Not tuff (AM)

At some point, it became clear to me that if I don't exercise before work, I pretty much don't exercise. When I realised this, I developed a routine where I go to the gym before work, between three and five days a week. The days I don't go, I walk for an hour before hopping on the tram to work, but on Monday, Wednesday and Friday - I always go to the gym and I always go for a jog on the treadmill. Since I became a pregnant lady, those jogs have slowed down a lot, but I still do it. It's an excellent routine. It makes me feel tough. Now that my tummy sticks out quite a lot, it makes me feel super tough. And organised. 

But it also makes me feel very tired. You see, to facilitate all of this, my alarm goes off at 5:15am. That's early. And it leads to some serious episodes of exhaustion during the day. On the tram on the way to work. At about 11am, for half an hour. And the real killer: 3pm until 4:00pm. It hurts to stay awake at that times. But I'm in the routine and the routine is, on balance, well worth it. 

I'm aware that the routine's days are numbered. As my case of the pregnants advances I will find it harder and harder to do and will probably have to stop. But I want to carry on as long as possible, and I want to replace the jogging with cycling or walking or that machine that's got handles and foot pedal things and is meant to be like running but not as hard on your joints. I really dislike that machine, but what can you do? 

I'm telling you all of this because last night I woke up at 3:45am after four hours sleep, and couldn't get back to sleep. I know worrying about sleep is the worst thing for sleep, but I couldnt stop. 

I kept thinking about how I was going to get through a whole day of work on 4 hours sleep. 

I couldn't face it, so at 5:10am, I changed my alarm to 7:00am, and fell asleep pretty much straight away. 

I broke the routine so I could sleep more. Something I have wanted to pretty much every morning since the routine began but never have, because the whole scheme is based on sacrificing one great thing for another. 

As I write this, I feel really well rested, but very confused and a tad upset. Why did I crack last night? Is this the beginning of the end? I four hours sleep the most I can ask for once the baby gets here, so if I'm going to exercise in the mornings this is how it's going to be, and I've just proved I'm too pussy to handle it? I'm so confused. 

Mate, tell me what you know.