Who the eff is Ryan Reynolds?! (AM)

Obviously I know who Ryan Reynolds is. He's Van Wilder, party liaison. And, as far as I understand, he is also the Green Lantern. But given I have no idea how a lantern could be a superhero I don't rate that as a thing. According to IMDb he is also a bunch of other dudes in a bunch of other movies (56 of them!) none of which seem in the least bit interesting, except possibly X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and that only because of Taylor Kitsch and definitely not because of RyRey. Also Ted. But you know a teddy bear and Marky Mark, who wouldn't be interested in that?

So why am I talking about this nobody of an actor? Well because idiot just got in my brain after I saw his name on a magazine cover and it infuriated me. Because why the fuck is this guy who is in nothing but nothing movies, who is neither attractive nor charismatic, in popular culture at all? Chicks!

I remember vividly when I heard he was engaged to Alanis Morissette. It seemed so odd. She seemed so mature, what with all that anger, and he was Van Wilder. But they are both Canadian so there was that. Then I never thought about him, or her, again. Until out of the blue he married Scarlett Johansson. So again, there he was in the magazines. This nobody who I never even saw photographed with his 'wife', except in photos like this:

Then, surprise, surprise, they break up and suddenly, again out of the blueberry he marries Blake Lively! Who gives a shit? Although I guess after she broke up with Penn Badgely and then was linked to Leonardo I wondered... oh never mind. Anyway in the supermarket last night I saw BLives on the cover of some fashion magazine with the line 'Blake Lively on blah, blah, and dating Ryan Reynolds!' Has anyone in the world ever thought about what it would be like to date RyRey? No, right? The answer can only be no. I wish those ladies of Hollywood would stop marrying that guy so he could get the hell out of anything I ever read about celebrities.