Acrostic Monday (PM)

When you don't work

Every day is the same

Every day is the same

Know there's more out there

Every day is the same 

No. Other people work

Dependable friends show you the way

Suddenly weekend's a weekend 

Acrostic Monday (AM)

Here marks the point
Eagerly arrived at
After which standards
That were once absolute
Heretofore relaxed 
Reinstated
Only the motherfucking best coffee $AUD can buy
Will pass these lips evermore

Terrific Tuesday goes Thursday! (PM)

A terrific day is just what the doctor ordered! Not because I've been having unterrific days, just because heck you guys, why not?

I've got some pretty terrific ideas for today. First of all, I might have porridge. FOR DINNER! I know it's a wild idea but I'm in Scotland, and it's pretty wild here. Plus, I've got a lot of oats to eat before Saturday, when I leave this place. And if you think eating porridge is good under normal conditions (which it absolutely is), try doing it in Scotland where you get to think and sometimes say "That's not how you make porridge!" the whole time you stir the pot. It's really terrific. Also, the berries here are out of this world. They have these delicious little numbers called brambles, and if you put those on your porridge with a little toasted coconut you are experience something pretty terrific.
So there is a very good chance that this day is going to involve a little terrific porridgey dinner for me.

Also, I am going to make today terrific by giving the gift of Caramello Koala to the folk I've been working with.  Earlier this week I gave them the gift of Anzac biscuits and hedgehog which made for a pretty terrific Monday, let me tell you. But I asked my mum to send over some Caramellos for me to distribute on my last day here and they arrived yesterday. I was going to hand them out tomorrow but what the hell, is this Terrific Tuesday goes Thursday or what?! I'm just going to do it today.

Now let's remind ourselves what's not how you make porridge!

Terrific Tuesday goes Thursday (AM)

As predicted, since Miss Soft Crab moved to a two-day-a-week blog the world has lost some great days. It's lost the chance to think about favourite things on Fridays and the ability to turn a regular old Tuesday into a terrific one. But why. You know what other day starts with a T? Thursday! That's today! Oh sure, it's too late for Tuesday but let's all make today terrific! 

Here's how I'm going to do it:

Eat porridge! Ok so I eat porridge for breakfast 9 days out of 10, but I love it every single time. What I don't love is the days when I don't eat porridge. There's no way I'd eff up Terrific Thursday by skipping porridge. No way!

Have 2 coffees! It's a grand tradition on Terrific Tuesdays to have 2 coffees and why break with tradition just because it's Thursday?! I'm going to start my day with a home brew and later I'm gonna keep things moving with a take away. Terrific! 

Celebrate the new year! It's rosh hashanah guys and who doesn't love a New Year celebration?! Oh I know there are people out there who say "oh I hates New Years, so much pressure to have a good time" or "it's so anticlimactic". Well I really like New Years, I usually gave a really good time and why should the Jewish version be any different? Good food with my family? Terrific!

Three simple little things to make this day terrific. It's not much, in fact if I'm honest you know what makes Terrific Tuesday no matter what day it is? The mindset. It's all about the mind set. Shana tovah you beautiful sons of bitches. Go out and have a terrific day!

The 20/20 Experience (PM)

Patchy though JT's show seems to have been, I think it's so great that this whole thing happened. That J went along, chose the best tickets, danced and swayed and generally took what was on offer, it's an excellent thing. When she told me she was going, I thought yeah! Way to live your life, Mate.
It's easy to not buy a ticket to this sort of thing. The cost. The funny feelings about wanting to go, but also knowing that you'll probably find a lot of it quite lame, but still wanting to go. Usually I hesitate for so long the tickets sell out and then the decision is made for me.
But J played this one just right, I think. I assume there was a moment where she said to herself
'Is there fun to be had by going to see JT?'
and herself would have replied
'You're asking me whether there's fun to be had seeing a mega pop-star who can dance and also wrote Dick in a Box? Girlfriend, you tell me!'
and seconds later that visa debit card would have been figuratively swiped.
And of course that promise of fun materialised, in amongst the lameness. Human Nature? Really JT? That's a bad call, man. Also, houselights have only one role to play in the middle of a show and that's to be briefly blasted for the purposes of whipping the audience in to a frenzy. Please see our writings on Prince.
I also think that it's impossibly cool that before J went to the JT concert, she bathed, fed and put her two sons to bed. If that's not living life to the maxx, I don't know what is.

