Lessons learned (PM)

I'd been wondering how the queen feels about Brexit. I think about QEII a lot these days. With all the people dying (Bowie, Rickman & Prince in case anyone needs reminding), I've been thinking about how QEII is going to die some day and how sad I will be. No more monochrome. Some other fool's face on my money. People like my grandma feeling sad because all the institutions they had faith in (the monarchy and the Catholic Church) are crumbling. These thoughts make me a little sad. Gee, I've really brought the mood down, haven't I?  Lucky we've got the Internet and all its memes to help.

Lessons learned (AM)

Ugh. Yesterday I was jus feeling flat. You know those days. I have a bit of  a cold and I have all this annoying work to do, not just normal work but annoying. And all this stuff in my near future I need to sort out. And a dirty house. So I thought I'd ask the Internet how to make this day better. And do you know what it showed me? A bunch of stupid memes. It just made my day worse. There was a bunch of cute puppies and dumb jokes and although I love puppies the way they were memes just annoyed me. Them and all the stupid unfunny annoying stuff turned into just made my day feel worse. Except for this.

Which made me go "Ha," and then move on. It wasn't really that beneficial to my day. I guess I was hoping for some advice from the Internet not a bunch of memes. Fucking memes. It's like the Internet gave the go ahead for everyone to make their own "Just hang in there" posters.

But I guess if I want my day to get better IRL I need to do something about it IRL, not just look to the Internet to solve my problems.

And I have to say that the IRL solutions were much better than what the Internet had to offer. I got a bunch of work done and cleaned the house to a reasonable extent and Baby came home from a two-day sleepover at my Mum and Dad's house and by the end of the day I was feeling ok. And to top it off the Internet came good in the evening when I saw this on Instagram:

• "theroyalfamilyA flotilla of traditional Thames rowing skiffs, manned by Swan Uppers in scarlet rowing shirts and headed by The Queen’s Swan Marker, wearing a hat with a white swan’s feather, row their way steadily up the Thames. ‘All up!’ they cry as a family of swans and cygnets is spotted, and the Swan Uppers carefully position their boats around the swans, lift them from the water and check their health. The Queen's Swan Marker’s iconic five-day journey upriver has been an annual ceremony for hundreds of years, and today it has two clear goals: conservation and education."

  
  
  Isn't that adorable?! I know I'm meant to be down on the monarchy but there is a lot of charm there. I wonder how the Queen voted in the Brexit referendum...oh, I just read that she isn't even allowed to vote because she has to remain politically neutral. 
  
  
  So I guess I learned an important lesson today, cygnets are adorable! Just jokes, I learned that the Internet can't fix everything, which is important to remember. 
  
  

What day is it anyway? (PM)

I'm afraid I am well aware of what day it is because not next week but the week after I will be back at work on the equivalent of this day. Does that make sense? More basically, I am going back to work in a fortnight. So Mondays will be very very meaningful to me.

Though I am going to work part time, I decided to make Monday a work day, which seems to be unusual within the part time work community. People seem to like to take a Monday or a Friday off work, so they can have a long weekend I assume. But because weekends are by their very nature too short, I feel like it's a risky business to have a longer one by default. I figure it would be mere weeks before three day weekends don't seem long enough. And where does that leave you? Wishing weekends were four days long? Only fools dream of that kind of utopia. Easter and it's four days of leave come but once, ONCE a year. You'll drive yourself mad hoping for more. 

UNLESS you choose to work on Mondays and have Tuesdays off, and there's a public holiday. FOUR DAY WEEKEND YOU GUYS! Unless it's the public holiday for the stupid horse race, which is on a Tuesday. Or the new public holiday for the football game (which I support, I earnestly support) which is on a Friday, or any of the public holidays that are date specific like Australia Day, Anzac Day, and all the Christmas/NEw Year ones. So it's strikes and gutters, really. But here's to working, and also not working. Yeah!

What day is it anyway? (AM)

It's school holidays and LB took today off which meant that as I was lying in bed last night I barely knew what day today would be. What with Baby having last Monday off school and the Queen's birthday the Monday before I barely know what a Monday is anymore.  

