Monday, November 7, 2016

New Crab City (AM)

We're back you guys!
As you all know, the Misses Soft Crab have had a sweet hiatus so J,  LB, Baby and Newbie could spend some QT getting to know the new baby. But we also got up to other things.  Especially me. Well, not really. I mean, I don't want to create the impression that I've been doing lots of fun stuff, it's just that I have had more free time than J because I don't have a new baby.
But now that I've managed your expectations re: the awesome stuff I've been doing, let me fill you in on what has been going down lately in the K-niverse. And let me do so in the style of so many bloggers: with a list of happenings. You know the ones. Lots of boring shit details about bloggers lives under too many headings. I'm taking my inspiration from this blog  which I started reading when KB was born because it's written by someone who had a baby at pretty much the same time. She has a much more positive outlook than I do and eats extremely good look food all the time and far fewer Doritos than I do, so seems equal parts admirable and annoying.
Here goes!

Doing: Well geez, that's a bit of a plot spoiler, is it not? But alright then. I've been wiping snot from KB's nose a lot and wondering whether the presence of snot means I can't go visit J who has a new baby that she's trying to keep germ free.

Hearing:  Gosh. What am I hearing? The fridge's mechanical whir? The sound of the toy drum that KB plays all the time, especially when his parents need to get shit done? Yes, readers, all of those things. I've also been enjoying the My Dad Wrote a Porno podcast, because it's as if Alan Partridge has written erotic fiction. Which is to say, hilarious and gross.

Drinking: Yes please.

Eating and cooking: Doritos and things that include Doritos, like Nachos. I also cooked the Lamb Shwarma from Jerusalem the other day and some wholemeal scones that had been in the freezer for god knows how long because we had some cream in the house and I felt like I should eat it with something other than a spoon that goes into my mouth all the time.

Wanting:  Eh, what do I need? Apart from a better functioning pelvic floor, amirite ladies?

Playing: A really swell game called Who's a Naked Baby? which basically involves stripping a baby (mine) before bathtime and then singing "who's a naked baby?" over and over again. Brings the house down. In those moments, I am Madonna circa Blonde Ambition tour.

Deciding: How to live a moral life in an amoral world, like everyone. Sheesh.

Enjoying: The idea that this list will end soon.

Looking: Ahead to see how many more headings there are. Nine! For chrissake!

Loving: Brevity.

Buying: Time.

Planning: To make this end as soon as possible.

Watching: The clock. Also, I'm excited to start watching the QEII series on Netflix. I'll be writing a letter if they don't effectively capture the majesty of Monarchrome.

Savouring: Things that know how not to be too long.

Wearing: The same old shit.

Reading: Words.

Craving: GOD, SHUT UP!

Feeling: Immense relief.







 




1 comment:

  1. I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the hottest virtual strippers getting naked on my desktop.

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