The Easter limerick (PM)

It's great JC got resurrected
Though I suspect he was quite affected
His BF's betrayal
Must have hurt more than nails
The wounds from which were probably infected

The Easter limerick (or Thanks for the super long weekend)(AM)

There once was a guy called JC

First he died then said 'Dad, resurect me!'

He went down on a Friday

Came back on a Sunday

Thanks for organising it so conveniently!

Mo' limerick mo' problems (PM)

Limericks seemed like a good idea at the time

But everyday gotsta come up with new rhyme

It's harder than you think

In fact this idea stinks

I'm outta here, gonna enjoy the sunshine

Mo limerick mo problems (AM)

I'm neither here nor there about easter

I ain't much of a religious feaster

But I love hot cross buns 

like a babe loves its Mums

There's an actress that's called Leighton Meester. 

Wanna be startin' something (PM)

Don't worry Mate, after the amount of food we put away last night, I'm not expecting you to be inventive. 

Today is the day they call Tuesday

I checked and it's definitely Tuesday. 

This day's going slower

Than watching grass grower

Or listening to songs by Mike Buble. 

Wanna be startin' something (AM)

Started the week with the best of intentions

Then at Seder ate too much to mention

This week celebrates Easter 

And the birth of my sister

And your expecting from me something like invention?!

I don't even know what this is (PM)

It's a limerick mate, and it's GREAT!

Another girl ran fifteen k
Fell asleep in the middle of the day
When she woke up for work
Her body ached like a jerk
And her brain also had nothing to say

I don't even know what this is (AM)

There once was a girl who worked sunday

Had nothing to blog about Monday.

Thought hard, but in vain.  

Seems she has shit-for-brains

That poor little girl who worked Sunday.

I can see the future (PM)

I look exactly like my Mum too, so people say. Except she has had a Mum haircut and I have a regular haircut.

And now that you are shining a light on it, I guess I can't really deny the resemblance to my Dad. Stature-wise, more than anything. While Mum is little and spritely, Big K is what you might refer to as hulking and awkward and I'm certainly closer to that camp than I am the little and spritely camp. 

So I guess I have the face of my mother on the female version of the body of my father.  A true cross-breed. I hope my particular cross-breed will take off like the Labradoodle, who managed to make quite a go of it instead of one of those weird cross-breeds like a Pugalier, who just seem unhappy with what's been done to them. 

Why are people so unkind?

But when it comes to uniforms,  I am happy to say that I march to the beat of my own drum. Big K spends all his time in bowling whites and Mum wears sensible slacks and a freshly pressed colourful shirt every day. As if I could keep an all white outfit clean. And as if I would ever iron a shirt!

I can see the future (AM)

They say that if a man wants to know what a woman will look like in her old age they should look at her mother. They do not say you should look at a man's father to find out what he will look like, I don't know if that is because it is not true or because they think women don't care about such things. If they do say that it would definitely not be true of LB, dude looks exactly like his mother. And by exactly I mean EXACTLY. In 30 years he will probably look exactly how she looks now except only for the haircut and dresses. So perhaps the original sentence is true for everyone. If you want to know what any person will look like in the future look at their mother. I vividly remember the day I ran into The Notebook, I guess I hadn't seen him in a while and he said to me, "You look so much like your mother." I was in my early 20s so it was a little upsetting, no offence to my mother, I mean what 20-year-old wants to look 50?

And while there may be an increasing resemblance to my mother there is another increasing resemblance I am trying to deny but is overwhelmingly apparent to me.

If a person has ever come to my parental home, recently, in my childhood, ever, it is likely they have seen my dad in running shorts. That is because my dad basically always wears running shorts. And now I know why. Do you know how effing comfortable they are? They are basically the most comfortable thing in the world. Recently I went climbing with Russeth, it was one of those super hot days and I had left the house early in the day to do some things and I was not appropriately dressed for climbing. Believe me. So I bought some new running shorts. The 4-inch kind, which means they are far more modest than the regular kind. They were also the silky (polyester) moisture-wicking kind which my first pair weren't. On my way home after climbing I was sitting on the tram in the 35-degree heat and I was so comfortable, you could have turned the heat up a few notches. I was more comfortable than I had ever been in my life and I found myself wondering, "Is there anyway I could wear these on a day-to-day basis?" The answer came back to me, regretfully but overwhelmingly, "No!" And yet, I have found myself wondering this still. At home I find myself dressing for a run hours before I know I will go on one. On the hot days, especially those I don't intend to go far from home, I struggle against myself, wanting to wear what is essentially the uniform of my father. Running shorts, running shoes, a t-shirt. For now the better-dressed me is winning the fight, but who knows what will happen as I grow older and the inevitable parental resemblance strengthens. Poor LB wouldn't have considered that when he first met my parents.