So when a girl has Monday responsibilities like writing a blog or having a weekly evening conference call I think that girl needs a better system for identifying days. Sure usually having to take a kid to school at least helps you identify Monday but otherwise I'm pretty much effed. 

It's enough to make me think I need more responsibilities. Or at least more scheduled responsibilities. You know like other adults who regularly know what day it is. But gee, even the idea of that seems boring. Perhaps I just need those socks with the days of the week on them?

Science (PM)

Well K came over today guys and she brought the croissants that we had deemed the best. Though we should be honest and admit we did not do extensive testing. We tried a few croissants at a few cafes but these croissants really just stood head and crescent shaped shoulders above the rest so we thought we should try them again and make sure we'd tasted them right.

Oh boy. OH BOY! Did we taste them right. These croissants are so effing good and when I tell you that literally every single bite I took I exclaimed some kind of expletive because I couldn't believe I was tasting something so delicious, I am not lying or exaggerating, I am telling you literally and exactly what happened.

These croissants have this somehow crunchy, caramelly shell and perfectly soft buttery inside. They are everything, EVERY SINGLE THING a croissant should be. These are croissants worth queuing for. These croissants shit their divine buttery excrement all over Lune croissants. Or they would if such divinity were capable of such abject mortal activities.

These croissants are so good that both K and I forgot to photograph them for you before eating them and that when Newbie asked for some more I had to tell him, "I'm sorry there is no more, because I didn't want to share with you."

And you know where they come from? This French cafe in Thornbury that I have walked past a bunch of times and dismissed because the font on the sign is bad and the decor is non-remarkable and I never walk around there looking for a croissant. I sometimes walk around there looking for a coffee but I just wouldn't buy a coffee there before because it just looked like some kind of crappy cafe. My god. My GOD have I learned my lesson about not judging a book by its cover. The menu looks delicious, and I'm sure the food is great. But the actual menu is so dense, there are so many items with such vast descriptions and a terrible font... you can't see the crepes for the baguettes. And yet I feel that probably everything is delicious there. The place is called Cafe Flo and if you are on High Street, Thornbury I strongly encourage you to try it.

I'd like to be more open minded about trying cafes with shitty fonts and decor, but mainly those cafes really are shit. So how do you tell the difference? Once inside Cafe Flo it is not so much shitty decor as non-remarkable. There is something a bit cute about it in fact, but you have to set through the front door to discover that. Now I just feel even more confused about how to navigate the world of delicious food. But knowing about those croissants makes this confusion and fear so much easier.

Science (AM)

Today, J and I will conclude an experiment we have been conducting for the last couple of months. 

Remember that time we went to Lune Croissanterie (Ugh, just writing the word croissanterie annoys me) to see whether they were worth the hype? I would include the link here if the blogger site would let me on this device but of course it doesn't. Suffice to say: we concluded that Lune croissants are not all that and a bag of chips. Further, we concluded that it would be worthwhile trying more croissants to confirm this view and perhaps even find a croissant that is actually worth queuing for. You know, for science! 

Our experiment involved a few cafes and some home baked numbers by Jen. All were easily as good as Lune. Easily. Two were quite a bit better. 

One stood head and shoulders above the rest. Today, we revisit that croissant just to be sure. Tune in this arvo for the big reveal. 

Nearly wordless Monday (PM)

Although I hate the colour purple, I love glitter and I respect Sensei's commitment to flattering accessories.

Nearly wordless Monday (AM)

I saw this on a lamppost the other day and loved the description so much.

I guess she has heeded the advice of stylists everywhere, to use fun accessories to draw the eye away from rotundity. I hope she found her way home.  

Remembering stuff (PM)

That Shoebill is adorable and his/her relationship with the zookeeper is delightful. I am gonna go to that zoo one day and make some special memories of my own. 

And here's a special memory of my own. Once our cat Tinkerbell kept meowing in a strange way and when I went up to her to see what was wrong she bolted out to the car to bring my attention to the fact that we had accidentally left our dog Biff locked inside. I was shocked and amazed because she usually thought Biff was a total pain in her ass and I would have thought she would never help that dog. Turns out she and Biff were secret pals all along. Adorable little furry pals. 

To this day I often wonder what the eff J and I saw that night when the moon fell out of the sky and kept going down into the horizon. I know we saw it, but what the hell were we seeing?! 

