Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Marky Mark for breakfast

Man alive Mate. I just want to say straight up that a whole post dedicated to Marky Mark is a precious gift and pretty much the best possible way of starting a work day. Better than if someone cooked me a breakfast of huevos rancheros while I was in the shower and also got my clean underwear from off the line and put it in front of the heater so that it wasn't all cold and damp, and perhaps also put my towel in front of the heater too. But Mate, a cold towel, toast and underwear that I had to dry off with a hairdryer is fine by me when you're serving Marky Mark for breakfast! Yes sirree. The only drawback is that I feel a little dirty thinking the thoughts that pictures of Marky Mark make me think whilst at work. But please, don't let that ever stop you. Let me figure out how to deal with that one.

Before I reflect on your comments about Marky Mark, let me say that I had no idea about that new Planet of the Apes movie and watching the trailer without the sound on kind of freaked me out. It seems like the Apes are really POd. I hope everything works out for Franco.

But back to Marky Mark. I agree with your every word. Especially the wastefulness of that stupid Planet of the Apes film. I'm actually more angry about it now, after you pointed out that toplessness (total or semi) makes so much sense to the narrative of that BS film. Before today, I just thought it made sense from to point of view of my eyeballs.
At least Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter met and fell in love as a result of that film. They are such a nice couple, and if they didn't hook up then neither this, nor this nor this would have been possible.
That last one was a trick. Marky Mark with his top off in Date Night had nothing to do with Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter falling in love. But perhaps it did have something to do with Planet of the Apes, because surely Tina Fey saw Planet of the Apes and surely, like any normal person, she would have wondered why such a golden opportunity had been squandered. Happily, she has the opportunity to right such wrongs. And boy did she right the shit out of that wrong in Date Night. Yes she did. I love how in that trailer, when we see Marky Mark for the first time, we then see Tina Fey doing that face you have to do when you really want to smile/laugh but the situation won't allow it and so you kind of have to elongate your jaw so as to keep the corners of your mouth from curling up. I'm doing it right now! Such a good one.

I would like to make one further comment about Marky Mark, and why he is so great. Here is that comment:
Marky Mark smiles a lot, and smiling goes a long long way with me when you are a hottie with your top off. Any old hottie can get their top off. If I wasn't writing this from work and hadn't once already had access to the internet denied because of the results of a search with the terms 'brad+ pitt+ top+off+thelma+and+louise', then I would like nothing more than to show you what it looks like when any old hottie gets their top off. In summary, it's pretty good, but only a special kind of hottie will also smile while he is doing it and therefore only few hotties turn that good think in to a great thing. So many of them brood, and when the rest of the world was brooding in their topless photos, Marky Mark was smiling. And that's why Marky Mark is so great.
(Mate, can you please add that photo of Marky Mark smiling in his underwear from the 1990s Calvin Klein campaign? The world needs to see Marky Mark smiling in his underwear. Thanks).

In other news, my Mum called me this morning to ask whether it is OK if she and Dad give my business card to the son of someone in my Dad's bowling club who just broke up with you his girlfriend of seven years.
My business card.
Isn't that weird! Dude is probably all skimming rocks across the surface of Brighton Beach and humming songs and then his Dad is going to stuff my business card in his hand and he is surely going to thing WTF? Like I need professional consulting services at this time in my life!
Has a business card ever made anyone want to do it with anyone else? I don't think so mate. Does Marky Mark have a business card? Hell no ( I assume), and EVERYONE wants to do it with him. And frankly, if that's how they did it back in the swinging sixties then I am very disappointed in the history books.

I said yes, of course. I hope he calls.

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