Bret Easton Ellis, I love you (AM)

I really was not made for these internet days. I remember in the early days of internet, living with Miguel and David, Miguel had internet in his room. I’d use it sometimes to write an email, maybe look up a thing or two, but I couldn’t spend long hours in front of the computers like my housemates. They are still much better than me at the internet. I know this because they send me links to things I would never have the patience to find. As in, I would never have the patience to roam the 'net for hours on end through one obscure site to the next just to find some hilarious or gross thing.

I have websites I look at regularly but I rarely add to these. I may wander around the 'net for a while if I have purpose but I just don’t have the time or patience to spend a long time looking for potential  best new things. So too with podcasts. I have a few in my rotation but I’m more likely to drop ones I tire of than pick up new ones. But lately my regulars haven’t been giving me what I want, what I need. What do I need? You know what I want right now from my podcast? I want to listen for a good length of time to something enjoyable and immersive, fairly lighthearted but intelligent. But also that won’t punish me if I drift away from it for a couple of minutes. You know what I mean. That! That is what I’ve been wanting. Sure I’ve tried other podcasts outside my regular roster but it’s hard to really connect with one.

When I learned Bret Easton Ellis did podcasts a year or two ago of course I jumped at the chance to listen to it. I love his writing. His earlier books especially are among my all-time favourites and I often lament the fact that I had to miss seeing him speak a few years ago because I was bed-bound with a cold, so his podcast seemed like really a new best thing.  Back then I listened to an episode in which he interviewed BJ Novak. And by "interviewed" I mean he talked for an hour during which BJ Novak was occasionally given the opportunity to interject, answering a question ostensibly directed at him, but evidently posed so that Ellis could offer up his own thoughts on the matter.

This did not make the podcast unenjoyable. To the contrary, the ridiculous self importance of BEE was highly entertaining but I felt at the time like it didn't fit in to my podcast regime. A regime which was largely dedicated to podcast hosts with a much more understated sense of self-importance. 

Yesterday, though, I just knew it was time to really shake things up and that I needed to listen to a totally different kind of thing. No Fresh Air. No This American Life. I remembered The Bret Easton Ellis Podcast and I decided to give it a go and within minute I knew I'd made the right choice. 

I chose to listen to an interview with Judd Nelson which opened with about a 20-minute monologue by BEE, waxing lyrical about what actors are like, about how they play a part all the time, about the difference between them and the other public performance professions. About how they always want to please, always hide something. Nothing he was saying was in the least revelatory, but the guy really has a way with words and although, or because, he really seems like a douche bag it was highly enjoyable listening. It really suited my mood perfectly. It made me remember what it was like to read some of his beautifully crafted sentences for the first time. It made me remember, Bret Easton Ellis, I love you. 

But words are not a man. Of course I don't love him. I hate him. I find him equal parts wonderful and repulsive. Which is of course a balance for the ages. But I certainly enjoyed him. And if you have a passion for the 80s and the movies of the time, listening to Bret Easton Ellis talk to Judd Nelson about The Breakfast Club and St Elmo's Fire was always going to be a joy. Listening to BEE recount the way Emilio Estevez and other hot young things were perceived and presented in the media of the time is a great insight into the pop culture of a time I was too young to be aware of. I really felt like I gained an insight into a time and place listening to that episode. And I love that. It is basically my main thrill in intellectual life. 

Guys, I think BEE has found his way onto my podcast roster.

Day off

Ugh.

Today K is on a plane flying to London. I think. I mean that that is where she is going, I don't know how direct her flight is but let's hope for her sake it's pretty direct. I told her she should take a load off, not worry about today's post, I'd write something so good it would satisfy the AM and PM time slots. I've been half writing posts in my head all weekend. But instead of being able to come good on my promise I am lying sick in bed with a sick baby next to me. My fingers and brain can barely muster the energy to write these lame words and so let's just all take the day off. K? Great! See you Thursday.

Bye (PM)

Oh god, I need a bye so badly. That's basically why I took a day off work last week. But it just want enough. What I need, in footballing terms, is a suspension. A reason to not play for a couple of weeks without being crippled by injury. I'm never going to win the Brownlow anyway so what difference does a suspension make except for giving me a little time out. But I guess I wouldn't like the bad reputation so I just need some minor injury that will keep me out of play for a couple of weeks without being permanent or two painful. 