And now, for your Monday evening viewing pleasure...

PS: Sorry for my late post. We have houseguests at the moment and it's totally messing with my routine.

The 20/20 Experience (AM)

Here's what happened: all last week I was looking forward to seeing Justin Timberlake. It's not like I was super pumped or thinking about it constantly, it was just something I was looking forward to when I'd think about it. I mean, It's not a secret I kind of love Justin Timberlake. I know it, you know it, we all know it. And I was thinking it'd  also be great because it would give me some great content for today's post.

It was a weird scenario, I thought no one would want to go with me so I didn't bother asking around. But because I wanted to go and decided to go alone I bought the most expensive tickets. Which was great, because I was just metres from the stage, which is a pretty great way to see things, especially superstars. But although I clearly know how to see a superstar, Etihad Stadium do not. The house lights were up until a minute before JT came out which did not build anticipation at all and when he emerged from beneath the stage I felt pleased but not awed. He played 2 songs from The 20/20 Experience which was pretty good but slightly underwhelming and I wondered if it is was all worth it. But then... 

I expect some of you are not as intimate with JT's back catalogue as others so I will say the song Rock Your Body is a totally cheesy track from early in his solo career and when he played that and danced in unison with his back up dancers THAT is when magic happened. It was a total boy band moment and I effig loved it.  The whole show was like that first ten minute, mildly entertaining bits with some great bits thrown in. 

But that boy can dance and if there is one thing I love it is watching people dance. Preferably with back up dancers. Ideally while I can dance too. And it was three for three on that count. And I do love JT. 

The drag of it was there was absolutely no sense of spontaneity. My guess was that not a single word spoken on stage had not been spoken the night before. Some of the ballads were a drag too. Although I loved that a white grand piano emerged for him to sit at. I loved that he played Heartbreak Hotel but when he played Human Nature by Michael Jackson and sounded like the GooGoo Dolls I wondered why the eff he didn't play any single other MJ song. Like, one of the awesome ones?

Also there was an intermission, and although I appreciate that a guy needs a little rest or pick me up or whatever happens out there in those ten minutes I also think there's a way to accommodate that without bringing up those effing house lights again and totally killing the vibe. 

Having said that though it was pretty spectacular when the entire front of the stage came off, rose above the audience and travelled out to the back of the stadium with JT and singers and dancers so they could perform right in front of the seats at the back.

So you see what I'm saying guys? Awesome, meh, awesome, meh, that was the JT show. I like his old stuff better than his new stuff and it worked better in his show too. Everybody thinks so. 

Referendum day is here at last (PM)

A few nights ago I heard a Scotsman  on the radio spruiking the "no" campaign. He was making the usual arguments, like it may result in economic problems and that the "yes" campaigners were talking up all the problems associated with GB, blowing them out of proportion, that a yes vote wasn't the change Scotland needed, it wasn't thought out, it wouldn't resolve the problems. First I kind of thought, "well these seem like reasonable arguments" but by the end of it I pretty much thought he sounded like a desperate conservative douche just as I'd expected. But then I thought maybe I thought that because I expected to think that. You know, my political leanings didn't allow me to really be open to the no campaign. Yada, yada, yada I don't know what would be better for Scotland but I know I'd have voted yes, no mibbes about it. 

It's official now though, the Scots have decided naw, they shouldn't have an independent country. It seems weird to me that a person could vote against such a thing, but like I said what do I know? I just hope they're still delighted to be united. 

Referendum day is here at last (AM)

Referendum day has finally arrived! In fact, it's almost over, as I'm writing this at 11:21pm after just getting home from seeing a fairly amusing play about the referendum. The polls closed an hour and twenty minutes ago and the counting has begun.

