Highlights of a weekend where I ate well but lacked focus (PM)

For some reason that I really cannot fathom, K thinks that I am the responsible, sensible one in this outfit. Is it because I have a baby? Dude, getting knocked up is like the easiest things in the world, it don't mean a damn thing. Anyway, I feel confident that if you asked any number of people that know K and me they would disagree with K's position. (Feel free to comment friends! Lets get some numbers on this.)

That aside I probably was more responsible on Saturday merely by fact of my state which was a hangover-free one. Having said that though, I don't really have any photos of chutney club because I mostly spent my time trying to make sure Baby wasn't breaking shit/himself in the next room, wasn't eating bulk cheese or cake and in my down time I was eating delicious food. Such is my lot, thus I always lack focus.

Here's what David's dish looked like up close.

Delicious.

Apart from that and Miguel and Legsly's leek, onion and garlic jam toasties and Blizzie's tamarind and tomato chut with someone else's homemade bagels we enjoyed tomato and chilli chut with vegetarian sausage rolls (by me), K's green tomato chut on corn bread, Biggie Little's pulled pork buns, Welly's lemon curd tarts, Pickle's fruit salad and this birthday cake Little Wonders made for Biggie's birthday the day before. Happy birthday guy.

IT LOOKS LIKE A WATERMELON!

Yep that is about the extent of the food photography I can offer. Sorry. Mostly I took photos of these.

This one includes Miguel having the requisite post-feast lie down

See, no responsibilty here folks.

Highlights of a weekend where I ate well but lacked focus (AM)

On Friday night, I drank vodka on an empty stomach. Then, I did that about 50 more times.
What followed was one of the most ineffectual weekends of my life. Honestly, I feel sorry for the people that had to interact with me this weekend.  Talking and making sense, keeping focussed on what other people were saying, observing basic rules of human interaction like not yawning in people's faces - all of this was pretty hard for me over the last couple of days. And I kind of had a lot of stuff to do, like:

• make chutney
• attend chutney club
• interact with my brothers and sisters of chutney
• make something out of Plenty for the second Plenty Pot Luck dinner
• attend the second Plenty Potluck dinner
• interact with my sisters of plenty (I love how that sounds like a religious order). 

So it wasn't a good time to say goodbye to cognitive function. And the really unfortunate thing about it is that it was a weekend that involved a lot of really great food that I would have loved to have talked about today. But do you think I managed to photograph all that delicious stuff? No way, no how, readers. Happily, J was on hand to be the sensible and responsible one so this afternoon we should be able to count the ways we ate so well on Saturday. I'm on my own for Sunday's Plenty Pot Luck of course, but I was feeling a bit better by then.

Anyway, before J sweeps in this afternoon and returns respectability to Miss Soft Crab,  I can share the following snaps that I managed to take during brief moments of lucidity.

Here we have the chutney table, at the beginning of the session.
David pickled some beans and then turned them in to a salad that was like a sauce gribiche, but in salad form. With prawns!

Miguel made leek and garlic jam that he lathered on toasted cheese sandwiches for all of us.

Blizzie made tomato and tamarind chutney, which they served with delicious bagels and cheese.

Some other people we don't know grew some grapes then made them ferment and carbonated them and turned them in to prosecco which everyone seemed to enjoy a lot. I had a can of coke (not pictured).

I'm afraid that's the only  chutney photo I have to share, with the exception of the one at the top of this post, which is what it looks like when Miguel uses tongs to put a toasted sandwich on your plate and the following, which is what it looks like when a dog wears a baby's bib.

I can say that David and Welly were first class hosts and a lovely time was had by all, even me and I'm not sure that would have been possible anywhere else.

Right, on to Sunday night.  Crimpy hosted Legsley and I for the second Plenty Pot Luck dinner, which is what we call it when we get together and eat things we make from the book Plenty.

I made the Very Full Tart which is Very Effing Good. Legsley made a zucchini and hazelnut salad which was delicious and Crimpy made eggplant croquettes (not pictured). (Idiot).

Again, it was a lovely time and Crimpy was (as always) a first class host.
As you can see, I'm still a little tired and spaced out, so I think it's best for everyone if I press on. Don't worry readers, I'll be fine, and J will be here in the afternoon to make everything better.

How things work - blog writing (PM)

F*(k that Jenga was a funny cat.
And f*(k yeah  it's hard living the bloglife.
My idiot brain is always trying to find ways of making boring things I encounter in my day to day life in to enjoyable blog posts when it knows damn well that most things we encounter are not worth the grey matter they are stored in. (What?)
Brain has to learn that though I appreciate it's efforts, not everything is funny or interesting.
Now lets listen to Kanye!

How things work - blog writing (AM)

K and I used to know this guy, let's call him Jenga, he was funny, total drama crew, wanted to be an actor. I wonder what happened to him. Anyway if you were in a room with him and he was stoned he would do these quite hilarious monologues. He'd start talking about something and he'd go on about it for as long as he could maintain the attention and laughter of everyone and when the laughter waned he would move on to some other schtick. He'd try something out for a few lines to see if it got laughs and if not he would drop it, try something new and so on and so on until something he said got big laughs and then he'd go with that for as long as the laughter was sustained. Sometimes you'd just become hysterical because watching this journey of his search for laughter was really funny, but his monologues, they were really funny too.

