Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Imaginary TV Show Workshop! (AM)

You know readers, in all the years (one of them) Miss Soft Crab has been around, we have never ever used anyone else's content in our posts. Sure, we refer to other people's stuff, but on the whole, all the stuff eaten, seen, thought about then communicated in these crabby pages comes straight from our brains to you. That is, until now!

Readers, hold on to your hats because have we got something pretty special in store for you.
Today, Miss Soft Crab is delighted to bring you the results of  MINUTES and MINUTES of creative effort put in by Miguel, Legsley,Tickle, J and I in a little electronic-mail based game we like to call Imaginary TV Show Workshop.

First, What is Imaginary TV Show Workshop and why is it a thing?

Ok, very quickly now because I have a tendency to go on about things.
Imaginary TV Show Workshop is a series of imaginary TV show concepts we have come up with to add some colour and movement to the emails we send one another when arranging our weekly catch up at the Edinburgh Castle of a Wednesday night.
We do it because one night, whilst at the EC, we were discussing how lame it is when TV shows put too much double and sometimes triple entendre in their names. Par example: Hart of Dixie, which, as Wikipedia advises, stars Rachel Bilson as Dr. Zoe Hart, who after her dreams of becoming a cardio-thoracic surgeon fall apart, accepts an offer to work in a small medical practice in Bluebell, Alabama.
Oh, brother.
The day after this conversation took place, Tickle sent us an email with his very first Imaginary TV Show Workshop concept and from then on, there was no stopping us. Readers, you would not believe how easy and addictive coming up with fake TV shows is.You know how Thomas Edison said genius is 1 per cent inspiration, 99 per cent perspiration? Well there is no doubt in my mind that that brother NEVER played Imaginary TV Show Workshop because all the gold you're about to read came out in about 25 seconds flat. We are the 1 per cent, everybody!

OK, ok I've gone on long enough and I don't want to make you guys wait a second longer for what's coming. It's time to let the imaginary TV shows speak for themselves.

First up, let's check out the original concept Tickle sent us. 

The Real Paige Turner
The Real Paige Turner follows the story of ghost writer, Paige Turner, who struggles to get her talent recognised, even though she’s written the last four manuscripts for famous romance novelist, Lacy Silke.
Note: We didn't discuss it, but I'm picturing Melissa Joan Hart from Sabrina the Teenage Witch to play Paige. 

Next, from Miguel. 

Autumn Leaves
When her mother's latest no-hoper boyfriend gets fresh, Autumn Winters, a sassy teenager whose incessant wisecracking is just a defensive mechanism, has had enough. She steals a car, rescues her frail and demented grandmother from a nursing home, and goes on a wild cross-country ride to find her father.

That man has a gift. I'm picturing Suri Cruise as Autumn, and Fran Drescher as the Grandmother. 

Not to be outdone by this, from Legsly:

Frieze Frame

Penelope Frieze, a successful TV executive, is about experience life in an unflattering spotlight. When her star actor and toy-boy lover Splice Jordan goes missing, she is framed for the murder. Her assistant Frieda might the footage to clear her name ... if only she wasn't missing too.

And here's a little something I came up with. 

Saul O'Wit*

Father Saul O'Wit is devoted to two things - God and stand-up comedy. Every Sunday he combines the two at the parish of Saint Mary's, where the worshippers are on their knees alright -  doubled over in laughter! With his sympathetic ear and gift for one liners, he's giving the community at St Mary's - still hurting from 9/11- the kind of spiritual leadership that would make any blind man see. Watch out Father Saul, you're gonna give the Catholic Church a good name! 
*Truth be told, Miguel had a hand in this one too...

There are many many more I could share, but I think I should save some for  a future spin off post.
So let me finish with something from Miguel that, in my opinion, is the best show anyone has ever thought of ever, not just as part of Imaginary TV Show Workshop. I sure do hope all the American TV producers read Miss Soft Crab, because the world needs to see...

Wieners & L'Ouseurs
In early twentieth-century Vienna, the von Wieners (an establishment Austrian sausage-trading family) are feuding with the L'Ouseurs (upstart nouveau riche French bankers, who are revealed in the last episode of the first season to be secretly Jews named Lewinstein) over a Dalmatian land deal gone wrong. The beautiful and feisty Katharina L'Ouseur goes undercover to sabotage a von Wiener sausage warehouse from within, but sparks fly when she meets handsome von Wiener heir Franz, who is working incognito as a sausage-grader to learn the family business. Can their love survive their parents' hatred and the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian empire?

Tagline: Not everyone can be a Wiener.

NB: With minor revisions it could be moved to Vichy France and retitled Brest & Wurst.


  1. Oh my goodness: Wieners & L'Ouseurs (!)
    That's some of the best crab work to ever!

    1. Thanks TJ. If only K had remembered to note that Wieners & L'Ouseurs was actually written by Miguel we wouldn't have to awkwardly admit that MSC's finest work was not even ours!