By the time your working day is over, southern hemisphere crab fans, we should know the result. It's a jolly exciting business, I tell you what.

But before we get to that, we have a whole referendum day to discuss! 

Let's hop to it!  
The day began in true scotch style,  good and foggy. 

That's Edinburgh Castle, behind all that foggy dew. 

While waiting for my morning coffee, I flipped through the papers which were like a bellows to the fiery fire of excitement in my heart.

I love the word 'mibbe'. There was a show on tele for a few nights called Mibbes Aye, Mibbes Naw which asked ordinary scots which way they were going to vote and why. It was actually really tabloid, but the phrase Mibbes Aye, Mibbes Naw is a hoot and reason enough to watch. 

But back to my day. At lunchtime, I headed to the nearest polling station to soak up the buzz. 

This is what I found. 

Ok. That's an informative sign but I was expecting more. I knew better than to expect a sausage sizzle , because I'd been told there unheard of at elections in this country. Sad. But where were the people handing out flyers? Where were the people just milling about talking about voting? I was a little disappointed. 

I went inside to have a look and maybe see if I could wrangle an 'Yes' badge. The official turned me away though, telling me I couldn't just go in and have a look and I couldn't take a photo and made me feel like I was compromising the whole electoral process for wanting to go in and have a look. Tory bastard. 

I was beginning to feel pretty disheartened, until I found this guy.

Surprised Yes robot! Moments later he became coy Yes robot. 

Either way, he's cute and pro-independence. 

Someone who doesn't share his view is this guy.

Geez guy, hasn't anyone ever told you that desperation is a real turn off? I'm not sure your sign is going to work.

This one was my favourite pro-union sign. 

That's a nice positive message! 

I had to head back to the office, but my overall impression of the vibe on the street was one of very subtle but tangible nervous excitement. 

Back at the office, people were trying very hard not to talk about the referendum. I guess because it's politics, and people don't talk about their politics at work. While they've all been successfully avoiding it so far, they couldn't help themselves this arvo. It was on for young and old and really cranked up my excitement  levels again. No one came out and said who they were voting for, but I suspect there are more nays than ayes. 

At the end of the day, Appleheart and I went out for a bite, then to the Traverse Theatre to see a play written on Twitter called the Yes No Plays. As you would expect from a bunch of those creative types, excitement was at fever pitch. The room was buzzing with referendum chatter, and referendum nail polish.

It was so great. And as soon as the play finished , everyone rushed off to start watching the count on TV. Which I'm off to do right now! Actually, I'm going to watch for a little while, then go to sleep and am setting my alarm for 5am so I can see the result. 

By the time J posts this arvo, we'll have a result. 

Woot!

Stand by...

Friends, today is 18 September, the day the people of Scotland decide whether they want to become an independent country. Its going to be a hell of a day, and I would like to talk about it with you, but the action won't start until  later. So, MSC is shifting to Friday for this week only. Please join us this time tomozz for full analysis.

I don't get it (PM)

Phew! When I started  reading Miss Soft Crab  this morning I thought K was going to say she didn't like Instagram and thought it was shit. God forbid.

Turns out she just doesn't like shit stuff like some of the spring/summer collections that are popping up in shops and the internet. 

The other day after K mentioned these sacks to me in an email I decided it was time to have a real proper look at Alpha60's latest range. 

In addition to the clown's nightie K featured earlier I saw this:

It made me imagine how things went while they were designing the collection. 

Designer 1: Fuck it I can't be bothered working on this season any more. Cut out 2 rectangles and sew them to some straps. 

Designer 2. Ok. But let's put circles over the boobs so it looks like we've done something. 

And these:

Designer 1: People expect more from us than just "pants".

Designer 2: I've got it! Let's put a circle over the crotch so it looks like we've done something.

At which point I emailed K to tell her I thought Alpha had jumped the shark and drunk the Kool-aid. But it's still likely I'll buy something from them before the end of the season. 

I don't get it (AM)

After months of encouragement from J, I finally joined Instagram.
So far I've only posted one photo, of a guide dog that supports Scottish independence.

