Friday, July 27, 2012

Hunk of the Month Club: Jake Gyllenhaal

I'm sure you all know who Jake Gyllenhaal is. He is this really handsome guy:

But he is so much more than that! He is also this handsome guy!

But seriously folks, I don't think that you need me to tell you that Gyllenhaal is an American actor born in 1980 and star of Donnie Dark and Brokeback Mountain and a whole bunch of other stuff too. But what I want to know is why is isn't in more stuff all the time? Other than those weird 5 minutes when he dated Taylor Swift he has been very, very quiet lately. And I want to know why! I want answers.

J: So! Mate! That time of the month again. And this time we are celebrating Jake Gyllenhaal. I remember the first time I saw him. Donnie Darko was on at the MIFF, and because I liked the sound of it and the giant bunny in the picture I went to see it and I was blown away! Yes, I liked the film a lot, but that Gyllenhaal! I knew from the moment I saw him that I would be seeing a lot more of him.

K: I didn't go to that screening of Donnie Darko, but it reminds me that I really must get serious about figuring out what MIFF films I am going to this year. But I do remember quite clearly how you told me about it after you saw it,  and told me how great the dude in it was. You spoke in hushed tones, reverent almost, instead of the usual enthusiastic phwoar  and what a hunk! type deal that usually follows the discovery of a new hunk. You seemed to be extremely impressed.
I had my doubts because even though you said the name 'Jake Gyllenhaal' several times, I couldn't quite grasp it nor commit it to memory and I had doubts about the future of a hunk who's name was difficult to remember. Keep in mind, readers, that this was before the days of mobile internet devices, so its not like you could have just showed me a picture of JG and allowed me to commit that pretty face to memory then and there. No. I had to wait until I saw Donnie Darko, some time later, to realise that J was right. This hunk was going places.

J:My how things have changed. When I saw Donnie Darko I don't think I even had Internet at my house! In fact I actually remember Yahooing him at work. (HA!) And being delighted to find that he was already on his way up.

Of course it was not long before that difficult to remember name became a name of the household variety. Have you seen his face? Little wonder?!

K: And there we have it. That boy has a face that won't quit.

Seriously, if I was Jake Gyllenhaal, I would burst out laughing every time I looked in the mirror.
It's not that I find extreme handsomeness funny, it's just that certain levels of pretty make me feel like I must be in the middle of some kind of practical joke, played by the gods on us unsuspecting men. 

J: I know what you mean. I feel that way too, like how could that ridiculous handsomeness be for real, right? I wonder what it is like for Gyllenhaal to be that pretty.  

K: I wish I could tell you!

There was a time there where JG was in everything, but it seems like he's gone quiet lately. 
Why is it so? It's not because he got less pretty, that's for sure. He still looked pretty walking down the street in March.

J: He sure did look good walking down the street in March!

I guess he still is in stuff, like that just terrible looking film with Anne Hathaway, who I can not stand, especially when she is a playing fun-loving, sexually-liberated woman who, through a gross miscarriage of universal justice, gets to do it with Gyllenhaal. No, no amount of hunk could get me to watch that. But what he was in recently, and luckily for my eyeballs was on TV recently, was Brothers. I couldn't really tell if that film was any good, because it was on TV and it made me cry all over the place with its death and sadness and war and horror. But one thing that was abundantly clear is that Jake Gyllenhaal is really, very hot.
Plus, as MC Gusto says in CB4, "[he] got them eyes, man, yo"!

K: Oh shit, he sure does got them eyes. Them kind of eyes that if you looked at them just once you would probably get pregnant. Just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean that it couldn't happen. Gyllenhaal be like the anti-Medusa!

Also, because this a thinking woman's blog, we should  note that Gyllenhaal is not just really, really pretty. He is also really good at the acting. He's great at it in fact!

J: Yes. He really is a great actor. You think they just nominate anyone for a Best Supporting Academy Award like they did Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Mountain? He really is very, very good in that movie. I love that movie.

We should also note that he is rad in a bunch of other ways too. He campaigns to get the kids to to vote. You know, 18-year-old kids. And according to Wikipedia he donates money to have trees planted in Mozambique, enjoys cooking and woodwork! HOT!

K: I wish he was in more great stuff, though. That's my one complaint about JG. But having said that, I  think he is going to age really well and so I guess we should be focussing on quality, not quantity, as it's not like we need him to cram so we can all get it while it's hot (MC). No siree.

J: Yes. Gyllenhaal will age well. You can tell because he is not just pretty but also manly. And that is a recipe for long lasting hunk factor. (Paul Newman anyone?)

Do you know what else is quite hot about Gyllenhaal? He's the godfather of Matilda Ledger.

K: Wow. Is it weird to think that's hot?

J: If you want some kind of respectable answer to that you are asking the wrong person.

K: Lets not overthink it.

The things we know for sure are that JG is hot, he is really great at the acting and happily, he has a long career ahead of him through which can experience these things. 
But, if he could possibly be in something good soon, that would be great. Maybe with Edward Norton. Just putting it out there.

J: And James McAvoy. Maybe?

K: OMFG yes!
J: We pitch tomorrow!


  1. Thinking women? Glad you told us .when it comes to hunks ,it's a bit unclear about that.
    But seriously have you noticed how JG has a permanent smirk .I recon he knows he is handsome so your mirrorquestion is answered ,he looks in the mirror in the morning than he can't take that smirk of his face for the rest of the day,thinking how much better he looks than everyone else.

    1. You might be right, MC, but you can't say he isn't justified.

  2. You can tell that his skin would smell really nice.

  3. Awesome stuff MSC, this blog has made my day! The last movie I saw JG in was prince of persia. It was a good movie, but pretty sure it was his presence that made it so. Agreed, he ticks all the boxes x

    1. Prince of Persia sounds like the kind of film where there would be a lot of male toplessness - am I right? I guess I'd better cancel my plans for tonight and find out.

    2. I hope you did! haha I havent seen him that ripped&topless before in any other movie. His acting was ace too. Definitely worthy of a night in to watch it x

  4. According to iMDB, the following movies with JG are in the pipeline:
    - End of Watch (completed) To be released 29th November in Australia
    - Nailed (in post-production) Ha ha ha - gotta love this one - A small town waitress gets a nail accidentally lodged in her head
    - An Enemy (post-production) Two JG's for the price of 1 - A man seeks out his exact look-alike after spotting him in a movie
    - Mobster - A call for the new order (in pre-production)

    This year he was in an English short movie called Time to Dance playing a psycho killer - but it looks like it's only been released in the UK.

  5. HAHAHA! Nailed! I love how it says "small town waitress gets a nail ACCIDENTALLY lodged in her head"! Also An Enemy! Genius! Double Gyllenhaal I can't wait!