Monday, September 8, 2014

Hour of Shower (PM)

I bet you could not have felt happier after your hour of shower, Mate. And you would have looked and smelled lovely too, and then got in to bed feeling all clean and pretty which is the best, the very best way of ending the day instead of effectively holding down the home button on the day because your device has frozen and you just need to shut it down and restart it again later.
When I was a teenager, I used to hour of shower once or twice a week. After dinner I would go into the bathroom, hang a towel over the door and spend the next hour showering, blow-drying my hair, mucking around with make up and shit and listening to JJJ. It was a touchy touch of paradise, to quote John Farnham. An extreme sanctuary, I want to say, but this isn't a Pepsi MAX commercial so I'll just stick with whispering jack.

The hanging of the towel was a really important part of this ritual. You see, our bathroom door had leadlight panels in it. This meant that when you were in there with the light on, anyone who walked past the door could see you in there doing what people do in bathrooms like go to the toilet and get naked. Readers, I urge you to think of your teenage daughters and their need for privacy when you are considering putting leadlight panels in your bathroom doors. Your teenage daughters have enough body shame to deal with without adding the prospect of their brothers and their brothers' friends seeing them sitting on the toilet. During the hour of shower I would drape the towel over the whole door and completely cover the glass, so I didn't have to worry about any goddamned person seeing any goddamned thing. Goddamn it was good.

But enough about me and the teenage years that continue to haunt me. The hour of shower is a completely excellent, accessible fantasy and one that should remain fantasy simply so it feels so damn good when you do it. Remember: if you did it all the time it would become a chore, not a delight. Let's keep the hour of shower delightful, now and always!

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