Cute.
As with all my other social media platforms, I'm more of a consumer than a contributor. I feel a bit bad about that and hope to do more posting. But right now I'm mainly on it to see what people like J, Legsley and Pigeon are up to. Lots of nice things like hanging out with babies and eating porridge, FYI. I'm also using instagram to see what people are wearing and what clothes shops are selling.

After just a fortnight on Instagram, all I can say is that clothes shops are selling a bunch of unflattering stuff that wouldn't look good on anyone.

Because of the limitations of using the blogger website on an ipad, I can't show you as many examples as I'd like. But basically, everything looks like this, but in much kookier fabrics.

Here's something from Alpha60, a label I really like:

It looks like what a clown would wear when it was cleaning its shower. 

And this, from Monkhouse, a store I really really like:

I don't even know how to come at that because I am a grown woman and not a small child. And I really don't want to sound all negative and like I'm coming down on alpha60 or Monkhouse because like I said, I like both of them. 

But I really don't get it. I thought people wanted to look good. I know I do. And I know J does. I mean, have you read Miss Soft Crab? And who looks good in the expensive, synthetic fabric equivalent of  a hessian sack? A pile of potatoes, that's who. And that's all.

I really don't get it and I really want to talk about it.

I see a black thumb and I want it painted green (PM)

I can't wait to see your garden, Mate, it looks great from here! And way to go on the parsley. I've killed parsley before, so growing such a thriving plant is by no means an insignificant thing.

I've really missed having a garden since being over here. I've missed the ritual of planting stuff on the weekend and then compulsively going out to inspect it every morning to see if anything has grown, then kind of forgetting about it for a few days, then going back and seeing that some green is poking through the dirt. It's very satisfying. And when you can eat the stuff you grow, it's particularly awesome. Though I am quite partial to flowers too. Anyway, I miss having a garden and I'm looking forward to having one again when I get back.

In three weeks! Woot!

You know, Mate, now that you've got a great place to live and a great garden to grow, perhaps it's time to consider...chickens! You would have fresh eggs and Baby and Newbie would have WONDER in their back yard. 

And in case you've forgotten, you LOVE chickens! You could get a couple of little Bantams. Or those ones with fluffy feet. You'd just need a place for them to brood and then hey pesto (heh), you'd have 

I think you should do it!

I see a black thumb and I want it painted green (AM)

I've always had black thumbs that have meant death for plants. I had a thriving cactus and succulent collection as a child. If not thriving, at least living. But that was so long ago. Since then I've tried a few things, tried to keep plants here and there, but always unsuccessfully. I've  lived in houses with gardens, always over grown and, I thought, too far beyond my control and I was never really convinced I should bother with them. But some things changed. And by that I mean my living arrangements and attitudes rather than my thumbs. 

Important factors include:

A few years ago LB's dad moved into a lovely Art Deco flat, sparsely furnished but with many house plants and it felt quite heavenly. It also had views of Sydney Harbour. I couldn't get the views but I could get house plants I thought. 

And, K loves gardening. So that got me thinking...

Also I was living at my Mum's. She had the garden but I had the back steps and I thought I could garden in pots. The manageability of which was very appealing. 

So I did it. Grew a cherry tomato plant that bore five whole cherry tomatoes. Which was really very exciting for me. I had enough mint and basil for my cooking. It was quite thrilling. As last winter came in I was optimistic, I planted garlic bulbs and rununculus too but I only grew one lone flower. Then I moved house. 

Turns out those rununculus I planted in autumn 2013 flowered this winter. Seems like a sign. 

The good thing about my garden now is that while there is a fair bit of it, the beds are of a manageable size. And I had someone else figure out what to do. In autumn Chickpea came over with knowledge and a plan and a dedication to weeding that I could not muster on my own and together* we got most of the front garden weeded and planted a small veggie patch. Oh sure only 2 spring onions grew and a couple of little lettuces. Carrots were never heard of again, nor were the peas. But the parsley... Boy can I grow parsley. 

