Great films: The Departed (PM)

Gosh, I really want to contribute to this conversation but I have only seen The Departed one time and that was ages ago and I was cheesed off by the whole remake thing so maybe didn't give it the attention it deserves.

By rights, I should love it. Hunks. The fight against corruption. Boston accents. 

And J's review has highlighted some features that are making me quite exited to see it again, and that's aside from Marky Mark. 

I think I need to watch it and write an out of session crab post about it. 

Great films: The Departed (AM)

Sometimes I write a blog post and I feel pretty confident I know what K's position will be on whatever I'm writing about. Sometimes I predict things wrong and sometimes I just don't know. Today I want to talk about what a great movie The Departed is. I know that when K first saw that movie she was down on it, think mainly because it wasn't Infernal Affairs. But maybe she's changed her position. It's happened before. (Ask her what she thought of Tropic Thunder that first time she saw it. You won't believe what she tells you! (Spoiler - she didn't think it was funny.)) Now Infernal Affairs is a great movie, there's no denying that. And I wouldn't be true to the spirit of Miss Soft Crab if I didn't admit that not only do I think it's a great film but we Crabs have a lot of scwhingspect I mean respect for Andy Lau and Tony Leung. So sure I felt worried about what Hollywood may do to the film, but when I saw The Departed when it came out I thought it was pretty great. Not as an Infernal Affairs remake but just as a film, it was just a great film.

I hadn't seen The Departed since 2006 or so, until it was on television last week, and I gotta tell you guys, it is one effing great film. It has this great noir feel. Not in the hammed up way you usually see noir these days, with extreme shadows and high contrast, but in a much more subtle way. But the film also has this kind of Hong Kong cinema vibe too. In one shot Leonardo is trying to catch the cop, Matt Damon, that is in with the mob, chasing him down streets and he is doesn't know its Matt Damon but he sees this reflection in this wind chime mirror... Look, I can't really explain it very well but it just really felt very HK. I just really feel that Martin Scorsese is quite good at his job. He really could go far if he puts his mind to it.

It's also worth noting that The Departed has a pretty good cast. It's set in Boston and some of Boston's finest sons are in it. Marky Mark! Matt Damon. Alec Baldwin. Ok, according to Wikipedia, Alec Baldwin is actually from Massapequa, but Jack Donaghy is from Boston, and what's good enough for 30 Rock is good enough for me. But although the record clearly shows that I love Marky Mark a lot, I have to say it's really Leonard Dicaprio that stands out in this movie for me. He really is quite good at his job. He could really go far if he puts his mind to it. 

Look, I know that no one wants to read a review of a 10-year-old movie, but don't you want to think about great stuff. Maybe you think this movie is great, maybe you don't, but let me just sing the praises of remembering great films of the past. Now that Margaret and David aren't on TV anymore doing that classic movie thing they started doing I guess that is just another hole Miss Soft Crab can fill for you. You're welcome. 

Demonstrated Abilities (PM)

I have a record of achievement too. Particularly in relation to negotiating outcomes when I believe I have been effed around. 

For example, this one time, I successfully negotiated a night of accommodation at the Philadelphia Airport Marriott Hotel after I missed a connecting flight to New Orleans due highly flawed airport communications systems that saw incorrect flight information displayed on both the tv screens that list all flight departures and arrivals, and at departure gates. 

While airline staff were originally adamant that passengers should assume that their flight will leave at the scheduled time from the scheduled gate written on their boarding pass no matter what ALL OTHER AVAILABLE sources of information, and can not expect to be compensated by the airline if they miss their flight, eventually I convinced them to see things from my point of view. As a result, I was able to stay in Philly on the airline's dime and enjoy a Philly cheesesteak at the hotel bar, as one of only two people in the bar that night that did not look totally, totally miserable (the other being Appleheart). 

I still feel proud when I think about that

day.   

Demonstrated abilities (AM)

There has been some job application writing going on in this house and it's not really fun for anyone. To an extent, you have to be yourself, but really you can't be yourself. If I could be totally honest in a job application I think I'd sound a lot more convincing, I could really demonstrate some of my best qualities and those desired by employers.

