Apollo Thirteens (PM)

You know, I’ve said it before and I will say it again. The recipes David Lebovitz posts on his blog could be a little more informative. Like warning people it will appear things are going wrong when they aren’t. That is very useful information. Don’t get me wrong. His blog is great and his ice-cream book The Perfect Scoop is my go to book for ice cream.  But geez Lebovitz, a person can freak out when cooking, how about a little support?!

You know what never went wrong? My breakfast! It was my special muesli brew (oats, almonds, walnuts, sesame seeds, shaved coconut) with a little Greek yoghurt, a little vanilla yoghurt and fresh raspberries and blueberries. Holy motherflippinng moly you guys. It was delicious. Everything in it PLUS fresh raspberries. Those guys are the best. THE BEST! Let’s hear it for summer berries. If I hadn’t eaten it so damn quickly I would have a photo to show you guys. I don’t though but I think this is a pretty reasonable visual depiction of the experience of eating it.

Apollo Thirteens (AM)

This post was going to be about baking these biscuits as christmas gifts for Chambo, Lil and AB, who I am having dinner with tonight.

They look so good on the interwebsite of David Lebovitz...

They're called Baci di dama. Should their fancy name have served as a warning to me? Maybe. 

Something went wrong along the way. 

Was it how I roasted the hazelnuts, then skinned them like some latter day furrier?

Hazelnuts to the left, their skins to the right.

I don't think so. 

Was it how I used my coffee grinder instead of a food processes to grind the nuts?

Probably. Whatever it was, when it came time to roll out the dough it just was not happening. It kept crumbling and seemed like it was game over. 

This was disappointing because baking failures cut so deep. Also because I wouldn't have presents for my friends. And also because I would have to tell you guys about the failure because I hadn't prepared anything else to post about today. Despite my disappointment I went ahead with the remaining steps in the recipe because I am a TROOPER. 

I put the dough in the freezer as instructed and left if there for 20 minutes.
When I took it out and started rolling it in to little balls, it seemed to be holding together quite well. Like, exactly how it was meant to.

Things had taken an unexpected turn.

Then I baked them and shit you guys, they totally worked.

These are the actual biscuits I baked. I know, right? 

I guess I shouldn't have been so hasty to dismiss them. And lucky I followed through, because I really almost didn't. And if I hadn't I wouldn't know how thoroughly effing delicious taste, truly like the kisses of a lady (which is what Baci di dama translates to), if the lady who is kissing you is made out of biscuit.

But you know, because I touched the void a little during the moments when I thought they hadn't worked, I am going to call them Apollo Thirteens after the famous failed moon landing brought to life by Tom Hanks and Gary Sinise in the movie Apollo Thirteen. Because like the Apollo Thirteen voyage which was unsuccessful because they didn't land on the moon but successful because they didn't die, I feel like these biccies both did and didn't work.
You can get the recipe here. Don't give up when the dough appears to lack integrity!

Merry Christmas Lil, AB and Chambo. 

Haiku Thursday (PM)

 I

It's twenty minutes

Between Upfields, no matter

The day or the time.

II

I loved a pen once.

It was my favourite pen.

Where is that pen now.

III

ACCIDENTAL CAPS

WHOA THERE! I THINK WE ALL NEED

TO CALM DOWN A BIT

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Haiku Thursday
Such a short sentence

Five syllables or seven

Is hard to perfect

Michael Cera
He has charm and all
But plays the same character
And talks much to fast

WTF? Wednesday (PM)

That sister hadn't heard of Molly Ringwald is upsetting. I mean what the hell are they teaching in schools these days?! But more upsetting is a thought I had moments after reading K's post this morning.

Think about it. The Breakfast Club is pretty much a movie that defined a generation. Not really, it's just a movie that people who were young at a certain time watched a lot. Right? I assumed that young people would always watch this movie. Right? Because it is awesome. In fact I wish I was watching it right now. But bra-fitting girlfriend hasn't heard of Molly Ringwald, suggesting she hasn't seen it.

You see where I am going with this? I don't know, maybe it is because the review of the Red Dawn remake is fresh in my brain or maybe it is because I am still upset about last year's remake of Footloose. But you guys if the movie moguls get wind of the fact that kids aren't watching The Breakfast Club they may think it is a good idea to make a new one. You guys, I don't want John Hughes rolling over in his grave. And even more I do not want to see a Breakfast Club remake.

WTF? Wednesday (AM)

Yesterday I went to buy a new sports bra. 

Sometimes, buying a bra is quite enjoyable, but buying a sports bra never is.  Shopping for a sports bra is on par with things like going to Medicare or calling your internet service provider to arrange for a new plan because your existing plan is shithouse. Still, it has to be done. 

I went to this special shop in the city staffed by mature women who know how to fit you properly and don't judge you for never having a clue what size bra you wear. You sometimes have to wait a while but it's worth it, for the extra special treatment.  