You can't really tell here but there is about a metre of parsley. Turns out we have so much parsley that several neighbours, unbeknown to me and uninvited, frequently come and help themselves to it. I know it now because they've been busted. 

Parsley is obviously easy to grow and I'm not saying my thumbs have changed but on the weekend I did much of my spring planting. 

The pond looked much better before hail chipped all the paint off on Tuesday

Nothing has had the chance to die yet so I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. But I'm a realist too. I'd just like to see a couple if tomatoes, maybe a strawberry this summer. Dare to dream I always say. 

*Me giving encouragement and she doing everything

Hour of Shower (PM)

I bet you could not have felt happier after your hour of shower, Mate. And you would have looked and smelled lovely too, and then got in to bed feeling all clean and pretty which is the best, the very best way of ending the day instead of effectively holding down the home button on the day because your device has frozen and you just need to shut it down and restart it again later.
When I was a teenager, I used to hour of shower once or twice a week. After dinner I would go into the bathroom, hang a towel over the door and spend the next hour showering, blow-drying my hair, mucking around with make up and shit and listening to JJJ. It was a touchy touch of paradise, to quote John Farnham. An extreme sanctuary, I want to say, but this isn't a Pepsi MAX commercial so I'll just stick with whispering jack.

The hanging of the towel was a really important part of this ritual. You see, our bathroom door had leadlight panels in it. This meant that when you were in there with the light on, anyone who walked past the door could see you in there doing what people do in bathrooms like go to the toilet and get naked. Readers, I urge you to think of your teenage daughters and their need for privacy when you are considering putting leadlight panels in your bathroom doors. Your teenage daughters have enough body shame to deal with without adding the prospect of their brothers and their brothers' friends seeing them sitting on the toilet. During the hour of shower I would drape the towel over the whole door and completely cover the glass, so I didn't have to worry about any goddamned person seeing any goddamned thing. Goddamn it was good.

But enough about me and the teenage years that continue to haunt me. The hour of shower is a completely excellent, accessible fantasy and one that should remain fantasy simply so it feels so damn good when you do it. Remember: if you did it all the time it would become a chore, not a delight. Let's keep the hour of shower delightful, now and always!

Hour of shower (AM)

The other night I had an hour of shower. It was rad. Rad! I didn't shower for that whole hour. I'm not an animal. I showered - washed my hair, exfoliated body and face - then I turned off the shower and sat in the bath with a face mask on. Then I showered everything off me and got out. And THEN I moisturised my body, put four beauty products on my face and blow dried my hair. I went in at 10pm after The Movie Show, which is technically called At the Movies, finished and then I got into bed at 11. 

In my fantasy world I do this regularly. But let me make it completely clear that my fantasy world is a fantasy and not reality at all. In my fantasy world I probably have an hour of shower where I perform all the additional grooming tasks at least once a week. And naturally I'd look good and feel great as a result. I know most normal people don't do face masks and exfoliating and body moisturising regularly but I want to. Though I never have. I do s prolonged grooming session about once every six months maybe. I think how nice it is and how I'd love to do it regularly. You know. What I just said. I think it's what called a vicious cycle. 

This ultra grooming fantasy exists in the same fantasy world in which I wake up an hour before everyone in my house and do exercise. But it's a different fantasy world to the one where I win Tattslotto. Or get a really great, satisfying, well-paid job. Which may exist in the Tattslotto fantasy world. What can I say, I've got a rich inner life. 

I'd consider adding hour of shower to my spring resolutions but I feel conflicted about prioritising grooming to that extent. As if 41 posts bearing the 'grooming' tag isn't testimony enough to my vanity. God, when did showers become so complicated?!

No scrubs update (PM)

I know that a photo of hair does not necessarily give you the whole picture, so to speak, but from what I can see no scrubs is working out pretty well. Your hair looks good in the pictures, Mate, and it's starting to make me long for a no scrubs lifestyle. 

