The clean dream (AM)

Me* in my jeans and jumper

As if having one's wardrobe dictated by weather conditions isn't difficult enough, breastfeeding adds another confounding factor. Add to that a nonexistent social life and it's a wonder I'm ever in anything but a button-front muumuu. (I wish! I'd flipping love a button-front muumuu.) But despite needing to wear warm clothes with easy access to my boobs and nowhere to go, I'm thinking about clothes a lot. All I wear is jeans and jumpers. Jeans and jumpers. Both of which I probably have enough of to cater for my home-bound lifestyle and yet. And yet...

Recently though something hit me. It was Baby. That kid is always running into me or whacking me for some reason or another.  But something else hit me too, this desire for new clothes it's not just a desire for new clothes. And it's not just a desire for the hot new life you imagine those clothes will bring you. I mean obviously I know my desire for new clothes is about filling some deep void within me. But that's not what I'm talking about. It's also about a desire for sharp grooming. Cleanliness. 

The other day I tried on a pair of jeans and a jumper at a shop. It was a cute kit, I liked it a lot, the cut and colour of the jeans and jumper but I knew it was not dissimilar to all I had at home when suddenly I realised the difference. They were so fresh, so clean. The jeans not faded or worn at the knees or other bulgy bits that stress the fabric. The sweater was totally pill-free. I looked so goddamn fresh. That's what happens when you try on new clothes. They are clean, fresh, better than all your other clothes. No wonder I want them all the time. No wonder we all do. 

But that change room revelation was great! It's given me power to say no. Oh sure I'm going to buy clothes again that I don't need but it's just one more tool in my arsenal of resistance and that is OK by me!

*Here I am played by GOOP