Haiku Thursday

I tried to tell K last night how I loved her post yesterday. I loved how she brought us hunks through HotMC and HotMC through WTF Wednesday. Ironic that our last week before an indefinite but hopefully finite hiatus should come so easily and be so enjoyable to read and write. 

Anyway it's Thursday and there would be no other appropriate way to spend our last ever Thursday (before this hiatus) than revisiting some golden hiaku. Some may think Hiaku Thursday was just an easy way out but in fact Haiku Thursday is goldmine of pristine nuggets just waiting to be (re)discovered. Seriously there is some great shit in there. But today I'm going to reproduce some haiku from three of the most important themes to ever be explored through haiku: Sparkleface, Jews, and the most famous Jew - Jesus.  

Haiku impressions of Edward Cullen

by K and J

I

Stupid Sparkleface

With his stupid sparkly face

Get a real face!

II 

You can climb a tree

Really fast. Um, so what, guy!

So can possums! Dick.

III

Edward Cullen's best

Thing are his ever larger

Volvos. For reals guy.

IV

Girl found you're a vamp

By searching the internet. 

That's really lame, guy.

V

I think vamps are hot

But somehow Cullen kills it

Pussy vamps aren't hot.

Haiku impressions of Jacob

by K and J

I 

In real life I

Love wolves. In Twilight Saga

I'm team wolf. TEAM WOLF!

II 

I love how the wolves

Are giant. I love how they

Are too hot for shirts

III 

I love how the wind

Blows through their fur. It suggests

Sensitivity. 

IV 

As well as being

a wolf (hot), Jake just seems like

better company.

V

If Edward's feelings

For Bella are wrong, then mine

For Jacob are too 

VI

Yeah. I guess we both

Know police chief swan is more

Age appropriate.

Just one more, I promise

I love you I hate

You I love you I hate you

Breaking Dawn Part 1

If J's allowed one, then I'm allowed one

Breaking Dawn Part 1. 

You sucked so very much. So

Why can't I quit you?

 

Haiku interpretations of what a random selection of Jews might have written in their diaries during the time that they were enslaved in Egypt and leading up to their release

Pharaoh be trippin’

He be hatin’ and killin’

Why he oppressin’?

Jews are people too

The chosen people! Jealous?

Suck it up bitches!

Is this for real?

Gotta  put blood on my door?

Oi vey! What a mess!

Who’s this guy Moses?

You want I should follow him?

I hope he’s a mensch

Haiku interpretations of what one very astute observer may have written in his diary

 I

Blood, frogs, lice, flies and

Pestilence, boils, hail

Locusts and darkness

II

What’s coming next, huh?

Slaying of the first born? No!?

Suck it, oppressors

Haiku impressions of what Jesus might have written in his diary during the week leading up to his crucifixion.

Monday

Hung with disciples

Found Lazarus dead. Hells no!

Miracled him back.

Tuesday

Woke with mad craving

For felafel. So what's new?

To Jerusalem!

Wednesday

Back to back meetings.

I was all Miracles, yo!

But they be hatin'.

Wednesday (later, in the Garden of Gethsemane)

God told me "The Plan".

Gulp! Also, Judas hates me?!

WTF!? Since when?

 : (

Thursday

BEST farewell dinner

With disciples. Ate WAAAAAYY too

Much bread! *Love* those guys!

Thursday (later)

I should have shaved my

beard before supper. It's so

Full of crumbs now. LOL!