Anyway, sometimes when I am thinking about what to write I feel like that. Yes, sometimes the gold you read here just trickles from my finger tips like hot, golden showers, but sometimes I'm just like Jenga, I think of a topic, I compose a few lines in my head, if it seems good I keep going, but usually after a couple of lines I ditch it. And sometimes I just think, 'Fuck it, let's just listen to Ice Cube instead!'

Haiku Thursday

Hair

My sweet dear hair

You've stayed fairly abundant

And you have stayed brown

It's time to accept

Stop trying to change you. Let's 

Stay together, hair

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Every second Wednesday

Yesterday. I read. 

In bed. Long as I wanted. 

Before I got up. 

Then, I had coffee. 

Took my sweet time with it too. 

Then showered at noon. 

You let me do things

Other days don't let me do. 

You're my special day. 

Wednesday wonders - watermelon (PM)

Watermelon is beautiful and delicious. It is one of the best things about summer, along with icy-poles cicadas and southerly breezes.
As a rule, I don't really care for melon. It is one of the only things I will leave on my plate, if I find it on my plate, and I won't offend anyone by leaving it there.
Whenever I tell people that I don't like melons, they say "even watermelon?" and I say "no, what are you crazy? of course I like watermelon" and it's true. I really like watermelon.

Wednesday wonders - watermelon (AM)

Regular readers of this blog must think my brain is a total light weight, the frequency with which it is blown. But it's like the ads for SBS used to say, the world is an amazing place. So what's blowing my mind this week? Good question!

It's not just that watermelons are delicious. I mean most fruits are. Watermelons aren't even close to my favourite. Maybe that's too harsh, They are in the top 10. Probably. Whatever. The thing that blows my mind about watermelons is that they are huge and they have this very hard green shell and this soft, sweet, watery, PINK flesh. I mean, does that not blow your mind?

Think about discovering them! Watermelons are originally from Africa. Hot ass Africa and these sweet bastards just grow wild there. What a delight! I just think that, even though watermelons are not as delicious as mangoes or a good apricot, they are the most magical fruit. Apparently watermelon seeds were found in Tutankhamun's tomb! But I really hope they were not only for fancy people. I guess they are native so probably they are and have been widely available in Africa. According to the bible the Jews ate watermelons when enslaved by Pharaoh in Egypt! I guess watermelons were too bulky for them to take when fleeing, what a shame though, imagine watermelons at passover!

And they need bees for pollination! I know lots of things do, but growing watermelons requires a growers to have a beehive per acre! I kind of love that! And I wonder about watermelon honey! Why isn't that a thing?!

Watermelons, guys! Watermelons!

Terrific Tuesday (PM)

Mate! I can't tell you how happy I am that you nominated today as a Terrific Tuesday!

I was basically all set to have the shittiest Tuesday. Hadn't scheduled a second coffee into my day, my house is so messy, I don't know what to make for chutney club on Saturday, the tax office sent me a letter telling me I owe them a bunch if money (luckily half of that is all in there brain, but it was still upsetting). But eff you Shit Tuesday I'm turning you into Terrific Tuesday! Here's how:

Schedule that second coffee into my day
That's how you have a Terrific Tuesday after all.

Go to the market and get some damn thing to make chutney!

Ignore my dirty house
Or clean it.

Wear a cute kit
Looking cute always makes something terrific!

Make a delicious dinner
Let me just say it will include an eggplant riff on the zucchini dish we had at Rumi last week and this cauliflower thing.

Yeah Tuesday, I'm making you my bitch!

Terrific Tuesday (AM)

Oh, hi guys.
Remember a few weeks ago how J was all "I'm going to have a terrific Tuesday" and listed a whole bunch of great things she was going to do that day, including have two coffees, do all her washing and hang it out in the sun?  I remember it like it was the 23rd of October, perhaps because I haven't had as much on over the last few weeks as you guys, and also because it was.

Well today I would very much like to have a terrific Tuesday too. No special reason why. I just think it would be great if this day ruled. All Tuesdays, really, but one step at a time, non?

OK, here's what I'm going to do terrificify my Tuesday.

Listen to You Am I
Truth be told, readers, I'm doing that right now. I'm listening to Hi Fi Way and I am loving it with my whole K shaped heart. I think Miss Soft Crab should do Friday Favourites: You Am I one day. You Am I rules OK!

Have two coffees
That's how you have a Terrific Tuesday after all.

Get lots of work done so I can have a guilt-free day off tomorrow
As you guys know, I work a niner. That means I squish ten days of work in to nine so I can have one day off a fortnight. Sometimes I feel bad taking the day off because I have the work ethic of a protestant but the guilt of a catholic. But not this week. No sirree. I am going to get heaps done today and just have a wonderful time tomorrow. Try and stop me, universe!*

Um...maybe get things organised so I can do my tax return?
This would make my Tuesday unbelievably terrific, but I don't think I'm ready to commit to it.

