The Oscars 2013

I think you know what is about to happen here. But before we get into it, can I just say how thankful I am that the Oscars producers read our 2012 post and put a few genuine hunks into the mix this year. Still, it would help if they didn't include so much shit in the coverage. Fuckers.

K: Oscars 2013. Serve it up, let's go!

You know I don't even know who's won any of these bitches.

J:  I know who won a few. Not many. Let's get the elephant out of the room. If this is the hunk-free nightmare it was last year I'm going to

...

...

Be really upset

K:  Same.

J:  I calling it on MacFarlane, I think he will suck.

K:  Yeah. I'm feeling like I wish it was Brian Griffin.

J:  That would be great!

K:  Not a real guy. 

Ooh, DDL! Still a hunk.

J:  A laughing DDL! Yeah, he's still got it.

I wonder if Leonardo is there. We can get to the bottom of whether he is a hunk.

 At this point Seth MacFarlane did a thing with William Shattner in his Star Trek guise. It was not funny and was based on the (all too believable premise) that MacFarlane would be a terrible host. 

K:  Shattner's calling it too

J:  Shattner knows what's what.

K:  Mate, are we going to make it this year?

J:  I've got some hard liquor on standby so I think I'll be ok.  For a while at least.

K:  What's your poison?

J:  Left over Ikea spirits. It worked for the Brownlow.

K:  I've got some peach schnapps, come to think of it.

J:  Thank god. Fuck, I can't believe this Shattner thing is still going. I don't know if the Ikea liquor is going to be enough.

K:  No hunks yet. I can't help but notice. 

Hang about...

J:  Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe. YES! Dancing no less! #WIN #gonetoosoon.

K:  Sure, but it's kind of a mess.

J:  I'm trying to look on the bright side

K:  I think I've got a bad attitude.

J:  Drink the schnapps. Joaqs and Rain!

K:  Let’s hope some hunks rise like Pheonixes from the ashes of last year.

J:  Heh heh

K:  Thanks mate. Those Ikea spirits really work

J:  I'm not drinking yet!

Probably I'll think Affleck is a hunk by the end of this

K:  But not Cooper. Never Cooper.

J:  If I think Bradley Cooper is a hunk after this I'm never watching the Oscars again. Or putting myself in any hunk-free environment.

 

K:  Paul Rudd and Mel Mac!

J:  #winningcombos

K:  I love these guys. Slappin da bass

J:  You know what else is good? Ikea spirits! I've had to start drinking and this one tastes like caraway

The bottles are little, I just decided to go for 2 at once

J: The Avengers quintet! This could be hot!

K:  But where's Hemsworth?

J:  Shit, I missed the bit where he did not say Hemsworth's name. This is not hot.

K:  No, no it's not. Ruffalo looks like a young Shattner. Which is to say, not hot

J:  Some people are only hot in movies. Like Marky Mark.

K:  What are you saying, Mate?

J:  I saw Graham Norton on the weekend. Marky Mark and Fassbender were on it! I think Wahlberg was drunk. He was kind of a d-bag. Anyway maybe that’s Ruffalo.

K:  That's so disappointing. How was Fassbender?

J:  Marky Mark kept interrupting him, he hardly spoke but he laughed a lot. I had to admit, the guy has something.

K:  Eureka!

My lappy battery is down to 58% capacity. I'm using at as an indicator of my own capacity.

J:  I don't like Halle Berry but I'm pretty attracted to her dress. I didn't see it in long shot though.

J: There it is. I like it.

K:  It's got some specialness I think. Its certainly better than the other snore makers

J:  Liam!

K:  Liam!

J:  HAHA! Liam still gets the Schindler's List music when he comes out.

I set my TV to change to The Mindy Project in case the Oscars was too boring #forwardthinking

The Phoenixes are sitting next to Jennifer Anniston.

K:  It looks a little out of place, doesn't it? But maybe they are all amigos.

J:  Probs its just difficult to organise the seating plan for the Oscars.

I just found a possum in the kitchen. It scared me. Then I scared it and it ran out the window.

Hey, All That Jazz. From back when they knew how to make musicals. Yes C-Zets!

...Oh, songs from all the musicals in Oscar history. No thanks!

Russell Crowe has seen better days. Oh, there was no prerecording of this Les Mis extravaganza.

K:  Sorry Mate, I was offline for a little bit. But I'm back now for the musical megamix. Holy shit! 

Never mind Russell Crowe , there was a possum in your kitchen?

J:  It came in through the window. It was in the sink.

It ran back out the window and

 K:  Oh the poor little poss. I bet it was thirsty.

J:  Who isn't!

K:  Ha!

K:  I want someone to win something. Someone hunky.  Or someone wearing a good dress

J:  Dream on.

Hang about.

K:  HANG ABOUT!

 

K: I like Ted's Boston accent

J:  I like it too. Also, I love Marky Mark again. Everyone has bad days. Especially when they are drunk.