You ask if I've got any ideas to make the under layer look less greasy, sadly the answer is no. I'm learning I have a terrible memory. Just awful. From my no scrubs days I remember that my hair was quite good most of the time and fairly predictable and I loved those things. But I barely remember the specifics of what my hair was like in those days, let alone how I dealt with no scrubs issues. I wish I could remember more because, like I said, no scrubs is really talking to me now on one level. That level being that my hair is just awful right now. 

On top of the problems of just having awful hair, these are added: 

I've just lost all that extra pregnancy hair and my hair is so thin and manky because of it. 

My hair is totally shoulder length and because of the natural curl my shoulders just push the hair up in an awful way making it look shorter and stupider than even it should. 

I want to grow my hair, indeed I am growing it, but keep thinking about getting a haircut just to add some shape and body but I've been burned too many times by did haircuts. 

So I keep wondering if I should stop washing my hair. On the plus side Newbie isn't spewing on me as often now so perhaps I could do it. But what about chlorine? Sand? What happens when that stuff gets in my hair? I wish I had a better memory. 

No scrubs update (AM)

"I don't want no scrubs", so TLC said in 1999.
 And so I said almost three months ago when I decided to stop shampooing my hair.
I wrote about it here, when I was a few weeks into the experiment.
Now it's not so much an experiment as a way of life, and my hair looks like this.

I note that it's kind of hard to see what my hair looks like there. So here is another angle, with about a 5 degrees difference to the tilt of the head.

The long and short of it is that I love it. Even though I still have days when my hair looks pretty crap, most of the time it looks what I have come to characterise as 'decent'. At it's best, it looks 'quite good', but I haven't been able to capture that on camera. The thing that's great about it is that it's pretty predictable. That is absolutely not the case with shapooed hair. Or at least, my shampooed hair.  The thing I don't love is that it doesn't have that freshly shampooed smell ever, and that's a pretty nice smell, something that I miss. Also, sometimes the layer underneath the top layer looks a bit greasy. You can't see it, so it's not a big issue, but I'm wondering what to do about that.
Mate, any ideas?

Scotch Highlights (PM)

Bette Middler's name in Beaches is Wang? I thought it was CC. Oh well, it's like Wang sings early on in Beaches  when she's played by Mayim Bialik, "you gotta laugh a little, cry a little and do some other things a little..." So it sounds like you're doing just what you're supposed to. Wang would be proud.

PS. Edinburgh sounds really nice. 

Scotch Highlights (AM)

It's true what people say: Edinburgh is really beautiful. The kind of place you don't need to be in long before it charms you. Winding streets. Beautiful old buildings. Bridges and staircases and Scottish accents galore. It's a real peach. 

I arrived last Sunday, and started at the office the following day, so hadn't seen much apart from the old town. I spent the weekend exploring. 

Saturday, I walked up Arthur's Seat, which pokes it's head over Edinburgh and sits right on the edge of the city. 

It was a beautiful day and every man and his dog had the same idea. Still, it was very lovely.

Here's me and heather 

On a side note, someone used the phrase "I don't think this idea is going to set the heather ablaze" in a meeting last week, and I guffawed. Quietly, though.

I went to a farmers market yesterday too and bought all sorts of goodies like smoked haddock and venison burgers and Scottish cheese. After the walk I felt quite justified eating most of that stuff, so you won't get any pictures of that I'm afraid. 

Nor will you get any pictures of my Sunday morning, which I spent at H&M returning a hat I bought during an ill advised stop off on the walk home after Friday night drinks. You don't need to see that. 

But you might like to see this! 

A jumper I want so bad it hurts but probably won't get because it's Kenzo and therefore very expensive. 

 Dare to dream.

Sunday afternoon I spent walking to Leith, which is by Edinburgh's waterfront and somewhere people said was nice to walk to. They were right, it was nice to walk to, but not because Leith is particularly nice. Because you pass places like this on the way. 

Feelin' dubious.

Ha!

Snigger. 

The day ended on a sad note when I passed this place, named after Bette Midler's character in Beaches (obviously) and felt a little lonely. Just because of how much Pickle loves Beaches and Bette Midler and I miss Pickle and everyone else. Not because it's a film about friendship. No way. 

But I'll be home in a month, so what am I talking about anyway!