New friends (PM)

Well this topic is super timely for me because I'm just about to join a Mothers' group and unless they're a bunch of muthas, I'm hoping there will be some new friends for me amongst them.
I'm hoping so because new friends are great, and a new bar has opened in Preston that has tonnes of room for prams. I have a vision of going to this bar on Friday arvo at, say, 3pm for an afternooner and it would be better if I could meet friends there. This vision is an attempt to create some kind of structure to a week in which all days  bleed into one another and apart from keeping a small child alive, one doesn't actually do anything at all.

New friends (AM)

I've been thinking lately about how it's good to make new friends. Other than the self-evidence of the statement, there are actual reasons too, like when you hang out with people other than the people you've been hanging out with for the last 20 or 30 years you get a new perspective on things. You talk about different things or the same things in new ways and you learn things and it's great. I can't recommend it highly enough. Except I rarely do it. The last friend I probably made was Pickle* and that was at least 8 years ago and is highly embarrassing because she has probably made about 45 friends since then. A year.  

"Why doesn't J make new friends?" You may wonder? "She seems so terribly amusing, if a little too obsessed with her hair," you're probably thinking. But it's not my hair obsession that's the problem, it's a bunch of other things. Like I'm pretty shy and I tend to think that people don't have room in their lives for new friends. And I kind of feel that I don't have room anyway.  Although I see people making new friends all around me, so I guess the latter is not true for them. So if I face the truth, it's probably just the stupid shit I tend to say to people that puts them off.

The other day I told a woman I barely know how great things had been at home because Baby had finally gotten into Harry Potter and I love Harry Potter. I mean, it's kinda cool. I guess. Whatever. I had to backtrack somewhat cause she looked at me as if that statement was totally kookoo. That is to say she seemed to think I was a total loser. 

A few weeks earlier I'd found myself having lunch with a bunch of complete strangers and after remarking on what an enjoyable show The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was someone asked "Do you guys like Amy Schumer?" But his emphasis was weird and I thought he'd pronounced a word funny, so I repeated what I'd heard "Amish humour?" At which  we all laughed, them thinking I'd made some funny joke and me wondering  what the fuck was going on, until the conversation carried on and I realised what had happened and that we weren't talking about Amish humour at all.  

That same day, like some stalker, I'd asked another complete stranger what street in Brunswick she lived. Not because I'm a stalker but because I am curious. But it did come across pretty weird.  

So how do I know that making new friends is cool? Well I don't but Kimmy Schmidt seemed to enjoy making friends on that TV show so I guess it is. 

*Not an actual true fact. But not far off.

Loyalty and Shame (PM - I mean the next day)

SHIT YOU GUYS! I totally didn't post yesterday. Let me say first that this will absolutely not happen again (if I can help it). Since going back to work, my Thursdays have become quite busy and what with this being the first week back to MSC since I've been at work and after hiatus it totally slipped my mind. Which I guess is fitting given the topic of yesterday and todays post. Because WHERE IS MY LOYALTY? (I know where my shame is, I'm drowning in it.)

Ok, so now let's get to the topic at hand. Firstly, let me say that I can just believe that Sally Pimp changed her name back to her maiden name, but I really cannot believe little Marmalade has taken that maiden name too! Sure, no one wants Pimp as their surname but Joe Pimp has lived with it all his life, I guess I kind of figured he was cool with it and just saw past the implications. And I guess I also thought of the Pimps as so conservative. But good on 'em, little Marmy will be the better for it.

But I guess we're not here to talk about the Pimps. Really we have to help K face her Demons.

As a kid I didn't much care for football. Dad watched it a bit and barracked for Collingwood so I guess I kind of did too but I didn't actually care about it. As a grown up though I started going out with LB. He barracks for the Cats but he was never that into footy either. After spending some time around the Geelong area, learning about Gary Ablett Jr and Jimmy Bartell and going to see the Cats play with K one day I decided I loved them and they've been my team ever since. It's been easy because they've also been a very successful team for most of the time I've been following them so I never faced what K had to when passing only team to my children but one thing I have learnt is that kids can only be guided, you can't make them do anything. Baby "goes for the Cats" but he also loves the Hawks, Demons and Bombers. Because they all have cool names. I feel confident that he'll eventually commit to the Cats, but if he doesn't that's ok.