Remembering stuff (AM)

I have memories in my brain that seem so improbable I sometimes wonder if they are real. Like once K and I were at the pub for a friend's 21st and this guy we had just met who seemed like a bit of a dick went to the supermarket to get a snack and came back eating a capsicum. Just chomping on a capsicum like it is was an apple. Really?! I mean that guy was just a bit of a dick and I guess he liked eating capsicum. It happened. But really?!

Another time K and I were hanging out on the roof of my old apartment building one night and the moon just appeared to fall out of the sky behind the horizon. We both saw it, we weren't high and we don't know what the eff happened. But it happened.

And once when LB and I were on holiday in Japan, at the end of a day at Ueno zoo we saw a huge bird waddle out of a little house in an enclosure, eat some food and waddle back with the zoo keeper as if they were best buds.

This is a picture I stole off the internet but it totally represents what I saw that day

Despite Tokyo being full of tourists the signs at the zoo were mainly in Japanese with just random ones being translated into English. And because it was right at the end of our trip to Japan and at the end of our day at the zoo I couldn't take any photos because my memory card was full. That zoo has a really amazing array of animals and a fantastic bird collection including puffins and flamingos and vultures. But the enclosures are pretty depressing for the most part and the day was somewhat conflicted. And then right at the end we walked past an enclosure with no idea what was meant to be in there and that's when the zoo keeper emerged with his grey, feathered friend that was about three quarters his height.

The way that the bird and man emerged together and the funny waddle of the bird made him seem so human somehow. Or rather, like an anthropomorphised cartoon bird. Even at the time I remember wondering what the fuck I was watching and if that bird wasn't a guy in a suit. If that bird was for real. For years I actually did kind of question the experience and then one day I found out what that bird was. I don't know if LB somehow knew or I saw a picture or maybe I did a search on birds at Ueno zoo, but one day I just knew that what I'd seen was a shoebill.

Here are some pictures I found on the internet. When I saw them I knew that even the cartoonishness of the bird in my memory was legit.

Guys, doesn't nature just blow your mind?! I mean look at that face! If you have never seen one of these in real life I can not recommend a trip to Tokyo highly enough.

Queens Birthday

We all know it was QEII's 90th birthday in April right, but today is a public holiday called the Queen's Birthday and I'll take any opportunity to celebrate my favourite monochrome princess. Happy monochrome day!

Challenges (PM)

Ugh, Newbie loves my phone too. I feel like its a sign to me that I should look at iPhone less, you know just put it away and spend quality time with my baby or doing something productive and I try to do that but then I hear it's siren song message alert singing to me or I really need to check the weather and one thing leads to another and there I am just looking at it for no good reason till Newbie says, "I want to look at photo." And that seems harmless enough so he looks at some photos of him and Baby. There's a video he watches of himself as a baby, in the arms of his big brother, Baby. He says, "I like that baby." And then hugs and kisses the phone. It's adorable. Then when I'm not looking he goes to YouTube, chooses a video, usually some kind of mash up of a dancing Spiderman and the song Incy Wincy Spider or an animated video of Kinder Surprise type eggs looking like the characters from Peppa Pig, he expertly presses presses the part of the screen that says 'Press to skip advertisement' and points 'Mummy, mummy!' So delighted he's found such a cinematic masterpiece. Who the eff knows who is making them and why the eff!? Worse are the videos of young children dressed up and doing weird character things or toy demonstrations at the obvious urging of their parents. Or the videos of adults demonstrating a new release toy or popping balloons as they say the colours. Really, what are these people doing with their lives. What are their goals? Why is this happening.

Right, it is definitely time to put iPhone away, for all our sakes.

Challenges (AM)

One of the reasons my posts are so short these days is because KB is obsessed with my iPhone. Whenever I use it when I am around him, which is all the time, he starts reaching for and wildly trying to grab it. It's very difficult to get anything done. We gave him one of our old iPhones as a decoy, but he smelled a rat straight away. Ditto the decoy remote control we gave him so we wouldn't eat the TV remote control. God forbid he ever find the official Harry Potter remote control wand we have. I've hidden it on a very high shelf. 

