Thursday, February 19, 2015

Hot buns (AM)

I think about hot buns a lot. Cinnamon buns, chocolate buns, straight out of the oven, all warm and sticky and delicious. But I don't think about the other kind of hot buns that much. Not my own or other people's.

Re: hot buns of the human variety I usually think of two things from my youth when they come up. First, a test that I will, correctly or otherwise, attribute to Jane Fonda, that if you put a pencil under a buttock and it stays in place you do not have hot buns. I don't know where I read this or when exactly, but I was a child of an age where I did not really have to worry about hot buns but knew that in the near future I may, and as I have aged I have thought of this test often and whether or not it really defines hot buns. The other thing I think of, of course, is from Clueless, when Tai tells Cher, "And my buns, they don't feel nothing like steel." I think of this in relation to any workout and any mention of buns ever.


Luckily for me, I have a pretty "out of sight, out of mind" attitude to my body, so I don't spend time agonising over the state of my buttocks. Sure, I have a general feeling that I could be fitter, slimmer, more toned but the benefit of having so much hate for my hair is that it leaves me little time to focus on any other negative attributes I have, thus relieving me from the self-scrutiny and loathing some people suffer.

But I know people fixate on their perceived physical shortcomings and do all kinds of things to overcome them, like work out, get surgery, wear assless chaps. Wait what?

I don't really understand 'shape wear', so I guess you could say I am at a complete fucking loss as to why you have to have nude buttocks to give you a great ass. I understand that the work of this particular garment is to lift and emphasise your butt, but I don't really understand why some less intensely tight fabric couldn't be used in the place of those gaping butt holes. And sure, there's not anything exactly wrong with buttocks being nude, and yet it just seems like including some more fabric on these underwear may have been a way of making them more comfortable and also more like underwear. Is it meant to make this shape wear sexy? Because shape wear is definitely not sexy, and perhaps I am alone in thinking this, but lumps of flesh pouring through holes in ultra tight stretch fabrics isn't really sexy either. It's like Blur said, modern life is rubbish.

I'd like to thank my aunt for bringing these pants and their stupidity to my attention, and yet I'd also like to curse her for bringing these pants and their stupidity to my attention.

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