If I gave my best answers to the kinds of questions often included in selection criteria or asked in interviews I think I could be quite winning.

Demonstrated ability it solve problems.
I am a critical thinker and believe that gathering as much information as possible and exploring a problem from all angles is the key to solving a problem. One example of this was when I was about to holiday in Newcastle as a teenager and, as this was at the height of what one could call an infatuation* with silverchair and particularly the lead singer, Daniel Johns, I felt positive that I could figure out where he lived if only I looked at the problem the right way. I knew the suburb in which he lived but this wasn't enough of course to find a house. I had seen a sort of documentary where the very front door of his house was shown and in which his neighbour was interviewed. Of course it was only a matter of looking up this neighbour's name in the white pages, as it was, finding that address and checking out the house next door. This was successful and Johns' house was found. Of course it seems so obvious as I say it now, but in fact seeing a full picture is not as easy before the puzzle as been put together.

A demonstrated record of achievement.
By far my greatest achievement at work was winning the Christmas pod decorating competition. For years this competition had been won by the marketing department, who was the only department with unlimited access to the colour printer, they could print whatever they liked and their excess always won the trophy, but one particularly slow Christmas I took victory with my installation, Snowflake Assault. For it, I cut hundreds of snowflakes from paper printed on both sides and ready for recycling and hung them around the pod and stuck them to the walls. Not only did I create a visual masterpiece but I did so in an environmentally conscious way and finally got my name engraved on that trophy.

Demonstrated ability to write clear, engaging communication for a specific audience.
Having written a blog for four years I have honed my writing skills. My audience is very specific, it is my mum, my sister and a few close friends. Positive feedback I have received includes: "Ha! Great post!" and "Your post made me LOL." My copy can also speak to a wider audience, for example Miss Soft Crab's  2012 Oscar coverage garnered international acclaim with a message board on IMDb where several Christian Bale fans exalted our work with such comments as "You have to read this, it's hilarious" and "HAHAHA."

Oh, shit. Now I see my "skills" and "achievements" in writing I see it's not really that convincing at all. Back to the drawing board I guess.

*Others may call it obsession.

Questions from the boarding lounge (PM) (or The questions of a tired woman sitting in a dining room)

Why does the garden always get so full of shit? Will it ever get clean and stay clean? I wonder how long K had to sit in that boarding lounge for? Was her plane late? At least she is going to Hobart, I love Hobart. I wonder when I can go to Hobart again? Why am I so tired after Baby's swimming lesson? It wasn't my swimming lesson. Does 45 minutes in the pool with Newbie justify my exhaustion? I wonder how long I can let Baby watch TV without feeling bad about my parenting? Why doesssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Questions from the boarding lounge (AM)

Do planes have a reverse gear? Do they have a gear stick? What happens if they overshoot the turn into the gate, and have to back up so they can straighten up a little? 

Do people who have loud personal phone conversations on their mobile phones annoy everybody else as much as they annoy me? Everyone else seems so fine with it. I'm not fine with it. I want to rip the phone out of this person's hand and turn it off. If only it was one of those flip phones from back in the day. Then my gesture would mean something. But as it stands, there's no drama in turning a Samsung Galaxy off.

Plus, do I really want to do that? No. I don't. I don't want to upset the lady. I just want her to shut up.

Will this plane ever come?

Do you get snacks on Virgin now?

I love Hobart.

(That last one isn't a question, just a thought I have a lot.)

Hair Peace (PM)

I'm so glad K addressed this issue. I've been meaning to ask her if she was on the semi-scrubs program and now I know. I'm seriously considering it myself but I just bought a 1-litre bottle of conditioner recently so WTF am I going to do with that?! Plus I think it is important to note that hormonally, and therefore hairmonally (HA!), K and I are in pretty different positions. I am 1-year post pregnancy and she is mid-pregnancy. If you don't know what it is like to be a year post-pregnancy let me tell you that a few months after giving birth all that hair you have retained falls out. And then, in its place, new hairs grow. New hairs that are in a substantially different place to the other hairs on your head. My friend L-bomb had her own baby a few months after Newbie was born. Late last week she texted me and we talked about this problem.

