Reflections on a visit to Hoyts (PM)

Movies really are expensive. Luckily, as a busy mum I never get to go to them and so don't have to worry about that.

When I read that description of Extremescreen it made me feel like that cinema would just be really noisy and like Jason Bourne* would just be yelling at me amid extra loud explosions and I have to say that doesn' t really appeal to me. But it's possible that I felt that way because my radio was on really loud this morning as I read K's post. 

I'm just glad that Matt Damon can save us all. I've long been worried about who would take over that job as Bruce Willis gets too old and eventually dead to do that. I feel safe with my fictional life in Matt Damon's hands. 

Talking strategy in tuxes

*Jason Bourne isn't really in Elysium.  Just like he wasn't in the last Bourne movie.

Reflections on a visit to Hoyts (AM)

Pressure much?

When I was little I used to go to the Hoyts at Chadstone all the time to see movies. Back then movies cost $7.50 and you could get a bag of mixed lollies for about 50 cents from the Milk Bar on Trevelyan Street, which was on the way to the bus stop which took you all the way to Chadstone. Or was it Hartington Street? I can't remember. Nor can I remember if those prices are accurate. Nor can I put my finger on when exactly I started becoming someone who says "back then,..." but all those things are written here so they must be true.
Last night, I went to Hoyts Melbourne Central to see Elysium starring Jason Bourne who seems to be flourishing in his new career as 'movie star'.
These days, movies cost $22 a pop. Is it just me or is that kind of a lot of money? You could clothe a family of five at Rivers for less than that.
Also, these days, they have a thing at Hoyts called Xtremescreen, described on the webbie as follows:

Xtremescreen is the full audio visual BIG SCREEN eXperience!  Its entertainment at it's BIGGEST and LOUDEST!

Big Screen Experience – enjoy the sights and sounds of the latest release films...on a massive scale! Xtremescreen boasts the largest screen within the complex. There is no better sound experience at Hoyts!

With 10,000 watts driving a state of the art Dolby 8 Channel surround EX sound system and a massive screen, you’ll be blown away! 

When size and sound matters, there’s only one choice... Xtremescreen!

Wow. That is a big wrap.
At first I couldn't believe that I had been missing out on the fill audio visual big screen experience all these years. But then when I took my $22 seat in Cinema 10 I realised the joke was on them. Or me? I don't know, someone. Xtremescreen is basically just a big screen, not that significantly different from a regular screen. It's like Premium Economy, which is to say, bullshit.

Anyway, the good news is the film was not terrible! I only rolled my eyes the normal amount of times and I didn't slap my forehead once! And my choc top was delicious and I only smeared a little bit of chocolate on my face and clothes which is a definite plus for me.
So maybe go see it at the Nova on cheap Monday. And just pick yourselves up a choctop from Melbourne Central Hoyts next time you're in town.

Hard truths (PM)

Don't listen to that negative nelly you guys! 

Oh sure it's true September can be one icy bitch. I mean I love spring when it does the right thing, but in many ways I hate it. What a tease , giving you a little taste of something special only to sting you with some icy cold moments later. Yeah spring can be one hell of a cold mutha. But don't take it out on BOM. BOM knows what it's talking about (sometimes). If BOM says it's gonna be 19 and twenty this week and a sunny 21 on Sunday there is no reason to think its not true. Just don't get too excited about it, because next week is just as likely to be low teens and wet and I don't want to see any hearts get broken or dreams get crushed. I've been there. It's not pretty.

Stay strong. 

Hard truths (AM)

It dawned on me this morning that it's almost the end of winter. There are just a few short days to go. 

Seriously, the days are getting longer, so there's literally only a few short days to go. When I realised this I immediately thought gee, winter wasn't so bad. Sure, there were some super cold days, but it hasn't been a daily battle for survival like some winters are. 

I started to think that perhaps I'm getting tougher, but had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. Like the 6 weeks I spent drinking beer and swimming in lakes in a northern summer while winter was sinking its icy cold fangs in to my home town.  So no, I'm not getting tougher. I'm just basically half way through winter. 

But you know what you guys? Though I'm not getting tougher, nor am I getting (more) stupid. Even though winter is technically over, believe me when I tell you that September is a cold and inhospitable month, and the month when the real damage gets done. You think it's going to get warmer and it doesn't and so you feel both cold AND betrayed by nature. It's a rough time. So at the risk of sounding like a negative nelly, don't believe the BOM when they say it's going to be 19 and mostly sunny today. And most of this week. 

