Delayed

Like so many before her, K is just trying to get to New York for a better life. For 10 days. But it appears the airline she chose to fly is trying to thwart her at every turn. Delay after delay. So although she was meant to leave on Tuesday morning, K is just in transit somewhere, dreaming of that better life. She advices me she should be able to post tomorrow.

Another Autumn post (Easter Monday)

Today is technically a public holiday, but I totally owe you guys a post! Last Thursday, when I was meant to post in response to J's musings about autumn and puffers was a heck of a day. KB did a bunch of projectile vomiting that made us want to go to the hospital. But it was also coco's wedding which made us not want to go to hospital, but instead go to a wedding. And I had so many thing to say about puffers! But the vomiting and the wedding! It was very hard to know what to do. In the end we went to the wedding but couldn't relax so left as soon as the speeches were over and rushed home to our vomiting baby. At 7am the next morning we flew to Hobart and were whisked off to the bush where there was no reception and has been nothing but hot cross buns and chocolate ever since. And a bit of a vomiting baby.

But it hasn't all been Easter treats and spew. I've also thought a lot about Autumn and puffers. As J said, I borrowed her white puffer to take overseas at Christmas. From the first day I knew that it was the thin white line between me and freezing to death. In order to avoid wearing it out I marched straight to Uniqlo and bought my own puffer, which I wore every single day while overseas, except for the day it was -16 in Sweden and we couldn't start the car because everything was frozen so we had to stay home all day and I didn't need the puffer. Other than that I wore t every day. And it made me resolve to wear the puffer all through the Melbourne winter to avoid feeling freezing like a normally do. So come and get me winter, I'm not scared of you! 

Another autumn post (AM)

When K went overseas at Christmas time I loaned her my puffer. Not my pink puffer I bought last year which is totally warm, but not nearly as hardcore as my hardcore puffer, a North Face number I bought in a February in NYC. My serious puffer. My best puffer. My beloved puffer. I knew that once upon a time I put a photograph of it on MSC, so last night I hunted it down. Here it is:

In this picture I'm walking through FAO Schwarz eating red liquorice. May I highly recommend writing a blog, because tracking back through blog posts is awesome.

When K returned it I washed it. Of course. It's a white coat! And as it hung on the line, in the sun, and I lay inside, warm because it was summertime I just thought of my puffer, swaying in the breeze and how soon it would be time for me to wear that puffer and how much joy it would bring me. Last winter, despite owning Whitey and Pinky, both knee-length puffers, I bought a new black puffer. Waist length. I agonised over the purchase for some minutes but in the end I decided that Whitey and Pinky were both pretty full on and sometimes you just want a very warm, not so bulky jacket to throw on. So now I own three puffers. Blacky was a great purchase, I wore him so much last winter and I've even worn him a couple of times this year.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I love puffers. I wouldn't even be surprised if I bought more. I LOVE THEM! But related to that is my love for all things warm and puffy. Like doonas. Oh god I love doonas. In late spring I change over to a summer doona and basically spend the next 4 months fantasising about going back to winter dooney, and finally friends, I think that time is upon us. I can't wait to get rid of this lightweight thing on my bed and snuggle under something serious. Tomorrow I'm going camping and the other night I started thinking about how cold it will probably be at night and how great it will be to be in a sleeping bag or under a doona and feel so warm against the cold. It reminded me of the time at Meredith , I was pregnant with Baby and K and I had an afternoon lie down and we were each in our sleeping bags just loving the shit out of it, imagining what a great life Baby would have when he was born and got to be swaddled all the time. I was just thinking the other night about how I couldn't wait for some self-swaddling this Easter.

I fucking hate being cold. But I love being warm in the cold. It is truly one of life's joys and another reason I effing love autumn!!!

Welcome AUTUMN!!!

Remember the time (PM)

I just googled 'blur dancing' and this is what I got.

Not my first preference but oh well. 

I like how the black bit kind of looks like a K.

Remember the time (AM)

Did you guys watch Michael Jackson's Journey from Motown to Off the Wall last night? Catchy title, right? (Seriously Spike Lee, you can do better.) I know we've all said this before and we'll say it again, but shiiiiit, MJ was so cool.

