Thursday, June 2, 2016

Get your effing hand off it (or I feel so irrationally angry) (AM)

There's a cafe at the end of my street that does totally ok coffee and is very conveniently located, but I almost never get my coffee there. Here's why:

  • The wait is always inordinately long. Even if there is only one person in front of you it often takes more than 5 minutes to get a take away coffee. Once I waited so long I had to cancel it. 
  • The decor is wack, like it's trying for something but doesn't know what. Like perhaps the decorators/owners went onto eBay when they were decorating and bought products with headings like "Industrial/vintage/retro/cool..." I don't trust a place that has tried that hard and failed so good.
  • There are several places with better coffee and decor and time management skills just minutes away where I would much rather be.
So, I almost never go there. But every now and again space and time and a need for coffee dictate that I have to go there. Which is what happened yesterday. So it was I found myself ordering coffee and hot chocolates for me and LB and Baby and Newbie. When I ordered hot chocolate I was asked if I wanted the kids' version so I said yes. Because usually this means its smaller, cooler, less chocolatey than a normal version. But they cost $5 each and took two or three times longer than a coffee to make and of course I was regretting my presence there exacerbated by time pressure and a general dislike for the place. 

The 'kids' hot chocolate' was served thusly: in a jar, atop it sits a marshmallow skewered on a toothpick and charred by mini blowtorch, beside it sits a glass full of pink and blue fairy floss and all this presented on a wooden platter. The hot chocolate, the waitress told us, can be poured directly into the glass with the fairy floss, if you so desire. 

GGGGGAAAAAHHHHHHHH! For who's benefit is this?!? Does any parent ordering hot chocolate for their child want said child to have a triple hit of sugar? NO! They just want to drink their coffee in peace. Does any child want an artfully presented hot chocolate with a pour over coffee experience? No, they just want some sugary shit. I mean for god's sake! Has there world gone mad! Needless to say, neither time nor pressure will ever, EVER make me go to that ridiculous place again. NEVER!

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