The hell it is. 

Best things (PM)

WE need the fleece! 

And while we're on the topic, we also need proper pure wool jumpers that aren't really thin and cost a million dollars, COUNTRY ROAD!!

Those trackies are great. I thought they were proper pants until I read the post and realised what we were talking about. That's how good they look!

And yes, things really are the best. 

Like coffee. I know we talk about it quite often, but my coffee habits have changed recently (i.e. this week) which have led me to love coffee more, if you can believe that.  

Now, I have a home brew at work in the morning, then hold out until the early arvo to get my first store bought milky brew, from this new place near my work that makes some high quality shit. When you read this (if you are reading it at about 2:30pm), I am moments away from having a delicious coffee.

It is truly the best thing. 

Best things (AM)

Yesterday I was lamenting the fact that Miss Soft Crab doesn’t celebrate best things anymore. Or at least I had the feeling we didn’t it. It turns out we do it all the time. Condiments! Warm things! Ewan! You know what I love about best things? It can be anything. Yesterday as I was thinking this, I was on my lunch break eating a lentil wrap at The Social Studio. It’s not like it was amazing or anything (what is?) but I was just really enjoying it. It was basically a warm lentil, vegetabley curry thing wrapped in pita bread and toasted. But the cafe was so warm and the crunch of pita so nice and the spicy salty mush of the lentils so tasty and comforting I just thought, ‘BEST THING!’ In some ways it wasn’t at all, and in other ways it was exactly a best thing. Just a happy-making surprise lunch.

I guess I was primed to really enjoy my lunch, having finally found a pair of tracksuit pants that were both fleecy and not super ugly and not too overpriced thanks to a 40% sale at TSL.  Of course, I was also hating on the world a bit because the pants are men’s pants, with Bonds still refusing to bring out a fleece pant for ladies, as if women don’t want to be warm. Are you imbeciles? Have you ever spoken to a man or a woman, Bonds? Men notoriously run hotter than women. We need the fleece! WE need the fleece! Anyway, I guess the promise of getting wrapped in fleece last night helped keep my hatred of the patriarchy at bay and I could just think about much I loved best things.

Then last night when I got home and put those tracksuit pants on I knew I really did have another best thing. You can call me crazy but I think these tracksuit pants are cute. Of course we always think what we love is cute though, I guess. They are warm and grey and great, and without a doubt they are best things, but what I am just really loving is best things. You know, if you just think about how good things are you really feel good about stuff, 'cause, you know, things are good. Especially once you trackie prayers are answered.

Three days, one rollercoaster (PM)

A few things that went through my mind while reading this morning's post. I'll spare you the extremely boring bits and just share the moderately boring ones.

First:

Mondonna's answer to J's admiration of her nails was 'Get polish?'. And J was impressed by that? J has heaps of polish. She 'gets' polish on a fundamental level.  Oh, oh I see. It actually says GEL polish. That makes more sense.

Then, in response to that photo:

J has such lovely hands. What a lovely nailpolish colour. So right for winter. 
Then, after gazing at my hands:
Stupid peasant hands. You are the hands of a woman who comes from a long line of potato gleaners. Why can't you be more like your crabsister J's mitts?

Then, when it transpired that Chickpea joined J at Tips and Toes:

What a magical night! That would have been taking place while I was watching At World's End, the shittest movie ever at a cinema in Manly on Friday night. I was wishing the world would end while those guys' lives were just beginning, sort of. 

Then, when I saw the photo of the chipped nails:

Oh, poor J. I must tell her that I know some people who, after a few manicures,  choose their favourite colour and buy a bottle. They take the bottle with them to Tips and Toes or wherever and then can patch up if needs be. It's smart thinking. I must tell J about that. 

And this is me telling J about that.
The dream is NOT over.
It's just a modified one where you either can't try heaps of new colours when you get a fortnightly manicure, or you can't do house renos in the days after.
But apart from those restrictions the dream is very much alive.

Three days, one roller coaster (AM)

When I was in LA I noticed that Mondonna's nails looked really good, painted red and shiny and no chips. 'Gel polish', she told me, 'It's so good, you can do dishes, move house, it doesn't chip and its so cheap here! Come get it with me!'

