Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Gifts from the Internet (PM) (or WTF? Wednesday)




Well I have to say I am floored by this morning's post. Firstly, WTF? We don't have to blog about food on our designated food day?

Secondly, WTF is with the jumpers on ponies? I mean putting a cardigan on a pony is one thing but the bit where they sew the jumper on! Those bitches are serious about dressing them ponies!

Thirdly, I really want to go to Scotland now. 

Gifts from the internet (AM)

Today I am meant to be talking about food, because Wednesday is going to be the day Miss Soft Crab talks about food from now on. But instead I am just going to show you this because I must, I really must.


I'm so sure that the people behind this clip of shetland ponies wearing fair isle jumpers are a couple of dames just like J and I, who thought it would be funny to put on their blog.
I'm so glad they did!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

An open letter to the Universe (PM)


Dear Universe, 

Hey girl.

I only have one question for you today. How come avocados are so expensive at the moment? They are really expensive! This one cost $3 at the market.  And they are even more expensive - $4.50 each - at the IGA express near my house. What happened, girl?

Also, if you want to help J win tattslotto, she can have half of whatever I win with the ticket Mum and Dad gave me last night if you like. Might make things easier.

Ok, bye for now, friend.

Love from K

An open letter to the universe (AM)



Dear Universe,

I noticed that my hair looks really good today and it just got me wondering, how come some days it looks good and other days when I do seemingly the exact same things it doesn’t look so good. I know drying time and humidity play a role but it just seems kind of random and unfair, or, as Baby says, it’s not fur.

I also noticed, while watching the tennis over the summer and someone decided to show a close up of Serena Williams’ thigh (WTF, patriarchy?!) that girlfriend has some cellulite.  That is totally not fur! If SeWil has it, what the hell hope is there for the rest of the world.

Also, Universe, I’ve been wondering how it is decided who wins Tattslotto? And is there any way we could work something out?

And while we’re talking, do you think you could help me out with finding some serious direction? Like, I want to do something interesting and challenging and, preferably, lucrative. Do you have any suggestions?

Also, could you just do me a solid and let me know if it is right of me to think things will basically just work out. I mean, right now things are fine and I assume that I can make some life choices and things will continue to be fine, is that cool Universe, are things going to be fine?

Thanks, Universe.
Love
J

Monday, February 11, 2013

My phoney life (PM) (or I suck big time)

Great photos mate. I especially love the explosive snake. Natch. But that Niagra Falls nonalcoholic water beer...get the hell out of here with that. 

So usually I do not like to admit my idiocy  or lack of preparation but frankly, this time I see no way around it. I only have iThings for my blogging and to upload photos you need a certain app and to download apps you need to be in a town with more than one bar of data access so sorry guys I got bubkas. If I was more prepared I could show you a really artful photo of Pickle I took through  streamers at a wedding on the weekend or the adorable country church said wedding took place in. I've got bush turkeys and XXXX signs and this morning I took a photo of World Wide Web and pickle and then a goant goanna! But you ain't seen nothing yet. And you ain't gonna. Sorry!


Also sorry about the fucked up font situation. I promise everything will be fixed by tomorrow. 

My phoney life (AM)

Because J has been posting photos of her holiday on the face space, I thought I would turn to my phone and see what story its recent photos tell.

It's a fairly predicable one...full of stuff to eat and see and think about. But some of it is noteworthy.

Like this truly explosive snake art on the bonnet of a Holden Barina that is sometimes parked on my street.



Really makes you think.

Then there's this.



Some delicious quail, wrapped in proscuitto I ate at Bar Idda recently.

That's Russeth making a lewd hand gesture in the background. I'm not sure whether that hand gesture is  an established thing, but I get where he was going with it.

Here's a drink I had at some fancy curry place in Northcote the other day.


It's called Birch Beer. The dude who sold it to me told me that it's made with some part of the birch tree and brewed in waters of a stream that runs off Niagara Falls. His spiel had me rolling my eyes very very heavily, but because of my FOMODT I ordered it. It tasted exactly and I mean EXACTLY like Deep Heat. And it wasn't even alcoholic. But I drank it all.

There's this picture.



Spinal what? Injury? Tap? Inquiring minds need to know more.

Here's a picture from Cape Bridgewater, down near Portland.



It's of windmills and ocean and Appleheart, a fine gentleman I'm knocking around with. After this, we saw a bunch of fur seals, kangaroos and a petrified forest, and then I ate a fig. It was an excellent day.

Finally, here's a picture of Midbro and Little nut doing a Britney Spears.



It's OK, the car was stationary.

Now let's see what J's got for us!