 

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it will take a lot more than no scrubs to help me. But word up for K for maximising her pregnancy hair. 

Hair Peace (AM)

I thought it was about time I updated you folk on how my no scrubs life is progressing. You know, if you're interested. God knows we are, but god (and only god) also knows why we are so obsessed with our hair. I guess it's a dark (brown) mark we both bear. 

Anyway, it's been ten months now. Ten whole months since shampoo and conditioner last touched my hair, though I started washing with bi-carb and conditioning with apple-cider vinegar about 6 months ago. So I guess it's more of a semi-scrubs life, really.

Frankly, I'm pretty effing happy with things. I basically have this straight on top, curly at the bottom thing going on, which gives my hair a kind of early sixties vibe, like around the time Kennedy got shot and before all the consciousness-raising happened. When I get caught in the rain, the curly bits become dead-set ringlets (see pictures above and below). I 'wash' it about once a fortnight. And sometimes not even that often. I still do my fringe every second day or so, but only with bicarb and water. Why use anything else?

It should be noted that I also have pregnant lady hair at the moment, which is definitely a thing, so that could be responsible for my relative hair happiness. It's no longer a controlled experiment. But nevertheless, I would have to say that no scrubs has brought me a level of contentedness that I only have dreamt of 10 months ago. Don't misunderstand me, I still hate my hair some days. But not many, readers. Not many. 

Sometimes you just know (PM)

...that you should read the AM Miss Soft Crab post on a full stomach. Unfortunately today is not one of those days, so now I really want a fish burger for lunch. Even though I had a burger for dinner last night. A very fine one at that. It was from this place called Kustom Burgers in Thornbury which I go past on the tram all the time, but sneer at because of the spelling. Business owners of the world: stop misusing the letter K! 

Anyway, Appleheart and I had been bagging it out pretty regularly since we moved to Preston and then last night realised that maybe we talk about it all the time because we actually want to eat there. So we did. And it was excellent. A proper burger with beef and bacon and cheese and lettuce and onion that seemed like a fish and chip shop burger but not as dirty. So probably not as good, really, but still pretty damned good.

But not as awesome as a leftovers based fish burger. I mean, there was no broader fulfilment, no sense of achievement over getting it right. Just delicious, delicious burger and fries that hit all the right...heck you guys, I have to go and get some lunch. 

Sometimes you just know (AM)

Theoretically if you were to ask me if I lived by a motto I'd say, "Hells no! That's a mugs game. For losers." But in truth I kind of have heaps of mottos. "Be excellent to each other." "If you're going to be embarrassed about a thing you do then don't do that thing." (Could probably do with a rewrite or it will never catch on.) "Got  leftovers? Make burgers."

I think these are all important words to live by and if you're looking for a motto to live by please feel free to use one of mine. I mean I took one of mine from Bill and Ted. I think we should all use that one. But if you're after another may I suggest the one about leftovers and burgers. 

I'll make my veggie burgers out of leftover curry or baked eggplant or other sloppy delicious mush food I felt could do with some repurposing. Add some breadcrumbs and an egg and you got yourself a burger.  But after baking a snapper on Tuesday night and only eating half of it I figured I might as well try out my burger theory on that. What the hell else are you going to do with some cooked fish flesh still attached to its baked head, that cooked white eye staring out at you. Well I ditched the head and eye and mushed the rest up with some grated ginger, red onion and me ol' mates egg and crumbs. The smell of ginger and Spanish onion was incredibly promising but when I started chopping up the fixings of red cabbage, a little lettuce, cherry tomato, more onion and avocado, I just knew. I knew this was going to be a leftovers success for the ages. A burger patty of cooked fish is light and lovely and the whole thing was so fresh I could eat it all over again. 

So yeah, in theory living your life by mottos seems lame, but in truth it t may be the best thing you can do. 