What I want, really, is just a secret day when I can get shut done without distractions. Dumbledore's time-turner would do the trick. I guess as I'm neither a footballer nor a wizard none I can make all the analogies I want, not gonna help me get shit done though is it?!

Bye (AM)

Sometimes I wish I could have a Bye, in the football sense of the word.
For those of you who don't know, there is one week during every AFL home and away season when a team doesn't have to play. It's their Bye. They play the week before and the week after and all the other weeks, just not that week. I guess it's the football equivalent of a public holiday, but I don't really see it like that when I fantasise about it. Public holidays are basically like an extra weekend day. While lovely, it's not what i'm talking about here. I see a Bye more like an opportunity to not front up for normal life for a few days. Maybe I would stay in a hotel and spend a lot of time in a robe. Maybe I would see lots of movies or just sleep for three days. Fundamentally it's about time out from normal life, for the purposes of replenishing.
Ferris Bueller was right. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it. And while taking Cameron's dad's car for a joy ride, seeing priceless works of art, posing as the sausage king of Chicago and signing in a parade are great ways of stopping to look around, so too is having a bit of a rest. A Bye!

The to-do list (PM)

When I was a teenager I worked at an ice-cream shop in Elsternwick. Actually I worked there into my very early twenties. You can bet that summertime was crazy time at an ice-cream shop. Often when I think of summer, I think of this one Saturday in early summer when I worked the morning shift which finished at around 1PM. Something you may not realise about an ice-cream shop is that in summer it gets effing hot in there, the heat and movement and exhaust of all the freezers. So this one Saturday was really busy, serving scoops, writing on ice-cream cakes, stocking the freezers. By the end of the shift I was really hot and sticky and after work I drove straight to Brighton beach and went swimming in my underwear and probably a t-shirt and then I went home. It was the first beach swim of that summer and I just remember it feeling like truly the best thing, the only way, really, to welcome summer. But that was a different time, without babies and with a beach only 5 minutes away.

We can’t all be so lucky all the time. Still, I guess goingto Europe for a couple of months is pretty good. The summeriest thing I’ll probably get up to this week will be a trip to Fitzy pool. If I’m lucky.

K, you should definitely eat those icy poles on the hot days. Maybe even a Slurpee. Also, I suggest wearing some ultimate summer outfits during the week. The benefit of missing out on summer is that you can wear your reallyt great summer kits all week and then not get a) tired of them by the end of summer; or b) disappointed in yourself for not staying true to your summer fashion vision when after 3 months of hot-ass heat all your dressing is about just getting by and not dressing well. 

By god, this could be a week of perfect summer outfits, and therefore a summer of perfect outfits. Mate, don't mess it up!

The to do list (AM)

We leave for London on Sunday, which I'm sure you will agree is very soon. Taking a four month old baby overseas requires a fair bit of planning and organisation, so lately I've been doing a lot of planning and organisation.  I actually feel fairly on top of things. Or rather, I think I will after my mum comes over to help me today and tomorrow. She is an experienced adult and I'm pretty sure she's going to think of things that I'm not going to think of. 

So assuming  the essential things get taken care of, i'm now free to start a to do you list of those things that I would just like to do before we go. Given that we are going to be away for most of the summer, I would really quite like to do some things this week that will make me feel like I am not missing out on my favourite season. 

First things first: I would like to eat some quintessentially summery treats: a Frosty Fruit and a Calippo. Nothing says 'summer' to me like tomato and basil. But given that it's too early for the good summertime tomato and the good summertime basil, I have to turn to my attention to those second order summertime treats. For me, that's the delicious Frostt Fruit and the super refreshing Calippo. You can keep your magnums on your cornettos, make mine an icy pole any day. 

Second, I would like to have a barbie and drink beer in the afternoon sun. This requires no further explanation. 

Third, I would like to go for a swim in the beach and get proper beach hair. This is not likely to happen, because even though the weather is gonna be great this week the beach will still be effing cold. I may have to settle for a fringe trim. 