K:  He's still got it. Whatever MM's version of 'it' is

J:  'It's' special. I know that much.

K:  Yeah, 'it' is. Imagine if Marky Mark was Jewish

J:  Oh, boy.

K:  Oy boy.

Marky Mark and Ted were announcing the best sound editing awards.

K:  Lot of hair in this category...

J:  People sitting in dark rooms doing sound editing. Perfect hair growing conditions.

K:  22% battery left, FYI

J:  UGH. Hathaway. Get off.

K:  Yes please. Get off.

J:  Seriously.

K:  Remember when she hosted? Ugh

J:  Oh, that was the worst! The worst! I think I don't like any actress less.

K:  16 per cent battery mate! #runningonempty

J:  Well, even though these Oscars are boring as the proverbial bat shit (what kind of proverb writer would write one about bat shit?) You've gotta admit the hunk quotient is higher than last year.

K:  A little bit. Just a little bit. No Christian Bale, I can't help but notice.

More DDL wouldn't go astray #ifyouvegotitflauntit

J:  #truedat Still, Marky Mark, the Radcliffe-Gordon Levitt dance, Joaqs in the audience. Last year it was like there wasn't a handsome man in the audience.

K:  So true. Joaqs in the audience has been a real boon.

Where is Casey?

Also, where are the straps on all the dresses of all the ladies? It's just shoulder after shoulder tonight...

J:  Oh, I know. Where is Casey Affleck and where are the straps. But seriously folks, why isn't Casey Affleck there with his brother or brother in-law?

K:  Shit mate, I'm on reserve battery power! 7 per cent!  

J:  I don't if you are still there mate, but KStew and Radcliffe! #togetheratlast

K:  I went to clean my teeth. What did I miss?

J:  Just more broken promises.

K:  That's Oscartown

  

J:  Yep. Another year, another 5 hours wasted.

K:  Oh, no you don't mate!! MY HOMEGIRL

J:  She's rapping

K:  I wish she would do the rap from Austin Powers

J:  #memories

K:  You know, it's surprising one of my brothers isn't gay, what with all the milk of Barbra Streisand we were nursed on.

J:  Probably one of them is #keepitinthecloset HAHAHA! Obviously I do not think either of your brothers is gay

K:  No one does Mate. But I bet we came close. Anyway. I'm going to hit the sack.So who won stuff?

J:  Argo won best movie, DDL won best actor, Ang Lee won best movie, Jennifer Lawrence won best actress. I think. I'm a bit making this up. Improv they call it in the biz. The Internet tells me Django won best original screenplay and Argo won best unoriginal screenplay.

K:  Ha. Well, good for you, winners. Bad luck losers. And goodnight to you my friend. me:   

J: Yep, movies night of nights. Over. Thank God. 'Night.

Real cool and not too costly (PM)

Hey! Miguel told me a great story about Frosty Fruits the other day. It went like this: I ate this delicious thing the other day. Frosty Fruit have put out this new lemon, lime and bitters flavour. That’s what I ate.

Hang on, I guess that story wasn’t that great. But it did make me want to eat a lemon, lime and bitters Frosty Fruit, even though I think original is probably the best. The watermelon and pineapple one sounded promising but it is not as good as the OG. That ad for FF also made me want to eat a Frosty Fruit. They really just do not make ‘em like they used to.

Mostly though, I just want the heat to break. This morning while I was getting my  coffee everyone in the shop was so heat-spaced that I think I somehow caught their spaced outedness. I think that because as soon as I walked out with my coffee I fell off the kerb and stepped on my own toe really painfully. Who knew that was even possible.

Real cool and not too costly (AM)

It's been so hot for so long. I keep looking at the weather forecast hoping to see cooler weather ahead but it never comes. It just never comes.

Of course it will one day, and I know when that day comes, I will regret the warm days I've wished away.

What I won't regret are all the Frosty Fruits I've eaten this season, each more delicious than the last.  Nor will I regret the google search that led me to discover the Frosty Fruits ad that ran during our childhood. I'd forgotten all about it of course but at the first sign of that dancing fruit it came flooding back. Super catchy and super creepy, it's got it all, just like the delicious ice treat it's selling.

Please watch it all the way to the end.

Adidas, I just can't quit you (PM)

J is going to blow a gasket when she sees this picture I found off Stefan Edberg these days...

Warm, dry and still committed to Adidas. Pretty much her favourite things. I guess she really knows how to pick them.

Adidas, I just can't quit you (AM)

In late 2011 I saw some Adidas running gear in the window of Rebel Sport and I wanted it. It was some kind of whack, fluoro pink, eighties-inspired running shorts and singlet, but at the time I wasn't really running much or doing much proper exercise so I didn't buy them. Thought about them a lot though. So, naturally late last year when I was doing some running and needed some shorts, I decided I'd see if those delightful pink whack attacks were still around. They weren't and I just ended up buying a pair of navy and green Adidas running shorts that I liked well enough.

