While Miss Soft Crab usually likes to end the week on a positive note, I'm not sure that's going to be possible today. You see, in addition to getting around with a bunch of orchids in her hair, Gwyneth Paltrow has just relaunched her GOOP website. It is no longer merely a weekly e-newsletter full of expensive and useless shit that she likes, but is now a "lifestyle company curated by Gwyneth Paltrow". Are you thinking what I'm thinking, readers?
If you are thinking something along the lines of :
Get your hand off it Paltrow
No seriously, fuck off
then yes, you are indeed thinking what I'm thinking. But due to Miss Soft Crab's long-term interest in bagging GOOP, I think it might be time to check in and see what's new for us to roll our crabby eyes at. It's time to return to GOOP!
Readers, you will be delighted to learn that GOOP still holds fast to its "buy this $100 candle" and "go on this detox" bullshit roots . But now there's more! GOOP 2.0 also contains a bunch of:
"exclusive limited edition GOOP collaborations for the wardrobe and the home - foundation pieces for you to build upon with your own personal style".
Lets have a look at one of these exclusive limited edition collaborations, shall we?
Presenting, "the GOOP tee". Not t-shirt, mind you. Just "tee".
Um, gee GOOP, that looks an awful lot like a white t-shirt to me. A white t-shirt you are selling on your website for $90. I'm struggling to find what's so GOOPy about this. And why I should spend a pineapple and two lobsters on it.
There's also this, the GOOP bikini, which looks a lot like the kind of thing you see wrapped around a ham come christmas time. All yours for a tidy $150.
There's also a pair of GOOP jeans and, my personal favourite, the GOOP tray, which I am not posting here because it really must be seen in situ to be believed. Be sure to scroll down so you can see GOOP in her 'office' doing some 'work'.
Apparently the tray can go to the office for "an elegant display" or be the centrepiece of a living room.
Really GOOP? You want a tray to be the centrepiece of your living room? What a shit living room that would be! And for $270, if you don't mind, thank you very much!
I think GOOP's gone mental.