I think that's pretty much it really. Unless you guys think I have forgotten something? 

Aaaaaarrrgghhhh (PM)

Hey, speaking of simpler times, guess which other hunk had a birthday yesterday? Dostoyevsky! 

I don't agree that you are no good at being adult, Mate. You are great at it. 

It's just that adults have a lot of stuff to do. It's a full time job, and we are all trying to do it part time, alongside our actual jobs, so no wonder eyes start twitching.

I intended to adult a lot while on maternity leave. First I was going to do all the self indulgent things my parent pals told me would be impossible after KB arrived. Shopping. Massages. Movies. Waxing. Sitting around. The when KB arrived I was going to do other kinds of adulting, like learning more about economics and volunteering somewhere. In the two weeks I had off before KB arrived my list got so big and overwhelming I got the paralysis you talked about and ended up doing bugger all. Now KB is here I don't even know what economics is any more. I haven't waxed since July. A blood test form is  

sitting on top of my fridge, next to a Childcare application form, both of which I got the week after we brought KB home. But we're doing ok. And guess who has two thumbs and manages to take a shower every day? Someone else, of course. 

Aaaaaarghhhh (AM)

It was LB's birthday yesterday. And what better way to celebrate than take the day off work and just relax. So that is exactly what I did. LB didn't. He went to work as usual. He has an exam today so he wasn't really in the mood or position to celebrate. Me, I just felt like I needed a day to take care of some shit.

Last Wednesday I had a really annoying day at work, compounded by the fact that I had all these extra things to do: call a lawyer, call a bank, post some letters, clean the house, do a bunch of freelance work I've committed to doing, go to the city to buy some shu uemura face wash, get some blood tests, repot some plants, massively clean and overhaul the backyard, do all the serious house cleaning things like clean windows and pantry and a million more things, think of a birthday present for LB, be a loving and present mother to my children.

Frankly it was too much. And on top of that I've developed a twitch in my eye which periodically reminds me that I'm quite stressed. Just in case my brain decides to forget about the stress momentarily my body will remind me. Thanks body.  So I decided I'd take yesterday off work to get a jump on things. I felt really effing good about my decision. But then the list of things I wanted to do with my day off became unmanageable. The vital things included: getting my shu uemura face wash (yes, I could buy it online but why would I want to pay shipping for a product I could buy so close to my house?!?), cleaning the house, make dinner while everyone was out, freelance work, enjoy a coffee by myself. Then the list started growing: do serious house cleaning of all the second tier jobs, get a manicure or maybe a facial something real nice like that, a spot of shopping would be nice, get the blood test, get my legs waxed, my eyebrows done.

The list got so out of hand it became as stressful as my everyday life, it became practically paralysing. I started trying to plan my day but I found it impossible to prioritise the boring stuff like cleaning and work over the nice stuff like shopping and grooming, but because I knew that the boring stuff would help make my life overall better I couldn't really commit to just doing the nice stuff so basically I just ended up doing a half arsed version of everything. I looked in a few shops, I finally bought my face wash and I got my legs waxed too. And my eyebrows done. I cleaned the house in a regular way, but didn't even get around to doing the bedrooms. I still didn't get all the freelance work done and the garden is a mess, but all of my boring phone calls have been made. I don't know when I will ever get a blood test.

Apparently I am fucking rubbish at being an adult and actually need to dedicate my working week just to doing the things that constitute functioning as a human in this modern world. So just when I thought I was alright at it, turns out I'm not.

Oh well. At least I got to include a picture of Leonardo in this post. Why? Because it's (half) my blog I'll do whatever the hell I want!!! Just jokes, because it was his birthday yesterday too (or today, given timezone differences) and I thought we should celebrate by remembering a simpler time when all I had to worry about was movies and unrequited crushes. Sigh.

Just another manic Monday (PM)

Yeah. Working for the man. That's what makes Monday so unwelcome. Of course 'the man' I'm working for is pretty tiny and cute but he has round-the-clock needs so Monday is kind of meaningless because the job didn't stop on the weekend. I'll tell you one thing though. There is something really great about not having to set an alarm. Sure, I have to get up during the night and do a bunch of mothering plus wake up pretty early, but not having to wake to an alarm really works for me.  These days I just use the alarm when I'm baking something or need to remind myself that eBay auction is ending. Not bad, eh? 

