Hi again

Despite assurances from K a couple of weeks ago that she was still here, the truth of this seems in doubt. I know she is still somewhere, but I'm not so sure about here. But that's cool. As Baby keeps reminding me, we're living in dark times, give a co-blogger a break!

In some ways it has felt like dark times. First there was the fear that someone I knew and loved would get sick with the dreaded CV. Then there were the more general fears about a society full of people out of work and suffering. Then there was the anxiety of working from home with children bothering me. And while the first of those fears has greatly lessened, the second adequately pushed under a rug, and third somewhat made peace with, technically I guess you could say I've been feeling better about things.

Due to a number of very first world problems like too much work, a bathroom renovation and three healthy children that are essentially in my care constantly now, I feel busier now more than ever and what with having to be in the same physical space all the time with the same people my brain feels jammed packed. At first when I'd hear people on the radio talking about all the Netflix they could catch up on and projects they could undertake my blood would boil. Fuck you and your Netflix. But I have realised, despite having no extra time for Netflix or personal projects, I do have time for small moments and they are pretty nice.

Without the commute to work I get home from work at 5PM. That is, I walk from my bedroom, where I work, to the family room where everyone else is and I'm done for the day. And then I have time to hang out with my darlings AND cook a nice dinner. Yesterday morning I went for an early walk with Little Bean before I had to start work. Usually there's no time for stuff like that. I can't tell you what a drain on my normal mornings making school lunches is. I love not making them in the morning. I love it. And Baby talks to me all the time about funny stuff. That kid is going to be ten in a month - if you can believe that - and he basically has a teenager's lack of desire to talk too his parents already. But now that he has no one to talk to anymore I'm really reaping the benefits. So I'm not going to hate people for watching lots of Netflix anymore.

Coronavirus - The Crown style

A few weeks ago when Boris Johnson was in ICU with coronavirus, Prince Charles had been recently diagnosed with it and QEII had just given her coronavirus address I couldn’t help thinking about the episode of The Crown this would result in.

It opens at the bustling Wuhan fish market. A cold, frosty morning. Fishmongers pull fish from a truck, cold air rises from from large dead fish. A man coughs. A week later: the streets of Wuhan. People in masks, coughing. Full hospitals. Chinese officials around boardroom tables speaking frantically. Cut to QE II in the parlour where she always watches TV, a news caster reports on a deadly new virus spreading through China. “Oh dear,” says the queen.

Cut to opening credits.

The episode is all phone calls with Boris, debates over whether the UK should start shutting things down or stand strong, questions over where the royals should all be and who should be with the, Then Charles tests positive. “I see,” the queen says into a telephone receiver. (I wonder if the queen uses a mobile phone? Will the 2020 episodes still have QEII holding a land line to her face?) There’ll be discussions over whether she should address the nation. “At a time like this they need you, ma’am,” someone will tell her. Boris will get sick of course, go into hospital, end up in ICU.  Lizzie will have that strained, torn look on her face as she hears the news. Then he survives (same torn look on her face when she hears probably). She’ll be upset about missing her Easter duties but will give her touching  Easter address.  I guess eventually the numbers will start to get better too. Fewer people will die. Everyone will be cautiously optimistic. Perhaps the Queen will have to stay isolated for longer. Forever?

The episode will have that heavy feeling of the London smog episode or mining town landslide episode. Shit, a lot of bad stuff happens over 60 odd years does’t it? Ever since I started seeing COVID-19 as an episode of The Crown all news out of England appears to me as a part of the episode - it really is delightful. But I also started to think about the Crown episodes that the past decade would inspire. Terrorist attacks in London, Brexit, the Scottish referendum perhaps, Harry and Megan (can't wait for that one), some personal ones I could not foresee. Ugh. I hope this period of self isolation is giving her maj a well earned break. Girlfriend turned 94 on Tuesday, lockdown is probably the nicest thing that could have happened to her. Happy birthday QEII, stay safe.

Thanks, COVID-19

Back in the mid 00s K and I used to very much enjoy a blog called Go Fug Yourself. I dare say it was one of the inspirations for this very blog here. It was just a couple of gals talking about the clothes that celebrities wore. It was a magnificent time, Lady Gaga was reaching her height and so were her outfits. The internet wasn't saturated by, well, everything and Instagram didn't even exist!  It was a really funny blog and a great opportunity to look at all kinds of outfits, good and bad. It still exists in a much fancier form now and I haven't looked at it in years (except earlier today to verify this claim about its existence). When it started getting big and the original authors weren't the only writers anymore (and I'm not just talking about delegating to Intern George)* I think I can safely say that K and I both stopped reading it. It just lost that certain je ne sais quoi. But in its hey day it really was very good. There were a couple of particular things that the writers really did not like, fashionwise, and mostly I was in tune with them. If someone wore shorts or a skirt that was too short, the post would carry the tag 'look into pants', a person wearing leggings would get 'leggings aren't pants' (or something similar - sheesh it was more than a decade ago, I can't remember all the details) and these were all sentiments I could get behind. But as one working from home day rolls into the next I think it's safe to say my position on leggings has changed. Drastically.