'Yes!' I said, but it didn't happen. Lodged in my brain though and when we were in NYC I decided to do it! But in the end I chickened out. Did get a regular manicure on the last day though, and it was a great thing to do. I don't usually get manicures, I think they fuck my nails up to much. Also, what a waste of money. But I love them. After a week though they were a little chipped and I thought it was time to take off the polish. And then, on Friday night after work I had some time to kill  before meeting the family for dinner. It was cold and I was bored and my NY nails looked scrappy and I walked past a Tips and Toes and next thing I knew there I was choosing a new polish colour!

So I was a convert. There is something both decadent and soothing about a manicure and as I sat there, with a stranger massaging cream into my hands I could see my future, fortnightly manicures, opportunities to try all the colours I'd ever dreamed of. The future of my nails looked bright and beautiful and I couldn't wait. Chickpea walked past Tips and Toes on the way to dinner too, and while looking longingly at the massage chairs, she noticed me in the back, hand in hand with this small Asian woman. So she came in sat next to me and we talked as if this were the most normal thing in the world. I've seen people talk in beauty parlours in movies a lot, so I brought some of this knowledge to real life and it turns out one can have a normal conversation while a stranger fondles your extremities. This! This is the life.

But you know what the problem is with spending $20 to get a nail colour you don't own applied to your nails? If there are any chips you can't patch it up. And if there are many chips within 48 hours, well you basically just chucked $20 away. I guess a more forward thinking person would have considered if they may do any work on a house renovation in the days after a manicure and then thought better of said manicure. Maybe while working on a house they would have worn gloves or something. They may not have ended up with nails like this less than 48 hours after a manicure.

But even after doing a load of dishes on Saturday I had a small chip, and as soon as that happens the magic is gone.

On the plus side my future definitely looks like I will save $20 a fortnight given i now realise I am not made for regular manicures and there may have been a reason that until a week ago I'd only had 2 manicures in my life. Goodbye,  beautiful dream. Goodbye, beautiful nails.

Or do I just have to go for shellac!?

Telecommuting (PM)

I wish I was 'working' from Sydney. Not that I'm working today but I will be 'working' tomorrow. I'll be 'working' in my office, it's my first day back after returning from USA,, and after  waking up at 5am all week I'm pretty sure 'working' is about all I'll be doing. God I wish my office was a Travelodge. On the plus side Melbourne is pretty sunny and nice today and I'm not stuck in an office or a Travelodge so I guess that is something to be thankful for. Also I guess I haven't worked in nearly 4 weeks so I probably shouldn't really complain about having to work one day before having a weekend. I'm thankful for that too. I just wish I had some Douwe Egberts on hand to help with the jetllag. 

Telecommuting (AM...but it's actually PM)

 

Hi Crab friends. Sorry for my tardy post.  I’m in Sydney and everyone knows that things move quite slowly up here.  Sydney is famous for its slow pace. You wanna find somewhere to just escape the rat race and relax? Go to Sydney. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you.

But seriously, I am in Sydney.  For pleasure.  Appleheart had a work do last night and because I love other people’s work functions, I concocted a plan to fly up yesterday after work, go to Appleheart’s thing, and then go to work as normal on Thursday and Friday, but from Sydney. It's called telecommuting!But there's really no commuting involved at all. It’s the best! But naturally I was beset by technical difficulties this morning, so I’m running a little bit behind schedule.

Working from Sydney is quite nice. Obviously there are differences to working from my office in Melbourne. In Melbourne, my office is an office,  not a Travelodge.

 

We have Nescafe Blend 43 and Arnott’s Assorted Creams at my office. Here we have something called Douwe Egberts.

 

On the back it says: "Empty contents in to cup, add boiling water".

The view from my office in Melbourne is quite lovely. It looks out over the Fitzroy Gardens.

The view from my Sydney office is a bunch of buildings.

But the most apparent difference relates more to Sydney itself rather than my Sydney office.  You guys, they don't seem to have winter up here. It's warm and sunny as hell. There is sun streaming in on me as I write this. It's messing with my usual feelings of gratitude for my job because it keeps me  warm and snug in my office all through winter. Right now I feel like the Travelodge office is getting in the way of me and some sunshine. Not cool, Sydney. How are people supposed to feel grateful for their jobs when you pour sun on them all the time.

I'm going to make myself a cup of Douwe Egberts and think about that.
 

Hot in 2013 (PM)

 

Am I interested in getting an Afghan?!?