Just another manic Monday (AM)

God, The Bangles were so right. I mean technically things don't really feel that manic. I mean yes, it's 6:30 in the morning and I'd rather be asleep but instead I'm writing this. And I've already put the oven on so I can cook a loaf of bread. But I am just lying in bed as I write and I feel pretty chill so I guess it's not really that manic. And it won't be either except for the half hour when I'm trying to get babies ready to leave the house so I can get to work at a reasonable hour. So I guess the words of The Bangles don't really apply to me at all. Probably it would be better if that song was called Fucking Monday.

It's just another fucking Monday. That would apply to pretty much everyone, wouldn't it. Because it's not the mania of Monday that's a problem, is it? It's that you have to get out of bed, go to work, work for the man. That's the problem.  Even though we're lucky to have jobs and if we didn't have a job to get up and go to there'd be a whole other set of issues. Life is full of paradoxes I guess. 

Just another paradoxical Monday. 

Donut haiku Thursday (PM)

I'm nuts and you're nuts

We are all nuts for donuts

Hooray for donuts!

Donut haiku Thursday (AM)

I like Nutella.

In a donut, sure, sounds nice.

But let's stay calm, friends.

Your simplicity

Leads to pure satisfaction

Cinnamon donut.

Juxtaposition

Of sweet hot jam and dough. Wow.

Gets me each time. 

Into the fog (PM)

Sheesh, according to BOM it’s only 14.7 degrees outside right now. That is not cool. Although, literally it is very cool. I wouldn’t know, I’m at work but it looks pretty miserable outside.

I always find myself a little anxious before any kind of travel, even the minor kind, and an overseas trip is attended by a lot more pretravel anxiety. Throw in a baby and some really cold weather – total fog wandering. When Baby was 8 months we went to USA. I’ve probably told you this before, but as we waited in the dark cold night of a February NYC, very underdressed for the weather an apparently homeless man saw my bundle of baby (the warmest dressed of the three of us) strapped to me in a BabyBjorn and said, “You got a baby in there? Get that baby inside!” Believe me, I wanted to! But the guy who was meant to meet us and let us in to the Air B’n’B apartment we’d booked wasn’t answering his phone. Eventually we ended up in the same place as that homeless guy, a McDonalds around the corner, and not long after that we were let into the apartment. Oh, God, I remember how happy I felt, being in a warm apartment, with a couch and TV and bed and kitchenette. It  made me the happiest girl in the world.

I guess what I’m saying is that there’ll be times when a stranger yells at you on the street as you stand cold and homeless and there’ll be times when you are ensconced in a warm happy home. You know, like life. But better. And sometimes maybe worse.

Into the fog (AM)

Our trip to Hobart is sadly over. Gee it was a nice time. Hobart is as lovely as the first time J, Chickpea, Baby and I went there in 2012. That time we saw art, drank stout and  ate bienenstich. This time was much the same but we didn't drink stout our eat bienenstich. We did, however, drink regular beer and wine and ate oysters and donuts (one of which was a sourdough donut with chocolate and pistachio filling) and a wallaby burrito. There's very good eating in Tas. 

I have no photos to share of course, because these days all my photos involve KB, and that won't do. But take my word for it: Hobart is beautiful and warm and lovely and we had a great time. 

Coming home was pretty lovely too. Like J said a couple of posts ago. You can have pretty great time away but still really really really want to go home. 

Now it's only three weeks until we go to Europe. That's no time at all. 

Obviously it's very awesome to be going to Europe for two and a half months, but I'm nervous about it too. Being far far away with a new baby. The cold. Moving around a bit. Not knowing what to expect at a stage of life where I don't know what I'm doing. There's this saying in Sweden, 'in i dimman' which people say in place of our 'cheers'. It means 'into the fog'. I really feel like that's what we are doing. Literally and figuratively. So I am really hoping that the unseasonal warmth continues in Melbourne. Today is clearly a write-off but the other days. Let them be super warm. Because though the weather in London doesn't seem too diabolical, the clouds have very thick black lines on the outside and I could use the boost.