Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Everything I've thought about Channing Tatum in the last 36 hours (AM)

To be honest for years I didn't bother learning to distinguish between Shia LaBoef and Channing Tatum, they were just names attached to boring faces that appeared in naf films. Then The Beef started to act like a minor nut job while the Tater's face continued to appear on the posters of adaptations of Nicholas Sparks novels and while I learned to differentiate them I didn't bother because I didn't give a shit about them.

Imagine my surprise then when I found myself watching 22 Jump Street the other night and wondering to myself if Channing Tatum may be a hunk. I don't know if I was just looking for a distraction in a pretty shit film or if it's that in fact Channing Tatum has a certain je ne sais quoi but whatever the reason, 36 hours ago I thought to myself, "I wonder if Channing Tatum is a minor hunk". I mean that's how it started with Hemsworth, just a question and eventually the answer came back, "YES, this guy is a hunk!" 

22 Jump Street is a really long movie so I spent about an hour thinking, "Well this Tatum is not quite as boring or repulsive as I expected, he may even be a little bit charming or handsome." (Hour 36.) After an hour of this I guess I got bored so I started thinking "Could I have been wrong about this guy, could there be more hunk to him than meets the eye??" (Hour 35.)

After the movie finished I thought I better do my due diligence and Google Channing Tatum (hour 34) and I was both disappointed and relieved to find that, as previously thought, he is not a hunk at all. Handsome in that boring all American way, the star of boring movies, charming enough to be watchable and unrepulsive, I decided that he is a tolerable version of what Hollywood is currently passing off as a hunk, but in no way, NO way is this guy an actual hunk. And with that the status quo was restored and I could go back to not thinking about Channing Tatum again (hours 33-0).

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