Will I ever know for sure? (AM)

I've learnt, over time, that some questions have definitive answers. Like is Chris Hemsworth a hunk? (Yes.)

And others don't, like is climate change real? Or did The Holocaust really happen. Just jokes. Of course the answer to those questions is no. Just jokes.

But seriously folks, I wonder if there are just some things we'll never know. Like do I want printed pants in my life or not?

I think that even if I bought some printed pants I still wouldn't know if they were right for me. Or is the fact that I've never bought them the answer? Shit you guys!

I thought I'd put this question to bed last year. You see, Obus were putting out printed leggings and soft pants with great prints that I coveted yet never bought. I even tried some on but I felt like Crazy Legs. I thought that was the answer; I tried, I failed, I moved on.

But now I always see this woman I know wearing the Obus printed semi-leggings I wanted. She wears them to the pool and I always wish I was wearing them. So comfortable and easy to change in and out of for a swim. Cute too. And still I tried to forget them. But then K messaged me the other day:What do you think about crazy leggings?

"I DON'T KNOW!!" I wanted to yell via text message. "What do you want me to tell you? That not a day goes by that I don't think about those weird white leggings with the blue and purple splatters?! That I wish they were in my life today as much as I wished it the day I tried them on?! Is that what you want to hear?! Because that is the truth? Could I make it work with them? I don't know! There's no guarantees in this life. Sure you can take the safe option, but do you want to live life regretting the things that might have been? I don't! I've tried that, I've done it too much for too long! But I don't know how to change." That's what I should have said, that's the truth. Instead I just told her, "I kind of love them."

God, why can't I just be honest? With K, with myself, with the world!? I guess I've got a lot to think about. We all do.*


*Not really. Probably just I do.