Thursday, August 17, 2017

Haiku Thursday

I tried to tell K last night how I loved her post yesterday. I loved how she brought us hunks through HotMC and HotMC through WTF Wednesday. Ironic that our last week before an indefinite but hopefully finite hiatus should come so easily and be so enjoyable to read and write. 

Anyway it's Thursday and there would be no other appropriate way to spend our last ever Thursday (before this hiatus) than revisiting some golden hiaku. Some may think Hiaku Thursday was just an easy way out but in fact Haiku Thursday is goldmine of pristine nuggets just waiting to be (re)discovered. Seriously there is some great shit in there. But today I'm going to reproduce some haiku from three of the most important themes to ever be explored through haiku: Sparkleface, Jews, and the most famous Jew - Jesus.  
Haiku impressions of Edward Cullen
by K and J

Stupid Sparkleface
With his stupid sparkly face
Get a real face!

You can climb a tree
Really fast. Um, so what, guy!
So can possums! Dick.

Edward Cullen's best
Thing are his ever larger
Volvos. For reals guy.

Girl found you're a vamp
By searching the internet. 
That's really lame, guy.

I think vamps are hot
But somehow Cullen kills it
Pussy vamps aren't hot.

Haiku impressions of Jacob
by K and J

In real life I
Love wolves. In Twilight Saga
I'm team wolf. TEAM WOLF!

I love how the wolves
Are giant. I love how they
Are too hot for shirts

I love how the wind
Blows through their fur. It suggests

As well as being
a wolf (hot), Jake just seems like
better company.

If Edward's feelings
For Bella are wrong, then mine
For Jacob are too 

Yeah. I guess we both
Know police chief swan is more
Age appropriate.

Just one more, I promise
I love you I hate
You I love you I hate you
Breaking Dawn Part 1

If J's allowed one, then I'm allowed one
Breaking Dawn Part 1. 
You sucked so very much. So
Why can't I quit you?

Haiku interpretations of what a random selection of Jews might have written in their diaries during the time that they were enslaved in Egypt and leading up to their release

Pharaoh be trippin’
He be hatin’ and killin’
Why he oppressin’?

Jews are people too
The chosen people! Jealous?
Suck it up bitches!

Is this for real?
Gotta  put blood on my door?
Oi vey! What a mess!

Who’s this guy Moses?
You want I should follow him?
I hope he’s a mensch

Haiku interpretations of what one very astute observer may have written in his diary
Blood, frogs, lice, flies and
Pestilence, boils, hail
Locusts and darkness
What’s coming next, huh?
Slaying of the first born? No!?
Suck it, oppressors

Haiku impressions of what Jesus might have written in his diary during the week leading up to his crucifixion.

Hung with disciples
Found Lazarus dead. Hells no!
Miracled him back.

Woke with mad craving
For felafel. So what's new?
To Jerusalem!

Back to back meetings.
I was all Miracles, yo!
But they be hatin'.

Wednesday (later, in the Garden of Gethsemane)
God told me "The Plan".
Gulp! Also, Judas hates me?!
WTF!? Since when?
 : (

BEST farewell dinner
With disciples. Ate WAAAAAYY too
Much bread! *Love* those guys!

Thursday (later)
I should have shaved my
beard before supper. It's so
Full of crumbs now. LOL!

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