussie Male. 

In LB's family there is a story about one of his brothers who once asked their mum "How do you know when you are going out with someone?" People like to laugh at the adorable naivete of this, but you know he has a girlfriend now and I think there is no confusion about the girlfriend/boyfriend thing.  Sure, the blurry line may be different in fake relationships, but, if you like, I can give you LB's mum's number.


  1. #ohshit
    You're so right. This guy is the new Aussie Male, not the new my boyfriend. I can't believe I never realised.
    Hey, you know what though Mate? Thanks to the magic of facebook, I can advise that Aussie Male is now married to a girl I went to school with's sister. She's Mrs Male now. I've been meaning to tell you for ages but keep forgetting.

  2. I'm so happy to hear things worked out for Aussie Male!