Like, I know we all know he could dance. But shit, you guys that guy could really dance! And watching people dance well is one of my favourite things in the world! And I know we all know he wrote these awesome songs, but seriously, you guys, 70s and 80s MJ is so good. Why he gotta go all crazy and shit. Life is can be so cruel. So let's remember the happier times.

In other news, I'm writing this at Prahran Library and there is a wifi network somewhere around me called Blur. Cool.

Shameful confessions (PM)

It's a tough one, isn't it? Spending all this time reading baby names, I guess that is a pretty  judgemental way to spend your time. But at the same time if people are going to give their kids those idiotic names, how can we not judge?!

But don't worry too much, when I saw that picture of Bodhi and Keanu* this morning I thought of The River's Edge which was on TV last night and which I watched some of. That movie is about a teenager that kills his girlfriend, comes to school and tells all his friends and for the most part they just seem to feel it's a bit shit but whaddya gonna do about it? Except for Crispin Glover who seems to think it's fine. And Keanu Reeves and Ione Skye who think it's totally shit.



I mean, they were all friends with the murdered girl and they're all, like, whatevs. It seemed pretty implausible to me and I wondered how such a film could be made, even in the 80s when filmmakers wanted us to believe you could tie some strings to a dead guy for a weekend and convince his friends he was still alive. But apparently I'm missing the point and it was about familial dysfunction and, probably, an America being torn apart by the loose morals of the 80s. Or maybe communism. Who knows. It was great watching baby Keanu though.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that until you've killed your girlfriend or let you buddy get away with such a crime, you're probably doing ok.

*Recently I was at the pool and heard a mother call out to her kid Keanu, you can bet I judged the shit out of it!!!

Shameful confessions (AM)

KB slept really badly last night which means I slept really badly last night. It led to some behaviour I'm not proud of. During one of the many cuddling sessions in which I attempted to coax him back to sleep, I remembered that the bonds baby search is currently underway. I thought maybe I would have a look and she whether there were any amusing baby names. Obviously I wasn't thinking clearly because there is the mother load of amusing baby names  and last night, I laughed at all of them. Highlights included the many Braxtons and Nixons. A couple of Bodhis. There was a Princess. Of course there were many idiotic spellings of regular names. But may favourite by far was Carol. Cute little baby Carol. 

Many times I told myself I would stop, then find myself clicking on the next page. It went on longer than it should have. And I feel pretty douchey for doing it. I mean, they are real people. But, it's up for another day or two if you're interested. 

Happy Labour Day!

Happy public holiday, friends. We hope you're relaxing with loved ones. See you on Thurs. 

Choose your own hunkventure (PM)

When I got J's text asking me whether I was picturing Hemsworth while reading this particular book, I was really very impressed. It seemed very progressive to me. Like she was an old person using the Internet circa 2000. Sure, she could still have all her hunk needs met through established resources, but why not see what's possible through the new technology. It might feel a little uncomfortable at first, a little risky, but Christ, we're not in this hunk game to stay safe, am I right? So hats off to you Mate. You're out there exploring the new wave hunks and you're reaping the rewards. 

And can I just quickly say that it feels so right to be talking about hunks again.

Chose your own hunkventure (AM)

I don't know if it was all that Monday morning musing about Leonardo or if there's something in the air or if I'm just embracing a long forgotten favourite subject, but I've been thinking about hunks a lot this week. When I thought about today's post I thought maybe I should pick a different subject and then I thought, hunks are one of the great foundations of Miss Soft Crab, one part of the holy trinity that govern us, completed by food and clothes. I decided that to deny us all another hunks post was to deny the birthright of this blog, deny my true self. And it's like Hamlet says, to thine own self be true.* Am I right?!

I'm reading a book at the moment with a character that, as soon as he emerged, the instant I read his description, I imagined Chris Hemsworth. And the description is about as undescriptive as a description could be. Just a couple of lines to give you an idea of a guy and that was all I needed to get to Hemsworth (destination = reached). 