 

So there I was, waiting around for my turn, looking through through the racks of bras when I discovered that this:

Just the bra, not the whole lady. 

 

Now I don't know about you guys, but I look at that and I think hello Dolly magazine circa 1991, hello bike shorts, hello open chambray shirt tied at the bottom, hello fun in the sun. In a nut shell readers, this little crab liked what she saw. 

 

Straight after thinking this, my turn came up so off I went to try on my sports bra. 

 

My attendant looked like she was about 21, which did not encourage me given that I have had boobs for longer than she has been alive, but I gave her a chance. And all fairness to her, the girl knew what she was doing. Before I could say 'bounce reduction', she had found me the perfect sports bra. 

I was feeling pretty satisfied with the results. Cocky even. So I said to my girl (and i'm paraphrasing here): hey girl, hows about you get me a normal bra to try on now. Maybe that one on the third shelf with the bustier type deal that looks like something Molly Ringwald would wear.

 

You know what she said?

 

"Who's Molly Ringwald?".

 

Unbelievable. There are people in the world who are old enough to have jobs, but don't know who Molly Ringwald is.

Eyes = opened, friends.

I have a new mantra (PM)

Mate, did you buy Jerusalem and not tell me?! Or is that someone else's nice looking bookshelf?
Oh wait, that post is about stuff you want, not stuff you have. Right, I get it.

Ok, so it's great that you are trying to resist the urge to buy stuff during this season of loving and giving. Those of us who know you in the real world know that loving and giving is something you do freely and willingly all year round, so you don't need to worry about justifying this urge. But I support you in your efforts to resist it.

But Matey, I'm not sure it's a good idea to have the word 'hate' in your mantra. Hate is the worst.

How about:

Stuff. Who needs it?

It's a little friendlier, don't you think?

Stuff. Who needs it?

I have a new mantra (AM)

When I say I have a new mantra it is not that I really had a mantra before this. Unless you count ‘sausages’. Sausages was the mantra we, Chickpea, Russeth and I, prescribed to our parents as children because they meditated and refused to tell us their mantra. And I guess not fully understanding how things work we decided sausages was a possible word they may meditate with. I can only assume that Chickpea was the mastermind behind this and it is possible she had a better understanding than me of the whole meditation thing. Or maybe she didn't. Whatever the truth is, throughout my childhood I always used to pretend to meditate with the word sausages.

I don’t pretend to meditate anymore but I have started to use a mantra, “I hate stuff”.

You see guys, I don’t know if you know this about me, but actually, I love stuff!! And this weird thing happens at Christmas. I want to buy heaps of stuff! For me! It’s not that I don’t like giving presents to people. I do. I love buying and giving presents. But I love doing that for me too! Perhaps it’s the additional advertising and push to sell that does it. Perhaps it is the start of summer and the promise of a beautiful summer  life. I don’t know. I just know I want stuff. And so, in attempt to curb my desire for stuff, every time I feel the feeling I just think “I hate stuff!”

I hate stuff like this:



And stuff like this:





And I hate stuff like this:

I hate stuff.

I hate stuff.

I hate stuff.

I hate stuff.

Now, please excuse me. I need to go focus on my mantra.

I hate stuff.

I hate stuff.

There's this great new show (PM)

You know I haven't really watched The Sopranos before either. I watched one episode with Pickle once. But in that episode I think Tony Soprano went to the old country which makes me confuse it with The Godfather. You know, when Michael goes to the old country? Let alone the flash backs in TGFPII. Do those things even happen? I love mafia movies but i just am not across The Godfather.

Anyway, I really need a new show to watch. I can't just sit around not watching anything for the next few months until the final season of Breaking Bad starts while Aaron Paul tweets pictures of scripts that look like this:

Perhaps The Sopranos is the show for me? They say Homeland is good. It's time for me to diversify. Yeah, diversify bitch!

There's this great new show (AM)

I've just started watching The Sopranos.
I know I'm late coming to the party on this one but gee you guys, The Sopranos is a really good show.
I can't stop thinking about it.  Perhaps because it is both a family drama, and a drama about The Family.  It's got it all, except hunks, and that I think about it all the time, want to watch it all the time, and yet it doesn't have a single hunk just goes to show how great it is. Tony Soprano is particularly un-hunky. I could not want to make out with him less, but boy do I love him and want it to work out for him. Even though he is a monster. I don't want to make out with him, he is a monster, and yet I love him. Can you believe this show? It's quite incredible.
People say it's the writing that makes it so great. I guess that's it. I guess that's how it appears both domestic and operatic at the same time. It certainly isn't the hunks.
Anyway, obviously I'm writing about The Sopranos today because I can't stop thinking about it and I want an excuse to think about it. But I know some of you guys won't have seen it and I don't want to ruin it for you, so all I can do is tell you that I'm watching it and I love it and can't stop thinking about it.  And highlight that because I am watching it so much, I am seeing characters from The Sopranos wherever I go. Especially Junior Soprano.


