Thank god for autumn 💓

I see you out there autumn 

Since Miss Soft Crab went on indefinite hiatus a few things have changed. Not many, but a couple. I don't freelance anymore, I work at a university now. I mean right now I work for a uni at my house. Obvs. But a couple of weeks ago, when I was still at the uni I was taking a (very) little walk with a friend. We go get a coffee in the afternoon and weather and workloads permitting, we walk from the cafe to the library stand for a minute in the sun and return to work. We were talking about the beautiful autumn sunshine and I told her that I used to write a blog and every autumn I would end up writing a post about my love for autumn. I did not know that in a matter of weeks that blog would be resurrected and I would be able to once again be able to sing out my love for autumn in blog post form.

But here we are, on a blog in the midst of autumn. The weather has been truly beautiful.Warm days, sunshine, crisp mornings, doona-requiring nights. Everything beautiful about autumn. Occasional rain, calling for pasta and red wine. Oh, autumn. And I remember the days, just weeks ago, walking from the cafe to the library with colleagues, reveling in all of autumn's beauty. Autumn really is magnificent. But this confinement is not showing autumn in its best light (despite the beautiful light).

Sure I go outside, but not in the same random way as real life takes you outside. Not at all times of day. And only, mostly to my backyard. When I was recalling my love letters to autumn, they were soaring, and heartfelt. Can you even have soaring feelings when you are housebound? I'm yet to discover if this is possible but I'm hopeful that the answer will be yes.

Into the fog

Today, I go back to work after a year of maternity leave. 

I’m dressed in business attire and my hair is brushed. I’ve got shoes on. I had a shower!

It’s a lot of prep to just go downstairs and work in the garage, but I’ve got to make a good first impression. 

In Sweden, when they cheers, they say ‘in i dimman’. It means ‘Into the fog’. I really like it. It’s how I feel about this day and these times. 

Gosh, so serious. 

The COVID conflict

Mate, I'm glad your subconscious thinks I'll be happy as a blonde. I'll definitely take that into consideration.

Like K, I have received a lot of emails from business about snap sales and great new work from home outfits I could be buying. Though none so ridiculous as that Scanlon and Theodore one. I need a sequin halter top to swan around my house like I need a hole in the head.

I have really conflicting feelings about shopping. I do want to support the businesses I like, it'd suck if an SOB like COVID 19 took them down. But also, I do not need new clothes right now. I have basically been wearing the same clothes for three days straight. And the beauty of this home confinement is that all the clothes I'm not wearing while stuck inside will feel like a new wardrobe when the doors are finally open. But on the flipside, I do love stuff! I imagined that being confined to the house I'd be rolling in money. I'm not spending money on petrol or parking at work. Not spending on swimming lessons. About to get a partial refund on poor Baby's school camp that got cancelled. And yet I somehow I'm just as broke as ever.

I do very much want a new pair of pyjamas though. And I feel like that is a legit purchase. Not that I'm a person who hangs out in pyjamas. Ewww. No I get up in the morning and get dressed thank you very much. But if the only thing to mark the transition from day to night is changing from home clothes to pyjamas, then I want that transition to be pretty bloody enjoyable. Winter is coming. And I need some new flannel. And like that I'm convinced. Excuse me. I gotta do some online shopping. I mean, get back to work.

Reading the mood

Hey Mate, I had a dream you went blonde and you were really happy with it. Maybe it’s something to look forward to for the other side.

Meanwhile, I woke up to the news that EFFING PRINCE CHARLES has covid-19. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because the brother has to interact with a lot of people and the footage I saw on ABC news breakfast this morning suggests he’s had a hard time shifting from handshakes to elbow-taps. I’m assuming he has no shortage of locations in which to self-isolate, and he’ll no doubt be fine. But maybe he won’t be.  He’s no spring chicken. He could die. He could give it to his mother and she could die. 

Let’s move on. 

I’m assuming your inboxes are all stuffed full of messages about temporary closures, changes to opening hours, snap sales and what not. Poor retail business-owning folk. Poor folk who work in retail and cafes and schools and, like, everywhere that things are super messed up. So, like, everywhere. 

Most of these emails express confusion and uncertainty,  and some of them have a touch of optimism which I’m finding extremely lovely. 

Not sure Scanlan and Theodore are really capturing the mood with the email they sent me this week, subject “Luxe Statements”.  

Is the current mood really “understated luxury”? 

That sequin halter top better made out of tiny stock cubes because if not, NO THANKS. 

Hair we go

I expect to look something like this post-lock down 

So it's Wednesday today and I guess K is going to the hairdresser. Lucky Scotty's new random restrictions aren't shutting down hairdressers but only a bunch of other non-essential services, like nail parlours and beauticians, that we were told two days ago would stay open. It didn't make sense then and it doesn't make sense now. Nothing does - am I right?!