Eat leftover hedgehog (pictured above) 
This is something I can commit to so goddamned thoroughly. It was my Dad's birthday on the weekend and that man loves hedgehog like the desert loves the rain. I made him a batch as a special little treat, and quelle horreur! it wouldn't all fit in my tupperware container so I had to keep some for myself and I have to keep eating it. Yeah I do.

You guys should have a terrific Tuesday too if you can. Go for it, you guys.


*Please don't try universe, you will succeed. You are the boss of me. 

Hey! Where'd that mood come from? (PM)

There's something pretty hateful about that Kughesy and Hate poster. I catch a glimpse of it when I'm on the tram and it badly makes me want to look away. The jarring red background (I think it's red). The way they are angled towards the camera like newsreaders (I think that's what they're doing, I try to avoid looking at it so I can't be sure). The handfuls of cash they are holding (this much is clear). Without reading it or properly looking at it, I can tell they want me to listen to their radio show so I can potentially win lots of cash. It doesn't make me angry, it just makes me think:
No.

On a positive note, this is a picture I took looking down from my balcony in to my front yard. That's the cat from next door, with whom I have been trying to develop a relationship for months. Here it is eating the whiskettes I left out for it.

I think we really turned a corner. So my mood is pretty good I guess.

Hey! Where'd that mood come from? (AM)

Yesterday I was horrified to find out that even though I felt perfectly happy and had a really nice day, I must have been in a secret bad mood. It all started when I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said 'FLUORIDE there's poison in your water'. There was a picture of a drop with a skull in it. Usually that would make me think 'HAHAHA. Idiot,' but instead I thought 'UGH! IDIOT!' Then when LB pointed out the driver was smoking a cigarette I thought, 'OMG YOU EFFING IDIOT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT EFFING CIGARETTE IS FULL OF EFFING POISONS!!!!'

Later I saw a billboard advertising a radio show. Let’s call it 'Kughesy and Hate'. In it, as in every photo ever taken of her, Hate has really bad hair and I thought 'OMG Hate, didn't you have a stylist for that giant billboard photo shoot! GET A REAL HAIR STYLE'. Then I thought 'Gee, why am I so angry?!’

And later, when Blogger wouldn’t let me write my post, there was this:

Obviously I'm referring to the second message only. I'm clearly delighted in the first one.

I guess I was just really tired from lying on the beach in the sun all day.

Pickle is back! (PM)

YEAH! Pickle is back! And what better way to celebrate than with some pickles?! What a great night. The food! The laffs! The delicious complimentary gum they give you at the end of a meal at Rumi.


It's true, there was one dish K did not mention that I loved. It was a pilaf. Rice with dill and broad beans.

It was so damn good. The dill I guess. It's my heritage. I also loved the zucchini dish but for me that was all about the chickpeas, chilli oil and crispy pita chips. The zucchini was kind of redundant if you ask me.

Oh and although at the end of the meal we all said, 'We are so full, we aren't getting dessert.' We got this:



A trio of ice-cream served on a bed of seeds. Pistachio, chocolate halva and cinnamon. Does the phrase 'fucking yum' mean anything to you? These were so creamy and flavourful and delicious. And if you ever thought that coriander seeds and cumin seeds did not belong on a plate of ice-cream, um you were soooooo wrong!


Anyway, it was so great seeing Nikki and I am looking forward to spending the weekend with her and then the rest of our lives. You know, not every day, but regularly for the rest of our lives.

Pickle is back! (AM)

Yesterday, one of Miss Soft Crab's favourite daughters, Pickle, returned to us from England where she had been living for 18 months or so. 

We went to Rumi to celebrate. Me, Legsley, J and Pickle - (back) together at last.  

The first highlight came early in the evening, when we watched as Pickle walked straight past the restaurant because even though she knew it was at Rumi, her brain interpreted this as Bar Idda. 

It had a been a long flight, apparently with a lot of turbulence. 

Legsley ran down the street to get her and brought her back. 

We laid a lot of questions on her as soon as she sat down, but you know how it is when you've just returned from overseas. It's hard to summarise the experience, however much people might want you to.  And there is always so much other stuff to talk about. Who's pregnant (pretty much everyone), who's doing what, where everyone is living, things we've eaten lately. Before you know it, it's the end of the night. Anyway, it was so great to see Pickle. She looked great, and it was great to see her.  

It was also great to see the actual pickles we ordered. And all the other things. Lets go through it, shall we?

Ok, pickled vegetables and giant olives as big as your thumb (if you have a small thumb). You can imagine how long they lasted. The only thing that preserved their lives was the arrival of these school prawns. 

I was going to say that the only time I stopped talking about myself all night was when these babies arrived but no, I'm pretty sure I kept talking while I ate most of them. 

Next, a curly haloumi salad. No really, that's what it was called.

Utterly delicious. Those mint leaves and that pickled onion can get down with my curly haloumi any time they want. 

Here we have zucchini with chickpeas and almonds and a yoghurty sauce, as you can see.

This was my favourite dish. Hands down. 

Here are all the things on a table with pitta. 

There's one other dish we had (before dessert) which I haven't mentioned because J loved it so much, I think she may want to talk about it herself. 

Over to you, Mate.