Sunday, August 10, 2014

I need to wee (AM)

I've heard new mothers say all kinds of things that "no one told them before they had babies". 

"No one talks about how you crap during labour," they say. To which I say, you clearly do not know my in-laws. 

"No one tells you how hard it is," they say. To which I say, are you fucking kidding me?! Everyone tells you how hard it is. They tell you that all the time. Your ears were closed.  

But why don't they complain about the real things no one actually tells you. Seriously, no one ever tells you you'll need to wee all the time. And I'm not talking about some post pregnancy prolapsed pelvic floor situation, I'm just talking about never getting the goddam chance to go to the goddamn toilet. Exercise your pelvic floor muscle they tell you after you have a baby. My whole life is a pelvic floor exercise. Pick up toys, attend to some child's need, attend to more child's need, attend to your own need to not have shit everywhere by picking up the shit strewn everywhere, snap at a child because they're bouncing off you, realise this means you are busting for the dunny, realise you are unable to go to the toilet because there's a crying baby, get swept up in the cycle again until hours later you can finally go to the toilet. I have  a pelvic floor of steel. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I really have to go to the toilet. 

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