But I'm so glad K brought us to this inevitable point so quickly. Hair. It was always just going to be a matter of days before we got to hair. As it turns out it was really just a matter of day.

As I started reflecting on staying inside for months on end, I tried to focus on the positives. I'm not really happy with my hair right now, but maybe if I treat it right I'll emerge in a few months with long flowing locks! I won't have to put sunscreen on everyday, I'll never wear make up, have time to apply lovely skin care. Maybe I'll emerge with beautiful skin too. These are my dreams of course, but it's possible I'll emerge sallow, after months inside and little exercise. After the amount of toast I ate yesterday it's likely I'll also emerge fatter than I am now - will online yoga really be able to compete with all the toast. Perhaps bread will become increasingly unavailable releasing me from this particular problem. But heck you guys, let's focus on the positives.

It also occurred to me that now would be the perfect time to go blonde. I could do it, stay inside, no one would know, if it looks good I can keep it, if it looks bad it would have just been a failed experiment and I'd go back to brown, just my little secret. But going blonde would require a trip to the hairdresser and I don't know if I should do that. I mean K already had an appointment, it's one thing to keep an appointment in these trying times, it's another thing to make one! Plus, do I want to increase the trauma to my children? Things are unsettled enough, going blonde may just push them over the edge. Of course, it's only day two of serious restrictions and all the kids at home, in a couple of months I'll probably be platinum blonde from a box and crying into my morning gin.

Some of what I’d like to discuss

(Some enjoyable MSC fan art I discovered the other day)

It’s pretty good to be back, you guys, and I’ll tell you why. 

My Mum had a stroke a few weeks ago*. My Dad fell over on his way to Woolworths last Friday and broke a rib**. I’m going back to work on Monday and my little baby, Tugboat, is starting childcare three days a week***. Also, global pandemic. 

Fair is foul and foul is fair!

But what I really want to focus on today is whether my hair appointment will go ahead on Wednesday and I’m not sure I’d have the space to do that if it weren’t for MSC.

As J advised, I kind of went blonde for a while there between June 2018 and June 2019, but then returned to my beloved brunette before Tugboat was born because it felt wrong to birth a child while harboring blonde highlights. 

But that was nine months ago and girl, you look at my hair and you can tell. 

I walked past a salon in the new neighbourhood the other day and thought ‘that’s it, I’m making an appointment before it’s too late’. I made an appointment for Wednesday.

And though Scott, our Prime Minister who has the nerve to be named SCOTT during a national crisis, has not closed hairdressers, I kind of think it will be irresponsible of me to go. BUT I do love supporting a small business. And they only have one client at a time in the salon, and have committed through social media to maintaining the highest standards of hygiene. But social distancing! Infection control!

What am I going to do?****

*She’s doing really well, thanks for asking

**He’ll be fine in a little while, thanks for asking

***He’s been to multiple orientations and is settling in nicely, thanks for asking.

****LOL, we all know I’m going, this is just a therapeutic exercise.

A new beginning

GET OUT OF TOWN!* We're back!!

Oh my god you guys! Can you believe we're back here?!?

You know, when Miss Soft Crab went on indefinite hiatus a couple of years ago we thought we may see you back here one day. As K said at the time, "I'm sure there will be things that happen to us, with us, to all of us, that we'll need to come here to discuss.  Maybe when we go to Jamface.  Maybe when you/we dye your/our hair blonde.  Definitely when QEII, well, you know." Thank god QEII has not, well, you know. And we never got to Jamface. And I haven't gone blonde. Although K kinda did. I think it's safe to say that we did not imagine that a global pandemic that was changing the way we all live was going to be the thing that ended this hiatus. But it is. 

I mean, these are crazy times. Today AWOL emailed to say he had pneumonia and not coronavirus as he at first suspected, and I responded "Great news!" I mean the guy has pneumonia FFS!

A lot of other unforeseeable things happened too. Casey Affleck, a much loved MSC hunk, seen below in our last post, was revealed as a sex pest :( Ewan McGregor left his wife for another woman, so did Jimmy Bartel. Let's just say the Miss Soft Crab hunks have disappointed us. But let's just hope that in these crazy times, we don't forget to appreciate hunks. I mean, I don't think any of us could have imagined the winning combo of Brad and Leo gracig our screens and basically all media non-stop for about three months last year. And I for one couldn't be happier about that development. 

Another MSC favourite, QEII, has had a lot going on too.  Prince Harry married Meghan Markle and essentially left the royal fold, and there's the whole Prince Andrew thing. Ugh. But I feel like she's really embracing these difficult time. I mean look at this amazing outfit. 

So, here we are. Yes, we're going to talk about this weird fucking thing that is going on in the world. But we're also going to talk about all the things you've come to love us for. Hunks! Clothes! Food! Our hair. And a bunch of other stuff we thought about. 

We're back. And it feels pretty bloody good!

*Obviously you can't actually get out of town