K, you can only offer your baby guidance. You can guide him towards Melbourne or guide him away, but really I think you just have to share your love and pain for the Dees and let him make his own decision.

Loyalty and Shame (AM)

I have a friend who married a fellow with an unfortunate name. Let's call him Joe Pimp. She loves her husband very much, and has a bent towards the traditional, so she changed her name. She became, let's say, Sally Pimp. Sally had a great surname to begin with, and we all wondered whether she would change it. She said that she did in part out of loyalty to Joe. She loved him, Pimp and all. Time passed and the Pimps welcomed to bouncing baby girl. They gave her a somewhat unique first name, let's go with Marmalade. So that bouncing baby girl became Marmalade Pimp. Now you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that that name is pretty wack, and soon,  the Pimps realised that too. They lived their baby girl and didn't want her to suffer unnecessarily. They figured the world was  tough enough without having to go through life being called Marmalade Pimp. So Sally and Marmalade changed their names back to Sally's original name. It was a tough decision but they did it to prevent suffering and they never looked back.

I'm telling you all of this because since the baby has come, Melbourne has lost some games of footy in a truly woeful fashion. I expect you're thinking what's new, right? I don't blame you. Maybe it's because I'm tired and emotional and have a new baby, but these losses have hit me hard. And got me thinking about what kind of life I want for my son. I always thought that I'd proudly pass on my club allegiance to my offspring, I never questioned it, it's what one does.
But now I'm not so sure I want this misery for him. I'm not even sure I want to for myself.
These thoughts are very troubling to me, and challenge everything I believed about myself in relation to loyalty and commitment. I'm ashamed of them but they are there. And like the folk on Embarrassing Bodies who can't bring themselves to tell a single GP about their weird genital condition but somehow feel ok about going on TV and telling millions, I'm telling all of you. I don't know where to go with these thoughts. I guess this is a cry for help.

Back to basics (PM)

Oh god! I have so much to say on this matter. I mean, hair! Is there anything that elicits a more passionate response from me? Pretty much no. Unless we are talking about hunks. Then yes! Or that Blur concert I went to during the hiatus. Which it pains me (but probably K more) to say that although feeling like our whole lives, and more intensely the last 2 years, had been building to a point of seeing Blur together, K had to miss it because of aforementioned baby. And that concert was pretty much everything I’d hoped for and maybe even more. I guess for K though her life and more intensely the last 2 years have also been building to having a baby, so I guess it’s ok. 

Anyway, I really digress.

So geez, where to begin? One problem is that another thing I did over the hiatus was go back to my office job. And that is where I am right now, so will I be able to get down on epaper all the things I want to on this topic? Probably not. God, where do I begin?!  K’s post brought up so much for me!

A couple of months ago I moved from a fringeless style to a fringe style. That is I decided one day I wanted a fringe and I thought about booking a cut and when I could do it and then I just walked into the bathroom and cut myself a fringe. I have to say it was the best thing I’d done in ages. Hair-wise. It really liberated me from my perceived need for a hairdresser. It looked pretty good and it would grow out anyway and I didn’t spend bulk cash on it. I am pretty committed to the self-cut right now, though that may change when I need a more substantial cut. Interestingly though, I’ve been pretty happy with my hair lately. By my standards, which is to say I don’t hate it as much as usual and some days I even feel happy with it. And last weekend I even got a complement on it, so I’m in a pretty good place. That may be because I’m essentially on the Semi-Scrubs Program, which I really see as more of a Hippy Scrubs Program, but I’ll talk more about that another day.

Another part of this may be the fact that cutting a fringe into a hairstyle suffering from a post-pregnancy wispy halo has meant that those stupid wispies are suppressed under my fringe which has really helped I think.

