Monday, July 15, 2013

An open letter to drivers (AM)

Dear drivers,
I would like to begin by saying that I really enjoy sharing the road with you. So often you let me in to your lane when you really don't have to. So often, when facing a right-hand turning arrow, you are quick off the mark when the lights change, so I can go through after you. So often you exit parking spaces just when I want to be entering them. Most of the time you are pleasure to drive alongside, you really are, and I just want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything you've done for me.
But, to those of you who drive down my street, the narrowest street in all of the 3056, a street where there is insufficient room for two cars travelling in opposite directions to pass one another safely thereby requiring one of us to yield in an game of chicken that no one knows they are playing or how to play it,  a street that runs between Sydney Road and Lygon Street and therefore seems like a good idea to drive down but in fact is a street that is two-way in name only, I have a message especially for you. If you are not driving down my street because you either live on my street (hello neighbour!) or have business on my street (such as you are visiting the gym Fit Rig aka the rape gym), then stop fucking driving down my fucking street.
There is a thin asphalt line on my street that runs between order and total fucking anarchy, and every time you drive down my street you punch a hole in that line. I live on my street. I have to be there. But not you. Not you guys. So stay the fuck off my street, pretty fucking please with a cherry on top.

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