I do have several pairs of leggings because I like to run in them (I mean I used to run in them, but for years now I have only fanticised about running in them) and I like to do yoga in them but other than that I rarely wear them. Oh occasionally I'll wear them around the house but they're not really a default. I am just pretty comfortable in jeans most of the time but working from home calls for something else. I do not like to work in too-comfortable clothes, I need something more constricting than pyjamas or tracksuit pants to get my mind in the right framework, but jeans can be uncomfortable for hours of sitting. Moreover, I may be stuck at home but I still want to mix it up a bit. Sheesh, girlfriend still likes to think about and wear sweet outfits. And I gotta tell ya, leggings really are the perfect pal for this scenario. The slight constriction of a good pair of leggings is just the right level of discomfort for WFH, while the flexibility gives just the right amount of comfort. And when you bother to put the outfit together, I feel like you can come up with something pretty sweet. This is what I'm wearing today - a red jumper with a nice shape, red socks to pull it all together - I'm enjoying it on a comfort and aesthetic level.

**

From where I sit now I could actually imagine wearing this in the real world. So I'd like to thank COVID-19 and the forced isolation for opening my eyes to this new possibility of leggings as pants. Although when the doors to the outside world open I may well find this is just like when you're holidaying in a country where the fashion sense is just slightly different and your removal from your life makes you think that you love and could wear the clothes people wear in that country. And then you buy clothes, bring them home to your natural habitat and realise there is no fucking way you'd wear those things. Oh well, only time will tell I guess.   

*You feel me GFY fans.
**Looking at this I realise I'm just wearing a really normal selection of items people would wear in their own house and maybe this doesn't warrant a photo, let alone a blog post. Oh well - too late now! 

It’s working

I think that even if your plan isn’t working, the overall scheme is.

I say that as someone who isn’t home-schooling kiddos, so it’s possible that I have no idea what I’m talking about. But I think that rolling with the heretofore inconceivable concept of working and home schooling AT THE SAME TIME (noting that you’re on leave this week Mate, but still) sounds like a noteworthy achievement. I mean, that is a totally bonkers concept that no one would have dreamed into existence just a few months ago.  Kids have got to be learning a shit load about problem solving and adaptability through this exercise. Or something. Will just fucking rolling with it be the fourth R for this generation of school kids? Perhaps. 

I had a plan about what I was going to write today too, but alas. I spent the entire day with a teething baby and a four and a half year old who sure does like to ask a lot of questions. It’s not a very inspirational scenario, and  It’s only at the end of the day that I’m getting to put finger to keyboard. 

All I feel like saying now is how much I like this corner of my bedroom. I don’t know where to put that Kusama poster, but in the meantime I like looking  at it here. 

I had a plan

I had in my head the post that I wanted to write today but as I think we all know, planning some writing in your head is not the same as writing that thing. What I should have done was write it last night, once the kids were in bed and my brain was still halfway working. But like a fool I didn't do that, expecting - for some reason - that I'd be able to write it today. You see, I took a few days off work this week, and not working has meant that I haven't felt quite as bled dry as I had been previously. But today 'school' started. Needless to say, at only 11:30am I feel completely bled dry. But it's recess now so I'm writing this different post. As this is as far as I can remove my brain from the day, (ie. not at all).

I sort of had high hopes for school starting. That it would add structure to the day and tasks for the kids to complete. But with Newbie in grade 1 he needs a fair bit of help and with Baby generally being a child that lacks motivation, is easily distracted and doesn't want to do stuff, he needs basically constant monitoring. So my hopes have sunk somewhat. But it is only day one and I guess the only way is up. Although I guess down is also a possibility if I'm honest.

Still here

Hi there. I just want to say that Mate, I’m still here and I have lots of things to talk about but due to generally being bled totally dry I am just putting this placeholder post here with a list of the things that I have to talk to you about. In no particular order:

How annoyed I am at everything all the time too

My neck

Autumn/winter wardrobe things, including how great your fair isle menswear jumper from country road, season, like, 2012 is. 

What normal will look like when everything goes back to ‘normal’

That the only thing better than having a dishwasher is have a dishwasher located directly opposite the drawer where most of the dishes go. 

There’s other things too, but these are a start.I plan to post about one of these each week. 

WFH Wednesday

Mate, I can see why you and your brother and your dad are worried in varying degrees about your mum.* But I think the fact that she had a stroke and now, due to extenuating circumstances, she can not leave the house (except for exercise, grocery shopping or medical care) gives her a pretty goddamned good excuse not to get out of bed before 11:30 or get out of her pyjamas after that. I haven't even had a stroke and look at what I'm wearing:

New world order, mate, we write out own rules now.