But finally, I think I may have reached a new level of maturity on this. When I walked into the bathroom a couple of months ago to cut my fringe I had this really zen feeling that whatever happened, I could always change my hair. If the cut sucked I could cut all my hair off or wait for it to grow out. Hair changes and maybe you can embrace that and let it guide you through new cuts. When I look at photos from a holiday 2 years ago when I had a short bob I think I look pretty cute. I don’t have to stick to the program, and neither do you! Any of you! Don’t be afraid to challenge your hair, Mate, or accept the challenge it gives you. You can always change your hair!

Back to basics (AM)

Hello crab friends. Winter hiatus is over! Part 2 of 2015 has begun!

As you probably know, I spent part of the hiatus having a baby and the rest of it keeping the baby alive.  So you can imagine, the world has changed a lot for me. (Mate, your were spot on when you said this and also OMG, it hadn't sunk in that you blogged from the labour ward when Newbie was born, and what that means. Far out.)

But as they say, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Even though the last month has been a goddamn thunderstorm of transformation and change and terror and the like, an aspect of my old life has endured. Not just endured, it's clung on for dear life, like those people who the Doctors are sure will die when you turn their life support off and then the family makes the difficult decision to do that but then when they switch the machines off the people live! They live! 

That thing is my hair, you guys. It's a classic Miss Soft Crab preoccupation and even though there is a tiny crab in my life these days, it has only become more intense. 

Pregnancy was kind to my hair. It became thick and awesome and would basically look good without me having to do anything. I knew it was a temporary state, so I decided to just enjoy it while it lasted. And it's not like as soon as the baby was born my hair started to look lank and thin again. No. The problem was that as soon as the baby was born I realised that I hadn't made it to the hairdresser to get  a fringe trim before the baby was born. It was one of only two things on my list of things to do before I have a baby! The other was go to the movies a lot, which I did (well, I went twice). But the baby came early. I was caught off guard. So my fringe just grew and grew. 

A too-long fringe is highly annoying, and normally culminates in me waking up one morning, thinking I can't take it anymore and then arranging to get a haircut that very same day. That day arrived about 2 days after the baby was born. But when you've just had a baby, you can' t just go and do things because you decide you can't take it anymore. So for three weeks I felt infuriated by my fringe during most every minute of every hour of the day. And because of new baby, I was awake for quite a considerable number of those minutes and hours. But how the hell would I ever find the time to get a fringe trim? I really couldn't see the way forward. I started pinning it back with bobby pins and wearing a head scarf a couple of times (not that I know how to do that) but that just made me paranoid that I looked really terrible and was 'letting myself go'. It's a confusing time, the first few weeks. 

Anyway, after crying on the phone to my Mum and in all the rooms in the house to Appleheart, we all decided that I had to get a haircut as a matter of priority. 

I made an appointment at a local place which turned out to be very cute. The hairdresser was very sweet and her business is a one-man-band. She had excellent hair and when I saw that, I relaxed into the chair knowing that everything would be alright. 

I relaxed a little too much I think, because I didn't really explain what I wanted and the haircut she gave me has a few too many layers in it I think. And I'm worried that as my pregnancy hair starts to fall out, this haircut will look worse and worse. 

But it doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure that even if the haircut was great, I would still spend a lot of time thinking about my hair. Worrying about how it will look as it falls out. Worrying about whether it will change, which is something that can happen what with all the baby hormones. I would still be preoccupied with my hair because I am half of Miss Soft Crab and that's what we do. Even when everything changes. That doesn't. 

Mid-hiatus update

 

The clue is in the heading y’all. This post-baby hiatus is going to be extended until August 24 when we will return with all the hilarity and insight you’ve come to expect from the Misses Soft Crab. You didn’t seriously expect us to return for reals today, did you? It occurred to me the other day when I was visiting K that in the period after you have your first baby what you do, in a way, is become a new person. Of course you are figuring out how to look after a baby and you are getting over the trauma of childbirth and you are figuring out what this life means. But also what all that means is that in order to do all that you are also becoming, to an extent, a new person, even if you don’t know that’s happening. So geez, give K a couple more weeks, you guys. Sure in a couple of years and another baby she may be blogging from thelabour suite but for now winter hiatus continues.

See you  on the 24^th.