Nice, Mate! Real nice. Wait until I am at my most vulnerable, having arrived home literally an hour ago after being in transit for the last 30 hours with about 5 broken hours of sleep, and then make me look at pictures of one of the most beautiful dog breeds around, a dog I have wanted for god knows how long and then suggesting maybe I should get one. Of course I am interested! Of course I am!  I wish there was one curled up in my bed right now. And I would lie down next to him, snuggle in and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzxz

 

Hot in 2013 (AM)

Fairly recently, I went through a period where I was overwhelmed by the desire to get a dog. You guys remember, I talked about it a fair bit. I very seriously considered getting one, but eventually decided that it wasn't the right time. My house is too small and my hours too variable to give a pooch a good life. I decided to put the dream aside for a while.

During this period I spent a lot of time gazing longingly at the dogs I saw on the street, wondering what it would be like if they were mine.  Was it a bit creepy? Sure. You probably wouldn't have wanted to be a dog in Melbourne for a while there, not if you don't like being stared at.  But it made me realise a few things. 

It made me realise that if you are a resident of the inner north walking a dog in 2012 and that dog is not a staffy, it is probably an Italian Greyhound or a Boston Terrier. They were the must-have pooch of 2012. Every second person had one! I figured that dogs can be on-trend, like single origin coffee and ancient grains. And unlike single origin coffee and ancient grains which I want no part of, it kind of made me realise that when it comes to dog trends, I am totally susceptible.  I mean, I've never really known an italian greyhound or a boston terrier personally and yet, I wanted both in 2012.

Anyway, now it's 2013 and I can't help but notice that there's a new on-trend breed on the streets of the inner-north.

These guys:

The Afghan Hound. 

I keep seeing them around, and I'm pretty sure I didn't see any during the dog-lust days of 2012. So it must be a new thing. Not for J, I might add. She has always loved the Afghan and if LB wasn't such a big red fan, I'm pretty sure they would have had one to call their own by now.

They're a very impressive looking dog. They move around very gracefully. But sometimes they look very goofy, as this guy so beautifully illustrates...

Hai guyz!

It's an appealing combination. And they also make very cute puppies.

I kind of want one. Or at least, I want to get to know one.
Mate? Are you interested?

PS: We talk about dogs quite a lot on MSC. Why not reacquaint yourselves with all our doggy talk right here. Note that the only dog referred to in some of the posts tagged 'dogs' is Snoop. 

In praise of condiments (PM)

America's ability to harness the power of condiments really is one of the great things about America. It sounds frivolous but it's not, it's true. Condiments' raison d'etre is to make things more delicious. To jack up the flavour of this or that, according to the eater's preferences. Who wouldn't want that? Australia, apparently. Seriously, catch up Australia!
I like how at diners and cafes they usually have salt, pepper and a range of condiments on the table, and you know what that says to me? It says "we want you to find what you're eating delicious, and we recognise that sometimes that might take a little extra, so here's a little something extra".
It's a great nation that can recognise that people just want to have a delicious time, and can help them do that through wide availability of condiments. I very great nation.
But, you're talking to someone who has so many condiments in their fridge sometimes it's hard to find room for actual food. So yeah, I'm in praise of condiments. You bet you're life I am.

In praise of condiments (AM)

One might say that in respect to condiments America has gone too far. Fluffernutter?! A spread that combines peanut butter and marshmallow?! Unnecessary. And yet I think it is the American love of the condiments that makes me kind of love America.

Lets examine some recent experiences and find out whether America is condiment crazy or condiment can-do! (What?)

1. In LA we were having breakfast at a chain store bakery cafe joint. It was perfectly fine and LB ordered a bread basket for which they gave him no less than six spreads! Wanting to experience the true America I started shoving a knife I all the jars getting some of all them spreads on the bread.  Mostly it was jams but then I tried some I identified brown goo and discovered it was speculoos spread. Speculoos spread!!! In case you don't know a speculoo is a spicy European biscuit that is quite crunchy and delicious and those crazy yanks have turned it into a spread! A gooey, spicy, sweet spread. Ok, it turns out the Belgians made it into a spread but those crazy yanks are importing it. Why doesn't Australia have the gumption to do that? Could I eat it all the time? Hells no, but would it be a delicious spreadable breakfast treat? Hells yeah!