Reading this book is totally enjoyable because it is by a great writer and because imaging Chris Hemsworth all the time is great! I never imagine hunks when I'm reading a book. Books aren't usually about hunks, at best there may be a guy with some hunk like qualities. And to be honest when I imagine book characters they're often slightly blurred. But not this Hemsworth-type, he is crystal clear. 

I've so enjoyed this experience I texted K yesterday to ask if she'd read the book and when she answered yes I asked her if she'd imagined this character as Hemsworth. She told me no, she's old fashioned, she'd pictured Viggo, but she liked where I'd gone with it. 

K's brain made a great choice casting Viggo but it really got me thinking about all this dismay about hunks I've been feeling. 

I mean isn't it heartening that instead of going with a classic hunk, one very close to my heart, I went with a more contemporary hunk, a new classic if you will. Oh sure, maybe it was my lazy brain just using the zeitgeist to do all the work for it, but I like to think it's something more than that. I'd like to think that perhaps the future is not as bleak as we supposed on the hunk front. Yes, I may be more discerning now (what's the good of aging if you don't become discerning?) but that's only a good thing. Maybe the steady stream of hunks of yesteryear was more about my youthful exuberance than real supply, but I'm heartened to discover that a hunk of today can be at the forefront of my mind and it really gives me hope!  

*Just jokes, I know Polonius says that. Go watch Clueless. 

Let's talk about Leo (PM)

J has really captured something today. I didn't realize I'd been waiting so long to read the words  "not the face, you crazy bitch" until I read this morning's post. But it's more than that. J has hit the nail on the head of the realization that when all is said and done, Leonardo is going to endure as one of the movie star loves of our lives. I NEVER would have thought I would say that. I never would have thought that the prettiest boy of our generation would be the one I would choose. I thought I needed a little more grit, a little more imperfection and a little less pure gorgeousness. But Leo has remained standing when so many hunks have dropped away. He's cool. He's a real movie star. It's not just that he is pretty, it's what he does with being so pretty.

Let's talk about Leo (AM)

If you asked me my favourite Hollywood hunks I could give you a pretty extensive list. Ewan, Marky Mark, everyone that was a Miss Soft Crab Hunk of the Month, Joaquin Phoenix (why wasn’t he a hunk of the Month I wondered to myself recently), Christian Bale. In fact if you’ve read this blog a few times you wouldn’t bother asking, you’d know all my favourite hunks. But you know who I wouldn’t put on that list? Leonardo DiCaprio. And yet…

When I was young Leonardo was truly a hunk of our times and Romeo + Juliet was really the pinnacle of that. He was so beautiful. And that movie was so great.





And Leonardo was so cool. And the way he’d cry all the time. Shit, what was an 18-year-old girl to do? Get a real life? Oh, no, not the Misses Soft Crab, the only thing for it was to fall totes in love with Leo. I loved him. But I grew up. Got a life? Oh no, just my fancies changed, Ewan came along. Leonardo got a little puffy. And I guess that model injuring his face in 2005 when she hit him over the head with a broken bottle at a Hollywood party didn’t help. (God, not the face you crazy bitch). 

There's no denying that Leonardo is not the pretty boy of his youth but it's like Zoolander once said, maybe there's more to life than being really really really really good looking. The thing about Leonardo is that he's always really great in stuff. Plus, all that environmentalism... cool. I mean, he's just so cool. You know some guys would serial date models and it would come off as gross, but with Leo it's just kind of great. Like he don't give a fuck.

When Leonardo won the Oscar last week K sent me a text message.

Boy was she right. Have you seen that guy in a tux?! I have to say I was happy he won.

Oh sure, I would have been happy if Cranston won, because I just think he is a pretty effing great actor. And I would have been happy if Matt Damon won, because I really love that guy. And I would have been happy if Fassbender won, because, although I don't love him the way K does, well the guy is alright by me. And Eddie Remayne, meh, anyone can win an Oscar for playing a genius in a wheelchair or the original transgender. But Leonardo, the way he got up there all earnest and cool. You guys...