Friday, February 8, 2013

That guy should work more: Adam Goldberg



I know that history is written and there is no point speculating about how things may have been. And yet… I would bet this: If K and I did not see Dazed and Confused 5000 times and be dazzled by Adam Goldberg declaring, “I wanna dance!” the phrase “That guy should work more” would not be one of our catch phrases. Yeah, we have catch phrases. And this is in the top 5 most frequently declared. And it is largely thanks to Adam Goldberg. Right mate? Am I right?


K: You are so goddamned right.

The history books will show that we have seen Dazed and Confused 5000 times (did you guys know that Ben Affleck and his old teeth are in that movie? True fact) and we were dazzled by Adam Goldberg saying "I wanna dance!" and now we say "that guy should work more" all the time.

Because plainly and simply, some people should work more. Adam Goldberg, he is one of them.
You know he is one of them because whenever he turns up in things you think "Goldberg! Why aren't you in stuff all the time?! You're great!" 

J: That is exactly what I think every damn time I see Adam Goldberg! Every time I watch Dazed and Confused, I think it. When I saw The Hebrew Hammer , I thought it. When I saw 2 Days in Paris, I thought it! Seriously! Why doesn't that guy work more?! In fact if you look at his IMDb page you will see the guy works plenty, he doesn't need us on his side, but I wish I saw him in more stuff.

Did you know that The Hebrew Hammer is one of the reasons that I seriously wanted to put Mordechai on our baby names list. Needless to say LB put the kybosh on that pretty quick.

K: I really like the name Mordechai. Mordy. Imagine if Baby was called Mordy! Cute.

Anyway, I just looked at IMDb and sheesh, that Adam Goldberg never stops working. But I think he is in the wrong things.

He should be in more things like The Hebrew Hammer and 2 days in Paris. I wonder if he was in  2 Days in New York. I heard it was really shit so I didn't bother with it. Plus, Adam Goldberg wasn't in it!

J:  It's true, Adam Goldberg gets a lot of work, but the point is that he should work more in stuff we want to watch. You'd think the Hollywood big wigs would be falling over themselves to get a quite hot, certainly charismatic Jew in stuff! 

Adam Goldberg, you should work more!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

A farewell to Haiku Thursday (PM)



Hey Haiku Thursday
We've had some real good times
Laughed cried fell in love

Loved you so damn much
I turned you into a book
It was real, G

When you turned to God...
And went to the races, yo...
So funny, like gold

But gold's not funny
And you know what they do say
Nothing gold can stay

A farewell to haiku Thursday (AM)



I
We had an idea.
That Thursday could be a day. 
Of few syllables.

II
A day of rhythm.
Five seven five. Just because
Rhythm's a dancer 

III

But what if the what
That must be said on a Thurs
Needs more than just this?


IV
It's then we must sing 
One final song of love and praise
To haiku Thursday. 



Wednesday, February 6, 2013

One track mind (PM)


I have been doing queensland all wrong...
I want one with coconut on top!

One track mind (AM)

There was a time in my life (a time when I worked a 40-hour week in a boring job) when I thought about little else than what I was going to have for dinner that night. By 11am I would have already decided on lunch and was contemplating, probably settling on dinner. I guess you could say that I still think about food a lot, and eat a lot, and cook a lot. But I guess things have changed.

You see readers, in our late-hiatus Miss Soft Crab meeting, a really productive meeting held over butter slathered roti and Asahi, K and I decided that we would dedicate a day to food every week here. We'd talk about stuff we'd cooked, stuff we'd eaten, stuff we'd thought about cooking or eating. You know food. But shit you guys, I've been busy. I know it was only two days ago that I told you all what a relaxing break I've had. But things have changed guys, I went back to work, then I had to plan a holiday that includes going to a wedding. These are difficult and time consuming things. And right now, right now while you are reading this, well I'm in Queensland. I'm on that holiday! And there is only one thing I can think about eating.


I had actually forgotten about this until LB mentioned it the other day, but in Queensland and northern NSW you can go to fruit farms or road stops and buy chocolate-covered frozen bananas. And since LB mentioned this I have thought of little else.

We only got here last night, and so I haven't eaten one yet, but as soon as we get in the car to head south I'm stopping at the first chocolate banana stand I see.



Maybe we'll hit Wet 'N' Wild first, or a beach, see some beautiful countryside. I don't know yet. But what I do know is that I better have a banana in my hand come the end of the day.

Are they even that good? I don't know. Maybe I just like them because they speak of the tropical north and early holidays LB and I took. I don't know, I don't care, I just want me a banana!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Things that I made (PM)

Mate. That is an adorable apron. You have great sewing skills mate. I wish I had the patience, discipline and skills to sew. I have none of those things. But you do, mate. Kudos my hero. Might I also add that those are some lovely photos in your post. Am I delirious or are you just rocking the shiz right now?