2. Remember that thing I said about sandwiches in LA, well, I think that Americans just really know their way around a sandwich and its not just the fillings, it's the way they put them together and then add condiments. I think. The one that took the cake was a sandwich I ate the other day at Chealsea Market. It was a roasted cauliflower sandwich that I did not have high hopes for, but it was really, very good. Oh sure the combination of spiced cauliflower, lettuce and grated carrot was good, but it was the chilli mayonnaise that really made it. And the fact they give you a side of hot sauce. I mean, why don't sandwich makers ask you, "You want hot sauce?" With every sandwich order? Catch up, Australia. 

Condiments for life! 

I went to LA (PM)

I have been to LA heaps in my entertainment life (as in, watching movies and TV) but never in my real life, so my perception is still a little stuck between 90210 and Boyz n the Hood.
I'm glad to hear that there's a bit of greenery and a bit of desert though. I like a country that has very different landscapes side by side, like a piece of top deck.
But I still have a lot of questions. Most of all, I would like to know where 'the valley' is. In the TV shows and the movies, people are always referring to 'the valley' like it's miles away and kind of not really LA, and living there is a personal failing. I imagine it being kind of like Caroline Springs or something. Really big houses and stuff but you know, it's Caroline Springs.
But now that I know LA is such a massive place with so many empty streets, I wonder how you could tell the valley from everywhere else. Maybe you guys drove right through it and didn't even know!

I went to LA (AM)

So last week I was in Los Angeles. It is a pretty strange place. Before I went I couldn't imagine myself there at all, I guess because I just couldn't really imagine it. Things I think of when I think of LA include, but are not limited to: Entourage; Curb Your Enthusiasm; Beverley Hills 90210; Boyz in he Hood; Pretty Woman; beaches; freeways. But you see these things are all somewhat incongruous and also I felt pretty sure that only a few people fit into the 90210 category and a few people fit in the Boyz in the Hood category so what the fuck goes on in the rest of it. Right? Am I right?

I guess I still don't even know. I know a little bit (teensy, tiny) about Santa Monica and Venice. I know their vibes at least, kinda, but LA is giant and in between the pockets of action, my limited experience tells me there are mostly empty streets. I mean there are cars, but no people. Mondonna was very awesome and picked us up at the airport and let us stay at her place. It totally ruled. As we were driving to her place I couldn't really imagine places with life because there were really no people around. Though to be fair it was Sunday morning. And even once we got to Mondon's place I couldn't imagine where all the alleged action of Santa Monica was. And then, a twenty minute walk west brings you to shops and restaurants and a pier so packed with people we could barely walk with a pusher. I did not see a lot of that huge city but I saw that a lot. Empty streets and suddenly BAM, a bunch of people! Heaps of 'em. 

Even though I thought I couldn't imagine the place, once I was in LA it turned out my subconscious had expected plenty, because so much seemed totally expected. Like the tall palms and wide streets of Beverly Hills; waitresses telling customers things like "oh, right now I'm doing improv at the Groundlings"; table neighbours saying things like, "My friend is friends with Mirando Kerr so she and Orlando were at my friend's wedding so none of the guests were allowed to take photos"; big freeways; the crazy grossness of Venice Boardwalk. But some things were not expected. There are trees everywhere. And the green was a goddamn delight to my eyes. Venice beach is great, as long as you are nowhere near the boardwalk, it's beautiful with hills in the distance and an expanse of sand, the likes of which I have rarely seen. Sitting on an LA beach was a true delight I did not really anticipate. And the food is consistently good, the sandwiches, I mean they were all really good. They can really make the shit out of a salad sandwich, you guys. And there is the weird, not completely unexpected voyeur-exhibitionist element. Like Muscle Beach, a gym on the beach where people an just go and pump iron in public, the skate park was surrounded by so many people watching the skaters, and along the beach there are all these circus training spots. I don't know what they are actually, but there are high rings and ropes to climb and I saw tight rope walkers, just people doing this stuff and other people watching. That's kind of strange, right?

And when you drive into the hills the is all this nature, tall trees, then desert. Right there in the city, you guys!

LA. I don't quite get it, but I kinda like it.

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Crab division

I

Just got to NY

As good as I remember

But I'll be home soon

II

In ten days or twelve

The space-time continuum

Is confusing me

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Crab division

I

J is in New York

Which means her future will hold

Squirrels and Shake Shack.

II

I'm happy for J.

But hope my future holds more

Hanging out with J