I guess the easiest way to understand this it to think about Some Kind of Wonderful. You know how Eric Stoltz thinks he's in love with Leah Thompson and then right at the end he realises that he's really been in love with his best friend Mary Stuart Masterson all along? There she was, right in front of him and she's the one he should be looking at. I guess I'm starting to realise Leonardo is kind of like Mary Stuart Masterson. He's not all shiny and new, but he's dependable and great and why aren't I paying him more attention!?

The crazy thing is that the clues have been here all along. If you’ve read this blog regularly you may even know my own heart better than my own. Reading past MSC posts about Leonardo it is so clear I love him. I'm always talking about how he has something special. I mean, I'm basically always saying I love him but it's like I'm not even listening to myself. It's because I don't really think of him as a hunk. He's handsome, for sure. And he stirs up feelings in me, no doubt. But I just don't know how to classify these feelings. Leonardo, I don't know what this is, but I know it's something and I know it's special.

Power baking (PM)

I think what I said to K about post-baby baking is that you just get really efficient. The days of Baby's babyhood were actually the most bake-productive of my life. I used to make biscuits all the time and boy was I efficient at it. I particularly loved these triple ginger biscuits. But I haven't made them in years. Because the thing about having a small baby is that although they are tiring and require a lot of looking after, they do sleep a fair bit and their inability to move means you don't have to clean up constantly after them. Also, you can usually have a cup of tea while you stick them under a mobile or something. I guess what I'm saying is that when have one small baby their nap time is really an enjoyable time in which you could do a number of things. Sometimes boring, sometimes enjoyable, who knows what will happen. Nap times aren't really like that for me now.

Mainly nap times for me now are about combating our ant problem actually. Those little fuckers have totally infiltrated our house. They are everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Clearly I am quite shit at lifing, as if I'd have time for baking. I can barely keep my house in respectable.

PS. Those melting moments look great. I wish I could make biscuits.

Power baking (AM)

When Appleheart returned home from Preston market yesterday with gozleme for lunch, I knew I had to bake something to ensure afternoon tea would be equally delicious. Also, my mum was coming over to look after KB for us while we went to see picnic at hanging rock. So I thought I had better be a swell daughter and bake something for her. Also, KB was asleep. J once told me that when the babies come along, the days of leisurely baking are over, and a new era of frantic baking while the wee ones are asleep dawns. I wanted to see whether I could do a full bake and dishes in the time KB has his afternoon nap, which could equally be called the time KB lies down with his eyes closed for about 35 seconds. 

It was quite exciting! 

I decided on melting moments because they are utterly delicious and have this much butter in them. 

It's a basic recipe. Cream together 250g of butter and 1/3 cup icing sugar. Add one and a half cups of sifted plain flour, and half a  cup of sifted cornflour (which I didn't have, so just used all plain flour). Mix well, then put into a piping bag and pipe little rosettes onto baking trays with baking paper. As if I was going to pipe rosettes. I just rolled them into little balls and pressed them down with the tines of a fork. They bake in the over for 12 mins. 

Things went pretty well. KB had a little cry just as I was getting started. I bolted upstairs, put the dummy back in and looked at him lovingly for long enough to feel like I'm not neglecting him (20 secs?) then ran back downstairs to cream he butter and sugar. It all came together super fast, and as the last of the biccies went in the oven I turned to the sink to do the dishes. Then, an obstacle presented itself. 

Ants! The little fuckers were congregating under the chux, threatening my timely progress and making me feel, as ant infestations always do, like I'm not very good at lifing. I saw to them as quickly as possible, did the dishes then got onto the lemon cream for sandwiching the biscuits together. 60g of softened butter, half a cup of icing sugar, the rind of one lemon and three teaspoons of lemon juice. I measured, I mixed, I tasted a little bit. Just as I was finishing, the timer on the oven went off and pow! The biccies were done. 

KB slept on as the bickies cooled and he even slept on as I sandwiched them together. What a little champ! A full bake, dishes and ant infestation removal all in the time it takes to have a nap. I felt very pleased with myself. Sadly for my Mum, KB was less pleased and apparently cried whole time we were out, poor little tacker. But you've gotta give these things a shot, right?