What am I doing with my life? (PM)

As I said to J this morning after reading her post:

I basically don't know what else to say. Except that I was at home on the couch on Friday night while those parents were out dancing because I am too lame to stay awake much at all these days. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. 

What are you doing with your life? (AM)

Since Newbie was born I haven't been out much, you know out at night, like a grown up and without children. Sure I saw Justin Timberlake. And lord knows I saw Damon Albarn.

But other than the very odd night you can pretty much bet you'll find me home any night of the week. On Friday night I went out and when Miguel, Legsly and David picked me up it was pretty clear that we were a bunch of parents, all exhausted and giggling with the heady anticipation of seeing music and drinking beer sans enfants. It was retarded.

Two Bright Lakes were putting on a farewell gig after 8 years of putting out records and putting on parties and generally showing Melbourne a good time. These guys have some really good bands on their list. Had 'em anyway. Music to sway to, music to dance to. Boy do they have some music to dance to. And right in the middle of the dance floor on  Friday night dancing to Collarbones I remembered how effing good dancing is. I mean, I know how good it is, I know I love it, I do it in my living room and sometimes I do it in other people's living room but doing it on a dance floor - that my friends is truly one of life's great joys. And I had to ask myself, "Why the eff don't you do this more?!?"  I love dancing, really a lot and I started to really think about how I could get it into my life more and why I don't do it more and why I don't prioritise things that are my favourite things. And I started to question other things in my life too, like why aren't I in a band. Oh sure, David, Miguel and I sought to solve this problem by forming a band on Friday night but we've been forming bands on Friday nights for the last 15 years so I doubt this is going to change things.

I don't want to complain about my life, my sons and boyfriend are great, my life is nice but seriously, what am I doing with my life that I don't dance more. And if I'm doing that wrong what else am I doing wrong?!

Also, how can I fit more dancing in while also fitting more sleeping in? More productivity as well as more relaxation. And when will I earn enough money to hire a cleaning lady? I guess at a time when I am actually earning some money. Baby thinks I love cleaning because he basically sees me doing it constantly. He has actually told me that. Seriously, what am I doing with my life? I wanna dance!

Maturity (PM)

I guess maturity and feeling like a grown up are two different things. There are some things in my life that really make me feel like I'm a grown up, but not necessarily mature. When I was about 24 I got my own credit card and the first thing I bought with it was a top and when I signed for it I felt really grown up because that was what my parents always did when I was a kid. Bought things with a credit card and signed their names to authorise the purchase. I never used my pin for my credit card, always signed, for that reason of feeling like a grown up. Now you aren't even allowed to sign for a credit card purchase any more. Back to childhood for me! Just jokes, there are other things that make me feel like a grown up. Getting the paper delivered on the weekend is one of them. When I go out to get the paper in the morning it feels like such a great grown up way to start the day. Getting annoyed at Baby for stupid reasons is another thing that makes me feel like an adult, but only in the worst way. Having a dishwasher makes me feel grown up in the best way.

But that is not maturity. I guess some things make me feel mature. Like right now I am on leave without pay from work, which has the defining factor of not supplying me with any income. This, in turn, means I have no money and I feel really mature because I haven't bought any clothes lately and I don't even really have the urge. Except my friend L-bomb has these really hot kicks that I want to buy yet I am resisting that desire and I feel really mature about it.*

I would not have felt mature sitting in a wet tram seat though and being overcome by indecision about what to do. That seems like a classic childhood horror, being in some mildly embarrassing situation but not wanting to change the situation in case it creates a more embarrassing situation. Classic immaturity. But if you think about it, what was getting up going to achieve, K was already wet on the back of her legs, getting up wasn't going to change that. Perhaps she had the maturity to realise nothing was really going to improve the situation. Ipso facto she is a mature woman. WIN!

*I just found out they are now on sale, would buying them make me mature because I was responsible and bought them at a discount price?