Thankful Thursday (PM)

HAHAHAHA! Pretty fly for a wifi! HAHHAHAHAHA! Oh, boy am I thankful you shared that, matey! That totally made my day!

While I think that the person who stole your hot water system is a total deebag (seriously, why would you eff up a person's Terrific Tuesday?!), you are so right, mate. We've got it pretty good. I am thankful that sometimes Disprin can fix a headache (yes, I had a headache earlier, now I just have that niggling heavy head thing one gets when they have a headache and have taken drugs that only just mask the pain - still better than the muthaucking headache).

And I'm thankful I did all my dishes last night. But I guess that's more about me being a really good friend to myself. Thanks, me.

Thankful Thursday (AM)

Someone stole my hot water unit on Tuesday. Terrific Tuesday, no less! Boy was I way off about that day. Though the shorts and stockings thing worked out really well, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, having no hot water come out of your tap for a few days really makes you grateful for living in a world where hot water usually comes out of a tap. We are so lucky you guys. I'm feeling the need to be thankful for this.

Also, I am feeling the need to be thankful for something else that happened. When I was in the grip of frustation over this hot water thievery situation, making a bunch of calls trying to sort it all out and generally feeling like I might lose it, something wonderful happened.

I was looking something up on my phone when that window popped up that tells you what wifi is available in the vicinity. This annoyed me, because I had shit to do and it was getting in the way of my shit. As I was closing the window I caught the name of the wifi service into who's zone I had stepped. It was called:

Pretty fly for a wifi.

And it was wonderful.

The Passover questions (PM)

OK, passover questions. Here goes.

It's hard to know what to cook for a dinner party at the best of times, nevermind those that are held on holy days and come with dietary restrictions. 

And like I said when we were discussing this very issue over That Time of the Month dinner, the passover meal is all about symbolism, and I think there is scope to make a dish that is symbolic of the passover story. You know, something evocative of:

- wandering in deserts

- parting seas

- plagues

But who has the time to get all Heston's Feasts on the spread?

Sure, we've got the freedom (thanks to Moses) but no time.

Personally, I hope someone makes this thing called Brei. It's like an eggy matzo pancake/fritter type deal.  I think it could be the hot new dish this pesach. 

The Passover questions (AM)

Well, it's Pesach again. Not today, next Monday. And you know what that means! Miss Soft Crab turns two Jew years old! And also, everyone is thinking about food. Everyone, right? Of course Passover celebrates the freeing of the Jews from their enslavement in Egypt. You can read all about their hardships here. And while that is of course what we gather to celebrate on the 14th of Nisan every year, we gotta eat to right? And we gotta eat good. We're free now, we deserve it!

This year I am going to make the matzo crack that I have been making for the last couple of years. It is a very delicious recipe from Smitten Kitchen that involves slathering one side of matzo with caramelly toffee and the other side with chocolate.The sweet taste of freedom.

But then what? I want to make something delicious, I kind of want to make something traditional, but so much traditional Jew food is meaty. And if not meaty it's doughy and therefore not fit for passover. Although The Jewish Festival Cookbook does have a lot of recipes made with matzo. Including an apple matzo kugel which may be delicious. And Passover fruit fritters! What? Pass them over here, please! Then again that book also says that you are meant to open the Passover meal with egg soup, which involves everyone putting a boiled egg in a bowl, mashing it up and adding salt water to taste. Get the hell outta here with that crazy talk!

As you may imagine, on the savoury side that book is wanting. So then I think maybe traditional Jew food is not necessary, maybe just something delicious is all that is needed, but I feel like it would be good to strike a balance. Even the Internet barely seems to be cooperating, although Chickpea has said she is going to make vegetarian gefilte fish, and when I asked the Internet about this they did supply some delicious potatoey faux gefilte recipes. So that's her taken care of. I want to eat delicious food to celebrate my people's freedom, but what?!

Then again, maybe I should just chillax. There is always way too much food on the table anyway, then it ends up with being way too much food in my belly. God, I can't wait for the vegetarian chopped liver.