This is Junior Soprano.

He is Tony's uncle.


And here are some people I have seen lately who look just like him.

I saw this first guy in the city on my lunch break, though it must be said that this dude is more snappily dressed than Junior.

I saw the second guy at Donatis on Lygon street when I was buying some prime rib(eye) on Saturday.

Junior is the one on the right. That other guy is the butcher's handsome son, Marcelo. 

They're both a bit of a stretch. I see what I want to see, I guess. And I want to see The Sopranos all the time.

Hunk of the Month Club - Jon Hamm

 

Last week my mum emailed us to nominate Jon Hamm for Hunk of the Month Club. Unlike that time L-Bomb suggested David Duchovny, we gave this one some actual consideration. I mean, we really like this guy. And what do you know, lookey who we have here.

Jon Hamm is 41 and, according to Wikipedia, became an actor after visiting his buddy Paul Rudd in Hollywood. While trying to get acting roles he worked as a set designer on softcore porn films. Ladies and gentelmen, Jon Hamm.

J: Jon Hamm. He's handsome, he seems to have an adorable doofusy side, and he plays, without a doubt, the biggest hunk on television. Welcome! to our newest  Hunk of the Month, the Hammster!

Mate, obviously the Hammster can't join us today, why don't you give us your thoughts on the latest addition to HotMC.

K: Sure Mate, I can do that.

My thoughts on the Hammster are simple. He has a very pretty face and everyone loves a pretty face. But a HotMc needs more than just a pretty face (depending on how we are feeling at the precise time we choose a HotMC) and I'm not sure if Hamm has it. Until he becomes Don Draper, and then he becomes bona fide HotMC team captain.

J: Well Don Draper is no doubt a hunk, a HotMC even, but team captain? One of the crazy things about Don Draper, and keep in mind I have only watched half of season one of Mad Men, is that he is a hands down hunk and a hands down a-hole. I'm pretty sure that only in fiction does a cheating, misogynist pretty face become a HotMC. He does have that mystery, and that devil-may-care attitude to smoking cigarettes. HOT.

K: I have a little more Mad Men under my belt and I'd like to say that Don becomes a better person and therefore a more appropriate choice for HotMC but no, he really doesn't. He kind  of gets worse. But he stays pretty. And hot. Less mysterious. But still hot. It must be the durries!

J: Also Don is always so well groomed. And you certainly do not see that every day. Hot! I think the Hammster could be a genuine HotMC if he took a leaf out of Don Draper's Book of Grooming. Not that Hammster doesn't scrub up as his own self.

K: That's absolutely true, Hamm would be wise to take some grooming cues from Don. All dudes really. Heck, I could learn a thing or two from Don.

But yes, Hamm as Hamm is still pretty pretty. 

I feel that I should acknowledge that unlike his HotMC alumni, Hamm is perhaps not a super versatile hunk. Sure, he broods well, but does he look as pretty when he smiles?

I'm not sure. 

J: Oh, look, Hamm can look real nice smiling but it's true it's the kind of smile that makes you think 'That's a nice looking man' rather than 'Phwoarrrrrr!' Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Also, you gotta respect that he has been with his lady for more than 10 years even though he found fame and become recognised as a hunk worldwide during that time.

K: Yeah, way to go Hammster. Don Draper may be (somehow) prettier than Hamm, but there is no way he could do that.

I also like how this clip indicates he is a bit of a spazz.

J: I definitely think that Jon Hamm must be a bit of a spazz. Other than his pretty face it's my favourite thing about him. It's what elevates him above just a handsome man. 30 Rock, Bridesmaids, the random funny shit I have seen him in on the internet. Dude seems quite spazz. And that is one of man's hottest attributes. Another good attribute can be a beard.

'

K: Spazz is really very hot. More dudes need to understand that. So basically, the Hammster is a well groomed, slightly broody (as Don Draper), slightly goofy ( as Jon Hamm) handsome guy. 

Hello, Mr November.

Jon Hamm, if you asked me you just made it into HotMC by the skin of your teeth. But, K, well she's got the fever, she emailed me yesterday with this: "The dude really quite hot." Yeah, she got the fever.

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Nature

Nature, you're pretty

Are you seeing anyone?

Is it serious?

If things don't work out,

Call me. You're real special

I'd treat you so good

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Goodbye Spring

I'd like to thank you

For showing up and acting

Like a good spring should. 

You made me forget

Winter. You made my garden

Grow with sun and rain. 

You made promises

And you kept more thank you broke. 

You're a lovely thing. 

I am not buying it (PM)

And to make matters worse, it's a shit idea. The first, second, third and fourth times.

You are the jumper?

Honestly.