End of story.

I thought. But then, in January when I decided that I was really going to start running regularly and setting goals and shit like that, I decided that I may need some more running stuff. Like a singlet or two. Maybe another pair of shorts. You see, if you can remember back to when I got my compression tights in 2011, I like to have real exercise clothes to exercise in. It makes me feel more likely to succeed and generally better at stuff and also like people won't judge me 'cause I look serious about my sport. I realise this is pretty weak-minded but whatever works, right? Plus, you can only run so much. Well I can anyway, and running was all I could think about, so if I could channel some of that running obsession into clothes it seemed somehow productive. Or something.

When I thought of buying running clothes, all I wanted was Adidas. Oh sure, I looked at Nike, checked out what Puma had to offer but none of it appealed to me. I thought about it. A lot. Did that pink running ensemble really hook me so hard? I mean, guys, I bought a singlet with a giant Adidas logo on it! And a garish running jacket (which I effing love and which I have run in once and can't wait for the cooler months so I can wear it more!!)

 
And then it came to me. I suddenly knew why I wanted only Adidas.

Stefan Edberg, who has been off the tennis circuit for almost 20 years, was sponsored by Adidas. And I loved Stefan Edberg. I loved him. And even though I don't ever think about him  And even though I very rarely think about him, I am pretty sure that all those years of loving and following and thinking and watching him has ingrained Adidas as my preferred sportswear label.

Well played Adidas. Well played.

Not that I'm bitter about it. If it weren't for a childhood crush on Stefan Edberg and subsequent life-long brand allegiance to Adidas I never would have discovered these bad boys on the Internet. And soon they will be mine.

GOLD! When it comes to running clothes, the stupider the better, I always say.

So, well played Adidas for also making stuff I want.

A year of the new guy (PM)

Happy birthday Little Nut!

Gee, they grow up so fast! Just jokes! But not really. I mean, first they pop out and they are just this tiny little thing that sleeps a lot and somehow you love them more than anything or anyone before even though you barely know them and they barely exist. And only one year later they are a full little dude that maybe walks and maybe kinda talks. Crazy. I mean what else happens like that in a year. Nothing! Except I guess you could maybe meet a person, not know them and a year later be totally in love with them. Or someone could die and you could go from being completely unable to imagine a time that is without the pain to being in a place where the pain is dulled, less constant. You could lose 20 kilos or gain 20 kilos. A person could go from completely non-existent, COMPLETELY, to 3 months old within a year. Shit. I guess a lot is possible in a year. No wonder kids go from tiny little sleeping bundles to a toddler in that time.

A year of the new guy (AM)

Children. Some people believe they are our future. I'm an agnostic myself, but if there's one thing I can say for sure, it's that there are a LOT of them around these days. So that indicates to me that the future is probably full of them too. And that's OK by me. Have you seen how cute some of them are? Off the charts. 

 

A year ago yesterday I wrote this, because my nephew was born. Little Nut. The son of my Midbro. The brother of my Niecey. Yesterday was his birthday and to celebrate, we had a picnic on the sidelines of Midbro's Minkey football game. 

If I was a different kind of person, I might say something like "I can't believe it's been a year since Little Nut was born" or "They grow up so fast" or "Time goes by so quickly....if you don't stop to look around once in a while, you might miss it."

But readers, I'm not and I won't. Because the thing I can't believe is not they grow up so fast, but that this person for whom I feel so much love has only 365 days under his tiny tiny belt. I mean, I love him a LOT, and it feels like I've been cultivating that love for longer than a year. 

HB Little Nut. 

Yum things! (PM)

Is that the same jar of coconut and chocolate spread I gave you for christmas? Because if it is, you have marvellous restraint. That stuff lasts days at my house. Mere days.

But this is a yum thing that lasted a little longer.

OK, big rolls of meat may not appeal to everyone, but if you dig on meat, stay with me.  This is a beef brisket that I brined for two weeks in order to turn in to hot salt beef, the cousin of corned beef. It seems brisket is the kind of cut that contains a lot of connective tissue, which needs a little coaxing to break down and taste delicious. Brining helps with that. So in it went in to a brine bath that sat in my fridge for two weeks. Every day I turned the brisket over, to make sure it was even. The brine needed to get even with the brisket and I let it.

After the brining,  it looked like this:

Eww. It did not look pretty. But it was ready to cook.

I simmered it for four hours, again this is to make sure that the final result is nice and tender.  They say two hours is enough, but the longer the tenderer. So as you can imagine, after four hours it was so tender it would fall apart at a whisper.

In the great tradition of hot salt beef (there is one, apparently), I turned it in to a sandwich with lettuce, caramelised onion and hot english mustard. Delicious.  This photo does it no justice.

Then I turned it in to a second sandwich with all those things plus cheese and pickles. 

Deliciouser!