Monday, March 7, 2016

Let's talk about Leo (AM)

If you asked me my favourite Hollywood hunks I could give you a pretty extensive list. Ewan, Marky Mark, everyone that was a Miss Soft Crab Hunk of the Month, Joaquin Phoenix (why wasn’t he a hunk of the Month I wondered to myself recently), Christian Bale. In fact if you’ve read this blog a few times you wouldn’t bother asking, you’d know all my favourite hunks. But you know who I wouldn’t put on that list? Leonardo DiCaprio. And yet…

When I was young Leonardo was truly a hunk of our times and Romeo + Juliet was really the pinnacle of that. He was so beautiful. And that movie was so great.

And Leonardo was so cool. And the way he’d cry all the time. Shit, what was an 18-year-old girl to do? Get a real life? Oh, no, not the Misses Soft Crab, the only thing for it was to fall totes in love with Leo. I loved him. But I grew up. Got a life? Oh no, just my fancies changed, Ewan came along. Leonardo got a little puffy. And I guess that model injuring his face in 2005 when she hit him over the head with a broken bottle at a Hollywood party didn’t help. (God, not the face you crazy bitch). 

There's no denying that Leonardo is not the pretty boy of his youth but it's like Zoolander once said, maybe there's more to life than being really really really really good looking. The thing about Leonardo is that he's always really great in stuff. Plus, all that environmentalism... cool. I mean, he's just so cool. You know some guys would serial date models and it would come off as gross, but with Leo it's just kind of great. Like he don't give a fuck.

When Leonardo won the Oscar last week K sent me a text message.

Boy was she right. Have you seen that guy in a tux?! I have to say I was happy he won.

Oh sure, I would have been happy if Cranston won, because I just think he is a pretty effing great actor. And I would have been happy if Matt Damon won, because I really love that guy. And I would have been happy if Fassbender won, because, although I don't love him the way K does, well the guy is alright by me. And Eddie Remayne, meh, anyone can win an Oscar for playing a genius in a wheelchair or the original transgender. But Leonardo, the way he got up there all earnest and cool. You guys...

I guess the easiest way to understand this it to think about Some Kind of Wonderful. You know how Eric Stoltz thinks he's in love with Leah Thompson and then right at the end he realises that he's really been in love with his best friend Mary Stuart Masterson all along? There she was, right in front of him and she's the one he should be looking at. I guess I'm starting to realise Leonardo is kind of like Mary Stuart Masterson. He's not all shiny and new, but he's dependable and great and why aren't I paying him more attention!?

The crazy thing is that the clues have been here all along. If you’ve read this blog regularly you may even know my own heart better than my own. Reading past MSC posts about Leonardo it is so clear I love him. I'm always talking about how he has something special. I mean, I'm basically always saying I love him but it's like I'm not even listening to myself. It's because I don't really think of him as a hunk. He's handsome, for sure. And he stirs up feelings in me, no doubt. But I just don't know how to classify these feelings. Leonardo, I don't know what this is, but I know it's something and I know it's special.

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