Me, I'm rocking nothing. I have made nothing good lately. Except some delicious curries over the last couple of nights. Like, really good ones. I think it was the sugar I added.

I also made a good decision to watch The Mindy Project last night.



And another great decision to do the dishes before I went to bed!




Hey! I guess I've been pretty productive lately to!

Things that I made (AM)

So I made some nice things over the last couple of days. 
Want to see them?
OK, OK, fine. I'll show you guys. 
And thanks for saying yes. Imagine if you didn't care. Awkward. 

First, I made  an apron as a housewarming gift for Hushaz. 

I followed this pattern and basically did everything they told me to do. At my house,  making a apron  looks like this:




And ultimately this:


Not bad, huh? The genius of it is that it is adjustable, so it will fit a woman of average height like your author, as well as a woman blessed with the gift of height, like Hushaz. I feel like she's going to do some great cooking in that thing. 

Next, I made some birthday cupcakes for Scampy. It's Scampy's birthday today. Happy birthday Scampy! We're all going to the pub tonight,  so obviously someone had to make cake. 

I used this basic buttercake recipe, which I wanted to be excellent and moist and not dry like buttercake often is. 

The making of the cake looked a little something like this:





They puffed up real nice, huh?

I decided to ice them with this chocolate coconut icing because I wanted them to taste like coconut rough. 

So now they look like this:



I sampled one and I have to say, I'm not convinced. But it's possible that's because my taste buds are a little shot out after eating too much batter. I'm having another one for morning tea, so I'll know more then. 




Monday, February 4, 2013

2013: The year of the Crab

OMG you guys! It is so good to be back! We missed you. I hope you all had a great summer. Wanna hear about K's and mine? OK!

J: Mate! How the hell are you? How was your summer?

K: Mate, I am pretty great because summer was everything I hoped it would be and maybe a little more. 
How was yours?

J: Wow! WOW! That is great. My summer has been going pretty good. Better than I hoped? I don't know. Real good though!

K: Well that's a start. I think the reason mine has been so great is because I had a proper break from work, I did a bunch of things with a bunch of people and also had a nice rest. And I went away for a couple of nights.  And the weather has been rad.

J: Yeah, I have loved the way there have been some hot days but not millions in a row. It has mostly been consistently warmish but not boiling. I've had the chance to swim, walk around in shorts on balmy nights, dine al fresco. All the best summer things!

K: Yeah, I swam a bunch of times too, just like I planned to. It was lovely. But then I got an ear infection. So that was kind of a slap in the face from Summer.

J:   Yeah, that is not meant to happen after you are about 5, right? Well, Can't win 'em all I guess. So what else did you love about summer? Personally I loved my NYE. Taking Baby to the early fireworks.





Then coming home to this:


And finally watching all the city fireworks on the roof with LB and a G&T in hand. Pretty much the perfect night! 

K: I liked the time I rode a bike along the track next to the Upfield train line and then discovering that the boomgates were down, road it across a road.

I loved that so much.

I also loved the time I came home from work to discover Le Flav had sent me a bunch of treats from France, most of which don't exist any more.



J:  Oh, man. Sure, well done about the bike ride and everything but that package from Le Flav really is what is talking to me right now. So much so that I can't even think about anything else good that happened to me over the summer! 


K: Yeah, it had that affect on me too. 


Pause

We hosted a nice picnic together, remember? That was good!

Picnics are sooooo relaxing
J: Yeah, that picnic was really nice. And we had that nice dinner at the new Woodstock and pretended we were really neighbours.

A massive highlight was meeting the new baby of a couple of my favourite people!

K: Of course. The first of  the great babywave of 2013.  I hope all the new people that come this year are as lovely as she (seems to be in photos because I haven't had the pleasure yet...)

On the downside, seeing Les Miserables was a bit of a drag...

J: I'm sorry to hear that. I don't really have any down sides. Except I bought a new pair of runners I thought would change my life for the better. They haven't.

But on the upside, I think 2013 is going to be a pretty good year. First, the baby wave. Second, well, it's good to be positive a the start of the year. Third, we are shaking things up a bit around here.

A little bit.

K: Yeah! Just a little shake up because change is good but so too is easing it in nice and slowly.

Should we tell the readers what we've got in store Mate?

J: Maybe? Or maybe they should figure it out for themselves. Plus I don't want to write any cheques my butt can't cash. Plus, they only have to wait a few days to see the first change.

But you can tell them if you like.

K: Nah, you're right, let's let the people see for themselves. I don't want to write any cheques either, because I don't have a chequebook and also I am a little broke from all that summer spending.

J: Also, it is our first day back on the job and I am zonked after all this talking. Let's get the hell out of here!

K:  Don't need to ask me twice. See you tomozz, crab fans!
  
J:  It's good to be back!  Byesies!