When you spend 24/7 with a baby, you really need an iPhone. To connect you with the rest of the world through email and social media and all that malarkey. To play podcasts on when you are walking for hours to get them to sleep. To google things like 'early signs of autism/leukaemia/meningitis' whenever they do something weird, like blink rapidly five times in a row. Not being able to use it leaves you in a real jam. I still use it of course, but have to do so covertly. Like, I'll go to the pantry and hide in there to use it. But then I end up eating snacks too. It's not ideal. 

Sometimes I relent and let KB play with it, but he just starts eating it and I am sure that's a bad thing. I played some clips from Sesame Street on it the other day to occupy him while I had a shower. Before I knew it I could hear the game of thrones music and he had somehow found his way to a clip of some behind the scenes documentary. 

Anyway, I'm sure length/quality will improve when I return to work and can wield my iPhone boldly. That's a positive about returning to work! 

(So disinterested in decoy iPhone he's sitting on it while reaching for mine)

Sometimes I wish (PM)

It's true that I've sometimes wished we showed the faces of ourselves and our loved ones on this blog, because sometimes I have great pictures of myself or loved ones. But this weekend I was feeling kind of reflective, I guess it was the rain. And probably some other stuff. I reflected quite a lot on the Blur and Damon Albarn and mostly looked at these pictures that 'my sister-in-law' took at the Blur show. As we have to protect the identity of those we hold dearest to our hearts it's lucky Damon's face is hidden in these pictures.

Needless to say I wish a couple of things too.

Sometimes I wish (AM)

Sometimes I wish we did allow pictures of our faces and the faces of our loved ones on Miss Soft Crab. When a particularly adorable photo of the little ones appears. Or a particularly funny photo of the big ones. 

I took a ripper photo on the weekend on the way back from the market. We got caught in the rain and the temperature dropped quite a bit quite quickly. 

Appleheart did some improvising to keep KB warm and the results were very amusing, especially to KB. 

I also found this very reliable looking product at the market.

Good times.

Get your effing hand off it (or I feel so irrationally angry) (PM)

Oh. Oh my. That's a terrible terrible innovation. What a pack of knobshining idiots.

I was pretty irrationally upset last week when a cafe which is a 20 minute walk from my house closed 30 minutes earlier than the advertised time. 

I'd already had a coffee that day but I really felt like an afternooner. I'm still upset when I think about it. 

Get your effing hand off it (or I feel so irrationally angry) (AM)

There's a cafe at the end of my street that does totally ok coffee and is very conveniently located, but I almost never get my coffee there. Here's why:

• The wait is always inordinately long. Even if there is only one person in front of you it often takes more than 5 minutes to get a take away coffee. Once I waited so long I had to cancel it. 
• The decor is wack, like it's trying for something but doesn't know what. Like perhaps the decorators/owners went onto eBay when they were decorating and bought products with headings like "Industrial/vintage/retro/cool..." I don't trust a place that has tried that hard and failed so good.
• There are several places with better coffee and decor and time management skills just minutes away where I would much rather be.

So, I almost never go there. But every now and again space and time and a need for coffee dictate that I have to go there. Which is what happened yesterday. So it was I found myself ordering coffee and hot chocolates for me and LB and Baby and Newbie. When I ordered hot chocolate I was asked if I wanted the kids' version so I said yes. Because usually this means its smaller, cooler, less chocolatey than a normal version. But they cost $5 each and took two or three times longer than a coffee to make and of course I was regretting my presence there exacerbated by time pressure and a general dislike for the place. 

The 'kids' hot chocolate' was served thusly: in a jar, atop it sits a marshmallow skewered on a toothpick and charred by mini blowtorch, beside it sits a glass full of pink and blue fairy floss and all this presented on a wooden platter. The hot chocolate, the waitress told us, can be poured directly into the glass with the fairy floss, if you so desire. 

GGGGGAAAAAHHHHHHHH! For who's benefit is this?!? Does any parent ordering hot chocolate for their child want said child to have a triple hit of sugar? NO! They just want to drink their coffee in peace. Does any child want an artfully presented hot chocolate with a pour over coffee experience? No, they just want some sugary shit. I mean for god's sake! Has there world gone mad! Needless to say, neither time nor pressure will ever, EVER make me go to that ridiculous place again. NEVER!