Although I'm now also a bit worried about K's mum, isn't it nice to talk about something other than You Know Who? I mean You Know What? On this point I've actually got a few concerns about myself, and I'm not just talking about my outfit. Last night Chickpea told me she had just had a non-You-Know-What-related conversation with her friend about some relationship troubles (the friend's not Chickpea's) and I remembered that I had met this person's partner just a year ago but can't remember that person at all. I remember a general impression that they seemed nice. But not their name or their face or anything else. I mean, isn't that kind of fucked? Also I'm pretty sure isolation is turning me into a total bitch. I mean, I don't feel changed. Maybe I've always been a total bitch, but I've noticed things. Like this morning when two friends said they didn't like feijoas, I implied there was something wrong with them. And I'm getting very annoyed by people at work. I was infuriated by an academic writing an open letter to the faculty about how hard working at home is for an academic if they have kids. As if it's not also hard for non-academic staff. But why I gotta be so angry about her exclusiveness. I mean, she's an academic, if she only wants to write about her people that's her business. Still, no harm being a bit more inclusive - am I right? Who knows. I have no idea about anything anymore. Maybe I'm just hungry. Again.

*Also thanks for that picture of the baby Strokes mate. I really enjoyed that step back into simpler times.

Worries

I spoke to my Mum today and she told me that she was just about to get out of bed. It was 11:30am, and it was the first thing she said to me.

“Hi darling, I’m just getting out of bed”. 

This is strange because it’s a strange way to start a conversation, and it’s also strange because my Mum would typically have done a whole bunch of stuff by 11:30am. But since she had the stroke, she’s been different and the tricky thing is figuring out what’s a difference to worry about and what’s just different because she is in fact, different. 

At first, after the stroke, she was very very tired and would stay in bed and sleep a lot more. This is very normal and reflects that fact that her brain has been damaged. After a few weeks her energy levels picked up and she would stay in bed, but read her book or “do things on the iPad”. I think that meant read the news and read emails and maybe look at photos of the kids. When she did get up, she may or may not get out of her PJs and that was somewhat alarming to everyone because my Mum loves to look groomed. She does not look groomed in her PJs. 

But heck, the woman was recovering from a stroke and so we all figured as she got better she would be more motivated to get her groom on. 

It’s been a month and a half now, so still not that far out from when it happened, but I think my dad and my brother are a bit concerned by her ongoing interest in staying in bed and not getting dressed. I’m not sure how worried I should be. Maybe she’s just finally wise to the fact that lying around in PJs all day is actually pretty great, and she’s finally, at 75, letting herself do it. I mean, that sounds about right, doesn’t it? 

I think my Dad and brother are put out by it because it’s a visual reminder of the fact that she’s changed, she’s not as invincible as she once was, she’s vulnerable and not the person who is effectively keeping our whole family safe and cared for. 

But we’re all adults. We can take care of ourselves now, more or less. Doesn’t she deserve to lie around? 

I think so. 

The new work order

K, you are right on sister. The new work environment is pretty weird. My work is using a lot of Slack and a lot of Zoom. I have a Zoom meeting basically every day and they are barely about work. I was asked to attend a weekly meeting on my day off, as if just because I'm at home I have nothing better to do than dial into a meeting that has nothing to do with me. I missed the first one and apparently all I actually missed was the director complaining about working at home and how his daughter is sick and he and his wife have to sleep in different beds. Yikes!

I did go to last week's meeting though and spent 55 minutes listening to the directorate talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with me or the rest of my team. I thought about turning my camera off and walking away but was worried someone may ask me something. Unlikely as that was. Although at minute 55 the director thought he had to justify my team's presence and asked us how we were going. We each spoke about our home office set up for one minute. Most of my team work at our dining table or in the bedroom. Most of the directorate have a dedicated study or the pick of many rooms in their big houses. Needless to say I told my manager I would not be coming to that meeting again.

Slack is something else again. We have a a team channel and a channel for everyone in the research institute where I work, where professors log on and say things like "Good morning peeps 😎" It's pretty weird. People share pictures of the meals they made last night, there wedding photos from years ago. It's weird how these internet relationships bring a new kind of intimacy. Or maybe it's not. I mean, I guess my email relationships with people are different to my face-to-face relationships. But now there's only online relationships. With people we know but won't see for months. Let's hope things don't get too weird.😬

One week down

Apologies for being three days late with this post. We've all got quite a lot going on, right?

I suspect a lot of people's ability to multitask is really being tested this week. Not mine, because as we all know I'm a unitasker and have no expectations of myself with regards to multitasking. It's good to know that about yourself. 
Appleheart took most of the week off and has been looking after kids while I get used to being back at work. 

Mostly things are the same, but now we all communicate on Teams, and no one sends emails, and it's perfectly normal to respond to messages from the CEO with an emoji. It's not just normal, it's encouraged. 

I feel about this the way I feel about young men wearing trousers without socks. Remember how all of a sudden, about 10 years ago, young gentlemen started wearing, like, stovepipe trouser with shoes and no socks, so their ankles were on display for everyone to see?

It was very surprising and for a while I would feel a little startled every time I saw an ankle but now, I'm used to it. I'm very adaptable like that. I suspect I'll soon be replying with winky faces.

Anyway, It's been a good first week. I mean, it's no sitting around watching RuPaul's Drag Race while I cuddle a sleeping baby, but we all knew that had to come to an end. 

I hope y'all have had good weeks too.