Monday, October 14, 2013

When things end (AM)

I didn't put off watching the last episode of Breaking Bad exactly. I just wanted conditions to be right. I didn't want to be too tired. Didn't want LB to be too talkative. I just wanted things to be right. Then last Wednesday they were. Don't worry, this won't have any BB spoilers. This is all about me. As usual.

After watching 4 seasons in one month last year, having to watch the last season in a serial form meant I wasn't quite as absorbed as I had been. My feelings for Jesse had tempered. It wasn't all I thought about. Still the end of anything brings certain... feelings, doesn't it?

I feel a little ambivalent sharing this but I feel I have no choice.* The night I watched the last episode of BB I had a dream that merged Breaking Bad and Harry Potter. There were heaps of ghosts. Intense chases on horses. And a moment when I had to say goodbye to Walt. I hugged him for what felt like minutes, sobbing with tears and snot streaming down my face.  Yeah.

The next night things were a little more light hearted. I dreamed that by playing some app on a phone I was transported into a karaoke show more like a Jimmy Fallon lip-sync-off where I was teamed with Aaron Paul. But suddenly we couldn't remember any songs and had no idea what we should sing. We were running around trying to figure out what to do. It was also a little intense, but enjoyable. Obviously.

It was about this time that I started listening to this Miley Cyrus song a lot. I guess it's safe to say that things were rough all over and I didn't know how to deal with it. I know. Yep, things were pretty bad. But I guess turning to pop music in times of sadness is nothing new. But Miley Cyrus, unsurprisingly, did not help. I just could not stop thinking about Breaking Bad. Characters' motivations, what they were doing now. Sure, socialising has helped keep my mind of it, but to be honest, I'm still a little wrapped up in it. I haven't had any more dreams about Walt or Jesse, so I guess I'm making progress. Right?

I guess at least I can be grateful that shows this good and intense don't come along very often. Yeah, maybe it's time to be grateful for all the shit TV.

*That's a lie. I chose to share. I just want you to know I feel weird about it.

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