Maturity (AM)

Sometimes I take note of something I am doing and pause for a moment to think wow, I am becoming really mature. I have these insights when I'm doing things like tidying the house, or putting the bins out or otherwise being 'responsible'. I had a really big one the other day when I took the pile of stuff I had left on the stairs 'to take up later', up the stairs. I've been stepping over piles like that my whole life.  My mum would always say, when I was little and my stair-pile leaving days had just begun, "it's probably easier to pick the stuff up and take it with you than climb over it". Well, I'm finally in a position to say no, Mum, it's not easier. But that doesn't matter, now that I've realised that in the long run it's probably better to take the stuff up and put it away and be done with it. Which is to say, now that I've matured. 

I feel pretty good about myself when these things happen but then something else will happen that makes me wonder whether I really have matured, or whether the maturity I've developed is helping much. I wait until Appleheart has gone outside to water the garden, or is doing something that will keep him out of the kitchen for a decent stretch before a take a teaspoon to the peanut butter/Nutino. Is that a sign of maturity? I don't think so. 

I've got a lot of examples of things like that. And from the maturity...what is it good for? files, here's something that happened the other day on the #86. 

I boarded it near home and it was pretty excited to see that there was a single seat available. I squeezed into it without a  second thought and then realised when I felt something wet against the back of my legs that something was wrong with this seat and everyone knew it. A lot of thoughts ran through my head. 

What is this gross thing I'm sitting in? Vomit? Wee? Something more gross? 

How badly soiled are my stockings? If I stand up and leave the seat, will all these fellow passengers who wisely avoided the seat think that I am an idiot, and see the stain on my stockings like some kind of scarlett letter? 

Those are just some of the thoughts. I was basically paralysed by indecision and ended up staying in the seat for the whole ride. One could argue I stayed in the seat because I ruled out a bunch of the grossest possibilities. It didn't smell like vomit or wee or anything grosser. My stockings just looked a bit wet, not discoloured or anything, but not completely clean either. It was restricted to my calves, not the part of the seat my bum was on. One could argue that, but one would be wrong. It was the indecision. Maturity offered me no solution. Except to allow me to basically forget all about it about 2 minutes after I sat down. That's something.

Just some things I thought about (PM)

Goddamn it I love Nutella too! Though in my household we buy the cheap version called Nutino. 

I couldn't choose which one of those photos to upload so I thought screw it, I'll show all of them. 

I don't buy it often because I love it and eat it out of the jar until it is gone. Sometimes with peanut butter which is another best thing. But jeez it's good. 

Apparently Niecey suggested Nutelle as a  baby name the other day. She was eating Nutella at the time and clearly agrees that it is a best thing. 

Speaking of babies, I can't believe MSC is almost 4! How should we celebrate? 

Just some things I thought about (AM)

It is the day before the Easter long weekend AND it is two days before Passover AND it is one day after Chickpea's birthday AND it is two weeks before Miss Soft Crab turns FOUR! This means that I am a combination of tired, spent, lazy and nostalgic.

When Miss Soft Crab was born K and I used to worry that the blog needed a more clear focus, or any focus, and I remember someone, maybe KJ, saying in the early days that we seemed to talk a lot about best things and maybe that's what the blog should be about if we wanted to have a theme. Turns out we didn't really want a theme. Plus there was no getting around the fact that sometimes you also need to talk about shit things. And mostly we just wanted to talk about hunks and food and clothes, which we have successfully done for the last four years. I do sometimes wonder what happened to our enthusiasm though, best things are not visited as much these days. Who knows why.

You know what I ate yesterday, though? Nutella. I bought some to put on a cake I was making for Chickpea and do you know what? That shit is an absolute best thing. It is absolutely as delicious as you think it is. I know why I never buy it, but lordy, it made me wonder why I never buy it!

A little while ago I started writing a list of best things on my phone, it includes such undeniable best things as "hot chips with vinegar" and "a baby falling asleep in your arms", I'll probably add Nutella after I get off this computer.

There were other things I was thinking about too but now I'm just thinking about Nutella and how much I want to go and eat some. Which is exactly what I'm going to go do. Have a great weekend y'all!